Chapter 45: Conferences and Sex Calls
"Congratulations, you're cleared to go," Meredith smiled at Helen passing her CT scans into her hands.
"That's wonderful to hear, thank you, Dr. Grey," a nurse sighed gratefully. Somehow Meredith suspected the relief was not due to the medical personnel's concern about Helen's health, more like everyone was happy to see the problematic patient go. Dr. Crawford was a real pain in the ass for doctors and nurses for the few weeks of her convalescence.
Helen's smile widened as she studied the images herself, her eyes glimmering slightly.
"Dr. Crawford will probably stay for the lunch, we still need to get the discharge papers ready," Meredith told the nurse who nodded and took off from the room, probably thanking God in high heavens that it would be Helen's last meal at the hospital.
Helen leaned back on the bed, closing her eyes tightly. Meredith sat down wordlessly at the edge of her bed and grasped her hand.
"I am free… I am finally free…" she whispered, her voice breaking. "I knew the operation was a success but now I'm being discharged and it's real…"
"It is," Meredith smiled gently. "So, what now?"
"Now… lots of work is waiting for me."
"Work? Leaving aside the fact that you're not allowed to work yet, what about the plans to spend the rest of your life lying on a beach?"
"Well, I thought I had two years at the most ahead of me, now I know I have a lifetime. I'd get sunburnt," she quipped. "And, as you put it, I'd piss away my savings all too quickly. And I am a surgery junkie. Couldn't live without it, pun intended."
"Have you booked the plane tickets?" Meredith asked quietly.
"Yes, for Wednesday."
"You'll stay with me until then, right?"
"Somehow, I doubt all the hot boys at Las Vegas hotels would find my bald self-attractive, so yeah, you're stuck with me," she rolled her eyes with exaggeration.
"Good, the house is too quiet for my liking, I'd do with some company," Meredith smiled gently.
"Methinks you miss a certain cocky brain surgeon," Helen trailed off suggestively.
Meredith burst out in laughter. "I'm sorry," she choked out. "It's just that… it's truer than you think. I miss Derek; I've been all over the place for the last few days. But… I kinda miss my former self. I hate that I do, but bitch Meredith used to have no regards for feelings of others, and she wasn't an emotional lovesick puppy. Until they came along, first Mitch and then Derek."
"Oh, you're doing an injustice to Derek, putting him in the same sentence with the asshole," Helen shook her head chastising her. "Sorry to break your bubble, you were never that much of a pathological bitch, as much as you keep telling yourself that just to feel stronger. Maybe… you could come with me to New York? Just for a few days?"
"No," Meredith said firmly. "I can't, not even for Derek. I know I'm selfish but… I can't, Helen."
"You're not selfish," Helen tightened the grasp on her hand. "You're just not ready. I get it, Derek gets it."
"I… hope so…" Meredith sighed, tucking her hair behind her ears.
"What are you not telling me?" Helen asked at once. "Something happened, did you and Derek have a fight?"
"No, we didn't… Helen," Meredith looked straight into her eyes. "Will you… Can you… keep an eye on him? You have to meet with him for a follow-up anyway."
"What are you talking about? Keep an eye on him? Like check if he's cheating? Mer, I really don't-"
"No, I don't think he's cheating," Meredith assured her quickly. "That's not the thing… I'm just… I'm worried about him. He's really taking a plunge and I don't think he fully realizes it."
"Explain."
"He called the other night… and he told me he was starting a trial, like a clinical trial…"
"And?" frowned Helen.
"He's never done that before!" Meredith leapt from the bed to pace around the room. "He has no idea how it's going to be in practice."
"And why didn't you tell him that yourself?"
"I tried but… he's kind of basing it on my ideas… and I really don't want to sound like a self-righteous envious bitch, and seriously, I don't mind him using these ideas! He sounded so excited about it…"
"He did?" asked Helen. The last time she saw Derek Shepherd he seemed damn lost and miserable. Now he was excited. She could only suspect the whole idea was somehow connected with whatever plan he had to keep Meredith Grey in his life.
"Don't you remember what you said to your residents and assistants? Suck it up or quit, no one's forcing you to do that."
Meredith grimaced at the recollections. "Derek is no petty resident…"
"No, he isn't. He's the man you love and whom you don't want to see fall."
"At least, he'll know better than to hook up with a charming blonde barging into his life," quipped Meredith sadly.
"I promise I'll see how he's doing," Helen nodded solemnly.
Derek glanced at the text of the speech he was about to deliver and then quickly surveyed his audience consisting of some most prominent and influential doctors in the country. His speech was prepared to the minutest detail; he intended to talk about the possibilities for his trial. But somehow, he didn't feel like it. There would be plenty of time to advertise it after it got approved or later when it worked. Meanwhile, other words were pushing themselves out of his mouth.
