Swallows and Coconuts
Draco:
Who goes there?
Harry:
It is I, Harry, son of James Potter, from the Castle of Hogwarts. The Boy that wouldn't die, defeater of Voldemort, Sovereign of all England!
Draco:
Pull the other one!
Harry:
I am, and this is my trusty servant Ron. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of wizards who will join me in my court at Hogwarts. I must speak with your lord and master.
Draco:
What? Ridden on a
horse?
Harry:
Yes!
Draco:
You're using coconuts
Harry:
what?
Draco:
you've got two empty coconuts and you're bangin 'em together
Harry:
So? We have ridden
since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of
Mercia, through...
Draco:
Where'd you get the
coconuts?
Harry:
We found them.
Draco:
Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!
Harry:
What do you mean?
Draco:
Well, this is a
temperate zone
Harry:
The swallow may fly
south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer
climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
Draco:
Are you suggesting
coconuts migrate?
Harry:
Not at all. They could be carried
Draco:
What? A swallow
carrying a coconut?
Harry:
It could grip it by
the husk!
Draco:
It's not a question of
where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five
ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
Harry:
Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Harry from the Court of Hogwarts is here?
Draco:
Listen. In order to
maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings
forty-three times every second, right?
Harry:
Please!
Draco:
Am I right?
Harry:
I'm not interested!
Blaise:
It could be carried by
an African swallow!
Draco:
Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point.
Blaise:
Oh, yeah, I agree with that.
Harry:
Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Hogwarts!
Draco:
But then of course a-- African swallows are non-migratory
Blaise:
Oh, yeah.
Draco:
So, they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway.
clop clop clop
Draco:
Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?
Blaise:
No, they'd have to have it on a line.
Draco:
Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!
Draco:
What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
Blaise:
Well, why not?
