A/N: So. This chapter is longish, but not as long as I thought it would be, because I decided that a lot of the stuffI had planned for this chapter would be better suited later on. So you have this. I'm sorry.
It, again, has not been beta'd, but I promised that I would have it up by Friday, and I intend on, for once, making my self-imposed deadline.
After this, I intend to go back and edit the entire thing(Listens to sighs) I know,I know, but I'm pining to go back and fix up all my mistakes, so updates will take even longer than usual.
Don't hurt me please.
(Notes)
James Potter has called fourth the Marauders for their first official meeting of the year. Remus Lupin will write down the minus of the meeting, while the remaining three will act as though they have the mental capacity of five year olds.
And sadly, they do.
James Potter: I have called fourth the Marauders for our first official meeting of the year.
Sirius Black: Yes, we gathered that.
James Potter: Now, am I correct in saying that at the end of last year, we decided that, due to the forms of our developing Animagus', we should create names by which we would call each other?
Sirius Black: Unless we all hallucinated the meeting in question.
Peter Pettigrew: Unlikely.
James Potter: Does everyone recall their assigned name?
Sirius Black: Jim, you seem to forget that we are, in fact, fifteen years old. You are acting as though you are speaking to children ten years our junior. Please stop asking stupid questions.
Remus Lupin: Remus Lupin would like to point out the irony of that particular comment, as he had already stated that the assembled posses the mental capacity of five year olds. Look, right here at the top of the page.
James Potter: Whoopdefuckingdoo.
Sirius Black: Thank you, Miss Clairvoyant. May we continue?
Remus Lupin: Remus Lupin resents the usage of the word 'Miss' to refer to him. Remus Lupin would like to point out that he, contrary to popular belief, has testicles.
Peter Pettigrew: Peter Pettigrew would like to ask Remus Lupin to please not make any more references to his nether regions.
James Potter: James Potter seconds that.
Sirius Black: Sirius Black would like to ask why the hell we are referring to ourselves in third person.
James Potter: Its something to do.
Sirius Black: We all sound like house-elves.
Remus Lupin: Remus Lupin would like to suggest that we return to the matter at hand.
Peter Pettigrew: Peter Pettigrew seconds that.
James Potter: Right then. Well, James Potter would like to request that before we reach the matter at hand, we should all call each other by our new nicknames. For instance, you will call me 'Prongs'. The waste of sperm before me who would formerly answer to the unfortunate name 'Sirius Black', will henceforth be called 'Padfoot'. The boy in the slightly disturbing teddy bear pajamas, who was beforehand referred to as 'Stick-up-his-arse Lupin', will now be given the much more appealing name 'Moony'.
Remus Lupin: Stick-up-his-arse Lupin would like to inform the assembled that his first name is Remus.
James Potter: Not anymore, Moony. And the useless lump in the corner there guzzling all Padfoot's Every Flavour Beans, who's poor mother likes to call 'Peter Pettigrew' has been given
the name 'Wormtail', because whatever he's turning into has a worm sticking out of its arse.
Peter Pettigrew: I think its a rodent of some kind.
James Potter: Now, to the point. Does everyone remember the Exploding Broccoli event?
(Scowls and nods all around)
James Potter: And Wormtail, do you remember being chased by several Slytherins with intent to maim and perhaps kill you?
Peter Pettigrew: Yes.
James Potter: And do you remember setting your own pants on fire?
Peter Pettigrew: Is this really necessary?
James Potter: If you want to take part in our next prank, Wormtail.
Peter Pettigrew: (sighs) Yes, then.
(Collective giggles)
James Potter: Good. Now, Peter, can you please recall the events from the beginning of the day onward.
Peter Pettigrew: Do I have to?
James Potter: Yes.
Peter Pettigrew: Fine then. Well, I woke up early, because James was snoring.
James Potter: I don't snore.
Remus Lupin: You do.
Peter Pettigrew: And James and Sirius had been saying something about blowing up the Slytherin commons.
James Potter: No, we didn't.
Remus Lupin: You did, actually. During your, ah, back-to-school party.
Sirius Black: Oh.