He had already spoken at conferences, many times. He was experienced, he was confident, he knew how to keep the listeners alert. He knew the guidelines, yet this time he felt an inexplicable urge to break them. Well, it wasn't that inexplicable. He realized that the last two months had completely changed his perspective. He couldn't help thinking that the gathering he was facing consisted of pompous and self-important individuals. Derek chuckled inwardly, if Rachel had never happened, he would undoubtedly be one of them.
He didn't necessarily have to go on with the speech he had planned; in the way of exception the topic wasn't printed out in the schedule. Besides, it was an opening presentation, he could allow himself to go a little freestyle.
With a definitive gesture and a small smile, he put away the file.
"Ladies and gentlemen, fellow doctors," he nodded. "I was supposed to talk to you today about my upcoming clinical trial, a new way to change the face of medicine. I'm not going to discuss the trial, I hope you're going to hear from me about that later," he chuckled. His eyes swept over the audience again. Jenkins was looking at him suspiciously. Some of his sisters were present, even Amelia dragged her ass over from Mount Sinai. "I am going to talk about changing the face of medicine though. You see, medicine changed its face in my eyes in the course of the last few months. I hadn't seen it practiced like this before.
"I was on vacation in July and August; me, an incorrigible workaholic, not unlike many of you. We're surgeons, workaholics by definition. And yet, I took a leave from my job, from hospital, virtually from my life, and spent two whole months in a small southern town. It was… indescribable," he chuckled lightly, smiling to himself.
"You could probably see a similar picture on the Discovery channel. I was helping out… no, the other way round. I was working alongside the local doctor and… she was the one helping me out. To discover a new face of medicine. And I did. I assisted at a horse birth, I spent half a night in a barn at request of a patient thinking she was hearing voices, I witnessed a man's life being saved by burr holes performed with a power drill. Yes, it was a medicine like I had never seen before. And I liked it…"
As inconspicuously as he could, Derek shut down the blinds in his office so that he was completely protected from the gazes of any passersby. He quickly came to sit down at his desk and took a deep calming breath. It didn't help. The surge of adrenaline in his organism was too strong. He felt as excited as after a successful surgery. He smiled at the recollection of his colleagues' faces; his speech was certainly not one to forget. Meredith had been right, it all depended on the choice of topic. And it felt so satisfying, so liberating, to talk about his experiences of the past months from a doctor's point of view. He didn't want to preach, to criticize the callousness of the modern medicine or his fellow doctors, as it would be a gross exaggeration, even in the light of what had happened to Meredith. He only wanted to make his point, which he thought he achieved.
Since he stepped down from the podium, he had to tame the energy that was coursing inside him. He had trouble concentrating on the content of presentations that followed. An hour later, he left the auditorium pretending he had received an urgent page. Instead of listening to speeches which right now bore little interest to him, he sauntered to his office with intention of doing something that he thought about, repeatedly, but never actually carried out in reality.
His feet impatiently tapping on the floor, he took his cell and chose Meredith's number.
"Hey, Derek," Meredith murmured into her phone, one hand on the wheel. Helen, who was sitting next to her in the passenger seat, grinned in silence and looked out of the window.
"Mer," he breathed on the other side of the line. "What are you wearing?"
"I… what?" she frowned slightly. "What's going on? I thought the conference started today?"
"Forget about the conference, what are you wearing?" he repeated more slowly and clearly, his voice low and throaty.
Despite the heat, Meredith felt goose bumps erupting on her skin. They hadn't yet tried out the phone sex idea. To be frank, she had doubts if it would work. Sure, sex between them was always mind shattering, but they wouldn't be able to touch each other, or even see each other. Still, she was game, she liked to experiment. But, maybe not this instant, she cleared her throat glancing at Helen. They liked to talk dirty with Derek but she was not an exhibitionist.
"Derek, you don't want to ask me that question now," she said trying to convey she was not alone.
"Oh, come on," he whined with frustration. "Don't be such a prude."
She raised her eyebrow skeptically. He was calling her a prude. "Ok, fine," she shrugged, a smug look on her face. "You want to know what I'm wearing? I'm wearing jeans and a white blouse. You know why? Because I went to Las Vegas to get Helen from hospital, we're currently on the way to Rachel."
"Oh," was everything that he could utter, his face instantly going red. Miles and miles apart, he could already picture both women's faces.
"So, you want to ask me something else?" giggled Meredith.
"When are you going to be alone?" he grunted, his voice deflated.
"Derek, I'm going to work for the rest of the day, which brings me to pose the question, why aren't you at work?"
"Conference," he muttered rubbing his forehead.
"You're saying that you wanted to masturbate in a room full of people?" she quipped.
"I'm in my office and… did you have to say that?" he hissed at her, his voice resembling a high-pitched squeak.
"What? Oh, you mean Helen. Don't mind her," she snickered. "She'd heard worst from me."
"Not from me!"
"Well, she'd heard worst about you then."
Derek's lips went into a sour flat line.
"Derek, you still there?" chuckled Meredith.
