James:
James Potter most definitely does not write in a diary.
This is, for the record, not a diary.
It's a journal.
I'm sure you're thinking that journals and diaries are exactly the same thing, but you are wrong.
So wrong.
Diaries are small fluffy pink books that girls write in. They either write down every single detail of their perfect lives, moan about being fat or bitch at all the girls in their year.
But this is a journal. If you opened up a journal you would not find out what the writer ate for breakfast. If you opened up a journal you would not hear about how the boy the writer has crushed on for years told her she was ugly. And if you opened up a journal you would not find the words 'Some silly slag got such a hideous haircut over the holidays and she is a cow,'
If you opened up a journal, say, for instance, this one, you would find that the writer had documented every prank he had ever pulled.
Also some other crap.
Which will not be about Lily Evans.
Well, not all of it.
3rd September, After Care of Magical Creatures
Despite what I said above about documenting all the pranks I pull, I think it is necessary to, in this case, document a prank I did not pull.
On the Second of September (Which, in future, I will call SOS), while many people were breakfasting, the Great Hall exploded. Thankfully, I was not in the assaulted area at the time of detonation. It would have been tragic to lose someone so young, talented and devastatingly handsome (Ok, so no-one died. But a few people got nasty bruises falling off their chairs).
Interested in this unusual event, I asked on of the survivors what had happened. I shall now record my interview with a shell shocked student.
Me: Oi! Meadowes! Hold up a bit.
D.M: What do you want, Potter?
Me: What happened this morning?
D.M: What do you mean?
Me: In the Great Hall.
D.M: (Laughs attractively, tosses blonde tresses) You'd know better than me, wouldn't you, Potter?
Me: Why? I wasn't there.
D.M: Yes, but you did it, didn't you?
Me: No...
D.M: (Seems surprised) Really? Everyone thinks you did.
Me: Hm. Right. Well, what happened?
D.M: I was eating, and there was this big green flash and the broccoli exploded.
Me: The broccoli?
D.M: I think it was the broccoli. The explosion definitely came from the plate of broccoli on the Gryffindor table.
Me: Are you sure it was broccoli?
D.M: It was green.
Me: Right. Well, thats helpful. See you round, Meadowes.
D.M: Wait - James, are you going to Hogsmeade next week?
Me: Sure.
D.M: Would you like to, um, go with me?
It was at that moment that Lily Evans chose to walk past, red hair tousled and damp, cheeks flushed and head bent. It should be illegal to look that gorgeous at such an early hour.
Understandably, I was struck by her beauty, with an overwhelming urge to jump on her. Torn between keeping my dignity (and my balls, knowing Lily's temperament, and guessing what her immediate reaction would be when jumped on) and fulfilling my desire, I went into vegetable mode.
D.M: James?
Me: Mm. Yes. Very good.
D.M: Great! I'll see you next Saturday!
"What?" I said groggily, but too late - Meadows had already headed off to her next class.
It took me a few seconds to register that I'd agreed to go on a date with her.
Ah well. I'll count my lucky stars it wasn't Theresa Urquhart there when I had my short term brain damage.
At least Meadows has all her teeth.
Anyway. The point is, I am now absolutely sure that someone planted (or threw) a platter of Ogden McBooms Exploding Broccoli on the Gryffindor table.
Which leads to two more questions:
1. Who planted the Broccoli?
and
2. Why did they plant the Broccoli?
Neither have easy answers. However, I am determined to find out who the offender is. Not just because I am serving a month of detentions on their behalf, but also because they may be rivals for the Marauders.
In both cases, they will have to be exterminated.
Lily just walked past again, looking stunning. She has a nasty habit of doing that.
What, walking?
Piss off, Padfoot.
Why don't you just ask her out?
Can't. I'm going to Hogsmeade with Meadowes.
Meadowes from Ravenclaw?
Yes.
She's lovely.
Hmph.
But you like Lily.
Duh.
Nina just walked in. Must go and charm her with my wit and supreme intelligence. See you in a bit.
He is gone now.
Well, Meadowes is no Evans, of course. But Sirius has a point, and she seemed fairly enthusiastic. Maybe I could make Lily jealous by snogging her all over the place?
I should probably write my Potions Essay. Then maybe I'll get a really good grade, and impress Lily. Or better yet, impress Slughorn, get to be a member of his little club, and get to go to his parties. With Lily.
A tricky task. Potions is in half an hour.
But still. It's brilliant. A flawless plan. Must write essay.
