Disclaimer: DBZ to rights the owns Toriyama Akira.

.----- Frieza: Powerless Incompetence -----.

"Wait.. So you Saiyans are afraid of kittens?" Frieza scratched his head.

"Mommy..." Vegeta muttered as he cowered in a fetal position. ".. I miss.. my..."

"... That has to be the worst weakness I've ever heard.."

"What about Brolly?" Goku suggested as he appeared.

"What! Where did you come from!" Frieza jumped back.

"I'unno."

"Well.. go back there!"

"Hmm.." Goku sheepishly looked at the ground while nibbling away on his hand. "Was I doing something before?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"No idea. Hey! Vegeta!"

"What!"

"What am I doing here?"

"How should I know!"

"Well you seem to revolve your entire life around me.."

"I do not!"

"I think you made it your life's goal to kill me."

"No.." Vegeta waved his hand in the air. "Don't be silly. It was.. uh.. Krillin. G..-go kill Krillin!"

"I don't know.."

"Well kill that gigantic.. ugh.. kitten thing behind you.."

"Kittens!" Goku screamed as he looked behind him. "Ahhh!"

"What did I do to deserve this?" Frieza sighed as flew off and left the Saiyans to their own demise.

.-.

"So there is an alternate evil version of me destroying the world?" The gentleman Janemba asked Cell.

"Yes! I just said that! Why did you just copy what I said?"

"I don't know. It was an odd thing to say..." Janemba scratched his chin. "So basically I just have to fuse with the evil version and it will end the entire crisis?"

"You're doing it again! Argh!"

"Oh. Sorry."

"Anyway, yes. Go do that."

"But how do I get there?"

"Okay, I'll teleport you to him. Happy?"

"So basically you're going to.."

"Stop doing that!"

.-.

"Super Saiyan 3, huh?" Gohan thought aloud as he sat on top of the comet. "No!.. Never!.. It's a pansy mode. FOR PANSIES! I am Chou! That makes me awesome."

That hasn't happened yet!

"What was that?"

This.. is your brain. It's been a while.

"Oh. Yo."

Uh.. yeah. Anyway. I know you hate it, but you must unlock Super Saiyan 3 for the good of the Universe.

"Why not just let it be destroyed and have Dende remake it again?"

Because.. Dende is now a Janemba clone.

"Since when!"

Since he decided to do it in order to escape Guru.

.-.

"Janemba?" Dende asked.

"Janemba.." Barry replied.

"Janemba!"

"Janemba!"

"TURLES!" The Saiyan called out.

"Janemba?"

"No. Turles!"

"Janemba?"

"No.."

"T..Tanemba?"

"No!"

"Janemba!"

"Shut up! It's Turles!"

"Tur.. enmba?"

"Nonononononoooo." Turles shook his head. "Tur. Les."

"Turl---"

"Yes!"

"leee"

"Yes!"

"..ENBA!"

"Oh God damn it!"

"Janemba!"

.-.

"What do we do!" Goku started to panic as Meowlor advanced towards them.

"Mwahahahaha!" The dishwasher laughed. "Destroy them!"

"Yeah.." Meowlor turned out. "I kind of gathered that."

"Sorry. I figured you were one of those 'Crush. Kill. Grrrr.' type of monsters."

"Your assumptions hurt us both. I wish to have a brief discussion about this with you.."

"Kill these guys first, then do it."

"Why? What did they ever to do me?"

"What?" The dishwasher looked on in surprise. "They're Saiyans. Kill them!"

"No. During my many years inside that wallet.. I got to some serious thinking.."

"Oh no.."

"You see." Meowlor picked up Vegeta. "I like Saiyans. They're easy and comfortable to wear!"

"What!" Vegeta looked up at the demon before his body started to puff up. "Uh oh.. weth alerthgic tah kithenths..."

"While, yes, one did try to kill me years ago." Meowlor continued. "It was only because I did some intolerable things to hurt his ego-circle."

