"See. You look great." Matt showed Kyle the photo that he took.
The fox was standing upright with the help of a crutch as he was looking at the phone. It took Matt a lot of time to find the perfect length of the crutch for the boy. The bunny was too optimistic and started with rather long length. Kyle could stand like that but he was arching his back. Matt needed to get the fox to a proper position which took a few minutes.
"Yeah." Kyle sounded unconvinced. His ears were folded against his head and kept his tail between his legs
Kyle was leaning forward a lot but with the help of the crutch he was able to stay up right. There was a long road ahead for that boy to be able to walk on his own. It couldn't be helped. Matt knew that the most important thing when it came to rehabilitation was repetition and gradual improvement. Forcing him to do something that he wasn't able to could harm the fox.
."Can we make it longer?" The fox asked shyly.
If he was fully upright Kyle would reach Matt's chin but with how much he needed to lean forward the fox's head was around the bunny's heart area.
"We'll do that when you'll be able to keep the right posture." Matt smiled softly.
"But I can do it," Kyle said eagerly. "When we tried for the first time I was able to stand."
Matt wasn't a therapist but knew how important it was to keep the boy's back straight. With support from the crutch it was easy for the boy to arch his back and to have his chest straight. It was what Kyle wanted to do but it wasn't healthy for him. Doing that for an extended amount of time could cause a lot of back issues. So they needed to slowly increase the length of his crutch as the boy would be improving.
"Kyle," Matt said softly. "You'll hurt yourself if you do that. I know that you want a quick result but sadly it'll take some time. It's very important to have your back straight. That way eventually you won't need the crutch."
The fox looked away and sighed. "Ok."
"You only need to have your back straight. Your knees can be bent. You just need to walk and run to get strong enough to do that. So you have a perfect excuse to play catch with me." Matt smiled trying to cheer him up.
Kyle looked at Matt and smiled. "It was fun."
With that the bunny took a few steps back and held his arms in front of him as if he wanted a hug. "Maybe you could try walking."
So far Kyle was only standing next to the bed with his crutch. The fox looked at the bunny in glasses with a nervous determination. At first, the boy lifted the crutch in place a couple of times to test how his balance would take it. His body tensed up each time to support his unusual position. When he was confident that he wouldn't fall, he moved it a little bit forward.
It wasn't too far away because he didn't know that would upset his balance. With the crutch firmly on the ground he took a small step. The fox stopped to check that everything was all right before the other foot joined the first one. He slowly moved away from the bed towards the center of the room where Matt stood.
"You're doing great!"
Kyle wagged his tail and repeated the pattern. He moved the crutch a little forward and soon after two small steps followed. It wasn't a proper walking cycle but the boy was moving. It was the only important thing at that point, just to build his strength. Over time they would adjust his walking pattern.
When the fox got closer, he reached with his left paws towards the bunny's paw to grab it. The boy miscalculated how far he was from Matt. Rather than take another step, he tried to grab the paw that was just outside of his reach. The fox was balancing with the crutch supporting most of his weight. As he stretched to grab the paw one foot lost its grip and slided on the floor.
The boy started falling. Kyle's determined muzzle change into one of fear. The bunny immediately stepped forward and grabbed the boy's paw. Matt pulled it up to keep the boy up. Kyle firmly grabbed the paw holding for dear life. The fox's claws dug into the bunny's paw. Matt's mind went blank and squeaked loudly. The only thing on the bunny's mind were claws digging into his paw.
Matt's heart was racing and his nose twitched rapidly. He instinctively tried to pull the hand away. The boy's firm grip prevented that. It only pulled the fox closer to him. Kyle let go of the crutch. With the free paw reached for the bunny trying to find something to grab. The fox wasn't going to end up on the floor no matter what. Kyle's claws dug into Matt's shirt.
Sound of clothes tearing filled the room. The fabric was strong enough to give the boy some support. He took those last few steps and his head rested on Matt's chest. The bunny was hyperventilating. Matt was shaking his paw trying to get the claws off it. The boy heard how fast bunny's heart was beating and smelled his fear. Kyle let go of Matt's paw.
"I'm sorry." Kyle said, trying to hold back his tears.
The bunny wasn't registering what was happening. He was just relieved that claws weren't digging into his paw. His mind tried its best to figure out what was happening. So one by one he senses were coming back to him. Matt heard kits laughing outside the window as they played and the uneven breath of a kit nearby. He smelled the dusty scent of the room mixed with a familiar musk. He saw the ray of sunlight making a nice sunny spot in that mostly dark room. He also saw something orange fur next to his chest. Matt was taking deep breaths trying to calm himself when he felt the red furred creature shiver. It made the bunny look down. Kyle was sobbing quietly.
