Chapter 52: Decisions

"Get me the strongest espresso you've got or I'm gonna fall asleep standing," Meredith groaned as she plopped on the barstool at the inn heavily. It was December 31st, and she just finished a very long day of work…

"Long day?" Cristina asked getting busy with her friend's order.

"That's an understatement," Meredith said as she propped her head against her palm. "New Year wave of casualties sure came early this year."

"Yeah?" Cristina raised her eyebrow skeptically.

"Yeah, it's like everybody needed to see a doctor before the New Year."

"Huh," Cristina chuckled with apparent indifference.

"Seriously," Meredith shook her head. "Has everyone turned into a hypochondriac? Even Mr. Livingstone came over today, not to Owen, imagine, but to me, and not to look at his throat but at-" she stopped abruptly, her eyes round with horror. "Uhm, forget what I've just told you. Patient-doctor confidentiality-"

"Yeah, yeah," Cristina rolled her eyes. "He came for his blue pills, didn't he?"

"You know…?"

"Everybody knows," shrugged Cristina. "The old Casanova never did have an appointment with you when Derek was in town."

"He said he doesn't know if he can't trust Owen enough… with his problems… Oh God, what is wrong with me?" Meredith rubbed her face vigorously.

"You're knackered, you look horrible," commented Cristina with her usual snark.

"I look better than you!"

"Not possible. Go home and get a nap. Otherwise, you'll be snoring way before midnight."

"You're right," Meredith mumbled tiredly and drank the rest of her coffee with one swallow. "I'll see you in the evening, don't start without me!"

"Yeah, sure!"

As soon as Meredith stumbled out of the inn, Cristina let her facial expression reflect her true state of mind. She could kick herself! She knew what was going on, what the reason was behind the sudden wave of patients in need flocking to see Meredith. She even knew who was to be blamed for that. She was the culprit.

One evening, by her own imprudence, she accidentally let her cook's assistant eavesdrop on her as she shared her concerns with Owen and asked his advice if she should encourage Meredith to go to New York. The news that Dr. Grey might soon leave to join Dr. Shepherd spread around the town like wildfire. You had to give it to the townies, they knew how to keep their secrets. Cristina couldn't deny them a certain ingenuity. They were doing their best to convince Meredith that she was indispensable in Rachel. It all made Cristina even more decided on the course of action she had chosen. If everyone cared for Meredith as much as they claimed to, they would have to come to terms with the possible consequences of it…


"You've been very thoughtful today," Carolyn said gently as she came to stand beside her beloved son. They had all gathered at Nancy's to celebrate the New Year, which gave Derek a perfect occasion to finally announce the change his life was about to experience. He had waited long enough, meticulously keeping his secrets while he was working on his plan. He had now carried out one of the goals he first set out to accomplish and he could finally share some of his happiness with his loved ones.

He was quite relieved at the prospect of shedding the burden of secrecy from his shoulders. Carolyn was only too happy to learn that he was going to let everyone in on his plans. She couldn't also prevent her heart from soaring seeing him practically bubbling with excitement. But he could barely find a place tonight; maybe because the person he wanted to spend this evening was a continent away, maybe because he already felt his home to be elsewhere.

"Yeah, I… I can't help thinking about the past months, it's been a good year for me," Derek smiled at his mother, his eyes sparkling more than the champagne in his glass. "And the next one… will be even better." Impatience and elation overtook his body. There were only weeks, days even, before he would see Meredith again, before he would be back in Rachel.

"Do you know when you are going to leave?"

"I have a tentative date," he nodded. "The Harper-Avery gala is on the 12th, I'm hoping to be able to close all my business in New York the week after that."

"Have you handed in your resignation?"

"Not yet," he sighed. "I'm sure the Chief won't be pleased… I'm hoping for a mention at the gala of the newest trial developed in his hospital would appease him… I've been training my successor for the position of the head, so he shouldn't bitch about that… uhm, sorry for the language," he grinned mischievously.

"Is it hard? Letting it all go? You've worked so hard for what you achieved at this place?" she looked at him tenderly. She wanted him to have absolutely no regrets.

"I have to admit I'm more attached to NY Pres than I imagined, on a very sentimental level. I've spent all my career there, I practically lived there. More than half of my family works there," he chuckled. "But there is no doubt in my mind whatsoever. As much as gratifying it all was, my future is not there."

Carolyn nodded gently, assured, and calmed by his steadfastness. "And what about the apartment?"

"I've decided not to sell it, I'm gonna rent it."

Carolyn raised her eyebrows.

"No, not as a back-up plan," he hurried to explain, a blush spilling gently onto his cheeks. "I'm not letting her go however hard she might fight me down. I just thought that I… The apartment could be handy in the future… if… me and Meredith have… children… if they… I mean, I could sell the apartment any time, but not now when the market is down…"

"Derek, I'm proud of you. You're thinking ahead" she beamed at him, putting an end to his mortification. "And I hope I will be able to meet the woman who's making my son so happy in a few weeks."

