Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies. I don't own the Teen Titans

Warnings: Sex, Drugs, Cursing


And So It Is

Chapter 5

"He fingered you under the table in front of all of us?"

"Yup."

"And no one noticed or anything?"

"Nope."

"And then he followed you to the hallway where you guys almost fucked?"

"Yup."

"What stopped you?"

"We heard footsteps, someone was coming."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"So, now you are going to dinner tonight with Xavier, his old college roomy who he warned you about?"

"Yup."

"Why Kori Anders, you are devious."

"I know."

Rachel smiled and handed me her cigarette, "Well, Xavier is a looker. I bet he'd be a mighty fine fuck."

I took a drag from the cigarette and arched a brow, "Why Rachel.. Do you have eyes for another besides Garfield?"

"Hell no. Gar is the only one for me. But I was thinking about you. You haven't had real intimate contact with a man, besides Dick's little escapade last night, in years. It might be good to get a nice hard fucking... Clear your mind, you know?"

"Possibly," I laughed and nodded, "But maybe I want something more than just a good hard fuck. I just don't know what to do about Richard. I mean he seemed so serious at times and at others it was like he just wanted my body. I don't know."

"He loves you." Rachel said seriously.

"No, he doesn't."

"Yes, he does."

"No he doesn't."

"Well, he obviously doesn't love Babs if he can cheat on her without a second thought." Rachel offered, hoping I would believe he loved me.

"Well, he obviously doesn't love me either if he won't break up with Babs." I countered. We stayed silent for a moment, just staring at each other. I would take a puff of the cigarette every now and then. I was never much of a smoker, but it always helped my nerves.

Our silence was broken when Mandy walked in, tossing a little pouch of white powder to Rachel.

"Here." Was all she said and then she turned to leave. Before she was completely out of the room she looked at the plasma and made a face.

"Seriously, Kori. You honestly need to get a new hobby." I looked at her confused and then glanced at the giant t.v.

Lesbian Porn. Lesbian Porn on Mute.

"Well, " I started, "There is nothing like two naked women fucking each other with a double headed dildo to help me think."

Rachel busted up laughing and went back to carefully separating the white powder into thin lines on the little glass mirror. Mandy just mumbled something incoherent and left the room. I watched Rachel for awhile and then handed her a rolled up fifty dollar bill. She proceeded to snort three of the lines and then offered it to me. I shook my head and took another puff of the cigarette, thinking to myself.

Maybe Rachel was right. Xavier could be good for me. Richard spoiled me for everyone else, but maybe I could move past him.. get over him. I highly doubted it, but I could at least try, right?

"You look beautiful."

I smiled. I did look beautiful. I wore a lavender tube style silk dress that stopped right above my knees. It was tight around the chest, but flared out past the hips, falling into different angles of silk that overlapped each other. It was a pretty dress and it was in my favorite color. It had a matching silk scarf that draped around my neck. I wore my hair up in loose curls and wore very little make up. I wore a pair of lavender open toed pumps. Beautiful.

"You don't look so bad yourself." I replied sweetly and Xavier blushed. He did look nice. Black dress slacks and a silky blue dress shirt. Very sexy indeed. I got into the limo and he got in after me. The ride to the restaurant was silent. He seemed nervous. I noticed more than once he was watching or rather staring at me. He decided to take me to Moi, an elegant and classy French restaurant that was booked months at a time in advance. I assumed that since he was the senator's son, he pulled a few strings.

We were led to a private balcony where it was lit up with tons of sparkling little clear lights and candles. I see he was going for romantic, because it was indeed very romantic. He held my chair for me as I sat down and then took his seat across from me. He took it upon himself to order white wine and our meals for both of us, not that I minded. Sometimes it feels quite nice to know you are being taken care of. I was also impressed when he spoke French. I would keep that in mind later if and when we get to the bedroom.

Naughty words. You've got to love them.

We sat in silence for a few moments and I decided to strike up a conversation. I didn't want him to feel nervous around me. I'm not some beast about to bite his head off or anything. And anyways.. I'm nothing to be nervous either. I'm just a regular girl on a date with a regular guy.

"So.. you and Richard were roommates?"

He nodded, "Yes. I had to put up with that ass all four years of college."

I giggled, "Yeah. Quite an ass he is. You guys are close friends, yes?"

He smiled, "Yeah. We still are close friends. I believe you and him were close too?"

"Some thing like that."

"You dated right? He mentioned you a lot."

"Yes. In high school. I was a freshman and he was a senior and after he graduated, he never spoke to me again until that party two weeks ago when we saw each other again." I sounded bitter.

"So he just left you?"

"Yes. He just left me."

"Wow. That sounds unlike him. In college, you were all he ever talked about when he wasn't having casual sex with sorority girls." Xavier had a thoughtful expression on his face.

"Casual sex?" I tried to say nonchalantly.

"Yeah. Sometimes three or four girls at a time. He had quite the reputation as a playboy. None of the ladies ever had any complaints, but he never had the same girl twice."

