Disclaimer: Akira Toriyama casts Rights to DBZ on the Goblin Gambler. The Goblin Gambler takes 10456 points of damage!

.-----Frieza: Powerless Incompetence!-----.

On the far off planet of Vegeta, way back before any of that Tuffle business ruined it. There existed a town near the ocean! In this town lived Washubee.

"But I don't own a bee. Nor would I ever want to wash it if I actually did have one.."

Shut up, Gohan. Anyway! Washubee was laughed at for having a really, really stupid hairstyle. So you know what he did? He went into a homicidal rage and killed the entire town, then bathed in their blood.

"That's terrible!"

Well he was a Saiyan. King Vegeta the minus twentieth found out about this horrible deed!

"You fiend!" King Vegeta called out. "I was going to eat those Saiyans!"

"But they tasted so good!"

"I know, that's why I wanted them!" Vegeta roared. "As punishment for this, you will be sent off to the most annoying planet in the entire Universe!"

"No!" Washubee called out. "Surely not.."

"Yes.. Earth!"

"E-ARF?"

"Don't do that joke. It's stupid.. Now off you go!"

"Nooooo!"

You see, Washubee had been picked on his entire life for having a vomit-inducing hairstyle and only have a powerlevel of negative six. Usually this would of caused the person to be well.. dead. But he was special! He was so incredibly stupid that the Universe and all normal logic warped around him, found out how dull he was, and just gave up and went elsewhere to bug people about how they're always right. So after kicking some babies, which was traditional at the time, Washubee was fired out of a cannon and shot off towards Earth. But meanwhile on Earth, there was a man.. his name was.. uh.. Barry.

"Actually my name is Se--"

So Barry was out wrestling dinosaurs as he so often did.

"No I don't.."

So BARRY was out WRESTLING FRICKIN' DINOSAURS!.. when his best friend in the entire world showed up.

"Hello Barry!" Jim called out. "My, doesn't it hurt when that dinosaur eats your leg?"

"Why yes, yes it does."

As the Velociraptor devoured Barry's leg, the Saiyan screamed through the atmosphere and landed square on Jim's head. Because Jim was really a Nazi, you know...

"Jim!" Barry called out. "Oh poo!.. now who is going to lead me to Poland?"

"Ragh!" The Velociraptor called out.

The Saiyan quickly stood up, brushed off the remains of Jim, and looked around at Barry.

"You! Why have you no tail!"

"Because humans don't have tails."

"What is a 'human'?"

"I am."

"I don't like you.." Washubee muttered and blasted Barry into oblivion. "Hahaha!"

"I am dead!" Barry called out.

Washubee decided that Earth was rather annoying, so he went into the nearby town to blow it up.

"Mommy, what's that thing in the sky?" A child asked.

"It looks like a person flying towards us!"

"CHILD!" Washubee called out as he raced towards the ground, picked up the child and punted her across the hills in one swift movement.

"Hey!" The mother called out. "I wanted to do that!"

"What? Are you this planets version of Prince Vegeta?"

"Vegeta?"

"So you admit it!" The Saiyan cried out. "Prepare to die!"

So he destroyed the woman and the entire town. But this was only the beginning of Washubees crazy adventures. He would go on to fight the evil carrot monsters, Brolly - who managed to go back in time to try and destroy Goku's ancestors but ended up being killed by looking into the Sun and exploding, more Nazis, the Borg, Khan, Christmas and so on. But the most powerful villian was approaching Earth.. an evil so evil that the only way someone could possibly describe it's evil was by evily saying "Daaamn, that's some evil mojo going on out there!"

"Daaamn, that's so--ARGH MY LUNGS!"

"Eh." Washubee shrugged as he tossed the remains of the man over another set of hills. "I wonder what there is to eat around here.."

"meow?"

"Kitty!" The Saiyan yelled out in pain as the kitten approached. "Stay away! Stay awaaay!"

Yes, they say that Saiyans have no real weakness except for their arrogance. But obviously the people who say that have never seen a Saiyan try and get near a kitten. The cuteness of these creatures causes the Saiyans brain to swell up and explode if they stay around for too long.. but there is one way around this weakness. NUKLEAR DETONATION!

"Mwahahaha!" Washubee laughed as a giant mushroom cloud appeared in front of him. "Bad kitty go boom!"

But it was at this time the evil evilness appear on Earth. It didn't take long for it to track down Washubee.

"Hello there, Saiyan." A voice called out.

"Who's there!"

"It is I, Meowlor! A creature made entirely... out... of... Kittens!"

"You lie!" Washubee called out as he turned around and faced the direction where the voice was coming. Sadly though, he couldn't see anything, as a seven thousand meter tall man made entirely out of kittens blocked his road. "Oh snap!"

"Prepare to die Saiyan!"

"Why do you want to kill me for!"

"I was designed by Vegeta to kill you!" Meowlor explained. "He used a race called the Tuffles to constuct me.. of course, the Tuffles became so annoyed with creating me that they decided to get back at the Saiyans and programmed me to kill all of them!"

"FIEND!"

"No. Kitten."

"Right."

"Shall we do battle, Saiyan?"

"No thanks. I don't like dying."

"Too bad."

"Awww." Washubee sighed. Not as in he found Meowlor adorable, though he certainly was, "Awww" as in he was expressing sadness in that he would have to die. You see, people don't like dying...

