Chapter 54: Memories Flooding Backing

Meredith was certain she worn a similarly broad smile only on a handful of occasions in her whole life. Surely, she couldn't remember when she possibly had been more emotionally confused. Right now, happiness, excitement, love, fear, anxiousness, and many other feelings raged in her heart. She tried to rein each feeling in and concentrate on the sheer joy she was currently experiencing at seeing her family.

After a momentary silence, several things happened at once. For starters, everyone whirled around to look at her, their eyes wide. Susan shrieked, dropping a jug of juice on to the floor. It spilled in a crimson puddle that immediately started to soak into the carpet. She ran up to Meredith, taking her face in her hands as though she couldn't believe her eldest daughter was truly standing in front of her.

"Meredith! Oh my god, Meredith!" she exclaimed happily, tears filling her eyes, as she pulled her close, rocking her slightly. "I can't believe it! What are… Oh my god, you are really here!"

"Don't tear up, woman," Thatcher urged her out of the way as it was his turn to hug his daughter and welcome her home. "Meredith…"

"Hi, dad," she smiled at him, her own eyes becoming uncomfortably moist.

"Meri, why didn't you tell us you were coming? When… when did you arrive?"

"An hour ago, I wanted it to be a surprise!" she laughed.

"It is, honey, it is," he sighed, his voice shaky as he embraced her tightly once again. He couldn't believe his eyes; he couldn't believe the change that seemed to have happened in his daughter since he last saw her. When he and Susan left Rachel last spring, they left behind them a woman that was half dead inside. Surely, she was doing well. She was calm, she liked her new life and job. She had friends. But she was not fully alive.

This woman, this woman standing in front of him was. She was smiling, her cheeks pink from the cold. Her eyes were sparkling like emeralds. They had that shine, that fire he was afraid had been permanently extinguished by the scumbag he himself once accepted as his son. All those years, every time Thatcher's thoughts went to the man that introduced himself to them as Mitch, blind hatred overtook his heart, mind, and soul. If he ever met him, he would kill the son of a bitch. He would kill him in the cruelest, most painful way for hurting his precious daughter. He would have no mercy, just like the bastard didn't have any mercy for Meredith. Life had already hurt her, acting through the hand of her biological mother, and that man, no he was not a man, that piece of trash played with her life, toyed with her feelings…

Meredith could clearly follow the trail of her father's thoughts as though she had a direct screen to his memories on his forehead. Determined to banish all images of Mitch from her mind, she quickly broke eye contact with his father and detached herself, turning towards her youngest sister, whom she hadn't seen since the day she left.

"Molly…" she sighed apologetically. "I am so sorry-"

Molly let out a watery chuckle and ignored the apology that was on her lips, scooping Meredith into her arms. "You don't think I waited almost four years for an apology, do you? You owe me no apology, Mer."

When her little sister released her from her tight hug, Meredith turned sideways to greet Eric and the little girl that was perched in his arms.

"Sweetie, say hello to Aunt Meredith," Molly encouraged her daughter.

Laura eyed the stranger that was called her aunt curiously from under her fringe of gold locks and finally stuck out her hand towards Meredith. "Hi, Aunt Meredith!"

"Hey, Laura, I've wanted to meet you for a very long time. I have a present for you."

Laura seemed elated as she momentarily looked around Meredith, her eyes searching for the promised gift.

"Mer, you shouldn't have-" Molly began but this time she was the one interrupted.

"Of course, I should. I've missed all the birthdays and Christmases and other innocent occasions to spoil my only niece, haven't I?"

"Where's my present, Aunt Meredith?" Laura asked eagerly.

"Not so fast, young lady. You first need to show your Aunt you're a good girl that eats her vegetables. You'll get your gift after dinner," Molly shook her head.

"It's… nothing big," Meredith said, a bit nervously. "I… I didn't know what she likes, so I just got a stuffed toy from the gift shop at the inn in Rachel. I know all the kids like them."

"I'm sure she'll love it, Mer."

Finally, Meredith turned to Lexie who was watching her carefully with raised eyebrows. From all the persons present, she was the only one privy to her secrets.

After yet another hug, Lexie asked her seriously, "What are you doing here?"

"Not happy to see me?" Meredith quipped.

"You know I am," Lexie rolled her eyes and smirked at her elder sister. "Fine, don't tell me your reasons. I already know them. Or him-"

"Shut up!" Meredith hissed at her, glancing around nervously, and noted with relief that no one caught the last remark.

"What?"

"Not a word about you know who," Meredith gritted through her teeth while she pretended to smile.

"Why? What is going on?" whispered Lexie.

