Chapter 34: Mitch
"Then, I met Mitch."
Against his better judgment, Derek felt his body stiffen. Suddenly, he wasn't sure he wanted to learn Meredith's secrets. He might have just been safer not knowing her past. It wasn't even jealousy of an ex; it was more like fear- that he would never come to mean as much to her as Mitch had.
"I met him in a bar," she shrugged. "He was supposed to be a drunken one-night stand. Then, he convinced me that he was the love of my life. It was a whirlwind romance, but it doesn't mean it was easy. I was nasty to him when we bumped into each other for the first time. He broke all my defenses."
Derek stood, silently listening to her tale, unable to shake off the feeling how similar Meredith's past relationship sounded to the one she had with him.
"I had a lot of issues," she snorted bitterly. "Yes, even then. I had- lots of mommy issues. You know now who my mother is, don't you?"
"Ellis Grey," he nodded quietly.
"The one and only," she went on with an exaggerated gaiety. "A bitch extraordinaire."
"I'm sorry, what?" Derek gasped a little. Did Meredith just call her own mother a bitch?
"Have you ever met her?" she quirked an eyebrow questioningly.
"A couple of times," he searched his memory. "At conferences."
"What did you think of her?"
"Well, a hardcore professional, very- impressive," Derek formulated his words carefully.
"That's all she is. Even to me. Ellis Grey was not born to be a mother. Or a wife for that matter. My parents divorced when I was five, her fault, she cheated on my dad with her colleague. You must have heard about Richard Webber."
"Richard Webber?" Derek asked incredulously. "He was my mentor; I know him well- and his wife-"
"You should know by now that the biggest names come with the juiciest secrets. The higher you rise, the harder you fall," she winced slightly. "Real hard, I'm speaking from my own experience, so I know. Anyway, my mother didn't think she needed me around much when she had Richard. She agreed that dad should get full custody. I was always just an obstacle for her, in surgery, her affair," Meredith shrugged bitterly. "She was only happy to see me go. Then, Richard left her, he went back to his wife. You can't even imagine how angry that must have made her. The fact that my dad picked up the pieces of his life didn't help matters. He started to see Susan. She's a lawyer. She was his lawyer throughout the divorce proceedings. She made him happy again, and me too. My mother thought she had screwed everyone but, in the end, Ellis Grey was the one left with nothing. So, she changed her story and claimed me back. Susan and my dad did everything to fight for me, but the mother's voice is always heard more favorably in these matters."
"You were made to live with your mother?" Derek asked quietly, his mind imagining a tiny blonde girl with her face covered in tears, screaming as she was pulled away from her real family.
"She went further than that. One day she packed up and we left for New York, without a word to my father. However, he and Susan didn't give up on me. It didn't take them long to track her down. They came to New York after me. Susan completely uprooted her life for me. My mother didn't say her last word yet. My dad and Susan got married, they had Lexie and then Molly and then my mother decided to move again. For some reason she didn't choose Seattle, but Boston. She always created problems for them to meet me and now, we lived in different cities, and it wasn't that easy for them to relocate again now that they had two children. They came to see me as often as they could but- she managed to poison me, my mother. With her hatred, her cold, her anger. I would have drowned altogether if I hadn't had my dad, my stepmom and my two sisters. All in all, I wasn't the easiest person to build a relationship with."
Derek's body tensed even more as the topic of the Meredith's tale reverted back to Mitch. "But you did, you and him-?"
"He was adamant, persistent- superhumanly patient- and we made it. I was happy, no matter how much I want to say it's not true, I really felt happy. I said yes when he proposed. I thought I had everything. And then one day it turned out I had nothing."
Flashback
Meredith frowned surveying the living room. Everything was the same, yet something was different. Then she got it, everything was spotless. How was that possible? When she left for work earlier, everything was in the normal middle of the week state of mild disorder. Mitch was surely at the company doing his boring corporate lawyer stuff. She heard footsteps coming from the corridor.
"Mitch?" she stared at him as he entered the living room, surprised to see latex gloves on his hands. "What is going on? Why aren't you at work? Oh, don't tell me we have insects in the building!"
"What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at the company for the next four hours," he remarked, his eyes giving her a look she had never seen before, something she could describe as coldblooded.
