Chapter 68: Finally Talking
"Derek!" She didn't even try to hide the concern in her voice as she fell to her knees beside him. "Are you alright? Don't move, you could have-"
"I'm fine," he hissed, sitting down, and brushing the dust off his clothes. "Damn," he hissed in pain.
"What?" Meredith's hands nervously checked his head, chest, and limbs for any signs of injury. "Where does it hurt?"
"What happened?" Charlie asked overhead.
"Everything's okay!" Meredith shouted back. "Continue with your trip. We're going to be just fine!"
"Are you sure? We could-"
"I'm sure!" The odd couple, as Derek described them, could only make matters worse. It was funny to watch Derek being molested by them but this whole thing had gotten out of hand. It usually did whenever she and Derek were involved.
"Well, then, we hope to see you in Rachel, Meredith!"
"Thank heavens you've got rid of them," Derek took a deep breath and heaved himself up to his feet, wincing. "Psychopaths…"
"I'm sure some people would consider stalking a sign of psychopathy… but… it's probably not the right time to argue. Let me see your eyes, you might have a concussion."
"I didn't hurt my head, I didn't even fall on it," he grunted.
"On what then?" she asked taking his hands in hers to examine them. "These are some nasty lacerations; they need to be cleaned. What possessed you to break your fall with million-dollar surgeon hands?"
"Maybe I wanted to protect something else more?" he cleared his throat, his cheeks reddening.
"Like what?" She walked around him gently dusting him off, but she stopped abruptly when she noticed a trampled cactus on the ground, the only cactus in a few feet radius. She cleared her throat. "Derek, did you fall on that?" She really tried to keep her voice neutral, but she was sure he picked up the hint of amusement. He didn't break anything, he seemed fine, and the situation had started to look comical.
He glared at her, his lips going into a thin straight line. "It's your fault."
"My fault?" she snorted. "No one pushed you into that poor plant! Great aim, by the way!"
"Of course, you think it's funny!" he snapped, deeply offended. "And 'poor cactus'? What about me?"
"You survived," she shrugged off. "Possibly with the exception of your ego."
"Oh, trust me, I forgot what my ego was months ago," he grumbled.
"Well, then, you're fine, I'm going to get going."
She turned to depart but Derek grabbed her arm quickly. "I need medical attention."
"Don't even look at me. You've got a plastic surgeon for a brother to take care of your hands."
"There's that… and I need you to take out the cactus spines."
"I'm sure he's well qualified to cope with that task too," Meredith said hastily and tried to leave but Derek's fingers had no intention of letting go of her elbow. "You're not going to drag me into this, Derek. You have the whole family of doctors with you."
"I'm not going to ask my sister to pull cactus needles out of my ass," he snapped.
Meredith stifled a snort that erupted in her throat. "The plastic guy then, your brother."
"No! It's a guy thing!"
"Your mother?"
"Are you serious?" he huffed.
"Cowboy up, it's just a few spines," she squirmed under his demanding stare. It was clear he wasn't going to let it go.
"Just a few spines? You know what they could cause? Deep tissue inflammation, systemic infection…" he enumerated, out of breath. "Besides, I can't drive."
Meredith pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling she was losing the battle.
"You owe me, Meredith." He knew he was exaggerating a little, but he was going to milk the situation as much as he could.
"I can't freaking believe this," Meredith muttered under her breath and started to stride back to her jeep.
"You are a talented man, Derek, very," Meredith said sarcastically as she bustled around her office grabbing the necessary items. She had just finished dressing the cuts on his hands and was about to take care of his other injury. He knew he was in for a little rant. "You get lost in the desert in the middle of a storm, you get lice from the dog, you lock yourself out naked… and now this. Why am I always involved?"
"Must be fate," he grinned mischievously.
"Wipe that smirk off your face," she ordered standing in front of him and putting on a pair of latex gloves. "And drop your pants."
Derek cocked one eyebrow. "I've wanted to hear you say that for months, but these are not the circumstances I've been dreaming of."
"Don't make me repeat that," she sighed. "I still don't know why I even agreed on doing this. Turn around and lean down."
He did what she asked him to but even though she had seen him naked more times than he could even count, he couldn't help feeling a bit stupid.
"I can always get someone else to do that," Meredith offered quickly, easily picking up on his embarrassment.
"I don't think I'd be feeling any less idiotic with someone else plucking needles out of my ass," he replied dryly. "It stings."
"Poor baby. You were afraid of an infection, weren't you?" She went on with her current task ignoring the absurdity of the situation. They were broken up, they fought, and now she was staring at his naked ass. Just great. She bit her lip; it was a nice ass; she had almost forgotten how nice.
"I missed you," he declared suddenly.
"No talking, please," she shushed him. "Your buttocks are at stake."
"I missed talking to you," Derek went on as if he hadn't heard her. "Especially… especially, after the trial took off. The grant… I missed our conversations, your advice…"
"Derek!" she interrupted him again, raising her voice. "Be quiet and let me work. If you don't, I might decide a thorough rectal exam is advisable."