"Do you still want me there?" he grumbled.
"You know I was joking," she said complacently. "Call me later, okay?"
"Fine," he sighed with exaggeration. "Say hi to Helen."
Once they hung up, she and Helen burst into giggles.
"He's a pistol, isn't he?" commented Helen laughingly.
"Oh yes he is," Meredith answered shaking her head. "But don't get me elaborate on that metaphor, cause my mind is going in a really dirty direction. I haven't had sex since last week."
"Boo hoo, I haven't had sex for a year," Helen rolled her eyes.
"Shutting up now," cringed Meredith concentrating on the road ahead.
Derek tapped his foot nervously, embarrassedly tearing his eyes away from the screen that showed a power point presentation accompanying the current speech. He took a deep steady breath, and another, trying to tame his raging libido and his deep mortification. He felt like a hormonal teenager, a very immature one. He steadily avoided glancing at the screen which now showed a basic drawing of a human vagina and tried to stop himself from dreaming about sliding into Meredith's. He didn't remember being this desperate for sex. But he didn't remember having better sex than with Meredith either.
This was bad, he thought as he hardened in his slacks when a naked image of Meredith floated unbidden through his brain. Seeing it as his last chance, he got up, his back hunched, and made his way out between two rows of seats, strategically placing a notepad over his groin. Once again, he found himself retreating to his office. Even before he sat down, he had his phone pressed to his ear.
"Mer, you alone?" he breathed into the phone as soon as she picked up.
"No hello? No questions about the state of my wardrobe?" she chuckled as she leaned back into her chair in her office.
"They might follow, depending on your answer," Derek urged her impatiently.
"Hmm," she hummed coyly. "Then I'm alone…"
"Oh, thank God!" he sighed with relief, his hand automatically going to his groin.
A thrill ran down her spine when she heard his labored breathing. Her hand suddenly started to prickle.
"You still wearing those jeans and shirt?" he asked, fumbling with his belt.
"Nope, I've changed… into my denim dress. It's more access friendly…" she whispered throatily.
A grunt escaped him as he closed his eyes visualizing her. "It is easy access," he agreed. "It just takes to move your hand further up your thigh…"
Her breath hitched as she placed her slightly trembling hand to rest against her upper thigh.
"Derek…" she whispered his name, her fingers slowly edging under her dress… And then a sudden knock on her door made her yelp and yank her lab coat lapels close.
"Shit, Derek, gotta hang up."
"Mer, wait-" he began. Too late, she disconnected. He fumed, it was the second time she shut him down. If that was how she wanted to play, so be it. He'd just go to sleep tonight even if she called him begging for dirty talk. He felt his erection with frustration. He needed a release. Meredith's loss really, he'd do fine on his own.
Derek's hand didn't really get a chance to get busy. The door handle was pressed abruptly and Mark strode in.
"Mark, what are you doing here?" Derek cleared his throat hastily, pulling a file over his lap. He sighed. Cockblocked all around.
His brother shrugged noncommittally. "Came to ask if you were okay. You've run out of the conference twice. Everything alright?"
"Yeah, sure," nodded Derek. "I'm just busy, mainly administrative stuff. I've got a department meeting tomorrow."
"Right," acknowledged Mark, his eyes roving over the room suspiciously. "What's that? Early Andy Warhol?" he pointed at a framed photograph placed proudly on the wall in the spot where previously hung one of Derek's diplomas.
"It's a birthday gift," Derek informed him looking fondly at the photo. "From Meredith actually." He would love to have a photo of Meredith herself on his desk, but he knew better than that. What if someone from the medical world she knew personally happened to find themselves in his office and recognized her? She had trusted him with her secret, he would not be the one to betray it.
"You're so whipped," groaned Mark.
"Like you aren't," snorted Derek.
"That was quite a speech," Mark said suddenly, sitting down on the coach.
"Thank you."
"That was Meredith, right? The local doctor you were talking about?"
"Yes," Derek confirmed cautiously.
"Man… I must say I didn't really believe you… about this long-distance relationship and all. But the way you talked about her… Never seen you like that before."
"I… have never felt like that before," Derek admitted quietly.
"It's good to know," Mark cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I couldn't understand you when you came back. You're like a completely new person."
"Not completely but changed. So are you."
"Touché. Anyway, good luck with that. Must be hard to be away from her."
"You have no idea," he sighed. It was hard, more than in one way.
"Oh, and I just wanted to warn you that you should watch out for the sisters," said Mark getting to his feet.
"Why?" Derek asked nervously.
"Basically, they think you're acting like you've got brain damage," chuckled Mark. "Especially Mia."
"Yeah, I'm sure she wouldn't hesitate to open my skull," snorted Derek. "I fear the day when they give her the power of the attending."
"It's going to be soon I hear. She really proved herself, did good when the head of her department went on leave."
"Oh," Derek nodded shortly.
Why was everything so damn complicated? Apparently, the best things in life were.
