Chapter 42: Missing Each Other
Derek stopped in his tracks when he heard his name. He turned back to where he'd just come from and saw Mark, his hand outstretched. For some reason, Derek didn't comprehend. Mark was followed by Addison Montgomery, the OBGYN recently appointed at NY Pres.
"Man, what's the rush?" Mark chuckled as he shook Derek's hand energetically.
"He probably can't wait to be back in the OR," the pretty redhead at his side beamed widely.
"Mark, what are you doing here?" Derek frowned and nodded at Addison. "Dr. Montgomery."
"What am I doing here?" Mark repeated in a fake hurt voice, clutching at his heart. "That's how you greet your brother after two months of exile? By the way, you let yourself go, man." He critically scrutinized Derek's appearance, especially his hair and the visibly darker skin. "Don't you know that pale is the new tan?"
"No idea what you're talking about," Derek dismissed him quickly looking around in search of a free cab. "I need to get to the hospital."
"See, told you," Addison rubbed Mark's shoulder affectionately.
"Whoa, easy here, man. What do you think, we came here on foot?" Mark frowned at Derek. Their meeting was not unfolding the way he had expected. "Or that I'm here by accident? My car is parked on level one."
"Great," Derek nodded and turned to go.
"Wait! You're not thinking I'm gonna drive you to Pres right now, are you? I have clear instructions to take you straight to Mom's. No detours, no stopovers. Shepherd family dinner. If you can escape that early, you can go to hospital. But you are going to see your family first."
Derek sighed and nodded in defeat. He wanted to be at hospital as soon as possible to put his plan in motion but he knew he owed it to his family. "Let's go then."
"There's one more thing," Mark stopped him again, becoming a bit apprehensive.
"Yeah?"
"Well, aren't you surprised Addison is here?"
"I'm sorry?" Derek frowned.
"For the love of God, what's wrong with you?" Mark rolled his eyes and grabbed Addison's hand. "I wanted to tell you first, I really did, but Nancy walked in on us. So now everyone knows."
"Okay?" Derek discreetly glanced at the clock on the wall.
"We're together," Mark breathed out nervously. "Dating, going out… whatever. Addison's my girlfriend, and it's not just sex."
"Congrats, man," Derek nodded and clapped him on the back, turning away once again.
"I'm serious," Mark argued hurried to catch up with him, dragging Addison behind him. "We're really dating."
"Good for you," said Derek seeking Mark's car.
"It's not a prank!"
"I didn't think it was," shrugged Derek.
Mark halted in his tracks abruptly making Addison crash into him.
"Mark!" she sighed reproachfully. "What's gotten into you?"
"The question is what's gotten into him," he pointed at Derek who already disappeared from their line of vision.
"What do you mean?"
"This is not normal. This is not how he should have reacted!"
"Let me guess, you expected him to laugh at you and taunt you," she quipped.
"Yeah, yeah, I did! It's how everybody reacted. Because everyone knows I'm a manwhore."
"Was a manwhore," Addison corrected him.
"Derek knew I was a manwhore, and he's a manwhore too!"
Addison only shook her head in self-pity and pushed him forward.
Derek pulled out his cell and chose Meredith's number. He should have called her the second he left the plane, but he had been too dazed and disoriented. The little walk in the parking lot cleared his head. Not that the air was so clear and refreshing, it was cool, much cooler than in Nevada. He would be shaking in his thin jacket if he wasn't walking so fast.
He nervously waited for her to pick up, he prayed she wasn't busy with a patient. Then the signal disappeared, she answered the call!
"Derek?" she asked quietly, insecurely. "Are you already there?"
"Hi, Mer," he let out a breath of relief. His body relaxed for the first time since her form disappeared around the road turn. "Yeah, my plane landed half an hour ago."
She was silent for a moment; he could only hear her breathing. "How was your flight?" she asked neutrally.
He briefly considered what he should tell her and opted for frankness. "It was horrible."
"Bad weather conditions? Did you feel sick? I knew-"
"I felt homesick," he chuckled lightly. "And lonely without you."
"I… I'm with you as long as you want me to…"
He felt a burning in his throat. His heart was breaking for her. She was trying so hard to be available for him, to fix herself, but in vain, like a bird with broken wings.
"Then we're stuck together forever," he assured her. He glanced behind him to see Mark and Addison approaching hand in hand. "Look, Mark is giving me a lift to my Mom's. Apparently, I'm about to be sucked into family dinner vortex. I'm not sure when it's going to end and if I'm able to call you tonight-"
"It's okay," she said quickly. "We're going to spend a fortune on phone bills anyway."
"So be it," he shrugged. "Mer, call me if you need me. I'll answer no matter what."
"Everything's… good," she sighed.
"And the delivery? How did it go?" he asked curiously.
"Good, really good. We have one more girl in Rachel."
"Cristina must be ecstatic," he joked.
"She is… oh, and she asked me to pass you a message."
"A message?"
"She said that she's watching you."
"Watching me?" Derek couldn't help but laugh. "Big Sister?"
"Don't mess with Cristina," she mirrored his laughter.