"..Kill me.." The dishwasher muttered. "Please.."

"ith thinkth ma hearth hasth stothed..."

"You can do it, Vegeta! Fight the good fight!" Goku cheered on the inflating Saiyan.

".. and that in turn caused him to send me into a pulse-negative shame well."

"That isn't even a phrase!"

"Isn't it, dishwasher. Isn't it?"

"No!"

"If you think about it for a while.. it actually might be."

"No. It just isn't."

"I know you're trying to hurt me." Meowlor sighed. "But I have learnt to accept criticism. I am now going to take my friend Vegeta to the local club so we may talk about how feelings over a glass of fruit punch. I bid you all good day."

"Get back here!" The dishwasher screamed. "I command you!"

"Come, Vegeta. Let us begin to talk about or wives.. I don't have a wife, actually.."

"need.. senthu.. beanth."

"I agree." Meowlor smiled. "I do believe that with hard work we can make the world a much nicer and more eco-friendly place for all."

.-.

On the planet Korratnsaa X-456321, a family was out having a picnic under the wonderful seventeen suns that inhabited the Solar System. Of course, there was only one Sun, the other ones were just moons that the inhabitants of the planet liked to call suns. The dominant race, the Clipboard people (who in fact looked nothing like clipboard. It was just a coincidence) liked to everything on the planet 'sun'. So being fired into the sun was usually just being fired into a patch of flowers or cotton. Though it sometimes may mean being fired into the actual Sun. It was random and made court settlements a lot more interesting on the planet. But that has nothing to do with our story. Anyway, the family was having a picnic when the noticed a trail of fire screaming down from the sky. It slammed into the ground.. and didn't make a crater at all..

"What was that?" One of the children asked.

"Well that was obviously a mysterious white sheet that was floating around in space and just so happened to land on this planet." The father answered.

"You're so knowledgeable, daddy!"

"I know, son. I know."

"Son!" A person said from behind a bush.

"Yes.. My son."

"Son... Go... KAKAROTTO!" Brolly jumped out of the bushes. "KAKAROTTO!"

"It's hideous!" The mother shrieked. "Quick! Get the Saiyan Hunting Manual!"

"Here you go!" The daughter replied.

"That was fast.."

"Well you did ask for it."

"True." The mother nodded. "Anyway.."

Section: 445a

.- How to get rid of Saiyans. -.

Your average Saiyan is usually incredibly weak. Unless of course they have been fighting many

different monsters across countless planets while working for a tyrannical leader who may or may not

have a gender. Usually Saiyans can be killed by putting them near kittens. Of course, if you come

across a Saiyan that has a poorly written backstory. Just chuck anything at him. By this point he would

have been killed so many times he's actually just struggling to survive against the atoms that come into

contact with him every second.

"KAKAROTTO!" Brolly screamed before quivering. "K..Kakarotto?"

"Quick! Duck for cover!" The father yelled as Brolly exploded violently.

"But.. none of us chucked anything at him.." The son commented.

"Oh well. At least the terror is finally over.."

Note: If destroyed too many times. Said Saiyan can actually become weak to himself... You heard me!

.-.

"Well, there goes my plan." The dishwasher sniffed. "All my work and killing for nothing!"

"Really?" Frieza chucked as he walked up behind the object. "Well it's finally my turn to kill you!"

"No!"

"Wait.. does that make me a good guy? I mean, if I kill the villain without actually doing anything bad myself, would I be considered a hero? That seems very odd for a fellow like me. I killed millions, if not billions of different life forms, yet here I am protecting a planet I like against a fiend much like myself. So.. if I save a planet I like and don't really care for the people on it.. does that make it selfish? If so, then I am no longer a hero. That's good!.. Wait. But I do kind of like the humans now. That's bad!.. No, that's good, which is what I'm currently debating out loud. So do I really want to be a hero? I mean, it's not like there aren't countless other planets out there exactly like this one in every way.. so I can just go over to them. So why aren't I doing that instead of standing here debating about it? Such an odd way to have a discussion with one's self. "Frieza: Hero" does have kind of a nice ring to it.. but "Frieza: Bitchin' overlord of the pirates." sounds a lot better, I guess. Hmm, to be a hero. What do you think, Mr. Dishwasher?"