Peter Pettigrew: And I had a couple of dungbombs and some exploding broccoli, and I thought, what the hell, I'll give it a go.
James Potter: Hang on, Pete. You had Exploding Broccoli?
Peter Pettigrew: I'll get to that. Anyway, so I traveled, with great bravery and daring -
James Potter: Let the record show that Padfoot snorted loudly.
Peter Pettigrew: I traveled with great bravery and daring to the outside of the Slytherin Commons, where I waited for someone to come past and say the password, so I could get in.
Sirius Black: You waited outside the Slytherin Commons for a couple of hours, and no-one noticed you?
Remus Lupin: Quite obviously he did not wait for a couple of hours.
Peter Pettigrew: Why is that quite obvious?
Remus Lupin: For one thing, you already said you woke up early. Early for Peter is about seven. I think the very earliest the world will have seen a conscious Peter is about six thirty. So, assuming he woke at seven, it would have taken him about fifteen minutes to get down to the Slytherin commons, if he didn't have breakfast on the way, which, knowing Peter, is unlikely. Thats would have taken up another fifteen minutes. So we will presume he reached the Slytherin Common room by seven thirty. At seven thirty, a fair amount of students are exiting their Common Rooms to eat and attend classes. This suggests that it would not have been long before someone came out of the Common Room, and Peter learned the password.
Furthermore, Peters attention span limitation is equal only to that of James'. It would be mentally impossible for him to wait for more than half an hour.
James Potter: Thank you again, Miss Clairvoyant. May we continue?
Remus Lupin: I have testicles!
Sirius Black: Sure, sure. But, as clever as you are, you have not yet answered why Peter was not sighted loitering outside the Slytherin portrait hole for half an hour or so.
Remus Lupin: It might be a bright idea to ask him.
James Potter: What brilliance. Wormtail?
Peter Pettigrew: I borrowed the invisibility cloak.
James Potter: You did WHAT?
Peter Pettigrew: I didn't think you'd mind! I mean, Padfoot and Moony use it all the time!
Sirius Black: Hah, using the nicknames to butter him up, you sly old thing.
James Potter: They do?
Peter Pettigrew: (meekly) Well, sometimes...
Sirius Black: I object. Didn't I rescue the cloak from Filch that time?
James Potter: (Nodding) You did...
Sirius Black: Does that not entitle me to use the cloak at any time I please, with or without permission from its owner?
James Potter: I don't think -
Remus Lupin: Anyway, Padfoot used the cloak, he is wholly guilty, everyone else is innocent of that particular crime, that crime being the stealing of the invisibility cloak, including me. Shall we continue?
Peter Pettigrew: As I was saying, I was waiting outside the Slytherin dorms for someone to say the password. Well anyway, Pucey went in, (the password was Bloody Baron) and I crept in after him. When I got in there, the Slytherins were all sitting down on their little wooden chairs. So weird, they were all carved and stuff, and they had these lamps -
Sirius Black: Get on with it!
Peter Pettigrew: Anyway, McNair was sitting down on this chair, and Pucey came in and sat down next to him. And then, Snape came down from the dormitories. And Pucey said to him "Oi, Snape!" and Snape ignored him. But then Pucey grabbed his arm and steered him into a chair. And then they began to talk.
James Potter: And what did they say, Peter?
Peter Pettigrew: Well, McNair said "I suppose you heard about the attack on that Muggle family down South?" and Snape nodded, and McNair said "And I suppose you can guess who was behind it?" and he nodded again. And then Pucey asked Snape what he wanted to do once school finished, and Snape just shrugged. And then McNair said "Well, I'm sure I could help you there. I have good connections in some career fields, if you know what I mean" or something like that, and Snape didn't say anything, so McNair said "I'm sure I could find you a suitable job – my father is very successful... I know people in... very high places." an he went on like that, very cryptic and confusing.
Sirius Black: Peter, when we first confronted you about your disappearance you told us they were talking about You-Know-Who and Death Eaters.
Peter Pettigrew: They were!
Remus Lupin: What gives you that impression?