And so the epic battle begun. With Washubee running away screaming like a girl, and Meowlor following him laughing like an idiot. After a chase that took them all around the world, Meowlor finally caught up with Washubee and punched him so hard that he actually exploded then imploded then exploded once more, bringing him back to a normal state. Needless to say, that hurt him.

"Ow!" Meowlor cried out.

NOT YOU, MORON!

"Sorry.."

"Ow!" Washubee cried out in pain. "That hurt!.. I just thought I'd say that for some reason."

"Oh."

The Saiyan knew that he was greatly outmatched and took off as fast as he could until he ended up in a cave on the other side of the planet!

"Man! What an exciting chase, I sure hope that if anyone was going to retell the events that are happening today that they make sure to describe how awesome it surely way. I mean, the way those whales and dinosaurs actually battled the kittens and their army of ninjas that fell out of a vortex in time.. wacky!"

"Are you the one who is fleeing from the kittens?" A croaky voice spoke out.

"Oh no! Now an old man is going to finish me off!"

"I'm not going to kill you. Instead, I am going to show you how to destroy the kitten menace!"

"Please, do tell."

"I am going to! Now the secret is to use this very item I am holding."

"I can't see you.." Washubee pointed out. "You're hiding in the shadows, acting all mysterious."

"Oh, right, sorry. I haven't had visitors in a while."

"Surprising."

"So, use this item of mine to unlock your power and destroy the kittens!"

"But I hear people like kittens. What if I harness their power to rule the Universe?"

"But what good is ruling the Universe if your brain has exploded from being near the kittens?"

"You are indeed wise beyond your years!" Washubee bowed in respect. "And now I shall use thi---... uh?"

"What is wrong?"

"Is this a wallet?"

"Yes. Use it to transform yourself into your true form!"

"Will my hair look any better?"

"Probably not. It's really stupid looking."

"I know.." The Saiyan sighed. "Oh well, I am off to defeat the kittens!"

"Good luck, brave but incredibly moronic soul!"

And so Washubee flew out of the cave and went to track down Meowlor, who was currently playing with a bowl of yarn, acting all cute like. People from miles around came to see a gigantic man made out kittens roll around yarn. Sadly, due to Meowlor being to freakishly large, whenever he moved, he killed millions of people. But they didn't care, they figured if they were going to die, then it might as well be from an intergalactic seven thousand meter tall kitten demon. Well, why not? Anyway, Meowlor sensed Washubee approaching and started to clean himself for the fight.

"Ewwww!" The people below screamed in digust. "But Awwwww!"

Then they were crushed. HAHA!

"Ow!"

"Kitten demon from beyond the stars, I am here to destroy your soul!"

"I have more than one soul.. since, you know.. being made out of trillions of cats."

"Don't get smart with me!" Washubee called out. "I have the weapon that will destroy you!"

"Oh no! Not The Wallet!"

"Oh yes!"

"Oh no!"

"Oh yes!"

"Oh no!"

"Oh shut up!"

"Sorry." Meowlor sniffed.

"Now to achieve my true form!" Washubee called out at he ate the wallet.

Now this was when all sorts of creepy stuff started to go down. As well as some planes..

"Ahhh! Mayday!"

But we don't care about them. Anyway, the sky started to go all sorts of wierd colours, which would explain said planes crashing. The Saiyans hair started to turn gold in colour, and giant bony ridges replaced his eyebrows. Also, he gained the power of Pure Awesome and became the Universes first Super Saiyan 3!

"Haha!" Washubee cheered in victory. "I am now awesome and immune to your kitten powers! Prepare to die!"

"Oh noes!.. But your hair still sucks."

"Shut up!" The Saiyan yelled as he suddenly begun to lose power. "Uh... help? Old man?"

"HA! Your body cannot take the pressure of being Awesome!"

"Oh snap!" Washubee cried as he reverted back to base form and his brain, along with his entire body, exploded violently.

Meowlor laughed in triumph. But he didn't see the old man from the cave run up and grab the falling wallet!

"And now evil beast! I shall trap you in this crusty old wallet, may this tomb full of movie coupons and lint be your holding cell forever!"

"NooOoooO!" Meowlor screamed oddly as he began to be sucked into the wallet. After a bunch of cool camera-angles and spiffy effects, he was trapped inside the wallet.

The Old Man did not want to risk having humanity ever facing the evil kitten demon again, so he created a rocket out of peas and wood (which was all that was available at the time.) And fired the rocked out into space! Where it landed in the middle of a riot on a far away planet and triggered a civil war that would end up in the destruction of half the Universe. Meanwhile, on Vegeta, the Tuffles invaded and cast the Saiyans into the wastlelands beyond their old cities. Oh, and someone tripped over a shoe at some point. I'm not sure who it was though. It might of been King Vegeta.

"Down I go!"

And so the Universe had witnessed not only the most stupid attempt at getting rid of someone, I mean really now! Having a race of ugly monsters create a demon made of kittens just to destroy one man? What the hell was with that? Oh well, and they also experienced the power of Pure Awesome with the first Super Saiyan 3 ever. Many more would appear over the years, but they had much cooler stories than being attacked by a kitten monstet. Their stories were about the exploration of their very souls and what it meant to be a warrior on the inside as they faced their inner demons as well as protected the Universe and the ones they loved against more serious, cooler monsters.

I mean really! Kittens? God..

King Vegeta should of been hung for that.

Oh wait, he was.

Nevermind!