Events of the last few seconds played out in the bunny's head. It was like an out of body experience. He could only watch and be horrified by what he had done. He was sickened by his ears dropped instantly. He needed to make it better. Matt wrapped his arms around the boy, hugging him closely. The bunny gently rubbed Kyles's back.
"It's all right. You did nothing wrong. I'm the one who is sorry for reacting like that." Matt petted the boy's head. Despite his size, he was just a kit.
"I scared you." Kyle said quietly as he hid his muzzle on Matt's chest.
The bunny bit his lower lip. "Kyle, it wasn't you. I promise"
"You smell like fear so often when you're around me."
Matt's heart sank. It was true that he was scared of the fox's predator features. The bunny hoped that he was able to hide how uncomfortable he got sometimes. Was the boy able to tell each time? He knew that canines had a good sense of smell but he wasn't expecting it to be that good. Matt sighed softly. The bunny smoothed some of the matted fur on the boy's head. He would have to brush him at some point. He had made so many bad choices regarding Kyle. He didn't know so many things about foxes.
"I've mentioned to you that I've a bunny problem that I'm working on." Matt gently pulled the fox away from his chest and with his paw lifted the boy's chin so he would look at him. "I am afraid of predators."
Matt had to come clean. Kyle deserved to know. If the bunny knew that the boy was able to tell what was happening, he would have told him a long time ago. The boy's teary eyes looked confused and he furrowed his brow.
"So why do you visit me?" The foxes voice was shaky from all the emotions.
"Because I like you." Matt said with a smile and he lifted his ears. "So I won't let fear keep me away from you. The same way your condition won't stop you from walking upright."
Kyle froze, unable to process what he just heard. He looked at the bunny as if he was talking in a forign language. Matt gently squeezed the fox's shoulder.
"You've been helping me a lot with my fear so it is only fair that I'll help you with your walking." The bunny said.
Kyle watched in disbelief as Matt was talking. The boy had so many feelings that he didn't know what to do. He just hugged the bunny in front of him tightly not willing to let go and Matt quickly returned it. Bunnies are very social so he welcomed that unexpected hug. It took him a second to realize that there was something different about this hug. At first he couldn't place it what it was. When Kyle hugged him tighter the bunny felt fist on his back. The bunny smiled softly as his paws grasped the boy back.
"I'm sorry about your shirt." Kyle said quietly as he saw holes that he made on the bunny's chest.
"Don't worry about it. It's just a shirt. I'm glad that you didn't get hurt." Matt said and for the first time in his life Kyle believed that.
"You did amazing walking with the crutch." Kyle gently wagged his tail. "However I think that we had a little too much excitement with walking for one day. Would you like to color the crutch?"
Kyle nodded softly but continued the hug. Matt chuckled softly. The bunny gently bent back while hugging the boy to lift him a few inches off the ground. Then he put his feet under the boy's feet as he lowered him back down. Matt wasn't strong enough to carry the fox so he had to get creative. With that he walked towards the desk. It was more like a wobbling with the bunny shifting their weight from side to side. He lifted the boy's feet with every step until they reached the desk.
"You can let go now." Matt said as they stood close enough to the chair that Kyle could grab it.
The fox slowly pulled away from the bunny and avoided looking at him. The fox's ears were folded but he was smiling weakly. Matt could even swear that the fox's were redder than usual. Kyle grabbed the chair and stepped off the bunny's feet.
"Ok sit down and I will get everything ready."
Matt went to his bag and pulled out a brand new set of permanent markers. On his way back he grabbed the crutch and placed everything on the desk. Then he went back to the window and pulled the curtains back, letting more sun in. That was met with a groan from Kyle as his paw went up to shield his eyes.
"Sorry but we need to see how colors look on the sun." The bunny said as he opened the window to let some fresh air in.
Permanent markers had a rather strong smell so he didn't want the boy to inhale too much of it. Luckily the desk was close to the window. Kyle was already sitting at the desk when the bunny came back. There was only one chair in the room but Matt didn't mind standing.
Kyle grabbed one of his notebooks and was checking the color of each marker on paper. Matt had bought good quality markers so the color was consistent. The bunny was half expecting the boy to just put random colors on the crutch. The first thing that the fox drew were vials with blue and red liquids in them. Matt didn't know a lot about Kyle's interest so the drawing was a good conversation starter.
"So you like fantasy games. What games have you played? Was it a board game or something on the TV?" Kyle looked up at Matt and furrowed his brow.
With such a small size difference between them Matt sometimes forgot how young the fox was. He probably didn't understand the concept of fantasy.
