CHAPTER 2: M. Bersback

"Danny, are you okay? You've been acting somewhat strange lately," Maddie Fenton commented to her son the next morning. They were at the breakfast table, and Danny was shoveling Pac Man cereal into his mouth the way only a teenage boy could.

"Yeah," his Dad, Jack, agreed. "You seem really O.O.C."

"Mphmpmhmphm?" said Danny, food falling out of his mouth as he spoke.

"What did he say?" asked Maddie.

"He said, 'what do you mean'," Jack replied. "I know that because I speak Teenage Mouth Full of Food."

"Oh," said Maddie. "Well, Mr. Lancer called yesterday to say you've copped quite an attitude at school, saying things you don't normally say and acting like a…well a jerk."

Jazz, who had been quiet up until that point, dropped her fork with a clatter. "So what?" she said. "Just because he's finally acting like a regular teenage boy and not some super-sensitive goody two shoes, you think something's wrong?"

"I certainly hope nothing is," Maddie commented. "Danny, he also said you've been smoking."

"There's nothing wrong with enjoying a butt once in a while," Jack said, snapping the newspaper. "Although cigars are what the real man smokes."

Maddie turned pale. "What?"

"I didn't!" Danny protested.

"Honey, Dash Baxter was right there. He saw you," Maddie answered, concerned.

"Well why does everyone believe Dash over me?" Danny said fiercely.

"Because he's an A student and a jock," Maddie said. "You get C's and you don't do anything."

"Oh that's right," Danny scoffed. "I'm just invisible." He couldn't listen to this anymore. He got up and stomped out of the room.

"Oh don't worry about a thing," said Jazz. "He's just going through his rebellious phase."

"But what if he ends up like that awful Sam Manson?" asked Maddie.

When Danny got upstairs, the first thing he did was call Sam. Sam had been waiting by the phone for Danny's call, and when it rang it scared her so badly that she jumped a mile into the air.

She grabbed the phone. "Hello?"

"Sam? It's Danny."

"Oh, Danny! What I surprise! I totally was not expecting you to call," said Sam.

"I just called to say that we should talk online," said Danny. "I don't like the phone. It's so ten years ago."

"Okay," said Sam, and raced to her computer.

Here is the actual transcribed conversation between Danny and Sam:

Ghostboy1991: Hey

Gothgirl91: OMG how R U. What's going on?

Ghostboy1991: NM. Just fighting some ghosts. JK!

Gothgirl91: LOL! ROTFL!

Ghostboy1991: BRB

Twelve minutes go by.

Ghostboy1991: Back

Gothgirl91: WB :-)

Ghostboy1991: BTW, my parents are being losers.

Gothgirl91:-(

Ghostboy1991: GTG

Gothgirl91: TTYL!

Danny walked to school. When he got to school, he opened his locker to throw his Toaster Tart in with the others. But little did he know that Ember was hiding in there. Suddenly she reached out and grabbed Danny's neck, choking him.

"For crying out loud!" he gurgled. "Ember, what did I ever do to you?"

"Hmmm," said the ghost. "Let's try sucking me up into your Dad's smelly thermos and then breaking my guitar and like totally ruining my life!" That was the problem with Ember: she kept forgetting she was dead.

"Oh," said Danny. "I forgot about that. Well I gotta get to class. See ya round!" And he hurried off to his 8:45.

Danny slid into his seat, luckily for him, approximately half a second before Mr. Lancer arrived. Behind him, he heard Dash trying hard to not to burst out laughing. His stifled giggles sounded like wheezing. Danny was afraid to ask; he didn't even want to know what was so humorous.

"Good morning class," said Mr. Lancer, throwing open the door. It hit the side wall with a loud bang. Lancer did this every morning, but Paulina still jumped every time.

Dash was nearly falling out of his chair as Lancer approached his desk. Danny wondered if perhaps he would go into cardiac arrest. Lancer promptly took his seat…and a loud fart was heard.He was stone-facedas he pulled a flat whoopee cushion out from under his rear end. "Oh my God!" Dash chortled, absolutely losing it. He was on the floor.

"MISTER Baxter!" Lancer barked. "Do you find this funny?"

"Fenton did it…" Dash choked out, pointing at Danny.

"I did not!" cried Danny. "I just got here! Ask anybody!" He glanced around the room for help, but the other students shifted their eyes away. He noticed Sam hadn't yet arrived-and she was the only person in the class who might have defended him.

As if on cue, Sam entered the room, wearing a shirt with an obscene saying on it, no less. Half the kids cracked up, and Dash let loose a laugh much like that of a wild hyena.

"Miss Manson, you know you're not supposed to wear shirts like that to school," said Lancer. "Now you'll have to go home." It was no use; the entire class was in a complete uproar. Sam took her seat slowly, her expression grave. She wore a black veil as if someone had died, and she completely ignored Lancer's request. Danny looked at the words written on her shirt and whistled softly. Oh boy.

"Just for this, we are going to have a pop quiz today!" Lancer announced, his face red with a burning rage. "Just to show how much I hate you all. This quiz will be worth half of your term grade so GET OUT A PENCIL!"

Everyone groaned.

"I don't have a pencil," said Danny.

"Well then I guess you fail!" Lancer shot back.

"This is all your fault, you and your stupid shirt!" Paulina hissed at Sam.

Sam stared straight ahead, unflinching.

"Hey Sam, you're so ugly the dog won't play with you," Paulina continued, hoping to upset her.

Sam ignored her.

"You smell like a four week old cheese sandwich sitting on a radiator in an old lady's diaper bag!" Paulina tried again.

Still, Sam said nothing.

"AAAaaaaaaaaah!" screamed Paulina. "She's not responding to my senseless teasing!"

"Pssst, Danny," said Dash. Danny looked over, and Dash passed him a pencil. Danny was surprised that Dash was helping him, but he took it.

"What's the quiz on?" one girl asked.

"It's on what the Principal did on her date with the janitor last night," said Lancer without a tinge of sarcasm. "There's only one question, and if you don't get it exactly right, you flunk."

"Are you serious?" asked another boy. There was a general mumble from the class.

"Yes. Start writing," said Lancer.

Naturally, everyone waved the flag. Danny was angrier than ever as he left that day. He realized that he still had the pencil Dash had given him in his pocket. He pulled it out. It was a #2 pencil, on which the words "Dick Dipstick: Attorney" were emblazoned in tiny gold letters. Who's this? He wondered in his mind.