"Just- incompetent employees," she shrugged taking off her coat. "Thought I could use a free afternoon. What's- what's this for?" she suddenly pointed at a small suitcase that stood behind one of the armchairs.
"Meredith, you've disappointed me," sighed Mitch.
She turned abruptly to face him, sending a questioning look in his direction.
"You go like a clockwork usually," he went on. "Solid, planned, no surprises along the way. You make no mistakes and foresee everything. You never miss work. And yet today you did, today of all days."
"Where is this coming from?" she replied defensively. "Suddenly you have something against my job or my workload?"
"Not at all," he gave her a lenient smile. "But it would be better for you if you had stayed at work. You would have come home in the evening, and you wouldn't have seen me at all. I would have just mysteriously disappeared. Without a reason. Until the premiere of the drug you invented of course."
"What the hell are you talking about?" she inquired him but in fact, she wasn't sure she wanted to hear anything more. She felt a sense of foreboding, a chill ran down her body. She had never seen this Mitch before her, and she didn't like him.
"Have you never doubted me? Had no suspicions whatsoever?" he chuckled putting his knuckles in the pockets of his jeans as though he was retelling a fascinating story. "I am good, very convincing, it wasn't that difficult to play your boyfriend, your fiancé. It was easy- and pleasurable I say. My best job yet. I'm actually sad to see it go, baby."
She fixed his eyes at him wordlessly, listening to him with growing bewilderment and disbelief.
"It was very comfortable, very satisfying," he scanned her body longingly. "I had been so relieved Dr. Grey turned out to be a young hot babe, with apparently an insatiable sexual appetite. I'd have completed my task even if you weren't, but you were certainly a bonus to my job."
"What job?" she whispered, her fists clenching.
"You're a genius, Meredith, no question about that. You know that without me telling you.
"What-?" she asked feebly.
"You invited a wolf to your house. You were so easy to deceive, surprising given the fact that you're such a tough bitch at work. You don't advertise your little romantic heart all that often, huh?"
"I still don't understand what you're talking about," she whispered.
"Oh, that's simple enough. I was to disappear without a trace today, but your arrival complicated my plans somewhat. But only a bit, no worries," he laughed. "We did spend almost a year and a half together, didn't we? You deserve an explanation. I can indulge you, it's not like it's going to send trouble to me or my bosses."
"Your bosses?" she whispered. "You don't-"
"I'm not a lawyer, sweetie," he shook his head condescendingly. "Or I am. I can be anything I want, that's my job. Anticipating your further questions, my name is Mitch as long as I make you believe it is."
She was surely dreaming, the situation was too absurd. However, the truth was already sinking in. She had been played and she was yet to discover why and by whom.
"Who the hell are you?" she spat out, rage, humiliation, and restraint mingling in her voice. Her eyes darted to one of her purses she had left on the shelf near the door. There was a taser inside it as she went to a party without Mitch two days prior. If she could only get to it without arousing his suspicions-
"Don't even think about it," he shook his head, following her gaze and line of thinking without fail. "I don't want to hurt your pretty face, I said I grew fond of you. You will not outsmart me."
"Who are you?" she repeated in a deadly whisper.
"You really haven't done your homework before accepting this job, have you?" he smirked at her. "If you had, you might have been wiser. You ever heard of the term industrial espionage?"
He might as well send a bullet straight to her heart. No further explanation was necessary. She might have been naive, but she wasn't stupid.
"It was all a lie-?" she breathed out, a statement more than a question. Lies, lies, lies- Her life for more than consisted only of lies. It was all staged. Their first meeting, the first night they spent together, the many nights that followed, him chasing her, courting her, asking her to marry him.
"Oh, well, not all entirely. I enjoyed myself plenty. I don' think any straight guy could, or have any need, to fake while in bed with you. Some of the best orgasms in my life," he snickered.
She felt her blood boil in her veins despite the sea of despair she was drowning in. Fast like a lightning she grabbed a China figurine from a shelf, a present from Lexie, and flung it at him with all her might. Unfortunately, he ducked skillfully, and it smashed against the wall to powder.
"Careful, darling," he grinned at her. "Remember I won't be here anymore to clean your mess and I know you hate house chores."
"Who are you working for?" she bellowed at him, losing all control, and throwing another figurine, partly because she didn't take into consideration of possible consequences, partly because she was still looking at the man she lived with for months.
