Well holy crap! I'm actually updating for the first time in like.. half a year!
Yeah, sorry about that. But a mixture of Final Fantasy XI and just pure laziness made it impossible for me to write a chapter.. that and SPACE MONSTERS!
It's always those goddamn space monsters!
Disclaimer: Akira Toriyama stole DBZ, travelled back in time in order to own the rights to it, then sued me for $1.5 million!
.---- Frieza: Powerless Incompetence----.
The powering up of the item is complete!
"Well that wasn't too painful!" Goku cheered as he powered down to base. "What do you think Vegeta?"
"Canth iv hath mi toungth bacth!"
"What? I don't understand you!.. Oh no! Vegeta's got the plague, I'll save you Vegeta!.. by using a point-blank Kamehameha blast!"
"kakathroth youu idioth!"
Oh, I think he wants his tounge back..
"Don't be silly!" Goku chuckled as he changed up the Kamehameha. "I know Vegeta has the plague!"
How?
"Using my brain!"
You don't have one, remember?
"Wha-?"
You lost in the battle against Cell.
"Oh yeah..."
.-.
"I know if I use a Kamehameha blast and have it deflect off the moon at and angle of 86 degrees, then I will most surely win this battle Cell!" Goku laughed as he punched numbers into his calculator.
"Yes, I'm sure.. Hey, Goku! LOOK OVER THERE!" Cell screamed and pointed to the east.
"Well I don't see why not..." Goku shrugged and turned away as Cell snuck up and drilled a hole into his skull.
"Father, watch out!" Gohan cried.
"Now Gohan, I'm in the middle of something serious here."
"All done!" Cell smiled as he threw Goku's brain into a nearby ravine.
"Durrrrrr..."
.-.
"Hehe, yeah.. Good times!" Goku chuckled for a few moments before falling over.
Anyway, there's your tounge Vegeta.
"Well it's about bloody time!" Vegeta roared in no particular direction. "Why did you have to remove my tounge for anyway?"
No reason, we just thought it'd be funny.
"Gah!"
.-.
"Hmm, I wonder what this device is for.." Frieza pondered as he flew over what remained of the airport that just blew up."Perhaps it is what I need in order to finally rule the Universe!"
"You can't rule the Universe if you blow the damn thing up!" Some random person called out from below.
"Silence!" Frieza spat. "Now, I need to fin--uh.. Is that a giant muffin flying towards me?"
.-.
"Cell!" Gohan called out as he blasted a massive hole through the wall of the space station.
"No, this is a room. The cells are down the hall to your right." Cooler pointed out.
"Oh, thanks!" Gohan waved and walked away.
"Well that was an odd event." Cooler mumbled as he walked into a bar. Haha!.. wait, he actually did, no joke there.. Oh well, maybe next time.
Gohan walked down the hall, making sure not to blow up the wrong wall this time. "Cell!"
"Gohan!.. Oooh, you crafty devil! Knowing that I would be in an area like my own name!"
"Uh.. yeah. Let's go with that."
"So what do you want!" Cell asked as he pointed at Gohan for no logical purpose.
"I got your letter!"
"Oh.. yes, that letter!" Cell chuckled. "Ah, what a classic!"
"That letter was just rude and uncalled for. So I am here to destroy you!"
"Wait.. what did the letter say again?"
"You left it at Capsule Corp saying that my head was like a hippo and that my ankles stunk like a hundred beavers!"
"That's not a very good insult, you know.." Dodoria pointed out.
"Shut up!" Cell yelled. "Anyway, I guess we'll have to settle this in a super-exciting battle to save the Earth?"
"Yes, yes we will."
"Or so you think! But I have a secret weapon!"
"Is that so?"
"Yes.. behold the awesome power of.. THIS WHITE SHEET!"
"Argh! It floated across the room and bit my hand off at light speed!" Gohan cried as he clutched onto his arm.
"You are no match for it! Now sheet, finish the job!"
"Nooo!" Gohan yelled as he violently crashed through all the walls and was flung out into space. "Curse you!"
"Haha! Good job sheet!" Cell cheered.
"Yes, very nice." Dodoria nodded. "But did you really have to take Gohan out with a piece of fecal matter?"
"Ugh!.." Cell slapped his face. "Sheet, not sh--"
.-.
"So Dr. Gero created you to destroy humanity?" Frieza asked.
"Yes."
"But didn't he create several androids to do that very task?"
"Yes."
"So why bother creating you?"
"He liked muffins."
"I see.."
"No, not really, I made that up. I haven't always been a muffin."
"Surprising."
"Isn't it!"
"So why haven't you destroyed humanity yet?"
"Have you seen those "Janemba! Janemba!" bastards? They are killing them all."
"Janemba! Janemba!"
"Hey! Don't make me come down there!" The muffin shuddered violently.
"So what did you need me for?" Frieza asked.
"I need the wallet you are carrying!"
"What for?"
"It is the ancient wallet of Wakadabonkshoop."
"That's the stupidest name I've ever heard." Frieza groaned.