With a sigh, Derek resolved to keep his mouth shut. Meredith was perfectly capable of fulfilling her threat and at least he wanted to be able to walk if he couldn't sit down. He would attempt to get her to talk after he was able to pull up his pants.
Before any of this could happen, they heard loud footsteps coming from the foyer and seconds later the door burst open, Carolyn, Amelia, Mark and Addison hurrying inside breathlessly, which didn't stop them from bombarding the two with questions.
"Derek, are you alright?"
"What happened?"
"Are you hurt?"
"You called them?" Derek rounded on Meredith with reproach, trying to save the remnants of his dignity clutching his slacks up.
"I told Izzie to let them know. They'd probably think you were dead or something. And someone had to pick up your car," she shrugged and tried to return to her task, but he jumped away from her.
"Excuse us," Mark smirked, carefully watching Derek and Meredith. "We thought that Derek had had some kind of an accident but… it seems there's something else entirely going on in here." He eyed Meredith's gloves suspiciously.
"I'm fine," Derek gritted through his teeth. "Why don't you all go home."
"We can't go home not knowing why we were even called here in the first place!" Carolyn frowned slightly but the corner of her lips twitched.
"Cutting the long story short, Derek's backside had a close encounter with a member of the succulent plant family." Predictably, her announcement was followed by peals of robust laughter. "I'm just taking care of the consequences," she went on as they subdued, and the tears were wiped off. "Any volunteers to take over the task?"
"Eww," Amelia grimaced and cleared off without giving a second glance.
"We'll leave you to it," Carolyn nodded discreetly and dragged out Mark who looked as if he was enjoying himself greatly. Only Addison seemed to be lagging behind. With her hand on the knob, she turned back to Meredith to say, "Meredith, if I may call you that, I want you to know that there isn't and never was anything between Derek and me. Whatever you can say about Mark, I love him and I'm happy with him. I'm telling you the truth, a woman to a woman. And I hope we can be friends too?" she asked looking at her expectantly.
"Is there anything else you want to say? I've got more things to do than fixing up Derek's butt."
Addison hesitated but there was nothing left for her to do other than leave with a small sigh and an encouraging smile sent in Derek's direction. Meredith went back to dressing Derek's 'wounds' and the two of them didn't utter a word the entire time.
"There you go," Meredith announced when she finished, giving him a small slap on the butt before she could stop herself. "I don't foresee any lasting damage."
"Addison was telling the truth, you know," he spoke up while buckling up his belt fleetingly mourning another pair of slacks ruined. "You must have realized by now that we have never been romantically involved in any way! How could you even think like that? On what basis?"
She busied herself with washing her hands vigorously, her eyes downcast, feeling the force of his gaze on the back of her head.
"I'm sorry." One of his hands raked his messy black mane with frustration. "I don't want to argue, I don't want to make any reproaches. I know… that letting me in your life… and trusting me… wasn't easy. And you had warned me at the start it wouldn't be."
She remained silent, wiping her hands a little too long than normally.
"I also want you to know that I didn't fail your trust. Yes, my family knows who you are, who you were in New York. I didn't tell them, they just got to know the truth. We're very close knit, and apparently, I've been very obviously in love," he chuckled. "It didn't help either that you've been Amelia's idol since time immemorial. But none of them… they have no idea why you left New York, why you're here. I've kept your secret, Mer. I respect you more than that."
Derek took her silence for a good sign and tentatively, got closer. She wasn't shouting at him or running away.
"Meredith?" he asked with hope. "Say something?"
She crumpled the soaked wet paper towel and threw it into the bin. She leaned forward against the sink heavily. "Don't you have enough, Derek?" she asked in a barely audible whisper.
"What?" He was somewhat taken-aback.
"Have you not had enough of going after fool's errands? Of chasing me? Of getting your ass kicked, of being constantly embarrassed and humiliated?"
A frown marred his forehead, he couldn't see where she was going with those questions, but he would be perfectly honest with her.
"I have not had enough," he said simply. "Because I know our relationship is worth every effort."
At long last, she turned to face him. This time, she didn't care to keep her guard up. She allowed him to see how resigned and tired she truly was. "A hopeless romantic, as always," she sighed.
"Not so hopeless," he stated with a faint smile. "You're talking to me, that's progress."
"I'm talking to you because I'm tired. Avoiding you is exhausting with your perky insistent self-shadowing my every step." There was no trace of anger or annoyance about her, she wasn't trying to hurt him.
"Desperate times call for desperate measures," he grinned. But soon enough, he sobered up. He was aware of just how much was at stake. "Do you believe what I said, do you believe me?"
He awaited her answer in tension but to his immense relief, her lips opened to utter a single syllable, "Yes."
"Yes?" he laughed in disbelief. He had expected more resistance.
"I saw you and Addison at the gala," she said reluctantly.
