Her next awakening was decidedly not as much fun. She went from a miserable sweaty sleep filled with nightmares to the weight of the world crashing into her chest. Literally, it felt like - as if she'd fallen into a piece of the Tempest's machinery and it was inescapably crushing her to death. She couldn't breathe; couldn't get any air into her lungs. Blood was pumping through her ears so loudly that she couldn't hear a thing. Trying to open gritty eyes she flailed around her – what for, she had no idea – only to choke on the pain of her body responding viciously to her movements. Every sense she had was drowning.

Something closed around her wrists – warm hands? - and moved her arms down gently.

"Ryder? Calm down. You... " something else she couldn't make out. Was that Jaal?

"... her heart. Those damned medigels... " Lexi.

"... vitals are well outside safe parameters..." SAM.

Pain dragged her away unceremoniously.


Third time lucky?

Fuck no. Pain, pure and simple.

Back to the darkness.


Not only was the pain more manageable the next time she woke up, but she could breathe again (to a fashion). When she pried open her gritty eyes the lights in the medbay had been dimmed to an almost decent level, and although her head thumped wildly the world was no longer tilting on its axis. Well, until she moved her head in the least, but at least everything righted itself eventually when she stayed still for a bit. She lay still, taking a quiet inventory of her body. Left shoulder immobilised. Left wrist immobilised. Head, completely busted in some way or another. Chest, just plain nope. Torso, more nope. Legs – did she still have them? If something didn't hurt at this point, she was suspicious. There were toes to wiggle, although her left hip let her know that just because she could didn't mean she should. In between the big things it felt like she was one solid bruise, and that's where she decided to leave it.

Stupid diplomacy = +1. Stupid Pathfinder = -5 million.

She closed her eyes for a moment to weather a stab of pain behind them, and used the moment to turn her head to the right, and away from the lights directly overhead.

"Ryder? Are you awake?"

Suvi, softly, somewhere close.

Ryder cleared her throat and winced at the rasp. "Um."

"Hold on." Some movement, and then a straw was pressed against her lips, one hand cupping the back of her head very gently. She drank cautiously, desperately thirsty but very well acquainted with what happened when you drank too fast after downtime. With her torso as it was, she didn't want to cough now, or perhaps ever again. When she had had enough and pushed the straw out of her mouth it was moved away, and then the hand behind her head eased it down onto the flat pillow again.

Opening her eyes cautiously she narrowed them against the light. Suvi was sitting on a chair right in front of her, and the scientist looked tired and worried. Her heart twisted in her chest, and she was pretty sure it was just because that's what happened every time she was near Suvi, as opposed to whatever else had happened in there.

"Hi," she said, softly, and the scientist smiled. Ryder suddenly felt her heart going from a loopy little twist straight into a painful spasm. She gasped sharply, and immediately Suvi's smile fell as she leapt up to lean over Ryder.

"Ryder? SAM, call Dr T'Perro now."

Ryder barely had time to groan out a "no" before Lexi was there, across from Suvi, her face tense as she scanned Ryder's body while SAM did the same.

"Heartrate elevated, adrenaline spiking," her AI informed the room.

"I'm fine." It didn't sound as convincing as she would have wanted to, somewhere between a groan and a wheeze, and Lexi didn't stop her checks. "Lexi. I'm okay."

"Ryder, you are not. Your heartrate is still way too high..."

"I just need a moment. Please."

A warm hand crept into hers, and then Suvi was smiling down at her. A small smile, very uncertain, but it was Suvi and that was enough. "Breathe, Ryder. Slow down."

Her hand shook a little, but holding onto Suvi helped, and slowly she managed to get her breathing under control, which slowed down her heartrate as well. It took a while until Lexi was comfortable with her condition.

"That's better. Good. You're going to have to keep it quiet for a while, Ryder. What brought that on?"

When I see Suvi Anwar my heart wants to burst, and now it actually might?

Uh, yeah, she wasn't going to say that, ever. "Uncomfortable bed, doc?"

Lexi shook her head. "I doubt that's it, but SAM's going to keep monitoring you. I'm afraid you'll have to keep a low profile for a while, Ryder."

Ryder wasn't ever one for a low profile, but right at this moment her heart was beating more or less normally, pain was at a level where she could manage it, and Suvi was still holding her hand. That seemed like a great trade-off. For the moment.

"Okay, doc. I'll behave."

"Let's see how long that lasts," Lexi retorted, although her face softened. "Dr Anwar, I'm leaving her in your capable hands. I know you're better than a pile of pyjacks, but don't wind her up."

Ryder watched Lexi leave, her brow furrowed as much against the light as with confusion, before she turned back to Suvi. It took her a moment to swallow down the pain of the movement (everyone really needed to stick to standing in one direction. Was that so hard?). "What did she mean with the pyjacks thing?"

Suvi's mouth twitched. "You don't remember?"

"Um." Ryder wracked her brain, but it was noncompliant, and thinking hurt. There was something in the back of her mind that she just couldn't get to. "No. What?"

"You said I was better than a pile of pyjacks."

"I did?"

"You did."

"What did I mean?"

"How would I know?" Suvi's thumb stroked over Ryder's hand once, twice, before the scientist stilled the motion and sat down on the chair again. "You were heavily medicated, and you weren't making much sense. It was adorable, to be honest."

"Oh." Ryder pointedly avoided the adorable thing as hard as she could. She didn't want her heart to go off and do its Suvi trick, and then have Lexi burst in and everything to start up again.

Nice and calm. Calm.

Suvi's thumb stroked over the back of her hand again – Ryder didn't think the scientist even realised she was doing it – and then the scientist bit her lip and looked down. "Ryder, I was so scared."

"Oh, Suvi..." She hated the fact that she couldn't move, and she hated it even more when Suvi looked up and she saw the tears in those blue-green eyes. Ryder wanted to reach out, and Suvi was right there... and she couldn't. "I'm sorry," was all she had, along with a caress of the hand. "I'm sorry. I'm here."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for, Ryder." Suvi reached up with her free hand to wipe away a tear, looking embarrassed by it. "I know Lexi thinks you're not being careful enough, but I also know how much you deal with on a daily basis, and what's being asked of you. Quite frankly it's surprising that you still have all your bits."

Ryder smiled. "Believe me, I'm thankful for my bits."

"Me too. I like your bits," Suvi said, and then went a very charming pink colour.

Hard as she fought Ryder couldn't stop her heart from blipping, and she knew before it happened that SAM was going to call Lexi.

"Heart rate erratic. Calling Dr..."

"No, SAM. No."

"Ryder, it is important to..."

"No, SAM. Stop. I'm fine. Please."

"Noted, Pathfinder."

"And please stop telling on me to Lexi. I'll ask you when I need her. In fact, please go to sleep."

"Ryder, I don't sle..."

"SAM."

"Going into standby mode."

Ryder sighed. "SAM is very useful, but sometimes it's not that great having something else in your head all the time." Glancing over she squeezed Suvi's hand. "Sorry again, Suvi. For scaring you."

"I suppose it comes with the territory when you ..." Suvi seemed momentarily lost for words, "... when you're so … fond of the Pathfinder."

Suvi's fond of the Pathfinder. That's me.

Shit. Her heart wasn't going to make it.