I tried to hold my temper down. So he left me to get fucking pussy. If he wanted a threesome or a fucking orgy all he had to do was ask. I was willing to do anything for him. He always seemed so happy with me, but obviously he wasn't. I could barely hear Xavier drone on about other shit, but I was pissed. Maybe he didn't think I was mature enough for him. Maybe he wanted an older woman to fulfill his needs. It was possible. Richard was almost an adult back then and I was still a girl. My body was still growing. Maybe I didn't please him. Well fuck him. Fuck him and all his fucking conquests and that fucking bitch ass girlfriend of us. I'm beautiful. I know I am. I also know that I was probably a better fuck than any of his other bitches. I'll make him sorry. Maybe I'll fuck Xavier for the hell of it. Oh, that would really piss him off.

I stared at Xavier. I could tell he was still talking, but I couldn't hear a thing he said. I was still wrapped up in my own thoughts. Xavier was very attractive, but unlike my sister.. I could not do a revenge fuck. I was a good girl.. always had been. The only time I was ever naughty, it was in the bedroom.. with Richard. I don't want to think about him, but I can't stop. Love is like a disease. It's not happy or cheery or baby kittens and rainbows. It's painful and dirty and twisted. Very twisted.

"Do you still love him?" His words quickly snapped me out of my mental trance.

"Huh?" I asked. Making sure I heard him correctly.

He smiled, "Do you still love him?"

I stared at him a moment. He seemed genuinely interested, whether in my loving Richard or just me period, he seemed interested. I saw something akin to hope in his eyes, hope for what? I did not know.

"Yes." I replied quietly. His smile faltered a little, but he kept it on his face. Then I realized it. He liked me.. a lot. How could he like me so much without knowing me.. I don't know. I mean the attraction was mutual, but I don't like him a lot or anything. He's nice, but seriously I'm not gonna fall in love with him after one date. Then I started thinking.. if he likes me so much, how do I know he wouldn't make shit up about Richard? I mean he told me all that shit, knowing that him and I used to date, but then he asked if I still love him. What the fuck is that?

Dinner went by quickly. We didn't mention Richard anymore that evening and just tried to focus on each other's company. It was nice and he was really sweet. The limo ride home was quiet. I stared out the window, but I felt his eyes on me. I smiled at him and he smiled back. All relatively courteous. He walked me to the door.. what a gentleman. Hah. And we stared at each other for a few minutes before i finally spoke.

"Thank you. I had a lovely time." I smiled at him.

"No, Kori. Thank you. I had.. wow, it was wonderful." He was blushing. I giggled a little and turned to go into the house.

"Kori," He stopped me, "I was wondering if you'd like to go out again sometime?"

I smiled again, "I'd like that."

He grinned. He really was gorgeous. I noticed he was fidgeting and I figured what the hell. I leaned it and kissed him softly on the lips. I felt him tense, probably from shock, and then relax, wrapping his arms around me pulling me closer. I parted my lips and brushed my tongue against his, and the kiss grew a little deeper. He tasted of wine and something else, all Xavier. The kiss was sweet and soft, but it wasn't like Richard's kisses. Those kisses left me breathless and turned on like whoa. Xavier's kiss was gentle and lovely, really.. but I didn't have butterflies, nor was I wet beyond comprehension. It wasn't a bad kiss, not at all.. it just wasn't Richard.

I slowly pulled away from the kiss and smiled at him. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Two months passed and it was now mid October. Xavier and I continued to see each other, but did nothing more than kiss on occasion. Many times he was on business, doing God knows what for his father. We weren't exclusive, but according to all the tabloids we were headed to the alter. Pathetic. Right after we started 'seeing' each other, Richard left on a long business assignment and was gone for most of the two months. I knew he wasn't happy about me and Xavier, but he had no right to question anything. He was fucking Bitchy Babs, after all and all I was doing was kissing Xavier. Everyone, except Richard, thought Xavier and I were the perfect couple.. that wasn't a couple. We had an unspoken rule between us.. I don't mention Richard and he doesn't mention all the girls he's been fucking when he's not with me.

I think that arrangement was working perfectly.

Tonight Richard was returning from his long trip and we were all going to a club to celebrate. I was going to go with Rachel and meet everyone else there. I wore a pair of tight black hip hugger dress pants and a black silk bra type top leaving my stomach completely exposed. I left my hair down and straightened and wore a pair of black heels. I also had on a little smoky eyeliner and some clear lip gloss. I looked fierce. When we got to the club, everyone was already there. Xavier immediately came over to me and kissed me, wrapping his arm tightly around my waist.

"You're gorgeous." He breathed into my ear.

I shivered a little and then smiled, "I know."

I pulled out of his embrace and went to the table where everyone else was. I noticed Richard and Babs weren't there and I glanced around, soon finding them together on the dance floor. I didn't pay attention to what Babs was wearing because Richard looked delicious. Jeans and a tight white t shirt, nothing fancy, but seriously sexy. He still had on his shades, figures. His hands were all over her. I was jealous and I felt bad about it. I had a really nice guy right here, but I couldn't get him out of my head. I shrugged off my jealous feelings when I felt Xavier wrap his arms around me, kissing my shoulder. I leaned back against his strong chest and closed my eyes. It felt nice, being safe and warm and.. dare I say.. protected? Protected from what exactly.. I don't know. But it was nice.