"Look, I'll explain, one thing at a time," Meredith looked at her pleadingly and allowed herself a moment of honesty. "It's hard enough already…"

Before Lexie could pose any other question, Thatcher swept Meredith back into his arms. "Have you come here straight from the airport? You really should have called, we would have picked you up. It would still have been a great surprise. Give me your coat, honey. Susan is just about to serve dinner, and you look like you need to eat something. You're not used to such cold anymore."

Lexie grabbed Meredith under her arm as they passed to the dining room and asked under her breath. "Does Derek know you're here?"

"Not yet," Meredith shook her head.

"Oh, so you wanted to surprise him too?"

"Yep."

"He's gonna be beside himself," Lexie couldn't help but giggle.

"Who's gonna be beside himself?" Susan asked them as she entered the dining room right behind them.

"My former boss," Meredith lied easily. Well, it was not a lie through and through. Surely, her former Chief of Surgery would be shocked to see her at the gala tonight; he would be without a doubt one of the guests. "They give out Harper-Averys tonight."

"Lexie has mentioned that," Thatcher said, worry evidently slipping back into his voice, as he took the place at the head of the table. "You're going?"

"It's in my plans, yes," Meredith nodded quickly.

"I knew there was more to the story than just missing us," Molly teased her with a wink.

"Well, I'm very happy you're with us, sweetie," Susan, who was sitting next to her, briefly squeezed Meredith's hand.

"Thank you."

"So, why is this gala so important?" Thatcher asked. His daughter's sudden appearance in New York had to have an explanation and he needed to know it. Otherwise, how else could he protect her?

"I… There has been a research…" she started in a tone suggesting that the whole story was long and boring but one look at her father told her he was too attentive to just let it go. "And the doctor who conducted it…"

"Meredith helped him," Lexie came to the rescue.

"Yes, I… I've given him some advice."

"You knew about this?" Thatcher frowned at his younger daughter.

"I mentioned it to Lexie when she came to Nevada," Meredith hurried to explain. "But she didn't know I was coming to New York, nobody did actually."

"Which made us an amazing surprise," Susan cut in, fully aware of her daughter's discomfort. She understood her husband's need to protect Meredith, but inquisitiveness was not the way to encourage her to open up. "I hope you're not going back to Rachel straight after the gala?"

"Oh, no," Meredith breathed out. "I'm not entirely sure how long I'm gonna stay… but a few days definitely."

"We wouldn't let you go earlier anyway," smiled Susan. "I'm going to set your room up after dinner."

"Oh, thanks, but… I'm not gonna stay here…"

"Of course, you will!" stressed Thatcher. "Where else would you stay?"

Meredith gulped inaudibly. She couldn't just say that she intended to stay with her new boyfriend. Dad might have a heart attack… "I'm going to stay at a hotel tonight for sure, the whole thing won't end before morning I expect…" she stammered, ignoring the barely there, smirk on Lexie's face. "We'll decide about later."

"Well, there's no way we're going to let you camp at a hotel when you have a home to come to," he warned her.

"Thanks, dad," she smiled gratefully. Even though, thanks to her mother, she didn't spend a lot of her childhood in this house, it felt like home. She was always welcome here, always loved. However, she didn't feel completely at ease here anymore, there was no place in New York where she would feel safe, except in Derek's arms. Certainly, only this afternoon she was going to return to the place that was the scenery of many of her nightmares.


"Everything is just like you left it."

Meredith heard Susan's warm voice behind her as she pulled out the key to her apartment from her handbag.

"We've kept it clean for you… we covered everything against the dust."

Meredith simply nodded. She was painfully aware that everything was exactly as she had left it. The street looked the same, not even a store was added to the landscape. The building was the same, tall, uninviting, and posh. She even remembered the concierge that was currently at the door as being the same one from before. When he noticed her come in, he seemed to have momentarily forgotten about his professionalism letting his surprise wash over his face.

She hated that everything looked like the last four years hadn't happened. She liked to think that the darkest hour of her life was over. Especially after meeting Derek.

Returning to her apartment was like entering a haunted house, with all the ghosts of her past swooping down on her. Every fiber of her being protested as the elevator climbed up. Catching a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror brought her a briefest of reliefs, her appearance was a testimony of the time passed. Almost immediately, however, her memories transported her years back to the numerous occasions when she had looked at herself in the same mirror, a blonde male head sneaking up behind her to kiss a trail on the back of her neck…

The force of gravity pulled her hand down though, it felt like it weighed a ton when she inserted the key in the hole and turned it around three times. She pushed the door open, relieved to see the dust covers on the furniture. At least something looked out of place.