His only answer was loud carefree laughter. "Don't worry, you'll know soon enough, we won't wait too long with patenting your baby. And, by the way, all the files in your neat little pile are already scanned and sent to my bosses. The wheels are in motion with the speed you cannot even imagine."
"You're standing here calmly talking about it with me? The person you stole it from?" she shrieked.
"What can I say?" he shrugged laughingly. "I'm an artist and this work is by far my best yet."
"You're a worthless piece of shit!" she spat at him. "You're not even human!"
"We have that in common," he nodded. "That's what makes us so good at what we are. You've got conned but you're still learning, baby. I love that scowl on your face, I'm sure it would have lead to some extraordinary make-up sex-"
"You'll never touch me again, scumbag!"
"I know I won't, I don't want to leave any DNA behind. But still, what a pity."
"You think they won't catch you? The police will have your portrait, you're on photographs-"
"I'm not on any photographs, I have left no belongings around, I took care of that. To answer your question, I'm sure they won't catch me. There're ways to disappear without a trace-" he sighed consulting his watch with a smirk, purposefully striking another blow. The silver watch was her birthday gift for him. "It was nice to have that little chat with you but time presses on." Not taking his deep green eyes off her, he grabbed the little suitcase with his gloved hand and gave her a long look. "Goodbye, sweet Meredith."
With that, he was gone. He was out of their- her apartment, out of her life. As if he had never existed, as if he was a phantom, a magician vanishing in a cloud of smoke performing his tricks.
Her throat began to burn, her lungs couldn't seem to get enough air to sustain her life. Almost blindly, her hands clutching at her neck, she found her way to the bathroom. She scrambled into the shower opening the water, hot, cold it didn't matter. Her fingers clawed at her clothes frantically tearing them off of her trembling body, ripping the tiny scraps of leather on her Christian Louboutin shoes, mangling her jacket, the snow white shirt, expensive lingerie- In her frenzy, she hit her forehead on the metal tap. Another dose of pain- She didn't even notice a trickle of blood diluting in water and staining the scraps of clothing at her feet.
Suddenly she burst out in a loud maniacal laughter. The hit to the head seemed to have enlightened her. She laughed her throat apart as the image of Dr. Reed Adamson apologizing profusely for her mistake fleeted through her mind. Mitch, or whatever her executioner was called, scanned the files containing grievous error making the drug commercially useless- True, he could count on Meredith's flawlessness, but not on that of her subordinates.
Meredith's bitter laugh ended all too soon, she didn't even have the strength to feel the final triumph. The tears of laughter transformed into those of dark despair as she sank down, her wobbly legs finally giving in under her.
End of Flashback
"That is where my compulsive distrust in other people stems from," Meredith concluded her tale trying desperately to hold her voice steady. She had spilled enough tears already, too many. "I had over a year of my life stolen by a professional liar. I was used in every possible way, emotionally, physically- He was the first man I had a relationship with, I gave everything I had in me to him-" her voice broke at long last, and she was able to say no more. She turned away from him abruptly, trying to hide from Derek the tears that gathered so uncomfortably underneath her eyelids.
"Oh- oh my god-" the words failed him as well. Not in his craziest theories had he imagined a more improbably sickening story. It now all fell into place, he understood her every reservation, every inhibition, fear, and avoidance. He didn't know what he could say, what he should say to make it all better. Probably because nothing could take away the pain of being so viciously used. Instead, he quickly closed the distance between them. He took her into his equally trembling arms, disregarding all her protests, and cried with her.
"Mer," he whispered, cradling her close to his chest, his hand softly gliding over her hair in what he hoped was a soothing gesture. "I'm so so-"
"Don't! Don't say that," she hissed, shoving him away at arm's length. "This is exactly one of the reasons why I didn't want to tell you. I don't want your pity; I don't want anyone's pity-"
"It's not pity," he shook his head, his voice stronger, as he pulled her close once more. "It's many things, it's anger, it's pain- it's- God, Mer, you're the woman I love and you were hurt by this son of a bitch and an army of suits in that damn company- Was this bastard ever caught? Tell me he was."
Meredith gave out a little snort against his arm. "He didn't lie when he said there were ways to disappear without a trace. He really made sure there was as little evidence left against him as possible."
"Did you ever know who was behind that entire scheme?" he asked her softly.
