Love Hina - Married With Princess
Married With Princess[PG-13]
Niklas "Hawk" Jonsson

Summary: Prince Su Keitaro? What's this? Hinata Sou is an embassy because of the Princess living there? Making it foreign soil? Soil in which a certain law states that living under the same roof with a woman for a year means that you're married? Soil in which divorces aren't recognised? Keitaro, welcome to married life.

Disclaimer: Love Hina, Hinata Sou and whatnot are not mine, though I certainly wish they were. The story is mine though, all mine.

Feedback/Flames: Yes, please. Both of them are equally fun to read, although I must admit that I greatly prefer the first variety. :)
I can be found on ICQ as 21771860, MSN Messenger as iamhawkyahoo.com or through e-mail as iamhawkyahoo.com, more stories are available at my nifty lil' site at http:hawksgalaxy.com or by clicking on my handle up above if you're on ff.net.

"speech"
emphasis/shouts/Kindred Domination/post-hypnotic triggers
/thoughts/
/telepathy/
translation
soundeffect/radio/telephone conversation/TV

Previously, on 'Married With Princess'


Though he had to admit to himself that it hadn't been all that bad. Other then a few teasing comments and trying to wash his ass, Kaolla had behaved herself... Somewhat. They'd chatted some in the barrel, once Keitaro had calmed down a bit after he realised that the water obscured the view of his young 'wife' and her nubile body.

He had been prepared to fend off any attempts of Kaolla to snuggle up against him, but there hadn't been a need for it. She had quite calmly joined him on the opposite side of the barrel and appeared content to merely talk with him, as they enjoyed the hot water together.

Even if he didn't manage to get that divorce, things wouldn't be all that horrible if this was how married life were to become for him.

Of course, being Keitaro and all, things were never all that simple, as he were about to find out.

Roll credits


Author Starts Raving


Woot, reviews galore! Well, let no man, woman or beast claim that this old perverted heart of mine can't be motivated into a working frenzy by kind words. :)

Thus, I present chapter three of MwP. N-joy.

And as for everybody praising the Kei/Su coupling and apparently believing that this is how things will remain until the end... Tough noogies, because here comes Rawan again! :)

Ya'll Kei/Su-fanatics will just have to wait until I decide to upload the first chapter of another lil' story that's currently in the works, to enjoy an exclusive Kei/Su-pairing. But unless inspiration strikes, I believe that first you'll have to 'suffer' through updates on It's Not Enough, Tears of Blood, the first chapter of Love Angel Kurumi and the first chapter of a currently untitled Keitaro/Motoko fic, before the first chapter of my Kei/Su-fic goes online.

- Your Friendly Neighbourhood Deviant Viking

Author Becomes Distracted By Nudie Pictures And Shuts Up





Chapter Three:


"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
- Oscar Wilde

- Three Weeks Later...

"Oh, no! Not you again?!" Keitaro exclaimed as he recognised Lu Rawan, the Royal Chancellor of Molmol, as the visitor outside the door. "What is it this time?!" he whimpered.

"Oh no. I'm not here for you this time." Rawan assured him. "I'm here for the Princesses."

"Phew, that's a relief." Keitaro sighed, exhaling the breath he had been holding. "I'll go get Kao-cha... Eh, Kaolla, for you." he continued, somewhat embarrassed at his unfortunate slip of the tongue. The last three weeks had been interesting to say the least. Somewhere during those weeks, his mode of address had changed from 'Su' or the occasional 'Kaolla' to Kao-chan. The first time the affection left his lips, Naru had burned out her collar and socked him a really good one to make up for all the time she hadn't been able to punish him for his transgressions.

"Thanks, but she already has the necessary items." Rawan stated. "But I would be grateful if you could get Princess Naru, Princess Mitsune, Princess Motoko and Princess Shinobu for me."

"Huh?!" Keitaro exclaimed. "What?!" he added, as he felt a horrible sensation of dread creep up upon him. He felt shivers running up his spine. His skin felt as if it wanted to wriggle off his body. His eyes were so widely open that there was a distinct danger of them popping out of their sockets. He was shivering and wondered if perhaps it would be better if he just bolted right now. With luck, he'd arrive at the airport and board a jet flying to wherever that wasn't here, before the girls managed to find out just where he had bolted.

