Chapter 43: Setting the Plan in Motion
"Derek, I must say I was not expecting that," Jenkins said while perusing a file Derek had presented to him that morning.
Derek stifled any sign of impatience that threatened to show on his face. One false move and he would blow it. "I was away from the hospital, but I didn't waste my time."
"You were never interested in this kind of work."
"Unfortunately. I'd like to have a go…" he hesitated briefly, "while my career still allows it." Jenkins always admitted openly that he wanted Derek to take over when he retired. Of course, Derek's plans changed drastically in the course of the last few months, but he surely wasn't going to announce it to the chief. He needed to stay on his good side as long as possible.
"You really wanna do this…? A molecular therapy…" Jenkins sighed pensively. "I don't remember these viruses ever being used…"
"Exactly," Derek nodded enthusiastically. "No one has ever tried that. Think about all the publicity and prestige it can bring the hospital when it works."
Jenkins shifted in his seat; it was evident Derek struck the right notes. "You'd have to start everything from scratch, establish maximum tolerated doses-"
"I know the drill," interrupted Derek. "I know what I'm signing up for."
"Malignant gliomas always recur, they're nearly always fatal-" argued Jenkins though it was clear he was more and more convinced to approve.
"What if we have the solution?" Derek smiled confidently. "What if we can prevent or at least inhibit the recurrence?"
"Do you really believe that?" Jenkins impressed on him.
"I do," he answered without hesitation.
"Then, let's do this."
It was incredible how the two months away from the hospital broke the routine of his life, and of his work. By the lunchtime, Derek was almost dead on his feet. He was tired, hungry, and cranky after a morning in the ER, several consults, and an emergency surgery. As a result he practically devoured the cafeteria food he had always complained about as being crappy and unhealthy.
"So, you're the chief's wonder boy again," Mark said joining him at the table with Addison. "Saw you walking out of his office, his ugly mug was elated."
Derek shrugged; he was slightly disgusted with himself for the games he was forced to play. He could only imagine the extent of Jenkins's fury when he learned he was going to quit altogether.
"So, we thought we could get dinner together some day," Mark went on. "Me, Addison and you, and Addie could bring one of her sexy friends for you-"
"No," Derek said a bit more harshly than he intended. But just the sole thought of being set up with some woman sent chills down his spine. He cleared his throat, "I mean, thanks but I'm kind of swamped with work. My department's a mess."
"You can spare an evening… Or maybe an hour or two for a drink at Joe's?"
Derek cringed inwardly. A bar with all the intoxicated women making a pass at him, he didn't need that back in his life. "Mark, my schedule is impossible."
"Oh, come on!" Mark started to protest. "Seriously-"
"Mark, could you get me more salad?" Addison cut in pushing her plate at him.
"Okay," he sighed and went to obey her request.
"He needs you," Addison said suddenly when they were left alone at the table.
"I'm sorry?"
"This is all new for him, the going out part, the relationship part… well, the fidelity part too," she cleared her throat. "Your opinion, your support, means a lot to him."
"Okay?" Derek frowned slightly.
Addison rolled her eyes. "I'm… really uncomfortable asking… although, it now seems that I have to… and I'm sorry in advance… Is this about the bet?"
"What bet?" Derek asked blankly.
"You know which bet I am talking about, who was going to get me to bed first… Is this why you're barely talking to Mark? Because he didn't play fair-"
For the first time since he landed in New York Derek burst out in laughter.
"Seriously?"
"Okay, I guess that's not it…" Addison muttered sourly, red in the face.
"I'm sorry, don't take it the wrong way," Derek took a gulp of water as he started to choke. "I assure you I wish both of you all the best."
"Then, please, tell him that. He was dying to talk to you all this time. This is a new situation for him. He needs his friend. I am here but… he needs you."
"Okay," promised Derek, lowering his eyes shamefully. He realized he must have been too preoccupied with himself and his heartaches. Very true, it was a completely new situation Mark had found himself in. Surely Derek was surprised and confused when he fell in love with Meredith. But Mark… he must have been absolutely lost.
"Mark, we should get that dinner," he said calmly when his brother returned to the table.
"Yeah?" Mark looked between Derek and Addison feeling that he missed something.
"Yeah, only… don't play matchmaker for my benefit. I'm in a relationship."
"What? With whom?"
"With… Meredith."
"Who's Meredith?"
"I've mentioned her to you… Besides, you saw her yesterday, everyone saw her…"
"Wait a sec, you want to tell me you're in a relationship with the cheap-motel girl?"
"She's not a cheap-motel girl," hissed Derek. "We just slept in a motel, got it? She's not a whore, she's my girlfriend."
