Burn the Deatheater

Order Members: chanting

Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.

bonk

Pie Iesu domine,...

bonk

...dona eis requiem.

bonk

Pie Iesu domine,...

bonk

...dona eis requiem.

CROWD:

A Deatheater! A Deatheater!

bonk

A Deatheater! A Deatheater!

Order Members: chanting

Pie Iesu domine...

CROWD:

A Deatheater ! A Deatheater ! A Deatheater ! A Deatheater ! We've found a Deatheater ! A Deatheater ! A Deatheater ! A Deatheater ! A Deatheater ! We've got a Deatheater ! A Deatheater ! A Deatheater ! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! We've found a Deatheater ! We've found a Deatheater ! A Deatheater ! A Deatheater ! A Deatheater !

George Weasley:

We have found a Deatheater . May we burn her?

CROWD:

Burn her! Burn! Burn her! Burn her!

Albus Dumbledore:

How do you know she is a Deatheater ?

George Weasley:

She looks like one.

CROWD:

Right! Yeah! Yeah!

Albus Dumbledore:

Bring her forward.

Dolores Umbridge:

I'm not a Deatheater . I'm not a Deatheater .

Albus Dumbledore:

Uh, but you are dressed as one.

Dolores Umbridge:

They dressed me up like this.

CROWD:

Augh, we didn't! We didn't...

Dolores Umbridge:

And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.

Albus Dumbledore:

Well?

Fred Weasley:

Well, we did do the nose.

Albus Dumbledore:

The nose?

Fred Weasley:

And the hat, but she is a Deatheater !

George Weasley:

Yeah!

CROWD:

We burn her! Right! Yeaaah! Yeaah!

Albus Dumbledore:

Did you dress her up like this?

Fred Weasley:

No!

George and Lee:

No. No.

George Weasley:

No.

Fred Weasley:

No.

George and Lee:

No.

Fred Weasley:

Yes.

George Weasley:

Yes.

Fred Weasley:

Yes. Yeah, a bit.

Lee Jordan:

A bit.

Fred and George:

A bit.

Lee Jordan:

A bit.

Fred Weasley:

She has got a wart.

RANDOM:

cough

Albus Dumbledore:

What makes you think she is a Deatheater ?

Lee Jordan:

Well, she turned me into a newt.

Albus Dumbledore:

A newt?

Lee Jordan:

I got better.

George Weasley:

Burn her anyway!

Fred Weasley:

Burn!

CROWD:

Burn her! Burn! Burn her!...

Albus Dumbledore:

Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a Deatheater .

Fred Weasley:

Are there?

George Weasley:

Ah?

Fred Weasley:

What are they?

CROWD:

Tell us! Tell us!...

Albus Dumbledore:

Tell me. What do you do with Deatheaters ?

George Weasley:

Burn!

Fred Weasley:

Burn!

CROWD:

Burn! Burn them up! Burn!...

Albus Dumbledore:

And what do you burn apart from Deatheaters ?

Fred Weasley:

More Deatheaters !

Lee Jordan:

Shh!

George Weasley:

Wood!

Albus Dumbledore:

So, why do Deatheaters burn?

pause

Lee Jordan:

B--... 'cause they're made of... wood?

Albus Dumbledore:

Good! Heh heh.

CROWD:

Oh, yeah. Oh.

Albus Dumbledore:

So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?

Fred Weasley:

Build a bridge out of her.

Albus Dumbledore:

Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?

Fred Weasley:

Oh, yeah.

RANDOM:

Oh, yeah. True. Uhh...

Albus Dumbledore:

Does wood sink in water?

Fred Weasley:

No. No.

George Weasley:

No, it floats! It floats!

Fred Weasley:

Throw her into the pond!

CROWD:

The pond! Throw her into the pond!

Albus Dumbledore:

What also floats in water?

Fred Weasley:

Bread!

George Weasley:

Apples!

Lee Jordan:

Uh, very small rocks!

Fred Weasley:

Cider!

George Weasley:

Uh, gra-- gravy!

Fred Weasley:

Cherries!

George Weasley:

Mud!

Lee Jordan:

Uh, churches! Churches!

George Weasley:

Lead! Lead!

Harry Potter:

A duck!

CROWD:

Oooh.

Albus Dumbledore:

Exactly. So, logically...

Fred Weasley:

If... she... weighs... the same as a duck,... she's made of wood.

Albus Dumbledore:

And therefore?

George Weasley:

A Deatheater!

Fred Weasley:

A Deatheater !

CROWD:

A Deatheater ! A Deatheater !...

Cedric Digory:

Here is a duck. Use this duck.

quack quack quack

Albus Dumbledore:

Very good. We shall use my largest scales.

CROWD:

Ohh! Ohh! Burn the Deatheater ! Burn the Deatheater ! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Ahh! Ahh...

Albus Dumbledore:

Right. Remove the supports!

whop

clunk

creak

CROWD:

A Deatheater ! A Deatheater ! A Deatheater !

Dolores Umbridge:

It's a fair cop.

Lee Jordan:

Burn her!

CROWD:

Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn! Burn!...

Albus Dumbledore:

Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?

Harry Potter:

I am Harry, The Boy that Wouldn't die.

Albus Dumbledore:

My liege!

Harry:

Good Sir Wizard, will you come with me to Hogwarts and join us at the Octagonal Table?

Albus Dumbledore:

My liege! I would be honored.

Harry:

What is your name?

Albus Dumbledore:

'Dumbledore', my liege.

Harry:

Then I dub you 'Sir Dumbledore, Wizard of the Octagonal Table'