"M.. Mr Dishwasher?"

"You're gone, aren't you?"

"Shit."

.-.

"Okay. Here you are.." Cell muttered. "Now go do that thing of yours."

"So, you mean.."

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!" Cell screamed before vanishing.

"So.. find Janemba, huh?"

.-.

"Wait. I'm confused." Goku shrugged.

"You're confused?" Frieza shouted. "Did you even hear what I just blurted out?"

"No. What's the item that you're using. Isn't it that thing that Vegeta was looking for in the creepy-arse place."

"No. That was the item to stop me.. I think."

"Oh." Goku nodded. "Then what was that item you were using to destroy the world then?"

"The wallet. I think."

"How could you not know?" Goku asked. "I mean it was yours!"

"I just found it one day, you know.."

"Oh."

"So what the hell is going on?" Frieza looked around.

"I have no idea.."

.-.

"Turles!"

"Turles!"

"Turles!"

"Yes, yes the power is mine!" The Saiyan cheered in victory.

"Hello, chaps." Janemba called up to the millions of brainwashed people. "You haven't seen a creature called Janemba, have you?"

"Tur... Janem--"

"Don't listen to him!" Turles shouted. "TURLES!"

"Turles!"

"Turles!"

"Better." The Saiyan nodded. "Anyway, no we have not.."

"Oh. Well thank you anyway." Janemba waved goodbye and walked off. "What a nice man."

"Turles!"

"Turles!"

"Turtle!"

"Oh shut up, Nail."

.-.

"Kwahahsheeeeehehehe!" Janemba laughed as he only just now noticed that Goku had vanished. He was pretty slow. "Hehehehehehe!"

"Oh, there you are!" Janemba waved. "I say, I have been looking like the dickens for you!"

"Kweahehasahaaashaasaa!"

"I do not understand you." Janemba shrugged. "Oh well. Guess I might as well do that fusion thing that Cell asked me to do. Which is why I am here."

"Kehee?"

"Yes. Now, old sport, let us get down to this, shall we?"

"Kwehehehehehehee!"

"Now, now, no need for profanity.." Janemba tisked as he tossed the other Janemba an earring.

"Kweh?"

"Put this on your ear, it won't hurt." Janemba explained as he put one on his own.

"Put this in your rear?" Goku shouted. "What?"

"Who are you?" Janemba turned around.

"Oh. I'm Son Goku!" The Saiyan waved. "I'm here with my buddy Frieza--"

"I'm not your buddy!"

"My buddy Frieza, currently discussing the events that have happened as of late in a way that may or may not be breaking the forth wall.."

"You just did, you twit!" Frieza shouted out.

"Haha! That's right, old friend!" Goku gave a thumbs up motion.

"... You are so dead.."

"Oh.. I mean.. forth wall.. what's that?"

"Oh shut up, you stupid monkey!"

"Uh.. well. Good show." Janemba inched further away from the insane Saiyan. "Anyway, let us fuse!"

"Oh no, they're fusing!" Goku shouted.

"I'm right here.." Frieza sighed. "I can see the entire thing."

"That's the spirit!"

.-.

"Turles!"

"Turles!"

"Wonderful, my army is complete!" Turles shouted out like any good generic villain would.

"Turles, what the hell are you doing?" Bojack asked as he walked up beside him.

"What do you mean?"

"You're actually succeeding in a plan. What gives?"

"I.. I don't understand the question."

"We are villains. We never do anything right except for transform and make it seem like we're killing the heroes in a brutal fashion."

"Well.. you see.. I never transformed." Trules sighed.

"Never?"

"Never."

"Oh God.." Bojack stepped back. "Well, good luck with that.. loser."

"Yeah. This sucks, I'm leaving." Various people in the crowd started to walk away.