Over and Out,
J.P
--
Sirius:
Dear Diary,
Yesterday, I fell under the spell of the beautiful Nina Agglebury. Despite the fact that he is less intelligent, handsome and popular than me, I envy James, for he has lived next door to her for twelve years.
Why was I not born so lucky?
I've been asking him questions about her non-stop since I saw her across the Charms classroom, and here are some of the results:
Facts About Nina:
. She is two months younger than James.
. She likes to play loud music at all hours of the night.
. She likes to talk and insult James at every opportunity.
. She has a Comet 220 that she rides often.
. She has a pet Crup that likes to bite James. James has tried drowning it, but he got caught by Nina.
. She has a very good aim.
I asked her to Hogsmeade but James' bitch Evans stuck her nose in and ruined it all.
And James got Nina as a partner for the Potions assignment, rather than me.
I hate Slughorn.
But I will get the girl in the end.
As I always do.
- Sirius
--
Lily:
Hogwarts, Common Room, 5:11 pm
If yesterday, I thought I could not possibly be more traumatized, embarrassed, humiliated and upset, I was wrong.
I have been wrong quite a bit lately.
I had Potions again today, which would usually make me happy. Potions is one of my best subjects, and it helps that the teacher adores me.
Today we were meant to be making a Strengthening Solution, which I would usually enjoy.
But, as a Gryffindor fifth year, Remus is in the same class. This made enjoying my Solution difficult.
After inspecting the product of our labour, ("Excellent Miss Evans!") Professor Slughorn sat back on his throne at the front of the class and pulled out a roll of parchment from his desk draw.
"Now. As you may know, this year we are beginning our work on Everlasting Elixirs. This is a subject generally only tackled in sixth year classes, but if you all want cover Resistive Potions before our O.W.Ls, which I assure you you need to do, then you have to work on this first.
"There are many forms of Everlasting Elixirs, and many different ways to get them wrong, so you need to study as though your life depends on it. Who knows - maybe it will some day,"
Slughorn chuckled. He seemed to think he had said something very clever.
"So what you need to do is study the four main variations, and write me a lovely long essay on each, including the method, obviously, the subtle differences between each, and the countless easy ways you can go wrong. The rest of the criteria is on the board," - he flicked his wrist and it appeared.
This was followed by a collective groan.
"Now now, settle down. You'll be doing the study in pairs, so you'll only have to do half the work!"
And he began to read off the parchment of DOOM.
"Daniel Frobisher and Sarah Thompson will be working together.
Annabelle Stimpson and Edmond Carmichael.
Lily Evans and James Potter."
When hell freezes over.
"Professor?"
"Yes, Miss Evans?"
"Could I change partners? Please?"
"If you have a legitimate reason,"
"Potter is an idiot. There would be too much friction between us I won't be able to study for the project with him distracting me. ," I said, with a perfectly strait face.
This caused most of the classroom to 'ooooooooooooh!'ing noises. I smiled sweetly at Professor Slughorn and, after a moments thought, he sighed and said:
"I suppose, Miss Evans.
Lily Evans and Remus Lupin, and Mr Potter can go with Miss Agglebury"
Shit.
Why can't I just leave well enough alone?
"On second thought, Professor, could I go back to Potter?"
Collective titters.
Slughorn smiled.
"Theres no pleasing you, is there Miss Evans? No, I think you two will be fine together,"
By now I was desperate.
"Please, sir, "
"No, Evans. And thats my final word on the matter," He said, although he sounded more amused than stern.
I lay my head between my arms and wondered why the world hated me.
--
James:
3rd September, End of Day
I hate Slughorn.
I hate Potions.
Potions is the crappiest class on the planet.
So, for our big Potions Assignment, I got paired up with Lily. I could actually hear the hallelujah chorus.
But then Miss Evans sticks up her hand and tells him she does not want to be my partner.
Of course, being Sluggy's favorite student, she gets what she wants, and so he pairs her with Moony instead.
Despite my bitter disappointment, I thought she would be quite happy with this. But then she sticks up her hand and asks to be my partner again.
I tried to catch Slughorn's eye in the hope that I could hypnotize him into saying yes. Even though I know nothing about hypnosis. I could do it if my will was strong enough.
But he didn't agree to her demands. I guess theres only so much blatant favoritism you can show in a day.
But what could Remus possibly do to make me a preferable partner? Lily hates me.
I know, its little depressing that the girl I've liked for five years would like nothing other than to disembowel me.
Rather depressed,
J.P
--
Remus:
Common Room, After Potions.
Day 2
5:05 pm
Fuck it all to hell.