"Where have you seen Mana potions and health potions?" Matt pointed to the drawing which confused the fox even more.
Kyle wasn't a talkative kit. It was hard to tell if he was confused by the concept that the bunny was talking about or the fact that the bunny tried to start a conversation. Matt smiled warmly while he was figuring out the next step. Matt had lost some of his confidence but it wasn't a reason to stop.
"What are you drawing?" The bunny finally asked.
The fox looked at the vials. "Beakers and flasks with stuff in them."
Matt blinked. "Those are really nice. Where have you learned about them?"
"Lady in the cartoon was mixing stuff to get other stuff. It was so cool." Kyle said as he was adding more different shaped flasks with different colors in them.
"Do you like science?" Matt picked a black marker and was drawing an outline of a fox's head.
Kyle nodded as he was drawing stars on the crutch. "Yes. It's interesting."
"That is true. Our teacher has shown us a lot of experiments in school." Matt put down the black marker and scratched his chin. "Maybe I'll be able to show you some of them."
"Yes, please." Kyle was wagging his tail. Matt laughed. It was the first time that he saw the fox so animated.
"Ok. On my next visit I will ask Monica if you were behaving. If she says that you were a good boy, I'll prepare some experiments for us to do." Matt grabbed the red color marker and colored the fox's head.
"I'll be good. I promise."
Kyle had noticed what Matt was doing. He grabbed the black marker and drew a bunny's head next to the fox. The boy gave it brown fur and glasses. After a few minutes there there was a drawing of a smiling fox and bunny next to each other.
""""
Matt tossed the shirt into the bin and grabbed his phone as he went to the living room to sit down on the couch. He was looking at the locked screen for a few minutes without moving. Finally he tossed the phone to the side with a groan and his paws went to his face to rub his eyes. Paws bumped into his glasses which made the bunny groan in frustration once more.
It had brought him a small comfort when he finally rubbed his eyes. He looked at the phone that was laying next to him and his ears dropped. The bunny rested his head against the back of the couch with an contemplative expression. He grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. Matt tried to catch on the news but he could still see the phone at the edge of his vision. The longer he was inviting it, the more noticeable it seemed.
"Just do it." Matt encouraged himself. He muted the TV and grabbed the phone.
In his contact he found his mom. He took a deep breath and put on his winning smile as he pressed the button for muzzletime. His phone was ringing and it felt like an eternity. Maybe he could still hang up and call later. The screen flashed and Matt saw his mother smiling at him.
"Honey! Matt's calling!" She shouted before focusing on the screen. Her smile grew. "You're wearing your glasses! I've missed them so much. You look so much better in glasses."
"It's nice to see you too mom." Matt said with a smile. An older male bunny appeared on the screen. "Hi dad!"
"Hi son!" The older male bunny had a mischievous smile on his muzzle. "So when do we get to meet Kyle?"
Matt sighed loudly in defeat. "Not you too."
His father laughed. "Well you have to admit that it looks serious. You've visited him two days in the row and you've bought him a crutch."
Matt lifted his brow and looked at his mother. "Your spy is good."
She giggled. "I don't mind baking pies to get information about my son and potential grandson."
"Yeah." The older male interrupted her. "When can we expect to hear the good news?"
Matt looked blankly at the screen. He wasn't ready for this conversation. So many different emotions were running through his brain. His talk with Liam kept flashing in his mind. He felt guilt, shame but at the same time he knew what he wanted.
"I don't want to adopt him." He finally said.
"Why? You seem to like that boy." His father furrowed his brow.
"I really like him but…" Matt paused trying to put into words how he was feeling about the whole situation. "It doesn't feel right. It feels like highschool. When I was forcing myself to date girls. I was so desperate to have the family that I always wanted. I tried to convince myself that I was bi and just needed to find the right girl."
His mother dropped her ears and put a hand to her mouth. She looked at her son with a worried expression. His father was just listening intently. Once Matt opened the floodgate he wasn't able to stop.
"This time it's worse because I would be playing with a boy's life. What if I would never get rid of that feeling of it being wrong. I want to love him, not adopt him because of some misguided sense of justice or righteousness. I thought that I would feel something when I would find my kits. That I would know right away that they are mine and I finally found them. It didn't happen with him. I like him. I care about him but he doesn't feel like my kit." Matt grabbed his shirt on his chest, wanting to fill the part of his heart that was missing.
"Also his body freaks me out way too much. It isn't a healthy environment to be raised by someone who feels like that." Matt's voice was shaking. He felt as if he was going to cry at any moment. The pent up emotions from the past few days were flowing through him.