"Princess Kaolla isn't the only woman you've been living with, is she?" Rawan continued. "The paperwork took a while longer for them, seeing as how cluster marriages haven't been practised in our country for the last sixty years, even if the laws allowing it were never reappealed. Princess Kaolla being who she is, allowed the process to be hurried along for her. But with the others, we first had to arrange for their new citizenships and have our best lawyers dig through ancient records in order to complete the cluster marriage. Our royal family has always been granted a certain leniency, allowing for the quick processing of your marriage to Princess Kaolla. But I am now pleased to report that the cluster marriage have been processed, finalised and approved." Rawan explained. "Oh, I was going to ask Princess Kaolla about this later, but I guess I can ask you instead. MacDougal Sarah, how long has she been residing here? We would like to prepare your marriage to her ahead of time, so it can be processed as soon as possible once her day is up."

"Ah! No! No! No!" Keitaro chanted. "I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. Motoko is going to skewer me. Naru is going to smash my head in. Kitsune will strangle me. Sarah will shove that mask up my nostril and poor Shinobu will cry her gentle little heart out." he wailed and suddenly wished that the shock collars were still around. Motoko had lost hers after a week, due to frequent discharges lessening the battery time. Naru had lasted only two days longer, before the 'Kao-chan'-incident caused her to use up her battery as well.

Kitsune had worn hers for two weeks, though hers had been configured a bit differently. Instead of reacting to intent to do Keitaro harm, hers reacted on intent to swindle Keitaro of his money. The moment Motoko's came off, Motoko had taken her sword to it and turned hers into so much torn leather and scrap circuitry, then celebrated the occasion by chasing him around the house. Then Kaolla had informed her that she had others which could be put to use, after which the chase had abruptly ended accompanied by much gnashing of teeth and dark looks directed both at Kaolla and Keitaro.

The process had been repeated after Naru's came off. She flushed hers downs the toilet after first stomping it into the ground, then took off through the recently made hole in the wall after Keitaro with a fierce war-cry to deliver additional punishment for all the recent incidents during which she had been unable to administer appropriate punishment for the perverts crimes. Kaolla had thusly proceeded to inform Naru that not only did she have other collars, but that Kissing-Kun V2 required further testing and Mutsumi had already agreed to participate, might perhaps Naru want to be the second party in the first testing run? That had quickly taken the fight out of Naru, who blushed furiously and denied any such desire witch such passion and focus, that she completely forgot about chasing after Keitaro and turning him into a bloody pulp.

When Kitsune's came off, she'd promptly stalked over to Keitaro's room, pushed his face into her cleavage and stolen the contents of his wallet while he was unconscious. She hadn't been back for two days, during which she had partied up all the money Keitaro had saved away during the two weeks when Kitsune hadn't been able to mooch any cash off him and thus returned with the mother of all hangovers, spending the following day wallowing and moaning in her bed, cursing herself for breathing too loud and for having such a noisy heart-beat.

Kaolla still wore hers, however. Despite getting kicked and punched by her, she never received a shock from hers. She'd even explained the hows and whys of it to Keitaro, once he asked after she'd just kicked him in the face without receiving a shock from her collar. Apparently, she didn't do it with the intent to do harm. As the collar never sensed that intent, it never charged up and thus, her collar still had some power left in it.

She'd even seemed genuinely distressed that he believed that her playful kicks and punches were meant to do harm and had severely cut down on those sort of things lately. He actually sort of missed it, but what with Motoko and Naru making up for lost time now that the collars were gone, still appreciated it as he rarely went a day without getting smacked around by the two young women.

"There is also the matter of Princess-to-be Mutsumi and Princess Haruka." Rawan continued. "We looked into the situation and discovered that you were living with Mutsumi for ten months when you were younger. There is a precedent in cases such as these and as such, our supreme court has ruled that the ten months can be counted. So there are only two months left before she too will be married to you once she moves in here. Of course, a traditional proposal will be perfectly acceptable should you desire to hurry up the process."