Once they took off their coats, Susan started to tear off the covers, but Meredith stopped her.

"No, don't bother. I won't be staying here long, I just want to take a dress, that's all."

"Okay then, I'll make us some coffee. I keep a pot for when I come to clean."

"Thank you, Susan," Meredith smiled wanly and went up to the bedroom, unaware of the look that passed between her stepmother and sister. It wasn't long before Lexie followed her in. Susan had promised her husband that she would watch over their eldest daughter, but Meredith was never the one to share. On the other hand, she always had a good rapport with Lexie, whom she trusted. And surely, their middle daughter knew more about Meredith's secrets than she was letting on.

"You came all this way, why don't you want to tell Mom and Dad about Derek?" Lexie asked coming to a stop behind Meredith while she silently perused the contents.

"I do want to," Meredith assured her. "It's just... I haven't seen him for months, very long months. I want tonight to be just about him and me, no interruptions- Get your mind out of the gutter!" she giggled noticing Lexie's sly look. "You know what Dad is like after Mitch… He won't rest until he meets Derek. And I really don't want the investigation and the questioning to start today. Please, Lex?" she practically begged her younger sister.

"You know they're both, well Mom maybe not so much, but Dad is going to grill me as soon as you're out of their sight," Lexie argued. "I kept it all from them for so long, and I don't want to start lying now too."

"I'm not asking you to. Just say that it's not up to you to tell them, that it's a good thing, and that I want to tell them myself!"

"You do?" Lexie narrowed her eyes at her dubiously.

"Of course," Meredith grinned broadly. "Don't you want to see Derek sweat it out when I introduce him to Dad?"

Lexie couldn't help but giggle at the thought. "He doesn't have a good record so far of meeting the Greys."

"No, he does not. But we're just too charming to let us go," Meredith attempted at a joke while her fingers slid over the row of her dresses, all of which were neatly wrapped in transparent protective covers. Her hand stopped at one of the black ones. It used to be her favorite, precisely for the reason why it was now so hateful to her. It was a very tangible reminder of her first meeting with her executioner.

Her eyes fluttered closed, her breath coming in short gasps, as the blonde-haired man she had met three hours ago pulled the zipper down torturously slowly, the tips of his fingers tantalizingly grazing the newly exposed skin. His own breathing was irregular; she felt the irregular puffs of air on her bare shoulder.

"Meredith?"

"I'm sorry, what?" Meredith cleared her throat, trying to refocus on her increasingly worried sister.

"I've just said that you look incredibly well given the circumstances but… now I'm not sure. You've turned so pale, even the tan can't hide that."

"I'm fine," Meredith replied mechanically. She yanked one of the dresses from the rack and gently laid it on the bed.

The mattress bounced up and down under the weight of the two sweaty, heavy–breathing bodies that fell on the bed inertly.

"I so needed that…" Meredith purred after a minute.

"Tough day at work?" Mitch murmured into her spine, his hand lazily grazing her ribcage.

"Mer, you are not fine," Lexie's voice permeated through her skull. "It's draining you. You're sure you can't call Derek now? I know you'd like to surprise him but, like Dad said, you being here is a surprise enough."

"It's not about a surprise, Lex," Meredith sighed, walking over to the window.

"What is it about then?"

"You can't patch up a gunshot with a Band-Aid and be happy. You need to get whole and healed. I can't build my life with Derek if I'm not whole and healed. He's been my doctor and he helped me heal. But all in all, the full recovery depends ultimately on the patient. I need to do it my way."

"I don't think I really understand why doing it your way has to be without Derek."

"I need to stand on my own feet, I always did."

"Fine," shrugged Lexie and turned away to the door. "Just so you know, sometimes it's okay to let the other person catch you."

Thinking that Lexie had left her alone in the bedroom, she passed her hand over the armrest of the chair by the window.

"I thought you were working!" Meredith laughed when Mitch grabbed her arm as she walked by and pulled her onto his lap. The case files he was working on slid onto the floor theatrically.

"I'm never too busy for that!" he growled into her neck, the armchair squeaking quietly under their joined weight.

Meredith's hand shook suddenly. Lexie was with her a second later, placing a steadying hand over hers.

"I'm fine," Meredith feebly assured her.

Lexie nodded in a way that portrayed she didn't believe her for a moment. "I'll be relieved when you meet up with Derek. I know you might be too caught up with it all when you see him, but please text me when you do?"

"Okay," Meredith promised quietly.

"So, you've picked this dress?" Lexie chirped away giving her sister a minute to collect herself.