Peter Pettigrew: Well, it was in the prophet that there was an attack on a Muggle family down south, and it was the work of... You-Know-Who.
Sirius Black: Well, maybe that bit, but the rest of it? Sounds fairly innocent to me.
James Potter: Or as innocent as Slytherins get, anyway.
Peter Pettigrew: Well, explain this away: the next thing he said was "You will, of course, have to prove your loyalty. I think I have a task that will be suitable." and then he gave him some parchment that was on the table and said "Even if you don't wish to take me up on my offer, I would very much like for you to do that for me. Otherwise, there will be consequences." and then he got up and left.
James Potter: Peter, you dolt, he was bribing him!
Peter Pettigrew: What do you mean?
James Potter: It sounds to me like all he was saying was that he had great connections, and if Snape was good to him, maybe after school, he could help him out.
Peter Pettigrew: Explain the mission he gave him, then.
Sirius Black: What mission?
Peter Pettigrew: On the parchment.
Sirius Black: Idiot. that was probably McNairs homework. Thats what Prongs meant by 'being good to him'.
Peter Pettigrew: Well, why did they chase me then?
Remus Lupin: We can answer that after you explain what happened next. How did they even see you in the first place? You were under the cloak.
Peter Pettigrew: Well, I started dropping Dungbombs, which they weren't too happy about, but they obviously couldn't see who was dropping them. But then, the... erm... well... then the cloak slipped off.
Sirius Black: Let the record show that Prongs slapped his head with the palm of his hand in exasperation.
Peter Pettigrew: So I ran. But honestly, guys. Why else would they chase me for so long, if not because i had overheard their secret Death Eater business?
Remus Lupin: Perhaps because you threw Dungbombs all over their Common Room?
Peter Pettigrew: That is a possibility...
James Potter: (slowly) But Wormtail, whatever happened to the Exploding Broccoli?
Peter Pettigrew: Oh. Well, I guess I must have left it in the Slytherin Common Room.
Sirius Black: Where it could have easily been picked up and thrown at you while the Slytherins were chasing you.
Peter Pettigrew: Well, yes, I suppose if could have...
James Potter: And if they missed, perhaps they might have accidentally blown up the Great Hall.
Remus Lupin: And since there are few other people in this school so widely renown for blowing things up, I suppose the teachers would naturally assume it was us.
James Potter: And they would then give us detentions.
Remus Lupin: Every second day.
Sirius Black: For a month.
James Potter: You know what, Wormtail?
Peter Pettigrew: What?
James Potter: I don't like you very much right now.
Following this statement, Sirius Black and James Potter attempted to disembowel Peter Pettigrew. Their plan was foiled, however, when Frank Longbottom came up to get himself a quill. He restrained both of them, showing much skill and quick-thinking. He is very clever and talented and ruggedly handsome and Frank, can you please stop reading over my shoulder and telling me what to write now. Thank you.
Peter Pettigrew suffered only minor injuries, and the meeting was allowed to continue.
Peter Pettigrew: Well, I'm sorry, but I didn't actually throw the Broccoli.
James Potter: So?
Peter Pettigrew: It was actually the Slytherins.
Sirius Black: We still don't like you.
Peter Pettigrew: Yes. But think about it. The Broccoli fiasco was the fault of the Slytherins. The Slytherins got us a months worth of detentions. Should they be allowed to snicker behind our backs while we suffer? Should they go unpunished?
James Potter: Over my dead body!
Sirius Black: We just finished serving out our sentences for the last prank. Lets not be hasty. I'd like to have a couple more detention free nights, thanks.
Remus Lupin: Technically, we didn't pull that particular prank.
Sirius Black: We got the credit, though.
James Potter: They shall not go unpunished! We shall have our revenge!
Sirius Black: Whatever you say.
James Potter: We shall put spiders in their pies! Love potions in their pumpkin juice! Itching powder in their beds! Ice cubes down their robes!
Remus Lupin: Calm down, James.
James Potter: We shall unleash a rein of terror unlike anything those Slytherins have ever seen!
Peter Pettigrew: Prongs, please stop spitting on me.