"Wait! Don't I get a say in this? Who said I wanted to marry anyone at all to begin with?!" Keitaro exclaimed. Granted, he found Mutsumi attractive and was very fond of her, but being married to her all of a sudden? He scratched his head as he pondered just how Rawan knew that Mutsumi was about to leave her apartment and move into the Hinata Sou. Kaolla must have told him, Keitaro decided. After all, it was Kaolla who had suggested to Mutsumi that she should move into the Hinata Sou, since she spent so much of her time with them anyway. He deliberately refused to think about the fact that Rawan had mentioned Haruka and Princess without any other words separating those two particular words. What Rawan hinted at with that was just too damned scary to consider!

"Well, when Miss Otohime appealed to our supreme court after I informed you on your marriage to Princess Kaolla. She explained the circumstances in her appeal, we merely assumed that..." Rawan started.

"Mutsumi did... What? She... Appeal... She wants to be married to me?" Keitaro asked.

"And Princess Kaolla apparently approves. She sponsored Miss Otohime's appeal." Rawan continued, then moved right along, ignoring Keitaro's stunned expression. "Regarding Princess Haruka..." Rawan tried, but Keitaro cut him right off.

"Hold it right there! She's my aunt! And you'll never get me to believe that she filed an appeal. No way. No way!" Keitaro exclaimed. "Besides, she doesn't live here! She's got her own place." he added, frantically trying to come up with reasons, good reasons, for why it just wasn't possible for Haruka to get involved in this mess. If he got smacked around merely for calling her 'Aunt', he didn't want to ponder what she might do to him in case they were to get married!

"Precisely. And as a close relative outside of the immediate family, the ordinary marriage laws doesn't apply to her." Rawan replied, causing Keitaro to relax somewhat. "When it comes to relatives outside of the immediate family, six months is sufficient." Rawan continued, causing Keitaro's eyes to bulge out of their sockets. "We looked into the situation when Miss Otohime made her appeal. Princess Haruka was living here at the same time you were staying at Hinata Sou with Miss Otohime and the supreme court having already granted Miss Otohime the ten months, decided to do the same for Princess Haruka. Had we already known about it beforehand, Princess Naru would have been your first wife, as she too lived here at that time and have thus have lived with you for more then a year. But I first stopped at Princess Haruka's teashop on the way and delivered the crown and paperwork to her. She was most surprised at my announcement." Rawan finished.

"Oh, Kami-sama..." Keitaro whimpered and then faded into unconsciousness, already feeling the bumps and bruises he was about to receive once the girls got their hands on him.




"So. We're all married to that... That... That... That... That?!" Naru demanded to know while pointing at the unconscious Keitaro, once Rawan had gathered everyone and told them the happy news.

"Indeed you are, Princess Naru. Prince Keitaro is a most fortunate man." Rawan agreed, circling the couch in a defensive stance, to prevent Princesses Naru and Motoko from beating their recently made and currently unconscious husband to death.

"I refuse!" Motoko protested. "I will not be married to that... That... That... Male!" she spat out, then shuddered. "I will not... I will... Marital relations with one such as him?! No!"

"If you are like 'that', you'll also happily recall that you have five wives at the moment. You are not only married to him, but them as well." Rawan stated. "Your marital duties are not restricted to your collective husband."

"What are you..." Motoko started to demand, then promptly shut up, blushed to a beet red and nearly flew towards Rawan, sword bared and heading for his neck. "I am NOT like that!" she bellowed.

"That is your prerogative." Rawan calmly commented, the sword caught between the palms of his hands. He twisted his hands and yanked the sword out of Motoko's hands, then calmly put it down next to Keitaro on the couch. "But as I said, Princess Motoko, your nightly marital duties are not restricted to your husband. You also have the other wives to consider, should their desires run that way." he added, glancing around the room, causing a collective blush.

Except for Su.

"Wooho!" she cheered. "Landed myself a fine-lookin' husband and five hot wives to boot! Amara is going to be so jealous."