"No, I was in a hurry to push the program along as fast as possible, even though he stole only the rough version. We completed it in a record time, and those were the worst months of my life. I'm sure the company knew, I realized they had their own spies planted around their rivals. I didn't stay to learn more, I had enough."
"I hope they didn't blame you."
"They didn't, my drug was going to be too much of a commercial hit. And I was a seasoned worker already, I wouldn't be fooled the same way twice. But as I said, I had enough. I gave them the formula and never went back. I still receive paychecks though; I've been able to help the practice a lot."
"Knew it was too shiny for a small-town practice," he chuckled lightheartedly. A second later his voice turned sober again. "Meredith, I have no ulterior motives towards you, I hope you know that. I've never had- well, I did want that revenge, but I fell in love with you, so hard. I would never-"
"I know you'd never," she smiled up at him sadly. "You are a great guy, it's me that is broken beyond repair."
"Don't say that, we can-"
"We can't," she interrupted him firmly. "You are always going to be someone special in my life, I truly do love you. It doesn't change the fact that I don't want to make this permanent."
"Why not? This is different-"
"I tried once, I got burnt, I- I don't think I have anything else in me to give."
"I disagree!"
"Derek, how many relationships do you think stay together to see that coveted forever after, huh? I don't have- strength, I don't have patience, frankly, I just don't want to try something that I know has little chance surviving, and see it crash down."
"Mer-"
"Can we not talk about this, please? We have more pressing matters on our hands," she sighed detaching herself from him.
Derek looked at her with a bewildered frown.
"My friend? The one who's come all the way from New York and who's being killed by the tumor in her brain?" she reminded him, impatiently waving Helen's file in the air.
"Oh, right," he cleared his throat guiltily. The conversation about Meredith's past had pushed everything else out of his head. "Did you talk to her about the bypass?"
"No, but I don't think she'd be thrilled with the idea. I mean, she's a neurosurgeon for Pete's sake. She doesn't want to die instantly; she wants her two years on the beach."
"Well, you can't force her to agree on the surgery," he sighed, pacing up and down.
"I can- persuade her," she shrugged. "You're going to help me."
"I'm not sure-"
"Good thing that I am," she cut him mid-sentence. "You're going to make a fantastic dinner. Food will soften her up, so do your best."
Derek chuckled lightly. "That explains why your friends. Mer," he started softly, planting a kiss onto the top of her head.
"Derek, I told you everything, I bared my soul to you, what else do you want me to say? What else do you want to talk about?"
"For now, I'll let it rest," he conceded. "Because I appreciate your honesty and trust in me. But that's not it, I refuse to believe that's it for us. In the meantime, I'll get busy with dinner."
A few hours later they were sitting at the garden table on the terrace, accompanied by Helen, and the atmosphere couldn't have been more awkward. The three of them were giving each other furtive glances as though trying to guess who would try to pet the elephant in the room.
"Well," Helen made another brave attempt at conversation, "I must say I'm quite surprised, Derek. If I had known you were this good at cooking the numerous times you hit on me, I might have gone for it."
Meredith quirked up her eyebrow while Derek let out a hearty laugh.
"Wouldn't that be awkward now," he chuckled, shaking his head.
"So, how well do you know each other?" Meredith asked casually.
"Oh, loosen up, Mer. I've already told you I didn't sleep with him," Helen rolled her eyes while Derek choke on his food. "We've bumped into each other on conferences, consults-"
"We've operated together once," added Derek.
"I was the only woman in ten miles' radius that didn't have a crush on him."
"Now, I don't buy that," he snorted.
"Thank God your sister hasn't achieved that stage of god complex yet," laughed Helen. "Amelia, she works with me, not sure if you remember her, Mer?"
"Never met her in person. She's the one doing your scans, isn't she?" Meredith carefully broached the subject.
"She is. How funny is that, Derek, do you know that Meredith's sister works in Sinai as well? Second year resident."
"That would be- Lexie, wouldn't it?" he glanced at Meredith, she was showing worrying signs of impatience.
"Let's just cut the crap, okay?" she burst out suddenly. "What the hell are you doing, Helen?"
"I'm eating my dinner, which is quite amazing-"
You're about to commit a suicide!"
"Mer-"
"A saginal sinus bypass, what do you think?" Meredith asked her sharply.
For the first time, Helen's face turned utterly serious as she leaned back in her chair staring at her best friend. "What, are you gonna do it? I had to beg you to operate the last time."