"Oh, trust me, I know better than to mess with any of you," he winced slightly. "I love you."
"I love you," she whispered and by the softness of her voice he knew she must have been smiling.
"Who was that?" asked Mark as Derek stuck his cell back into his briefcase.
"No one you know," Derek replied vaguely.
"You were laughing, now you're sour grapes again."
"Yes, I'm bipolar this way," Derek rolled his eyes and put his suitcase into the car's trunk. "Can we go now?"
Mark's forehead scrunched into a displeased frown. Something was distinctly odd with Derek. Addison might not have seen it; she didn't know him all that well. But the sisters and Mom would surely notice and do everything to uncover the truth.
Derek got out of the car and stared at the brownstone he grew up in. He had moved out years and years ago but came for dinner or just to keep his mother company at least once a week. Yet he never felt as peculiar as now. His life now seemed to consist of two eras, pre and post-Meredith.
"You okay, man?" Mark moved past him with a suspicious expression on his face.
Derek slapped himself mentally and followed his brother and his girlfriend to the door. He should snap out of it, or everyone would notice there was something different about him and the questions would never end. He didn't know how much of his life in Rachel he should relate to his family, but he was sure as hell he had to be careful with the topic of Meredith.
The door barely opened when a sea of arms sucked him inside. He felt momentarily dazed as his sisters, brothers-in-law and swarming nephews jumped to greet him.
"Well, well, well, look who's back!"
"Spent the last two months sunbathing or what?"
"What's wrong with your hair? If you're heading for a Russell Crowe look, it's not working for you!"
"Derek, you're finally back! What the hell were you thinking pulling off the disappearing act!? Do you know there's a new board member? He doesn't know you. If you still want the Chief job, you need to go play golf with him!"
"And you need to start dating! Just look at Mark, who would have thought he'd ever consider going serious-"
"Let him catch his breath!" Carolyn's laughter sounded over the general noise. She beamed as she hugged her son. "Welcome home, dear!"
"Thanks… Thanks, Mom," he sighed with gratitude.
"You must be tired. You came just in time for dinner," she went on happily though her perceptive eyes stayed on him a bit longer than they normally would.
"Derek? There you're hiding," Carolyn smiled joining her son on the porch. He was standing with his back propped against the wall, hidden from view to everyone inside.
"I'm… not hiding," he shook his head apologetically. "I just needed… to take a break."
"A break from your family?" she chuckled.
"No, not from family, I missed you all, I did. It's just… I feel like I was thrown into a river, and I have no idea where it's going. A new musical on Broadway? A Chinese restaurant that's just been opened? I… I'm not even trying to keep up."
"You sound so much like your father right now," Carolyn said in wonderment. "You've been away just two months. Was it enough to make you feel so disconnected?"
"The pace of my life changed so radically," he sighed. "And I… I actually liked it. I loved it there."
"Is that all this is about?" she prodded him on. "You've barely smiled since you arrived."
"It's hard to live without a heart…" he said without thinking.
"Oh my…" Carolyn gasped, sitting down on the bench.
"What's wrong? Ma?" Derek rushed to her side at once.
"I'm fine," she laughed, taking his hand in hers. "Just… memories. You know, your father heard that too, that sentence."
"Really?" Derek frowned, questioningly.
"He heard that sentence, from the same person you did I'm sure, he packed one bag, and with that one bag rushed back all the way from Rachel to New York."
"Oh…"
"So, tell me about her, that heart of yours," she patted his hand encouragingly. Her heart was breaking a little at the fact that her son would probably live thousands of miles from her if her instincts weren't failing her, her but she was even more joyful that he was happily in love. He was going to stop chasing things that were only half-important and embrace those that were fundamental.
"She's… Her name is Meredith," he began gathering his thoughts. There was so much to tell about her. Where would he even start? "And she's… wonderful. She's amazing."
"Now, finally the smile," Carolyn sighed contentedly.
"Yes, she makes me smile a lot," he grinned. "And even more often, she makes fun of me."
"She keeps you in line," Carolyn nodded approvingly.
"Oh, she does," Derek laughed fully. "Like you wouldn't believe. She actually hated me at the beginning, with passion. She turned out to be the co-owner of Uncle Bill's practice."
"Really? How perfect!"
"Initially, it was as far from perfect as it could possibly get. We were in constant a war with each other."
"Well, I was waiting for a woman who would be your match," she chuckled.
"She's more than my match. She's the love of my life. She made me grow up. I wanted to grow up for her. I wanted to be a man for her."
Carolyn closed her eyes briefly. She was so proud of him, so relieved he had begun to pursue other goals in life. She'd just have to come to terms with the fact that he was going to do that across the continent. "When are you planning to leave?" she asked gently.
"To leave?" he sighed reluctantly.
"Or is Meredith going to come to New York?"
"No… that's a no," he shook his head. "And I'm not going anywhere in the near future either."
"How come?" Carolyn frowned in incomprehension. "This woman-"
"This woman is more important to me than life itself," he confessed gravely as he stood up to pace up and down on the porch. "Do you know how hard it was for me today to get on that plane? I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my body."
