Swallows and Coconuts

Draco:

Who goes there?
Harry:

It is I, Harry, son of James Potter, from the Castle of Hogwarts. The Boy that wouldn't die, defeater of Voldemort, Sovereign of all England!

Draco:

Pull the other one!

Harry:

I am, and this is my trusty servant Ron. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of wizards who will join me in my court at Hogwarts. I must speak with your lord and master.

Draco:

What? Ridden on a horse?
Harry:

Yes!

Draco:

You're using coconuts

Harry:

what?

Draco:

you've got two empty coconuts and you're bangin 'em together

Harry:

So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through...
Draco:

Where'd you get the coconuts?
Harry:

We found them.

Draco:

Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!

Harry:

What do you mean?

Draco:

Well, this is a temperate zone
Harry:

The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
Draco:

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
Harry:

Not at all. They could be carried

Draco:

What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
Harry:

It could grip it by the husk!
Draco:

It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
Harry:

Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Harry from the Court of Hogwarts is here?

Draco:

Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
Harry:

Please!
Draco:

Am I right?

Harry:

I'm not interested!

Blaise:

It could be carried by an African swallow!
Draco:

Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point.

Blaise:

Oh, yeah, I agree with that.

Harry:

Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Hogwarts!

Draco:

But then of course a-- African swallows are non-migratory

Blaise:

Oh, yeah.

Draco:

So, they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway.

clop clop clop

Draco:

Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?

Blaise:

No, they'd have to have it on a line.

Draco:

Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!

Draco:

What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?

Blaise:

Well, why not?