"Su!" rose the collective protest.

"Indeed. Congratulations, Princess Kaolla. You are a most fortunate woman." Rawan intoned seriously.

"Aouuuuuuu!" Shinobu exclaimed, then blacked out, her eyes crossed out and a line of drool trailing out of her open mouth.

"We get money?" Kitsune inquired, looking up from the papers she had been carefully reading, trying to catch up on what was happening. She looked over at Rawan and repeated her inquiry. "We get money?"

"Indeed, Princess Mitsune. The country of Molmol provides for the royal family." Rawan replied.

"How much?" Kitsune asked with an expression on her face eerily reminiscent of a child eagerly awaiting an exciting bedtime story.

"Local currency? At the current exchange rate, 1 537 215 Yen a month, Princess Mitsune." Rawan answered.

"Husband! Wives!" Kitsune exclaimed as she flew up from her seat, then reached out and hugged both Naru and Motoko, who were facing Rawan who was blocking their way to Keitaro. "Oh, I am so happy." she said with a big happy grin. "'Til death do us part!" she swore, then kissed Naru right on the lips. French style. Then moved over to Motoko, who responded to the unexpected move by fainting. Naru was reeling from the shock, but handled it better. She hadn't been around Mutsumi, also known as the Okinawan Kissing Machine, so much for nothing!

"Kitsune!" she protested. "Stop that! We have to get this marriage annulled!" Naru insisted and wiped her lips with the back of her right hand, then moved over to put some distance between her and Kitsune, who was currently holding the unconscious Motoko upright, her left arm around Motoko's torso and her right placed on the Kendo-girls well-shaped rump.

"There is no such thing in our country, Princess Naru. Marriages cannot be annulled. Nor do we recognise your custom of divorcing those you marry. Like Princess Mitsune said, it's a commitment for life." Rawan informed her.

"Su! Where are you?!" came a furious bellow from the entrance, causing a complete silence to fall over the building and those within it for a few moments. The door flew open and a darkish blur appeared in the doorway, solidifying itself as Haruka who slammed the door shut behind her.

"Which one of us do you mean? If it's me, then I'm over here!" Kaolla responded to Harukas screamed demand and moments later, Haruka was right there in front of the young foreigner, glaring down at Kaolla with a blazing gaze that could curdle milk, peel the wallpaper right off the walls and send grown men running from her with tears in their eyes. "Hiya, honey." Kaolla greeted her with a cheerful expression, completely unaffected by the dreadful glare. "How was your day?"

"It's true then?" Haruka demanded, her eyes shooting daggers.

"Yups!" Kaolla happily agreed. "Welcome to the family."

"I'm a fu-hrm..." she began, clearly swallowing down a curse-word, "... Princess?"

"Indeed you are, Princess Haruka." Rawan agreed.

"I'm married to Keitaro and these floozies?" Haruka continued, gesturing at the girls scattered around the room.

"Indeed you are, Princess Haruka." Rawan repeated.

"Oh, joy." Haruka groused, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Floozies?!" Naru protested.

"Oh, shut up, honey." Haruka snapped.

"Honey?!" Naru repeated. "Not you too! We don't have time for this. We've got to find a way to annul this marriage!"

"No can do, sugar. When it first happened to Keitaro, I had a lawyer contact of mine look the situation over. The marriage laws of Molmol are ironclad and without loopholes. The only way out is death. The death of all involved parties. There are no widows or widowers in Molmol." Haruka spat out. "We're stuck with each other for life."

"Yup!" Kaolla agreed. "Isn't this grand?! Now we can all live and love each other forever and ever! We'll never have to be apart again and nobody needs to fight over Keitaro anymore! We can all have him! And each other!"

"Oh, joy." Haruka groused again as everybody still conscious, except for Haruka, Rawan and Kaolla blushed furiously.

"You and the looser are perfect for each other. You're both perverts." Sarah announced, shaking her head in disbelief at Kaolla.




"I bet you're happy now, pervert!" Naru snapped.