"Oh, Derek," Carolyn sighed wrapping her arms around herself, not solely because of the autumn chill in the air.
"But I can't be with her right now," he went on quietly. "Meredith… she's been through a lot; she's lived through things that would kill a lesser person. She's… she's got baggage…"
"Doesn't she reciprocate your feelings?"
"She does, she loves me, I'm sure of that. I fought for her hard," he stated fiercely. "But I need to do something for her, here in New York, and I can't go back to her if I don't. Mom, I'm sorry I'm being so cryptic but it's not my story to tell."
"I understand that," Carolyn assured him calmly. "But hopefully, I get to meet her some time…"
"I'd like that very much, Ma," he smiled at her. "Could you… could you keep this to yourself? For the time being?"
"If you're thinking about moving to Nevada one day, you can't keep this from your family-"
"I know, I know," he interrupted. "I don't want to keep this from the girls until I'm gone, just.. not now. Not when it's all touch and go… And Mark, I don't know how he's gonna react."
"You can count on my discretion, you know that, son. Besides, as you put it, it's not my story to tell," she grinned.
"Thank you," he breathed out gratefully. "And I'm sorry, it seems like I'm gonna miss a lot of family dinners…"
"Don't be sorry!" she said firmly. "I am happy for you, I'm happy you've found your soul mate."
Derek didn't manage to reply as he was interrupted by a loud laughter and catcalls coming from the inside of the house.
"What is going on in there?" Carolyn asked suspiciously getting to her feet and walking inside, Derek trailing curiously behind her.
As soon as his eyes fell on the group of his siblings and friends, a sense of dread crept over him. One of his sisters, Lanie, had his cell phone in her hand and it looked like she was showing the contents of the photo and vid gallery to everyone present.
"Ma, Derek has a guuurl!" Mia exclaimed, overstressing the last syllable.
"What are you, twelve?" he snapped.
"Replay that, sis!" Mia giggled nudging Lanie.
A second later, Derek heard his own voice filling the living room.
"I've seen more beautiful things."
Derek's stomach twisted in mortification; he knew instantly when that video was made – the Las Vegas excursion.
"Can't imagine what," came cell-Meredith response.
"Give that back," Derek hissed, hot under the collar, as he went forward, though his movements where hindered by his many nephews' toys lying around on the floor.
"You naked. Especially in the throes."
Another round of catcalls erupted around, as he struggled his way past Mark. "Are you done invading my privacy?" he asked angrily.
"Chill out, Der!"
"Lanie!" Carolyn's authoritative voice overruled them all. "Give the phone back to your brother!"
"But Ma!" she whined.
"Hmm, cheap motel by the highway. I like it." Another tidbit from his conversation with Meredith filtered through the commotion.
"Wow," Mia raised her eyebrows, looking at the screen. "She's really pretty that one, not your usual choice though…"
Derek finally grabbed the cell and shut it off immediately, livid and red all over the face.
"What's her name?" Mia asked interestedly.
"None of your business!" he bit back harshly.
"Oh, she's a hooker… Is she a hooker?"
"Are you insane?" he hollered at her. "No, she's not a hooker, she's someone you've just blown your chances of ever meeting!"
"That's quite enough!" Carolyn silenced them again. "I swear I raised smart considerate people!"
Standing with her back to her mother, Mia made a goofy face that prompted an outburst of laughter around the room.
"I saw that, young lady! You're washing the dishes, manually!"
"Not unless Derek tells us who the mystery woman is that he's so touchy about, she seems somehow familiar…"
Derek's jaw tightened desperately. Mia shouldn't get the hold of his phone ever again. She was a fan of Meredith's work; she'd surely recognize her if she could get a better look at the screen.
"What is going on with this world?" Mia shook her head like a disapproving elderly lady. "Derek Shepherd and Mark Sloan in monogamous relationships…"
It was already dark when Meredith parked the jeep in the driveway and dragged her feet to the house. She postponed this moment as long as she could. She knew what coming back to a dark empty house would feel like. Lonely and miserable, exactly as she was feeling right now.
Bert trotted up to her somewhere from the bushes. But he was not wagging his tail as he usually did. He sniffed around her and the car and sat down on the porch looking up at her expectantly.
"Don't look at me like that," she scrunched her face pleadingly. "It's just me and you for the time being, buddy."
He laid down on his stomach with a squeal.
"He'll be back…" Meredith promised him patting his head. "He promised…"
She went inside but Bert chose to stay on the porch, as though waiting for the return of his master.
She hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, but she just didn't feel like doing it now. She climbed the stairs and slipped into the bedroom to go to sleep not even having changed.
She nuzzled her face into the pillow. The bedding smelled like him. If she tried hard enough, she could trick herself into believing he was just running late from a patient. Or better, he was only downstairs making sure that Bert wasn't wreaking havoc. He would lock the front door, trot into the kitchen barefoot to grab whipped cream from the fridge and be with her in a second…
She smiled as she drifted off into an uneasy slumber.