"Mom, you want to come to Rachel? You don't have to. Amelia's already hell-bent on-"

"Nonsense, of course I have to come. Moreover, I want to."

"Thank you, Mom," he nodded gratefully, leaning down to plant a kiss on her cheek.


Out of the corner of her eye, Cristina observed her best friend, all the time wondering whether she had made the right decision. But whatever the consequences, Meredith needed the push. She couldn't be in the state of perpetual limbo forever. Rachel or New York, Meredith had to make her choice.

The townies seemed to have made up that choice for her. She was barely left alone for two minutes this evening. Currently, Mrs. Monroe was making sure to engage all her attention.

"Dr. Grey, could you please make her see reason?" she pleaded with Meredith, glancing disapprovingly at her daughter. "She shouldn't even think about New Year parties in her state! But does she ever listen?"

"Oh, please, Mom!" Beth only rolled her eyes disinterestedly. "I am pregnant, not an invalid!"

"You'd think you should be more sensible than to advertise it left and right!" Mrs. Monroe chastised her, throwing another disapproving look, this time at her daughter's blouse that, being a bit tight, left no doubt as to her blessed state.

"I'm not ashamed of my baby," Beth replied indignantly. "And it's not like Dad didn't advertise it a long time ago to the whole town!"

"Dr. Grey, can you believe her?!"

"Mrs. Monroe let's give Beth and Jeremy this evening," Meredith smiled at her calmingly. She feels good, the baby's developing correctly. You can't keep her at home as a punishment. She needs some fun. Soon enough she won't even have time to think about it. That being said," Meredith gave the girl a sterner look, "you need to know your limits. You're growing a little person."

"I know, Dr. Grey. I swear, the baby is the most important to me and Jeremy," Beth beamed widely.

"Fun," sighed Mrs. Monroe. "There will be an occasion for that… the wedding, which we'd wanted to set after the birth, but does she ever listen!"

"Why would we want to wait?" shrugged Beth. "We love each other and it's all that matters. Anyway," she proceeded to change the subject; another argument about propriety was the last thing she wanted. "Do you think Dr. Shepherd will make it? When is he going to come? You must miss him so terribly!"

"I… I'm not sure when he's going to come," Meredith cleared her throat and triedto prevent her smile from waning. "He's very busy right now…"

Cristina decided it was time to act. Walking past, she "accidentally" spilled the contents of her champagne flute on Meredith's dress. "Ooops, I'm sorry, my bad!"

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom, maybe the dress is not completely ruined," Meredith shook her head. She wasn't mad about the dress; in fact she was relieved to be saved from the rest of the conversation. "Are you drunk already? Since when can't you hold your liquor?"

"That's probably another thing I can blame Owen for," Cristina quipped. As soon as Meredith disappeared behind the door to the bathroom, she relaxed her grouchy expression and made a sign to one of her employees to turn the music down a little. Not enough to let Meredith hear what she had to say but enough to be heard and listened to by the inn's guests.

"It's no fair what you've been doing for the last few days, people. You're trying to guilt talk her into staying in Rachel. She's given a lot for this town, she has. Has she ever denied her help, her advice, to any of you? No, she hasn't. I think it's time to return the favor. Even if her happiness is not here, even if it means she belongs somewhere else," Cristina declared bravely. Really, it wasn't nowhere near that difficult for them to let Meredith go as it was for her. And she was being a better person here. "I think, no, I'm sure, we owe her that, we owe it to her to respect her choices and feelings and to encourage her in them. So, I'm asking you nicely, drop that bullshit talk and let her go."

"She had left New York and never looked back! Obviously, it's not a proper place for her!" sounded a voice from the crowd.

"It is not to us to judge on that. Maybe it's her home, maybe it's not, but it's down to her to find out," Cristina finished categorically.


The countdown, the clock striking twelve, the toasts, wishes and kisses were more or less over. Catching his mother's eye across the room, Derek decided it was time. He needed to pluck up his courage and get this over with before the party became too inebriated to understand him. He feared they wouldn't understand him if they were sober anyway. Frankly, he was in a hurry to call Meredith. He had attempted to do it during the countdown but predictably, the lines were overloaded.

He tapped his champagne glass with a sugar spoon to attract everyone's attention. Every head turned in his direction, smiles on all faces.

He cleared his throat and began, "Hey, I'd like to steal a couple of minutes of your time. Apart from wishing everyone a Happy New Year, I have an announcement to make as well. I strongly believe it will be a happy year for me. Some time ago, I've made a decision… about my life… that I'd like to share with you now, taking advantage of the fact we're all together. I am…" Derek took a deep breath looking at the small audience consisting of his family, "I am happy to be celebrating the New Year with you, once again. But I… I probably won't be in your midst next year…"

"Derek," Nancy pierced him with her shrewd suspicious eyes. "Get to the point."