"Hey! I got screwed over too, just like you!" Keitaro retorted, his hands shaking as he tried to prevent himself from spilling any of the sake in the glass he was holding. He had a feeling that he was going to need it in his system, not on the table.

"Oh, come on. You can't tell me that you didn't want this!" Naru exclaimed. "You've been drooling all over everyone here for over a year now."

"Naru, this isn't constructive. We are trying to figure a way out of this mess, not assign blame." Motoko sighed, rubbing her temples. After the shock had worn off and she had awakened again, she'd turned contemplative and morose. All her usual fire and passion seemed to have went straight out of her and been replaced with dull listlessness. The suggestion of an emergency meeting to discuss the situation had perked her up somewhat, but she was still a far cry from her usual self. She wasn't even bringing her sword along to the discussion.

"Why do you want out of it?" Su inquired. "Don't ya love me no more, Motoko?" she asked, tears in her eyes.

"Of course I love you, Su." Motoko protested.

"Then why don't you want to be married to me?!" Kaolla instantly demanded to know.

"I do not want to be married. Period." Motoko replied. "Not to anyone. Not ever. I am the heir to the Shinmei Ryu. If I am married, I will not be allowed to take over the Dojo."

"Don't you love me, Naru?" Kaolla demanded, switching her attention to Naru and making a mental note to discuss things with Tsuroko. As demon-slayers weren't in such high demand these days and the Shinmei Ryu had such a harsh training regiment, they didn't get much jobs nor that many students. A sizeable donation to the Dojo as a wedding present, might just smooth over a thing or two and make them overlook the fact that the Heir to the Dojo was a married woman.

"Well, yes... But not like that!" Naru responded.

"How about the rest of you, why do you want to break up this marriage?" Kaolla inquired, glaring around the table.

"I'm good, honey-buns. I'll stay married to you." Kitsune assured Su, leaning over and wrapping her left arm around Keitaro. "And if I get him with the package, then hey, I'm all for it."

"Kitsune!" Naru protested.

"I..." Shinobu piped up, then trailed off, mumbling something under her breath.

"What, Shinobu?" Kaolla gently inquired.

"If it means being married to sempai, I'll stay married to you, Kaolla." Shinobu managed to get out while blushing furiously, then hid her face in her hands.

"Shinobu!" Naru protested. "Haruka, come on! There's got to be something we can do." she pleaded with the older woman.

"Not a thing." Haruka sighed, her gaze slowly moving around the table, finally stopping on Keitaro. "Well, there's always condoms, I suppose. I could always adopt or get artificially inseminated when that time comes." she muttered, just barely loud enough for those around her to hear. "And the girls are attractive enough, I suppose." she added.

"Haruka?!" came the collective cry.

"What? I don't intend to fool around, but I certainly don't intend to stay celibate either. If I'm stuck in a cluster marriage for the rest of my life with my nephew and a bunch of you girls, I'll certainly make sure that I get my share of the mileage out of Keitaro." Haruka calmly informed the others. "In fact, if nobody else has called dibs on him tonight yet, I'll go first." she said, a statement which was met with complete silence.

"Aunt Haruka?!" Keitaro finally exclaimed after nearly fifteen seconds of silence and non-movement from everyone except Kaolla, who kept making thumbs up and victory gestures at Haruka.

"Wife Haruka." Haruka corrected. "But you can call me beloved, dear." she added, causing Keitaro to splutter incomprehensible gibberish which none-the-less managed to sound like a protest.

"Haruka!" Naru protested.

"Give it up, Naru. We're stuck with this. You might as well make up your mind now. Either stick with it, go celibate or have nothing to do with this marriage at all and find someone else. Those are your options." Haruka explained. "For me, two is out. Three is not my bag. I've always been faithful to the one I was with and I don't intend to do anything different now, just because I'm in a cluster marriage with a relative that I'm not in love with and several other girls to boot!" she finished and shrugged.

"But... There's... We have... Something..." Naru spluttered.

"I've checked. Trust me, I've checked." Haruka informed the others. "There is no way out of this."