"I wonder if anything is good on T.V?"

"I'm going home."

"Me too."

"I'm going to talk to a magician!"

"Back to the Internet for me."

"Wait! Come back!" Turles screamed. "I can transform! Just wait.. HURGH... HUURRURRUURGH!... HRUGHGHHHUUUUHH! Argh! My prostate!"

.-.

"So, we agree that the wallet was in fact an ancient device that you happened to find when you first came to Earth. And then the item Vegeta was looking for in order to kill you was clearly explained to be an entirely different item?" Frieza sighed.

"Agreed." Goku nodded. "So what do we do with him?"

"JANEMBA!"

"No idea. I'm going to steal his monocle though." Frieza chucked as he walked up to the new bizarre demon/human creature.

"Oh wait. Someone must have dropped this.." Goku said as he picked up an item. "Oh well, Frieza? Want this?"

"What! No!"

"Aww, don't be silly! Of course you do, good buddy!" Goku smiled as he threw a CD at Frieza.

"Argh! Noooo! My weakness!" Frieza screamed before violently exploding, taking Janemba with him.

"Hello? Frieza?" Goku called out as the smoke cleared. "Oh. Must have gone off to get new glasses. Oh well."

.-.

"Hahaha! Now my plan is complete!" The dishwasher laughed evilly. "Now to destroy the Univer--"

"Oh look honey!" A woman called out. "A brand new dishwasher! Let's try our clothes out on it!"

"What? No, don't do that!" The dishwasher screamed.

"It talked to me!"

"Must be one of those new ones.."

"What?" The dishwasher asked. "Why would you try your clothes out on a dishwasher?"

"Because it'll be funny." The woman explained.

"But I'll explode."

"Must be a new feature.." The woman said as she stuffed a pile of clothes into the dishwasher.

"You stupid bint, you've destroyed me! Noo!"

"Well what do you know? He exploded.."

"Certainly wasn't expecting that!"

"Indeed!"

.-.

"So, what did you think about my lifestory? Pretty need, huh? Did you like the party where I ended up destroying the entire Universe before it came back the very next second so no-one ever knew about it!" Meowlor asked.

"Vegeta?"

.-.

And so, the battles to save the Universe ended up being thwarted before they even truely begun. Brolly ended up coming back a few times, but no-one really cared and just let him get on with his life, which usually only lasted about six seconds anyway. Vegeta ended up dying from his Saiyan allergy to Meowlor, and he spent a long time walking around Heaven trying to start a new life long obsession about killing someone else. Of course, since they are already dead and and Vegeta's life is now over, he didn't have much luck. Currently he is trying to start a new Saiyan alliance in the Otherworld, but they were shortly destroyed by the United Kitty Forces and Vegeta went into hiding after everyone threatened to poke him with a really sharp stick.

Goku ended up getting bored of waiting for Frieza and instead held a party awaiting his return. He never did come back, so everyone decided to hold a celebration for Goten. The child was pleased until he fell off the chair and caused a chain of events that eventually caused North City to explode so violently that it actually sent it up into space.

Piccolo, Nail, Dende and Guru decided to disband their group after being unable to find a healer and a tank. Deciding that soloing might be a better option for them given their circumstances. Guru didn't even get out of the area before being MPK'd by an annoyed Dende.

The fused Janemba creature was sent to hell after the explosion and decided to start his own rock band, the KWAHAHAHEHEHEHEHEE's!

Meowlor enjoyed a nice few months discovering the world and everything it contained before being attacked by a gigantic demon made entirely of dogs that just so happened to appear nearby.

And some guy tripped over a chair. I guess.

.-.

"Argh. My head.." Frieza muttered. "Where am I?"

"Good lord that thing is ugly! I simply don't want it on my ship!"

"But it's power-level is pretty high, master."

"I don't care Dabura, get rid of it!"

"Why not just possess it and use it to help revive Majin Buu."

"An excellent idea!"

.- THE END -.