The Bridge of Death

Neville Longbottom:

There it is!

Harry:

The Bridge of Death!

Ron Weasley:

Oh, great.

Harry:

Look! There's the old man from scene twenty-four!

Albus Dumbledore:

What is he doing here?

Harry:

He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death. He asks each traveler five questions--

Neville Longbottom:

Three questions.

Harry:

Three questions. He who answers the five questions--

Neville Longbottom:

Three questions.

Harry:

Three questions may cross in safety.

Ron Weasley:

What if you get a question wrong?

Harry:

Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.

Ron Weasley:

Oh, I won't go.

Neville Longbottom:

Who's going to answer the questions?

Harry:

Ron!

Ron Weasley:

Yes?

Harry:

Brave Sir Ron, you go.

Ron Weasley:

Hey! I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Colin go?

Colin Creevey:

Yes. Let me go, my liege. I will take him single-handed. I shall make a feint to the north-east that s--

Harry:

No, no. No. Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! Just answer the five questions--

Neville Longbottom:

Three questions.

Harry:

Three questions as best you can, and we shall watch... and pray.

Colin Creevey:

I understand, my liege.

Harry:

Good luck, brave Sir Colin. God be with you.

Filch:

Stop!

Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

Colin Creevey:

Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.

Filch:

What... is your name?

Colin Creevey:

My name is 'Sir Colin of Camera'.

Filch:

What... is your quest?

Colin Creevey:

To seek the Holy Snitch.

Filch:

What... is your favorite color?

Colin Creevey:

Blue.

Filch:

Right. Off you go.

Colin Creevey:

Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

Ron Weasley:

That's easy!

Filch:

Stop! Who approacheth the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

Ron Weasley:

Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid.

Filch:

What... is your name?

Ron Weasley:

'Sir Ron of The Burrow'.

Filch:

What... is your quest?

Ron Weasley:

To seek the Holy Snitch.

Filch:

What... is the capital of Assyria?

pause

Ron Weasley:

I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!

Filch:

Stop! What... is your name?

Neville Longbottom:

'Sir Neville of My Grandmother's House'.

Filch:

What... is your quest?

Neville Longbottom:

I seek the Snitch.

Filch:

What... is your favorite color?

Neville Longbottom:

Blue. No, yel-- auuuuuuuugh!

Filch:

Hee hee heh. Stop! What... is your name?

Harry:

It is 'Harry', The Boy that wouldn't Die.

Filch:

What... is your quest?

Harry:

To seek the Holy Snitch.

Filch:

What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Harry:

What do you mean? An African or European swallow?

Filch:

Huh? I-- I don't know that. Auuuuuuuugh!

Albus Dumbledore:

How do know so much about swallows?

Harry:

Well, you have to know these things when you battle dark lords, you know.

suspenseful music

music suddenly stops

suspenseful music resumes