James Potter: The slimy, slithery serpents of that house will never be quite the same again!
Sirius Black: Somebody stop him. Before he starts breaking things.
James Potter: Moony, stop scribbling down that stupid crap. You must record our plans! Our plots! Our... REVENGE!
And so, the recording of our meeting comes to an end. The hours that followed were spent planning our Great Plot of Doom, which we were to unleash on the Slytherins. This was cut short when Frank decided to go to bed, and told us all to shut up.
- Fin
--
(Remus)
All is not well inside my head.
I fear that Bob has chained Were-Remus and Mild-Remus up and locked them in a dark corner of my mind. He is now running wild through my brain, laughing madly and scattering hormones wherever he goes. He lets Were-Remus out every full moon, for the price of one bar of chocolate. Mild-Remus, however, has nothing to offer Bob, so sits quietly in his little nook, reading Advanced Transfiguration and turning the pages with difficulty, due to his shackled hands.
I also fear that I have lost my mind.
It has been a week and a half since the first Incident in the Library, and there have been several more Incidents in the Library, two of which have taken place at night, whilst James is asleep.
There has been much sneaking around and stealing of James' invisibility cloak, and while Lily is temporarily satisfied by frequent Incidents in the Library, she is getting curious and more than a bit annoyed by the secrecy. She is also very angry at me for reprehending her for approaching me in class, and wonders as to why there are to be no Incidents in deserted corridors.
If she asks me to go to Hogsmeade with her, I won't be able to. This will no doubt get me a slap and a very upset girlfriend. I highly doubt Lily will be okay with just being a Library Incident, but not a Date. I believe girls who are okay with that are called Sluts. Lily would not appreciate being a Slut.
It does not help that James has started sniffing around after Lily. When Dorcas is not attached to him, he is offering to carry her books, trying to make jokes, and laughing at everything she says, whether or not it is intended to be funny. She looks at him like he has grown a third ear, but it is getting more and more difficult to avoid him during Incidents.
And Sirius is incessantly pestering me to drop her. Its very annoying and its caused the guilt anvil to move from my stomach to my throat. I can feel it every time I swallow, a constant reminder that I am, in Sirius' words, an Arsehole.
Not to mention the Potions paper I'm meant to be working on with Lily is due in next week, and its not even half finished. Somehow, every study session we have, we seem to get distracted.
Odd.
--
(James)
Something strange is going on with Moony.
He's been disappearing for long periods of time, and returning looking very red in the face. He's been distracted, distant and unobservant, which is not like him. He's been reacting oddly every time I ask him a question, or talk to him, or request his opinion.
On a brighter note, Quidditch.
Diggory is the captain this year, and he's holding trials this coming Tuesday. I reckon I'm a shoo-in. I was easily the best Chaser on the team last year, and he'll keep that in mind. Diggory's a Beater – its not usual to have a Beater as Captain, but he's a brilliant player, and I think he'll be great.
I know that Longbottom will try out for Seeker, but so will Monica Johnson, and she was on the team last year.
This year will be our year – there are plenty of brilliant players that will doubtless try out for the team this year. Although the Ravenclaws have got Dearborn for Captain and hes good. I'm sure hes capable of putting together a very able team, so I assume the Ravenclaws will be our challenge this year.
Last night we held a meeting, regarding exactly what happened when Wormtail overheard the Slytherins. Turns out it was McNair, Pucey and a couple of others that actually threw the broccoli, but it was Peter who supplied the weapons, if only accidentally. Anyway, the upshot of the meeting was that McNair and his gang must die for giving us a months worth of detentions. In fact, the whole Slytherin house might have to die, just for good measure.
The plan is --
Damn Longbottom. Can't he just go away? More later.
A/N: Plezplezplez reveiw. Oh, and... does anyone know whether or not you lose your reveiws when you replace chapters? Because that would suck a lot.
Yes, yes, marshmallows to any reveiwers, as always. You will notice I didn't OOC all the characters, because I got a satisfying amount of reveiws. But I expect more. MORE. MORE!
Yeah, I know I'm a reveiw whore.
- Banana :P
