Chapter 55: The Gala
"Derek, leave the bow alone," Amelia slapped at his fingers amusedly. "That's not going to help you win the grant."
"Sorry," he muttered under his breath and busied his hands with a glass instead. "I'm feeling a bit claustrophobic…"
He tugged at his collar nervously. It was the last big step on his way back to Rachel. He did want to receive the grant; the research deserved it. Moreover, it would certainly smooth over the process of his transfer to Rachel. His conversation with the Chief of Surgery was yet to take place. The trial was already making a lot of publicity for the hospital, but winning a prize funded by the Harper Avery foundation would help to appease Jenkins after receiving the shocking news of Derek's departure.
That was a reason enough for Derek to be jumpy, but it was exceptionally difficult for him to be there tonight. He could already start counting down the days left before he would see Meredith. With the image of him holding Meredith serenely on the porch in front of their house, the evening in the stuffy formal surroundings seemed much more oppressive than they normally would.
The room had sunk in silence again, the foundation's representative climbed the small dais. He was saying something into the microphone, but Derek couldn't decipher his words. The volume seemed to be turned down.
"…Dr. Derek Shepherd for his…"
Derek continued to sit frozen in his chair. He was in a daze, not exactly sure what was happening.
"Der," Mia gave him a little amused nudge.
"Wha- what?" he breathed out.
"Derek, you've got the grant," she giggled and threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. "Congratulations, brother!"
He staggered up to his feet in a whirl of applause, a wide silly grin on his face. He'd made it, he'd really made it… Suddenly, a peculiar jolt of awareness he couldn't explain shot through him. He frantically glanced around but he could only see dozens of more or less the familiar faces of fellow doctors.
"Derek, you okay?" Addison asked, also leaping up from her seat.
"Yeah, it's just… it felt like she was here…"
"Who?"
"Meredith. But she can't be here…"
"Can't she?" smiled Addison. "Isn't she always with you? Right here?" she winked at him and tapped his chest at the level of his heart.
"Yeah, yes, she is. You're right."
"Of course, I am. If only your best friend was of the same opinion…"
"He will be," Derek nodded. "Thank you for being here."
"You're welcome," she smiled and hugged him, planting a small kiss on his cheek. "And congrats, go get it. Everybody's waiting."
She should have known better. New York was not Rachel which you could drive through twice in the span of ten minutes. She had had to see Helen first to get an invitation. She could well use her own name to get into the gala but creating a commotion was the last thing she wanted.
Still perfectly remembering the labyrinth of corridors of Mount Sinai hospital, Meredith skulked towards the neurosurgery department. She maneuvered her way so skillfully so that no one she might have known from the past had a chance to recognize her.
The visit to her former workplace wasn't as unpleasant as she had anticipated. She didn't have many bad memories connected with it. It was rather her second home for a long time. Inexplicable tenderness gripped her heart when she passed the door to what used to be her office. It looked exactly the same but for the plate that now bore someone else's name. She shook her head briefly and walked on.
What was in the past was in the past, there was no use to rake it open now. She had never regretted leaving New York behind and all the images of Mitch that kept flashing in her mind since she boarded the plane strengthened her beliefs.
She silently slid into the biggest office in the department, the one belonging to the head, Dr. Helen Crawford who was currently hunched over some paperwork. She looked up at the sound of Meredith's heels clicking against the tiled floor.
Helen paled, jumped up from her seat and immediately sat back down. "Almost five months free of complications and now, hallucinations…"
"I'm not a hallucination," Meredith giggled and trotted forward to greet her friend with a hug.
"Meredith!" Helen gasped, taking Meredith's hands tightly in hers. "What are you-?"
"What am I doing here? I'm hearing this question a lot! But what am I doing here right now? I've come to snatch your invitation to the gala."
Saying that Helen was surprised to see her best friend back in New York would be an understatement. She gave Meredith her invitation and even offered to go with her, but Meredith would have none of that. She was determined to do it on her own strength. It wasn't that much of a race, rather a marathon. Getting to the finish line was what counted, getting there
Meredith was far from feeling brave though. As she got off the cab and entered the hotel that was being used as the venue for the gala, she was overcome with terror. With every step forward, her heartbeat faster as if trying to break from the clutches of panic and fear. In vain. She couldn't rationally explain it, she was going to see Derek very soon, that was what she was looking forward to practically since the moment she bid him farewell. However, she suddenly felt too weak to complete her plan, too ashamed of herself to throw herself into the world she had left so hastily. Derek was slowly losing the real dimension as a living breathing person. He was a symbolic end to her journey. She feared that she was running out of strength to reach it.
Meredith left her coat in the cloakroom, smoothed over her long dress and hurried to the main hall. She was let in after showing her invitation, but she halted a few steps from the entrance, hidden from everyone's eyes by a giant pot plant and dimmed lights. It was impossible to fish Derek out from the smartly dressed crowd that occupied dozens of round tables. The guests were currently being entertained by a singer, whose melodious voice filled the hall, acting quite soothingly on Meredith's nerves. Then the music was gone, the dais was flooded with light, and the Harper-Avery foundation's representative walked up to the microphone.
It turned out she arrived just in time. There was only the main Harper-Avery prize to be given out, and before that, a special grant for research, which Derek had a vast chance of winning. The man smiled and announced, "The jury have unanimously decided that our special prize for the most promising new research goes to… Dr. Derek Shepherd from New York Presbyterian. Dr. Shepherd has conducted a highly successful molecular trial…"
Another beam of light pointed Derek to Meredith's eyes. She was suddenly out of breath. Her face felt hot, but her hands were ice cold. It was the time to move, to start walking. There truly couldn't be a better moment to surprise him. She knew that. But her legs seemed to be made of lead. Leaving her safe place in the shadows meant walking straight into the spotlight. And that was what she did best, didn't she? She tried to rationalize.
She drew out her moment of hesitation for too long. Her heart beating like a hammer, she watched Derek react to the news of his success. A woman hugged him, as black-haired as Derek. Meredith thought she had seen her before. She might have been his sister; he had showed her some family photos. He got up from his seat, smiling from ear to ear, looking as handsome as was humanly possible. He was wearing a tux that seemed to be made especially for him, his hair was impeccable. He appeared to be looking even better than she last remembered him.
Meredith's smile that lit up her face upon seeing him faded somewhat when another woman sprang up on his side. She was… breathtaking, there was really no other word for it. She was tall and slender, her thick red hair looked luscious.
Meredith's heart constricted, she suddenly felt like Cinderella. She might have dressed up, put on perfect make up and styled her overgrown hair but she didn't look like she had in her best years. She was nothing compared to the red-headed beauty whose gaze was now locked so intensely with Derek's. A little gasp of painful realization escaped Meredith's throat when the woman stepped up closer to Derek and placed her hand over his heart, a hand that he didn't flinch away from. Quite the contrary, he whispered something to her that was probably meant only for her. And then they embraced, and the red-head kissed his cheek!
Meredith's heart seemed to be ripped out of her body and thrown down from a very high-rise building. What was she thinking? She was too late, in more than one sense. How could she believe that a man like him would wait for her forever? Of course, he'd replace her with someone so gorgeous, whole, successful, and so from his sphere. Meredith no longer belonged here. She was suffocating slowly from the moment she left Rachel. She should never have left. She had been so stupid to walk out of her safe place, her comfort zone.
With the last look in Derek's direction, she whirled on her heels and stormed out. She needed to get back home as soon as possible. She knew she wouldn't release her breath or fall asleep unless it would be under Nevada's peaceful sky.
