Prompt: Stef and Lena + Insanity

Trigger Warning: Death, Blood, Guns, slurs


Stef surfaced anxious and alert from the warm arms of sleep. Her eyes struggled to adjust to the pitch black of the earliest morning hours. Beside her she felt Lena thrashing, whimpering cries coming from her restless form.

"Lena, sweetheart," Stef whispered, gently stroking her wife's arm. "Wake up, honey."

Lena's eyes shot open, wild with terror. She grasped at Stef, trying to catch her breath as panic immediately turned to sobs.

"Shh, it's okay, love. It was just a dream. Just a dream," she repeated like a mantra as she rubbed circles over Lena's back.

"Oh god, Stef. I can't... I can't do this," Lena wept. "I feel like I'm losing my mind."

"I know, love," she murmured. "I'm right here." Stef held her wife's trembling body as she cried through her panic, kissing her head, soothing her back. She ached for some better way to chase away her fears and as always, felt helplessly inadequate. She didn't ask for any explanation until she was sure Lena's panic had subsided, her cries growing shallow.

"Which one?" She finally whispered.

"The bleeding gunshots," Lena hiccuped. Stef sighed, smoothing Lena's hair away from her face before pressing a kiss to her temple. There were a few nightmares. There was one where Stef got shot on duty but instead of calling for an ambulance, her partner called her a filthy dyke and laughed as he watched the life fade from her eyes. There was one where she was in the hospital and she kept screaming for Lena who was stuck on the outside of the hospital room made of panes of unbreakable glass with no doors. And there was this one. Where Stef's scar started to bleed and she would get it to stop bleeding just to have another start bleeding. Every time one was under control more started and eventually there were too many and Lena would watch her bleed to death, unable to do anything to stop it. This one was always the worst. Lena had been having them since Stef was shot but they had become much more frequent since she had gone back to work. It seemed this was one wound time could not heal.

Stef sighed internally, facing a decision she'd been thinking about for weeks.

"First thing tomorrow I'm going to find out everything that goes into becoming a detective." Lena lifted her head, swiping at the tears still falling from her eyes.

"No. You'll hate it and I don't want you to hate your job because of me." Stef let out a quiet bark of laughter, dumbfounded by her wife's suggestion.

"Lena, do you really think that you are less important to me than my job? I can't watch you suffer through this night after night and not do everything I can go make it stop."

"But I don't want-"

"Don't argue with me. This isn't up for discussion. If I make detective I'll still be active. It'll just be more desk work which means fewer risks. Plus, it'll be a decent raise and we could definitely use that. Hopefully it'll end up being the best of both worlds."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I'll be fine, love." She wrapped her arms tight around her wife. Lena choked out a half-sob and buried her face into the crook of Stef's shoulder, obviously relieved. "But I want you to see someone."

"I don't want to." Her stubborn words were muffled by Stef's shoulder.

"But you need to. You need someone who can help you work through these night terrors. I'll go with you if you want. Or you could go to the division's spouse support group. You don't have to deal with this alone, Lena."

"I have you."

"I'm not enough."

"Yes you are."

"No, I'm not. Not for this. Lena, promise me you'll look into it." She paused, waiting for a response. "For me," Stef finally added.

Lena sighed, her breath warm against Stef's neck. She was quiet for a long time.

"Okay. I promise."