"He's going to be separated from his litter. It doesn't matter if I want him or not. He'll be alone and I still don't want to take him. Today I had a full blown panic attack when he grabbed me without warning. You should have seen the look on his face as I was calming him down. I felt so disgusted with myself. What is wrong with me? I often feel that I hurt him more than I help him." Tears were streaming down his muzzle as he was doing his best to keep them at bay.
His mother got teary-eyed herself as she saw her son's breakdown, unable to say anything to comfort him. His father on the other paw was oddly calm and looked at him with a soft expression.
"Did he feel better after you comforted him?" His father asked.
Matt was trying to catch his breath. "Y-Yeah."
"That is great." The older male said with a smile. "Would you adopt him if he didn't have that issue with his body?"
"Yes." Matt was surprised how quickly he was able to answer that and how honest it was.
His father scratched his chin. "Then I guess that what you're feeling is normal."
Matt's eyes went wide. His breath was still uneven. "W-what?"
The older bunny sighed. "I had similar feelings when we brought you home for the first time."
"You were the part of our first litter. I didn't know what to expect. I had similar ideas to you. That once I would see you, the father instinct would kick in and I would know what to do. That I would instantly have that connection with you and know that you're mine." He chuckled
"Oh how wrong I was. It was fine at the hospital when I was able to hold you for a few minutes. But once we got home I could only feel fear. I was scared that I would hurt you, don't understand you and disappoint you." He looked at his wife.
"You mother on the other hand was amazing. She instantly knew what you wanted when you cried. How to calm you down or get you to sleep. I was failing at all of those tasks. I felt like a bad father and a fraud. I should have known how to do all those things. I couldn't sleep because of that." He sighed. "All I could do was to make your mother more comfortable because I didn't know what to do with you."
"It lasted for over a week. Then one day you were crying very loudly. Your mother was already busy with your brother. I was scared. I just picked you and hugged you." He smiled warmly at his son. "You almost instantly stopped crying. It was such a small thing but from that moment I knew that everything would be all right. The fear was replaced by the love."
"I hate to break it to you son but all parents make mistakes in the beginning. Just in our case kits don't remember that. You'll get your moment when you'll know that they're your kits. It doesn't have to be when you meet them. They'll be yours no matter when you'll get that feeling." He wrapped his arm around his wife. "I am also pretty sure that your brother is feeling something similar right now with his kits. You should see how he is looking. It's rough."
Matt was breathing more evenly and tears had stopped. He felt weirdly calm after such an emotional outburst. It was the first time that his father told him about his experience with fatherhood. It was comforting to know that he had his own issues when Matt considered him a great father. "My reaction is much more unusual."
"You would adopt healthy kits, right? Even if it wouldn't feel right at the start."
"Yes but I know that I would get over it."
"So why are you so sure that it wouldn't happen with Kyle?" His father smiled.
Matt looked away from the screen. He didn't want to tell his parents that there was more to it than just being feral. "I don't know that."
"Isn't one of the perks of being a foster parent that you take the kit and if you don't match just find them a good home?" His mother chimed in.
"It isn't that simple." Matt bit his lip. "If I would take him I wouldn't be able to take more kits. My current limit is 2. Litters of 2 are rare and bunnies without litter are even rarer."
"So you're super lucky that you found one already." His father winked.
There were so many things that his parents were unaware about. He really didn't want to adopt Kyle. He had dreamed about having bunny kits for so long. The fox didn't fit into that picture. Maybe it was petty but Matt wasn't able to change it.
"I'll think about it." He said finally.
"It is a big decision. I am just providing my insight. I am sure that you have your own reasons. You have to do what is the best for you." His older male smiled.
Matt just nodded. He felt as if some weight was lifted off his shoulders. His mother noticed that the conversation was slowly dying out but didn't want to end the conversation on the sour note.
"So maybe you could tell us about your meeting with Kyle. I love hearing about him." She suggested.
"Should I be jealous?" Matt smiled.
"No. At least until you show me some pictures of him. After that I can't promise anything." She giggled.
Matt laughed. "It's because of him that I'm wearing my glasses now."
Matt described in great details his meeting with Kyle. How he got the boy to try the crutch and his first attempt of walking with it. How they colored the crutch and it turned out that Kyle loves science.
Matt didn't know that his mother lied to him. She didn't love hearing about Kyle. She loved hearing Matt talking about the boy. How softly he spoke about him. How the bunny's face lit up with joy and pride at the boy's accomplishments. When Matt was too engrossed in his story she looked at his husband with a knowing smile. He just nodded softly and they both enjoyed the next 15 minutes of their son talking about their future grandson.
