Sometimes I Wake Up Crying

A/N: First ever Cold Case fic. WiP and I promise I'll finish it. I haven't seen season 3, so I'm sorry if some of it isn't correct to that. I don't have a beta so sorry for mistakes. Constructive criticism always welcomed, just don't go overboard.

Disclaimer: I don't own Cold Case, or any of the characters etc.

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CHAPTER 1: sometimes I don't wake up at all

Lilly's mind spiralled into confusion as she was pulled out of unconsciousness by a gloved hand. Before she had a chance to reach for her gun, he was on her, covering her body with his own, grunting into her hair as he pulled at her cotton night-gown. His hands were round her neck. She tried to yell, to hit him – anything. It melted into nothing, all her energy taken up on coughing. Her fists slowly unclenched. She was losing it, and there was nothing she could do. Nothing anyone could do.

The phone rang.

It definitely rang. Didn't it? She could barely remember him leaving; it was one big black hole in her memory. As was his face. Had he been wearing a mask? She expected so, but she honestly couldn't bring her mind to remember it. Closing her eyes, she decided not to think about it anymore. She couldn't. Her mind filled with black, her fingers scratching at her throat before she finally passed out.

-

Hanging up the phone, Scotty pulled himself out of bed. The phone had been disconnected on the third ring, physically pulled out of its socket. And what was that sound just before? However many times he told himself it was one of the cats, or that Lilly just wanted to sleep, he knew something was up. He threw on some clothes – pants and a t-shirt – not really looking at what he was doing. I'm gonna look like such an idiot when Lilly opens the door. She's not gonna let me live this one down. Heading out the door, he told himself one last time that she'd be fine.

The drive was short and silent. He didn't dare put the radio on, and the roads were surprisingly empty. It just gave him more time to think. You're being completely irrational he told himself, but he couldn't shake the way she'd looked earlier that day. The case had really gotten to her – what if she'd done something stupid. Lilly isn't like that, she'd never do something like that. Scotty pulled up outside her place and cut off the engine, sighing. This was crazy; he'd driven all the way over here just because she hadn't answered the phone. Big deal, maybe she didn't feel like talking to him? She always picks up.

He opened the car door and got out, slamming it behind him and running up the steps to her house. Before he'd left, he'd made sure to bring his gun, which he'd now grabbed from his car's glove compartment and shoved into his pocket. Letting one hand fall onto the cold metal, Scotty used the other to bang on Lilly's door.

No answer.

Thumping harder, he yelled, "Lil, if you're in there, open the door!"

After about half a minute he gave up, walked down the steps and glared up at the window he guessed was her bedroom. The drapes were pulled, the window closed. He ran back up the steps and threw himself at the door, which finally opened. Everything was still, quiet, perfect. Too perfect. Letting out the breath he hadn't even realized he was holding, Scotty moved toward the stairs, "Lil?"

Putting one foot on the first stair, a sound from what he assumed to be the kitchen startled him and he quickly turned around, lifting his gun in the process. A cat strolled gracefully out from the room and he let out a sigh. Just to be sure, he moved over to the kitchen and stuck his head around the door. Everything was undisturbed, as far as he could see, so he returned to the stairs, going up slowly.

On the landing, he took a quick look around. All but one door was closed. The open one, he guessed, was Lilly's bedroom, so he headed for there first. He pushed the door carefully, completely aware that she could just be fast asleep and wouldn't be happy if he came storming in and woke her up. As the door opened, he saw her lying on the bed, eyes closed. Relief went through his body as he went over to her. Then he saw the lamp on the floor by her bed, knocked off her nightstand. His eyes moved to the drop of blood on the carpet next to where his foot was. Ripping back the curtains, he turned to Lilly. She was sprawled out on her bed, one hand limp on her chest, the other dangling off the bed.

She wasn't sleeping.

-

Scotty sat in the waiting room, Jeffries, Vera and Stillman along with some uniforms sipping coffee across from him. His eyes glistened with tears as he stared into space. The doctors were still looking after Lilly. She'd been raped and strangled; it was a miracle that she wasn't dead. Guy must have been interrupted, that's what Vera reckoned, that or he was a beginner to the whole thing and screwed up. Scotty didn't care. The point was, if he hadn't gone over to her house, she would be dead. She still could be for all they knew. Hell, she'd been in the ER long enough. Sighing, he slowly shook his head. I can't think like that.

"Are you here with Miss Rush?"

His eyes darted up as a doctor stepped out into the corridor, her hands deep in her lab-coat pockets, "Uh yeah,"

"I'm Dr. Devlin," She smiled slightly, tucking a strand of honey-blonde hair behind her ear, "You all work with Miss Rush, right?"

They nodded, Jeffries looking up from his coffee with weary eyes.

The doctor continued to talk, but most of it went straight over Scotty's head. He wasn't interested in how long it had taken the paramedics to get her breathing, hell he'd been there as they struggled to do so.

"…She's stable now," Dr. Devlin finished with a small smile.

Scotty let out a small sigh of relief. She's okay; she's going to be okay. He couldn't help the anger brewing up through him though at the realization that someone had broken something as innocent as Lilly. She was already broken he reminded himself.

"Can I see her?" The words escaped his mouth before he could stop them.

Dr. Devlin nodded slowly, "Usually, we'd only allow family, but under the circumstances… I'll check if she's ready to be seen," Turning her attention to the two uniformed cops sitting next to Jeffries, she sighed, "But I'm afraid questioning is going to have to wait. She's not okay to talk yet,"

-

Up until then, Scotty doubted that Lilly's skin could be any paler than it already was. Now, however, he was proven wrong, and it made him want to scream. This bastard had left a huge great gauge down her face, and she had been breathing through a tube up until a half hour ago. Way to go to remove someone's dignity he thought bitterly. Her eyes were closed, and although someone had obviously dabbed at her face to clean it, there was still the hint of dried blood around one side. But what really made him want to punch something were the bright purple bruises around her throat where she'd been strangled. He shook his head and folded his arms. How could someone do this!

"Scotty…" A voice said from the other side of the room.

His eyes darted over to Jeffries, who was standing by the door. It was only then that he realized he was standing in the middle of the room, not daring to actually go near Lilly.

"I'm just going to leave you alone for a while," Jeffries said, opening the door, "We'll all wait outside,"

Nodding, Scotty sighed, "Okay,"

He looked toward Lilly again. She was awake. Since she hadn't made a sound, he'd just assumed she was asleep, but now her eyes were open, staring at the space above Scotty's head. It occurred to him that he should do something, but he didn't know what. Hell, he didn't even know what to say. It was one thing talking to a victim when you didn't know them, but this was so different. He swallowed hard before walking over to her bed and sitting down on the chair provided. Her eye-line didn't change.

"Hey," Scotty said softly, looking up at her blue eyes which had traded their usual glisten for an eerie dead look, finished off by the fact she was still staring straight ahead.

There was a long moment where neither of them spoke, Scotty looking down at the floor, Lilly still looking at the wall. He wondered if she was asleep with her eyes open, but decided not to even bother testing that theory. Not that he'd know how to. Sighing, he was close to just giving up and sitting back outside, but stopped himself. If Lilly was being Lilly, she'd probably want me to go… but she's not. She needs someone. As if reading his thoughts, Lilly slowly looked over at him, coughing a little.

"My cats…" She said quietly, her voice raspy but still recognisable.

TBC…