Meredith's jaw tightened but she remained otherwise steady. "It's very successful."
"If the patient doesn't stroke out," reminded Helen and looked with a smile at Derek who was silently watching the exchange.
"Leave him out of this. If it works, the tumor's gone. Never have to go back, isn't it what you want?"
"If it doesn't, I'm dead," replied Helen, unfazed.
"If you refuse to come back, you're dead anyway."
"A decision I can live with."
"Not a decision I can live with," riposted Meredith. "Two years on a beach and then what? After you piss away your savings, your memory goes, motor skills deteriorate and you're dying a very slow, miserable painful death. You're gonna call me and ask why we didn't do something. Now that is not something I can live with. Not... when we can do something right now to prevent it."
A tensed silence followed Meredith's heated argument. Derek was a little at loss how to react, he had never seen her act so harsh towards anyone, well, apart from himself. Helen looked slightly stunned, as though she didn't expect her future to be presented so brutally.
By the time Meredith's breathing relaxed, she started to feel she may have crossed the line. She was not this person anymore, the bitch that lashed out on everyone taking no notice of the consequences.
"I- will bring the dessert," she said quietly clearing her throat and getting up from the table.
"I'm sorry," Derek sighed apologetically when Meredith disappeared inside. "She's just worried about you."
Quite unexpectedly, Helen laughed shaking her head. "Are you apologizing for Meredith Grey's temper? Oh, there is so much you don't know about her."
"I know more than yesterday, thanks to your arrival," he nodded.
"I figured she told you the whole story by now. You have your work cut out for you. Or do you? What are your intentions towards her?"
"Apparently too demanding," he chuckled softly.
"Don't give up on her," Helen asked him quickly.
"I've heard you like to give this particular piece of advice, but not to follow it yourself-" he looked at her meaningfully.
"Calling me a hypocrite?" she joked. "Maybe I am. But I am a tired hypocrite."
"You think you can sleep when you're dead?"
"Oh, you two are worth each other!" Helen smiled approvingly.
"Helen- Haven't you ever considered the bypass?"
"You know the risks, Derek. I don't have to spell them out to you."
"I'm not going to argue with you about this. I don't have the right to persuade you to try your chances, Meredith doesn't have it either. I'm really holding my tongue not to beg you to do it for Meredith. This decision must be about you. So, I'm just going to tell you this, it's worth to fight. If I learned anything here, it's not to let go. When you keep fighting, miracles can happen," he finished with a smile as Meredith reappeared on the terrace with a platter in her hands.
"Derek baked that," she said avoiding Helen's eyes, "so it's good."
"Yes, I see he's very capable with his hands but- you are going to do the surgery," Helen answered in a clear strong voice.
"I was supposed to all along," frowned Meredith.
"The bypass, Mer."
Her head shot up as she stared at her best friend, releasing the breath she was holding the whole afternoon.
"Meredith? What is it?" Derek spoke quietly as they made their way downstairs, having said goodnight to Helen. Dr. Crawford agreed to undergo the operation, but Meredith still seemed deeply troubled.
"Derek," she sighed pleadingly, shaking her head. She had made enough confessions for a lifetime.
"Mer, no more secrets," he begged catching her elbow.
She gazed into his eyes with firmness but all she saw was immense concern she didn't want to increase. With a little roll of her eyes, she beckoned him to follow her into her office. Meredith lit up only her desk lamp and bent to open the topmost drawer. She had to dive in at the very back to pull out a small object which she displayed to him on her open palm.
"Do you know what it is?"
"A matchbox?" he frowned.
She chuckled slightly. "Much more than that, and I mean, much more. It's my pride, ego, my vanity. When I came here and started to work- It wasn't an easy change at the beginning, even though it was what I wanted. So, I squeezed all that I used to be in that tiny box. I am small now, tiny without this- baggage, and believe me it was heavy like hell," she whispered as her fingers closed over the box. "I came to enjoy being this small. But now- now I must open that box. I must wear my feathers again, and my crown, and be a god again, in order to save my friend. And it scares me- because this weight can make me drown. It can drag me down to the bottom," she finished quietly, her outstretched hand giving a tiny shake.
Derek moved towards her and encased her fist into both of his. "I will help you pull it up- if you let me."
A brief smile crossed her features, "Okay."