"No, she's not," Mark shook his head. "She's in Nevada! If you're uncomfortable with me and Addison-"
"I'm not uncomfortable," snorted Derek. "How many times do I have to say this? I'm in a relationship. Permanent."
"Okay, when is that chick coming to New York?"
"She's not coming," Derek answered evasively. "She's there, and I'm here, it's as simple as that."
"I'm sorry… it's clearly not that simple. I mean, what about…" he trailed off.
"What?"
"You know…"
"Just say it, Mark," Addison rolled her eyes.
"Sex."
"I don't share the details, thank you very much."
"Yeah, you do!"
"Well, not anymore."
"Okay, got it. You should have said earlier that you're not having sex!" laughed Mark. Derek grimaced as a female doctor walking past their table looked at them curiously. Addison kept on eating her lunch stoically.
"That's not anyone's business," he gritted his teeth. "I respect your relationship, why don't you respect mine?"
"Okay, fine, I'm just curious how that is going to work exactly. I mean, I have Addison. You're not getting any… until you see her? Man, it's just… wrong, it's against the laws of nature, it's-"
"Mark, you should think carefully what you're going to say now," Addison said crisply not looking up from her plate.
"Ugh, I mean it's romantic," Mark nodded solemnly. "And sad for that new peds nurse to whom I gave your number."
Derek let out a sigh. Great, he would now have to dodge a horny nurse. But he couldn't exactly blame Mark for his skeptical reaction. Meredith's had been the same. And, to be honest, he didn't let Mark in on his plans to leave New York Presbyterian.
Meredith let a curse fall from her lips as the medical kit slid from her hand and spilled open on the pavement in front of the practice. She didn't sleep well last night and today everything seemed to go wrong. She scooted everything back haphazardly, she'd have to sterilize it all anyway.
"Meredith?" She looked up to see Jackson walking her way. "Need help?"
"Thanks," she sighed as he crouched down to lend her a hand.
"So, how are you doing?" he asked in a forcibly casual voice.
"Fine, great," she shrugged straightening up.
"That's good," he nodded and moved to let her pass. "But…"
"What?" she turned back to him.
"You don't actually seem… good," he began awkwardly. "You look obviously tired, and you have rings under your eyes-"
"Thanks, Jackson, I do have a mirror," she interrupted him curtly. "I'm sorry…" she hurried to apologize. "I… I get that you're worried for me, but I'm okay."
"Meredith, I know we… ended things," he went on determinately. "But I'm still here, whenever you need me."
"Jackson, I hope you're not saying what I think you're saying…" she trailed off pleadingly.
"Mer, one word of yours and I'm ready to pick up where we left off," he declared with hope.
"I thought we were on the same page, that we agreed-"
"And I thought he was man enough," Jackson interrupted her, his face hardened.
"He was, he is!"
"How can you defend him still?" he shook his head disbelievingly. "After he used you, packed his things and just left as if nothing had happened."
"He left because I told him to," Meredith replied softly. "It was me who didn't want to commit, he'd have stayed if I'd agreed."
"I don't understand," Jackson shook his head.
"You know there are some things in my past that… that make it hard for me to open up."
He nodded, they had been 'going out' for quite some time before Derek Shepherd arrived and yet they never connected on a deeper level.
"And Derek… he really tried, for some unfathomable reason he assumed I was worth fighting for."
"He was right," Jackson admitted reluctantly.
Meredith gave him a small smile. "I agreed to give it a chance. I love him… and he's going to be back one day, so please, move on with your life. Don't wait, don't hold back. Go out with a girl that will truly appreciate you, that will deserve you."
"Mer-"
"I'm not her."
"I wish you all the best, Meredith," he smiled sadly. "And I hope you're right."
Meredith pushed her hair out of her face tiredly. Why was every conversation with another human being so draining after Derek's departure? She just wanted some peace of mind.
"Mer!" Izzie exclaimed when she entered the practice. "I just saw you talking with Jackson! What did he want? Did he try to make up? Never mind, are you okay, Mer?"
"Are you okay, Iz?" she asked angrily, depositing the medical kit on the counter with a loud snap.
"I didn't-"
"Do you think I can go on with my day without being asked how I am every five minutes?"
"I'm just worried," Izzie explained apologetically.
"Don't! I don't need anyone's concern! Go about your own business, people!" she yelled and slammed the door to her office.
"What's going on?" Owen peeked out of his.
"Mer," Izzie sighed quietly. "She misses Derek, but don't ask her how she's doing."
If Owen found anything the blonde nurse recited surprising, he didn't let it show. He lived with Cristina Yang after all, that made a man ready pretty much for everything.