"I am," he chuckled. "The announcement that I want to make is that I… I'm moving to Rachel… permanently."

The silence that followed was so profound it would be easy to hear a pin falling to the floor and was only broken by Nancy who released a sound resembling a gasp, or maybe a snort…

"You're gotta be kidding!" exclaimed Lanie but her twin sister, Amelia, gave him a nod of support.

"How long have you known that?" It was Mark's turn to show his reaction. There was a hint of anger in his voice that he didn't manage to conceal altogether.

"Mark…" Derek trailed off, for the first time feeling a sort of guilt towards him.

"Oh, I get it. You've known that you'd leave since you got back, haven't you?"

"I… It wasn't really that I was sure… I hoped to, though, yes," Derek admitted truthfully.

"And you didn't say a word all this time!"

"I don't think it's the biggest problem here, really," Nancy butted in. "Have you completely lost your mind, Derek? You're telling us you're leaving everything that you have here, all your life, and move to Nevada?"

"My life isn't here anymore," Derek gave her a feeble smile begging her to understand him.

"Oh, really? You have a job here, you have us, your family! Pray tell me, what do you intend to do in Rachel? Become a vet? Really, Derek? You're willing to throw all your life away for a nice pair of legs?"

"Don't," he shook his head in a warning. "Don't try to talk about things you don't know anything about."

"Maybe we'd know anything if you had kindly decided to tell us?" Mark snorted angrily.

"I didn't keep to myself for entertainment," Derek sighed heavily. "I wish I could explain further but…"

"Mark," Addison tried to calm her boyfriend down. "It was... it was a bit obvious he'd eventually… "

"Then I'm really dumb," Mark retorted and stalked out of the room, obviously hurt.

Derek toyed with his glass nervously, preparing himself for the storm of questions, requests, and reasonable arguments that he was sure would follow. He couldn't shake off the feeling that it all didn't bode very well.


Meredith threw the last paper towel into the bin and smoothed down her dress that was still slightly damp, but it couldn't be helped. She needed to get back to the party. She'd already waited through the whole countdown and the New Year wishes. She didn't want to look at all the happy couples kissing at midnight, entering a new year of their lives together. Whereas she… she was stuck.

As soon as Meredith rejoined the party, she instinctively knew that something had changed in the short period of time she spent trying to restore her dress to its previous glory. She was conscious of all the surreptitious looks and faint smiles, she was distinctly sure she had got a glimpse of tears glistening in the eyes of some. She approached Cristina who was now bartending and asked her, her facial expression warning her friend she would not take bullshit for an answer, "What did I miss?"

With the last sigh and a quick glance around the room, which suddenly became very still and quiet, Cristina produced a simple envelope from under the bar.

"What's that?" Meredith asked curiously, taking it and inspecting it briefly.

"It's… a belated Christmas present for you… from all of us," Cristina sent a meaningful hard look above Meredith's shoulder to silence any voice of opposition but it was not necessary. Apparently, her little speech had achieved the desired effect.

"A belated Christmas present?" Meredith snorted disbelievingly, getting more and more suspicious by the second.

"Open it," shrugged Cristina.

Silently agreeing that it was indeed the most reasonable step to discover the reasons for the sudden surrealism of the situation, Meredith opened the envelope and stared at its contents, her eyes widening.

"This is… it's a ticket… to New York…" she said quietly, her heart starting to hammer against her ribs. "I… don't understand…?"

"What is there to understand," Cristina shrugged lightly as she seemingly concentrated all her attention on wiping the counter. "It simply means that you're flying to New York in less than two weeks."

"No…" Meredith gasped out.

"Yes," Cristina smirked mockingly.

"Why… why did you go behind my back?"

"Because we both know you would have never made up your mind on your own… So, we figured we needed to give you a little nudge."

"I…" Meredith trailed off as her eyes swept the encouraging faces of her fellow townies. "I have work… I can't just leave… and there's no return date too…"

"Hey, the country's in recession, you can't expect us to cover your whole pleasure trip, can you?" Cristina said nonchalantly. "You'll get back with your own money… that is if you can detach yourself from McDreamy," Cristina joked, but deep inside she knew she couldn't be closer to the truth. Meredith was impulsive by nature. She had decided to stay in Rachel having barely laid eyes on the town. Cristina wouldn't be that surprised if Derek Shepherd was an inducement enough to stay in the New York City. True, coming back to the place so tainted by her past must have been hard on Meredith. The question was, would the perspective of another separation form Derek prove even harder to bear?

Meredith's grip on the thin piece of paper tightened as the fear in her heart was gradually replaced with excitement. She would see Derek… she would touch and kiss him and…

"You need to say hello to Dr. Shepherd from us! And tell him that he's missed!"

"I will," she smiled subtly.