Disclaimer: I don't own Danny Phantom or any of the characters, and if you think I do then you're dumber than Dash.
CHAPTER 1: Smokin' in the Boys' Room
Danny walked down the hall, and as he turned the corner, Dash, the most popular guy in school, due to the fact that he was a jock and his dad was like, the richest guy in the state, grabbed Danny and yanked him into the bathroom (the boys bathroom).
"Danny, have you been hitting on Paulina?" Dash growled. "I'm gonna shove your head into the toilet!"
"Thanks for the offer," said Danny. "But I wasn't hitting on your girl. Why would I want to? She's not just ugly, she's FUGLY!"
"That's not even a word!" Dash protested, but he looked uncertain.
"Oh, really," said Danny. "Did you eat a dictionary for lunch today?"
Dash turned red. "That's IT! How would you like me to shove a stick of dynamite up your ass, Fenton?"
Danny shrugged. "As long as it wasn't lit."
"Let me show you the popularity chart," Dash said, producing a chart out of thin air because it was a cartoon and you're allowed to do that in a cartoon. "You see, according to this chart, you're so low on the popularity scale that you don't even exist."
Danny gave an exaggerated yawn. Dash was getting angry. "I'm going to give you a new hairdo, Fenton!" he said, and shoved Danny's head into the toilet.
Then he flushed.
Suddenly, Mr. Lancer's voice could be heard in the hallway. "Get to class, hooligans!" he bellowed.
"Oh crap, it's Lancer!" said Dash, his eyes growing wide with fear. Quickly he yanked Danny's head out of the john, then lit a cigarette and gave it to him before Danny could protest. Lancer walked in, and when he saw Danny holding the cigarette his head practically exploded.
"MR. Fenton!" he shouted. "I cannot BELIEVE you are smoking in the boy's bathroom!"
"Well, where did you want me to smoke?" said Danny. "In the girl's bathroom?"
"Don't sass me, boy!" said Lancer. "You're coming with me. I'm taking you in, son." He took a whiff of Danny's hair. "Did you take a shower in the toilet?" he asked.
Dash was on the floor laughing.
"I don't think this is very funny, Mr. Baxter," Lancer stated.
"Oh," said Dash. His tone changed to a serious one. "Why, uh, yes, uh, Mr. Lancer, sir. You're right; this boy has lost control and needs to be dealt with."
"I can't believe you framed me, Dash!" said Danny, struggling to break free as Mr. Lancer handcuffed him and led him to the door. When he opened it, Paulina fell in.
"I wasn't listening to every word you were saying!" she said, as she shoved the earphone behind her back. When she saw Danny, she snickered.
"In a little pickle, are ya, Danny?" she said.
"Yeah, he's in a jam all right," Lancer agreed.
"Would you stop talking about food? You're making me hungry!" said Danny.
"Should have thought about that before you lit up," said Lancer.
"I did NOT!" said Danny. "It was all a trick by Dash. He set me up!"
"Yeah sure," said Paulina.
"Shut up, Fugly!" growled Danny, trying to break free as Lancer pulled him away. "Who do you think you are, J-Lo?"
Paulina sauntered back into the classroom. Staring up at the ceiling and pretending not to be paying attention, Sam stuck out her foot and tripped her as she walked by. Paulina screamed and went flying.
"Sam Manson," boomed the voice over the P.A system, "Would you please come bail your boyfriend out of the principal's office!"
"He's not my boyfriend!" cried Sam. The class laughed. "And I haven't finished my anorexic lunch!" She dug her fork into her diet salad. It was the first time she'd eaten since last year. Of course, she was going to throw it up afterwards anyways. "Oh, why me?" she sighed.
Meanwhile, in the Ghost Zone, Ember was playing poker with Fright Knight and Clockwork.
"Checkmate," said Clockwork.
"Shut up and go fish!" said Fright Knight.
Ember groaned. She was going to teach these two morons to play the right way if it killed her. Wait…she was already dead. Speaking of that, the more Ember thought about how she died, the angrier it made her.
"How did you die, anyway?" Clockwork asked her.
"Some crazed, obsessed fan shot me in the mall. In the head!" she raged.
"Oh my gosh! There's a mall inside your head?" Fright Knight exclaimed.
Since they didn't have any money or poker chips, they were playing with M&Ms. But Fright Knight was picking them up and putting them in his mouth and spitting them out again.
"Stop touching all the M&Ms you diseased monkey!" Ember screamed, snatching them away from him. "This isn't how you play the game! If you don't stop I'll eat your face!"
Ember's blue hair blazed; she had a very bad temper that could escalate pretty quickly. You didn't want to mess with her.
Later that afternoon, Danny and Sam walked home from school.
"I got a 17 on the math test," said Sam.
"Whose paper did you have to cheat off to get that grade?" asked Danny.
"Carrots are orange," said Sam.
"Quiet!" hissed Danny. "Stop trying to impress me with your knowledge!"
"Okay, jeez," said Sam. "So what do you want to do?"
"Let's go haunt a house," said Danny.
Sam's eyes widened with shock. "But Danny, you don't—"
"Hey!" he shot out. "I'm a ghost. I can do whatever I want. I can eat A Slimer sandwich if I want. And right now, I want to haunt a house. Stand back, I'm goin' ghost!"
Sam rolled her eyes. "Oh no," she said dryly. "We all better watch out."
After Danny went ghost, they decided to go downtown and get hot dogs. The hot dog guy was so scared of Danny's being a ghost, that he gave them hot dogs for free. All Danny ever thought about was food…and Paulina.
"Come on," he hissed. "Let's sneak up on this guy right here."
A couple of feet away from them, a man sat alone on a park bench, reading a newspaper. He didn't see them. "Hmmm," he said. "I think I'll blow my nose now." He pulled out a handkerchief, and just as he did so an invisible Danny jumped up and blasted his music class recorder in his ear. The man jumped up and went flying about 17 miles into the air.
"Oh, so that's what those things are for," said Sam. They ran down the street and asked old Mrs. Weaselsnapper if they could borrow her car. She didn't know the difference; she was like 90, anyway.
"Oh, why certainly, I'd be delighted," the senile old lady said (with her toothless mouth), and handed Danny the keys. Forget the fact that he didn't have his license! Danny and Sam jumped into the car, Danny into the driver's seat.
"Floor it!" said Sam. Danny did, and the car went screaming around the corner. It wasn't long before a police officer pulled them over. Danny rolled down the window and the cop approached.
"Uh…" he said. "Are you aware that you were going over 100 miles an hour?" he asked. Danny wasn't sure how to respond. Should he play dumb? Pretend he wasn't? Luckily, Sam saved him.
"Yup. Sure is a good thing this is a cartoon!" she quipped.
The cop was not impressed.
"Uhhh…we're not from around here!" Danny tried.
"Okay, where'ya from?" the cop asked.
"Uh…Wisconsin?" said Danny.
"Really?" said the cop. "Well, do they have driving in Wisconsin?"
"Sure they do," said Danny. "I just stink at it."
"What's your name? I'm writing you a ticket," said the officer. He took out a notepad.
"Uh, Vlad. Vlad Masters," said Danny.
Stay tuned for more of Danny and Sam's excellent adventures!