"Yeah, greatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgreatgramps was really going all out when he wrote the marriage laws. They haven't changed much since he wrote 'em back in 1433 after one of his wives divorced him. He really didn't want anything like that happening ever again, so he made sure that it couldn't." Kaolla explained. "Of course, his second, third and fifth husband banded together with his first and third wife and killed him and his brother-husband about five years later, so I'm guessing he sort of regretted rewriting the law as he died." she finished.

"His... Husbands?" Naru repeated in a strained voice.

"Greatgramps was really open to new experiences." Kaolla said, shrugging it off. "Same-sex relationships is no biggie in Molmol. Whatever floats your boat and is to the mutual enjoyment of everyone involved, goes."

"His brother-husband?" Motoko stated, clearing her throat.

"He was his brother first, became his husband later." Kaolla explained.

"He married his own brother?!" came another collective outburst.

"Yeah?" Kaolla inquired with a blank expression. "Oh, yeah. You don't do that sort of thing here that much, do you? Marriages within the immediate family was more or less restricted to the royal family back home as well, but it happened among the people as well until an amendment was made to the law in 1808 which made it more difficult to marry within the immediate family. Greatgramps was a friendly sort and like I said, open to new experiences. The marriage laws were originally written with that in mind." Su said, then chuckled. "Gender is no issue in the laws. In fact, species isn't an issue. My greatgrandmothers aunt married her pet tiger."

"She what?!" Keitaro exclaimed.

"Hey, she was old, senile and mad as a loon." Kaolla shrugged. "She only lasted about a year after that. Prince Sharptooth died three years later and was buried in the family crypt next to his wife."

"And we're now married into this family?" Kitsune inquired, shaking her head. "Well, I guess it's not that much worse then my uncle Nanjiro." she added with a faint shudder, recalling the alcoholic old groping geezer in question.

"Keitaro." Haruka suddenly called with a voice as icy as death.

"Yeah?" he replied, inching away from her in his seat, looking nervously in her direction.

"If you ever refer to me as your aunt-wife, I'll hit you. Hard. Where it'll hurt. A lot." she informed him.

"Check. No aun... Right, none of that." Keitaro responded, halting himself before he actually repeated the term.

"Alright, then come with me. I think we'd better get some experience under your belt before you're called upon to break in your other wives." Haruka informed him and Keitaro actually rose from his seat, before what she said actually sunk in.

"What?! Hey! No way!" he protested, back-pedalling.

"Honey, don't you love me anymore?" Haruka inquired, mimicking both Kaolla's voice and pleading expression.

"Stop that!" Keitaro protested.

"All right. Keitaro, do you know what the punishment is for disregarding your marital duties in Molmol?" Haruka asked.

"Eh? No! What?!" he spluttered nervously.

"You don't want to know." Haruka replied, then strode over and grabbed him by the arm. "Come along, honey. I'm guessing you don't have condoms lying around, but I've got some in my stash back at the tea-house."

"But... But... But..." Keitaro stuttered as Haruka forcibly dragged him out of the room, ignoring his stuttered protests.

"Kaolla. What is the punishment for disregarding ones marital duties?" Motoko inquired nervously a minute later, clearly not comfortable with the notion of having to sleep with Keitaro, or perhaps even one of the other wives, in order to avoid a harsh sentence.

"There isn't any. Geesh, what do you think we are? Barbarians?" Kaolla snorted. "But I guess Keitaro didn't know that..."

"So you mean that Haruka..." Motoko intoned seriously.

"Was bluffing, yeah." Kaolla agreed. "Worked like a charm though. I have to remember that one for when I get old enough to have a go at him." she added with a feral grin.

"You and me both, kiddo. Of course, I'm already old enough. I call dibs after Haruka." Kitsune informed the group, causing Naru and Motoko to face-vault, as Shinobu fainted again. Kaolla made victory-signs at Kitsune and Sarah shook her head in confusion.

Kaolla, Haruka and Kitsune were crazy! There just wasn't any other possible way to explain their actions in this outrageous situation! Sarah leaned forward and put her head down on the table, shaking her head again as she tried to tell herself that this was all just some crazy dream.

The End! ( For now... )