"Not as bad as your real name Frieza.. or should I say--"
"No! Don't say it, you'll destroy the Universe!"
"That's what I'm trying to do."
"Oh yeah.. But you still shouldn't do it."
"Oh very well. But anyway, the wallet holds the key to the weapon that can turn me back to the way I used to be.. Before I became a delicious freak of sugary nature!"
"Nature is sugary?"
"Why not?"
"Why not indeed!"
.-.
"Those demons are more annoying than I can possibly handle!" A man shouted as he raced down the streets of West City.
"Tell me about it!" Another person responded.
"I just did."
"Oh yeah. Hey, there is a tall blue guy up ahead, maybe he can help us out!"
"Splendid idea." The man cheered as they both approached the creature. "Excuse me, but who are you?"
"I AM SUPER 13!"
"Well that was the answer to our question."
"Indeed, this gentleman certainly knows how to give a quick and to-the-point response."
"Thank you, kind sir!" The man tipped his tophat and continued running.
"I AM SUPER 13?"
"There you are!" Dodoria shouted as he landed nearby. "Cell has been looking all over for you! Quick, we need you to say the password for the White Sheet Universal Destruction device."
"I AM SUPER 13!"
"Yes, that's the one." Dodoria nodded.
"Brilliant!" The man shouted in the distance.
"He's done it again!"
"Bravo!"
.-.
"Man, look at all that insanity happening down on Earth." Popo shuddered as he and the rest of the group stared down at the planet "I should be the one causing it all!"
"Hey, I know!" Krillin stood up. "We should use that device that wipes out all evil in the Universe."
"Of course!" Tenshinhan cheered. "Why didn't we think of it sooner. I mean we all know it exists!"
"And always has!" Yamcha added.
"But we aren't even up to Majin Buu yet." Popo pointed out.
"Majin who?" Krillin scratched his head.
"No, Buu."
"Ahh!"
"Enough of your evil mind tricks!" Tenshinhan laughed. "To the factory!"
.-.
"That's the item?" Vegeta said in disgust. "How is that meant to save the world!"
Oh it's quite simple, really..
"It's a freakin' CD!"
Yes, you see.. we sneak up on Frieza, and upload a deadly virus into him, which will shut down all the other villians on Earth, allowing as to..
"Frieza isn't a computer, you know."
Sure he is! Just ask Goky! Oh wait...
"Goky?"
Goku's good brother. He saved the day back on Namek when Goku was fighting Frieza..
.-.
"Haha!" Frieza laughed. "Watch as I go to push you into this lava which will obviously kill you and you won't be able to come back because they're wishing on the Earth Dragonballs.. which I shouldn't know about.. oh well!"
"Oh no!" Goku yelled out. "I am about to be smote!"
"Gokuuuu!" A voice cried out as it appeared on the scene.
"Goky! What are you doing here?"
"I am here to save you, brother!" Goky replied as he pushed his brother out of the way and into a body of water nearby.
"Gah! My one chance to kill that pesky Saiyan!" Frieza cried in anger. "Oh well, guess I'll shove you into the lava!"
So he did.
"Argh! The lava, it burns me! As no-one would ever be able to survive in it!"
"Hahaha!"
"Time to avenge Goky!" Goku called out as he appeared out of the water a few moments later.
.-.
He was a true hero! Unlike that pesky Future Trunks!"
.-.
"All I can be is myself.." Trunks sniffed.
.-.
"Kakarot! Why didn't you tell me you had another brother?"
"I'unno. You never told me you had a sister!"
"I do not!"
"Sure you do, I've read about it."
"Lies and slander!" Vegeta roared. "Well what about those two teenage women you found the other day that come from another version of Earth!"
"Hey! At least they aren't as bad as that totally original character that appeared on the lookout one day and fell in love with you!"
"Her name is Mary!"
"Mary?" Goku laughed as he started to go cross-eyed and make wierd arm movements. "More like "DUHHHHHHHH!'"
"That's a
stupid insult!"
"Like your face!"
.-.
"I.. am still alive?" Gohan said aloud as he slowly opened his eyes. "Where am I?"
"Don't move. You've had a long trip." A voice called out.
"Just tell me where I am."
"You're still in space."
"Oh, so how am I still alive?"
"You won't be for very long."
"That's not very comforting."
"Well I guess I shouldn't tell you who I am then."
"Who are you?"
"The White Sheet."
"FIEND!" Gohan opened his eyes and went to punch the sheet.
"I'm behind you."
"Oh, right."
"Moron."
"So how I am alive now?" Gohan asked. "I should be dead by now..."
"The Super Saiyan 3.. it grows inside you."
"But that's a pansy transformation." Gohan growled as he looked down at Earth. "FOR PANSIES!"
"But it's what is keeping you alive right now. For it is the most awesome and best form ever!"
"You speak lies!" Gohan pointed and screamed.
"No, I tell the truth. Allow me to explain to you the story of the first Super Saiyan 3 ever.."
