Um...I finally updated! Yay!
I DO NOT OWN FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST OR ANY OF THE OTHER ANIME/MANGA/OTHER MENTIONE IN THIS STORY!
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It had been days since bla bla bla bla this is really annoying.
This chapter deals with Roy. And his troubles. Thats all. Not really, but yeah.
Roy Mustang sat at his desk, eating his curds and whey. Then along came a spider...
"Aha! I found some food!" a tan-skinned man with 8 arms proclaimed. He had a really neat belt too. It was lavender coloured, and looked like a huge piece of rope.
"ZOMFG SPIDER! EEW!" Roy screamed. He wipped out a can of Raid and sprayed it in the dude's eyes. Then Mr. Spider Arms fell onto the ground, twitching. Riza Hawkeye walked in, looked at the twitcher, and screamed "OMG ROY KILLED SPIDER MAN!"
"WAIT RIZA! HE'S NOT-" But it was too late, she had already ran out the door, proclaiming to all of East HQ that "ROY IS A SPIDER MAN KILLER!".
Roy sighed, and continued eating his foods and whey..or..whatever it was...
Armstrong burst in the door, carrying an unconscious Havoc. "COLONEL, I SWEAR I DIDN'T MEAN TO KILL HIM I JUST-"
"CAN YOU PLEASE SHUT-UP, I'M TRYING TO EAT MY PORRIDGE!" Roy screamed, spewing a mouthful of half-chewed-wheaties-looking porridge at Armstrong. Breda burst in the door too.
"ROY, FALMAN'S A CHEATER AND I WANT HIM DEMOTED OR PUT INTO A WOODCHIPPER!" the chubby man screamed. Has anyone noticed that Breda looks a little like Chouji from Naruto? Hmm...
"I AM NOT A CHEATER!" Falman screeched at Breda.
"YOU CHEATED WHEN WE WERE PLAYING GO LAST MONDAY!"
"YOU STOLE THE COOKIE FROM THE COOKIE JAR!"
All this was giving Roy a headache. Finally he threw his purse at the two feuding men, and a stilleto shoe at Armstrong. Havoc chose that moment to wake up, and the heel of the shoe stabbed him right in the forehead. Then he died. For real. Not really.
And Roy continued eating his porridge. Wait..wasn't it curds and whey? Ehh...porridge is better so there.
Thirty minuts had passed. Roy had almost finished eating his Raisin Bran when his least-favourite dancing partner...erm...suboordinate..burst in the door.
"HET COLONEL BASTARD, I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU!"
Roy gritted his teeth. "And.what.would.that.be?" he siad, a vein popping out on his forehead.
"Is six a colour?"
Roy grinded his teeth together. "What?"
"I SAID...Mr. Deaf Colonel Flamestang, IS SIX A COLOUR?"
Roy didn't even bother answering, he just threw the bowl of cereal at Ed.
After leaving the room, Ed said to Al. "I guess that means 'yes'."
A little while later, Roy was busyeating a Slim Fast bar when a congo line of his suboordinates burst through the doors. Now, before I continue, two things should be noted.
1. They were all wearing grass skirts and coconut bras, and.
2. They were all male. Riza was busy reviving a dead ferret. or...something.
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!" Roy screamed. Fuery shrugged, and put a watermelon down in the middle of the room. "SMASH THE WATERMELON!" he cried, taking out a baseball bat. But it wasn't just ANY baseball bat, it was a GOLDEN baseball bat. With a huge dent in it. He brought it down and smashed the melon so bad it splattered everywhere and even killed someone. Someone screamed 'FUERY IS LIL' SLUGGER!"
"GET.OUT.NOW!" Roy screamed.
And the all left. Except Ed, who kept shaking his little hula-skirted body to the Chicken Dance.
Once again, the doors burst open. You knew that was gonna happen, right? Haha.
"WHAT IS IT NOW!" Roy screamed. He was on the brink on insanity. You should go there sometime, I have a summer home there and its nice. Sunny.
Riza was standing there, holding some papers addressed with the national symbol of the Amestris military. "Roy, I have some important news." she said. A monkey flew by on an airplane shaped like a macaroni noodle.
"Important? What is it?" he asked, intrigued.
"We're replacing you." she said, stoicly. So stoicly, in fact, that if she had black hair, she would have looked exactly like Sasuke. Eeew.
Roy spit out his coffee. Oh wait he wsn't drinking coffee...well, if he had been, he would have spit it out in surprise.
"REPLACING ME? WITH WHO?" he screamed. Riza motioned to a tomato in a chair. A well dressed tomato in a very nice looking suit, with matching fedora. Roy nearly passed out.
"YOU'RE REPLACING ME WITH A VEGETABLE?"
Riza slapped him. "NOT A VEGETABLE! A FRUIT! TOMATOES ARE FRUIT!"
Roy had enough of this. He passed out, and woke up later in a hospital.
In the hospital he looked over at the patient beside him.
"Hey man, what are you in here for?" the pale man said, coughing. Roy sighed. "I passed out because I got replaced with a vegetable...er..fruit. What are you in here for?" he asked
The man beside him chuckled. "Stuff." he said, unwrapping a mega-size Reese's cup and shoving it in his mouth. Roy screamed at the nurse "HEY, WHY DOES HE GET TO HAVE CANDY AND I DON'T?"
The nurse screamed back. "IDIOT, KIMIMARO'S TERMINAL, HE'S ALLOWED TO EAT WHATEVER HE WANTS!" she finished screaming. The person named Kimimaro was busy shoving more candy into his mouth.
So, Roy passed out again.
HAHA! Roy had a pretty hard day, eh? Just a few notes:
1. The 8-armed spider dude is Kidoumaru from Naruto. Sound Five fun-ness!
2. 'Go' is a game sort of like Othello...or something...I play it, and its very ineresting.
3. 'Lil' Slugger' is the kid that hits people with a bent baseball bat from Paranoia Agent.
4. Kimimaro is also from Naruto. He was really sick. But he died. -cry-
5. The line that the nurse said is a variation on a line from a fanfiction I read. I tried to find it so I could say 'I got this from bla bla fanfiction by bla bla person' but I coudldn't find it. If anyone has read the fanfiction where Kabuto is making all the Sounds eat healthy and Kimimaro is eating Pocky, please tell me. That was funny. I give credit for the inspiration of that line to whomever wrote it.
Um...yeah. Roy is a bastard! But we all still love him!
WE, THE FANGIRL COMMUNITY, LOVE ED MORE!
REVIEW PLEASE! I'LL GIVE YOU A BOX OF FRUIT SNACK GUMMIES SHAPED LIKE CHIBI FMA CHARACTERS!
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