"Saw me and Addison?" he repeated her words, astonished. "She went with me because Mark was pissed, I hadn't told him about my plans to move to Rachel. We just sat there and talked and ate…"
"I know that but…" she trailed off. "You can't imagine how going back made me feel. You know what happened to me, you can empathize, but you can never imagine. I hadn't even known myself that it would affect me so much. I toyed with the idea of going for several weeks but I would have probably never dared if it hadn't been for Cristina. She booked the flight… and everyone was so encouraging. I thought why not? I thought I could do this." She lowered her voice, "I missed you too, I wanted to see you. I wanted to be by your side when the trial succeeded."
Derek's lungs didn't know how to react. First, they released a sigh of relief only to quicken his breath. Meredith was admitting her feelings; she was speaking up and she was telling the truth.
"I thought I was going to be fine, I kept telling myself that over and over like a mantra. But it was beyond me…" Her voice broke but she was determined to resume. "He… was everywhere with me. Wherever I went, his presence weighed on me as though I was carrying him on my back. I kept seeing his face in the mirror beside mine. His voice rang in my ears. And it brought back all the feelings I thought I put behind me for good. They all came back with such a force I thought I was going to drown. That pain, betrayal, humiliation…" Meredith whispered shakily, turning her head so that her face was half hidden by the curtain of her hair.
"By the time I arrived at the hotel, I was a nervous wreck, a ticking bomb. Then… I saw you and… and… the red head with her arms around you. What woman would be happy to see a beautiful stranger embracing her man? I know it was nothing but back then, it was the final straw. I just couldn't take it anymore. A second of doubt was enough to send me running to Nevada, without taking a single look back."
"Without a word," Derek whispered.
"I could breathe again; I didn't feel like I would suffocate at any given second. I felt at home again, and that prevented me from contacting you, from thinking about you. Somewhere at the back of my mind, I realized I had behaved like a complete moron, and a bitch."
"You were hurting-"
"Don't try to justify my behavior, Derek. I could have easily repaired the mess I made. I chose not to. Because there's one thing that trip to New York made me realize, or, it simply confirmed what I knew all along and what you had made me doubt."
"What's that?" He moved closer so that there were only mere inches separating them. Every fiber of his body yearned to be close to her. The self-control he was exercising on himself not to sweep her into his arms was almost painful.
"That I am broken beyond repair. I've become distrustful to a pathological degree."
"It feels like we've already had this conversation."
"We have, and you managed to convince me that we could give it a try. I was right though, I knew better. I have tried, Derek, I have, but I will never be able to trust anyone completely."
"That's not true," he argued gently. "You do trust me, and I don't care how long it's going to take to make you see that."
"But I do. This is no way to live. I don't want to keep hurting you and I don't want to keep hurting myself. Don't you see? I'm his prisoner. You want to share me with another man?"
Derek flinched at her words, just as if she had struck him across the cheek again.
"He will always be right behind me like a shadow, following me closer than you ever could. You only wasted half a year on me. You can go back to your life, forget about me-"
"How do you reckon that?" he asked patiently. "I've been thinking about you constantly. It's not like I can press a switch and forget you. I'm staying, Mer. We'll be working together."
"Yeah, I still haven't wrapped my mind around it… It's nothing that cannot be reversed. You can work wherever you want."
"True," he nodded. "It's here that I want to work. It's not only about you, Mer. It's my home now too."
"You intend to stay then," Meredith sighed. "Nothing will change your mind?"
"Nothing," he whispered. She felt the heat of that whisper on her cheek as he slowly closed the distance. She was trapped between his sweetly familiar body and the sink, his arms softly brushing hers.
"Who am I to deny you that," she said to his chest, not able to meet his eye.
Derek's hand shook slightly as he slowly raised it, resting his thumb against her chin, gently lifting her head.
She allowed herself to gaze into the fathomless blue depths of his eyes, determined not to give in even though there was nothing she craved more. "Why don't we make a deal then?" she said quietly. "I'll let you work here and live in peace, if that's what you want, and you will let me be."
"I'm afraid that latter part is unacceptable," he insisted, his voice still gentle as silk.
"I don't have anything else to give," she stated, backing off from his touch and slipping away under his arm. She crossed the room in a few strides, only to pause at the door to drop a barely audible "I'm sorry, Derek.".
He was left alone in the darkening office. He stumbled to a chair, fearing that his legs would give in under him as if he had run a mile. In a lot of ways, he achieved more than he had anticipated, or hoped for. However, he still had to take down the last and the greatest obstacle that separated them.
Not being able to come up with a better idea now, he chose Cristina's number.
"McWeepy, I'm led to assume that playing doctor with Mer all afternoon has come to nothing. Otherwise, you'd be too busy to call me," she snickered.
"I wouldn't say it has come to nothing…" he hesitated.
"You quoted her that article of yours?"
"No, I just… It wasn't the right moment…" he stammered but it didn't sound truthful even to him.
"Every moment is the right moment," Cristina sighed. Derek could almost hear through the phone when she rolled her eyes. "You're just afraid. That all you've done will really come to nothing. That you won't be able to help her."
He swallowed hard; he couldn't deny that statement when faced with the stark truth.
"You still there, McWeepy? You can stop weeping now, I have a solution to your problem."
"A solution?" he asked suspiciously.
"Yep. I'm throwing a birthday party tomorrow. As of now, you're on my guest list."