Rachel handed me a drink. It smelled like Malibu rum, but I wasn't too sure. I drank it quickly, ignoring the burning sensation in my throat and let Xavier lead me to the dance floor. I danced up against him, loving the way his hands felt all over me. He was hot and he wanted me. I'm not sure whether I wanted him or not, but it was nice to make him feel like I did. I let my hands slide up under his shirt and caress his tight stomach. I loved the way his muscles jumped and clenched under my touch. Soon, his lips were on mine and we were kissing each other in a frenzy. It was nice. The kiss was more passionate than I was used to from him... maybe the ol' boy had some fight in him yet. Heh.

Soon we both pulled back for air and we were staring at each other, both smiling widely. Before we could speak, Xavier was quickly pulled off the dance floor by Richard and the two disappeared down a corridor. I was tempted to follow, but Rachel winked at me and handed me a jello shooter... alcohol is much more tempting. Rachel and I sat down at the table with a scowling Babs and took some more shots. I was starting to get a little buzzed and Rachel dragged me to the bathroom.

I sat on the counter and watched as Rachel pulled a compact out of her purse.. filled with coke. She used her pinky finger to get some on her nail and snort it. I watched her do that three or four times and then handed her a tissue. She looked at me confused.

I pointed to her nose, "A little eager? You're bleeding."

Rachel giggled and wiped the blood off of her nose, she handed me the compact and i took two snorts of the white powder. I rested against the mirror behind me and closed my eyes, reveling in the feeling. She put her hand on my knee, causing me to open my eyes.

"That was quite a kiss you and loverboy shared on the dance floor." Rachel said, wiggling her eyebrows.

"It was good. It wasn't as passionate as what I was used to with Richard, but good nonetheless."

"Speaking of Dick," Rachel said, smiling, "He saw your little make out session. He was livid. He completely brushed Babs off and wouldn't stop staring. His fists were even clenching."

"So?"

"So it means he was angry. You saw how he pulled Xavier off the dancefloor. I bet he's kicking his ass... and if not, at least having a stern talk with him."

"So?"

"Ugh Kori. I swear." Rachel said and then laughed dragging me off the counter and back out of the door.

We were almost back to the dancefloor when Rachel let go of my hand and ran towards Gar, I was about to follow when I was pulled back and into an empty office looking room. I turned to my captor to find Richard, looking anything but happy.

"Hello Richard." I smiled sweetly.

"Kori."

His tone was angry. I was feeling good though so I stepped closer to him and played with the bottom of his shirt, while staring at him with large eyes.

"What's wrong?"

He stared at me for a moment and then sighed angrily, "What's wrong? You let that fucker have his hands all over you!"

"That fucker is your friend." I reminded him as I let my fingertips brush against his stomach. God, his skin was so hot and so tight and so fucking... ahhhh. Richard Grayson was my version of Heaven. Yeah... we'll leave it at that. I noticed him shudder slightly, and I smiled. My touch still got to him.

"Kori. I don't want him touching you." He said it firmly, as if leaving no room for discussion. I felt myself getting angry. I dropped my hands from him and turned away.

"What does it matter to you? You have miss perfect. I'm no concern of yours." I know I sounded hurt and dejected. I didn't want to sound that way, but I know I did.

I felt him wrap his arms around me and pull me tightly against him. "She's not important to me, Kori. You don't understand. It's not that simple."

I twisted around in his arms so I could face him and glared, "So I don't understand! I don't understand! She's not important to you, but you're fucking her! Touching her! You get angry when Xavier kisses me, so what! I'm not yours.. you made sure of that."

"Fuck Kori," He held me tighter, staring into my eyes, "It's not like that. It was never like that. You just don't understand, you can't understand."

"Then make me understand!" I was so close to tears, I could feel them, "Help me understand. All I ever wanted was to be with you! No one else has ever made me feel this way and it hurts so much to know that you don't even care."

"I do care." He said quietly as he started kissing my cheeks and nose and forehead, "I care so much more than you realize. There is just so much going on."

"Do you love me?" My voice was a whisper. He stopped kissing my face and just held me tighter. He didn't answer.. whether it was good or bad, I wasn't sure, but I wasn't about to find out.

I pushed him away quickly and headed for the door, I heard his voice, he sounded so sad, "Where are you going?"

I turned around and stared at him, my eyes were filled with tears. I even felt a few trickle down my face, "Your silence says everything. You're right, I don't understand, but whose fault is that? You won't explain anything. You threw me away like I was nothing and now you can deal with the consequences."

I left the room quickly. I didn't desert his party and even pretended to be happy. I felt him staring at me numerous times during the evening, but I never looked at him.. never made eye contact. I was hurt. I was miserable. I was lonely. I was broken.

Love is a very twisted thing.