A/N: I reiterate: I am using some lines from the book. They belong to Ms. Rowling. I really didn't want to have to rewrite Remus' whole lecture, Rowling did it so well the first time. : )
Chapter Three- The Boggart in the Wardrobe
Remus hurried out of the staffroom after lunch on Thursday. He was going to be late for his next class. He couldn't believe that he had forgotten the time. But then, he thought, is it really so surprising? What with all the running around I've been doing, reworking schedules, and …
His thoughts trailed off before he could run through the long checklist he had made of everything he had needed to do. He was almost finished with it; he shouldn't have to worry now. He should have remembered that the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher had changed every year for quite some time. Because of this he had had to rewrite his entire schedule for each class to suit what they had actually learned, not what thecourse requirements claimed they had learned. The scramble following the revelation that his classes knew less than he thought had produced a boggart, as well as a couple other little improvisations that he was rather proud of.
I guess my friends didn't call me 'Professor Moony" for nothing, Remus thought with a wry smile. He was getting close to his classroom, so he slowed his rush to a walk. As Remus turned the corner, he nearly knocked someone over. He reached out to steady whoever it was, but his help was brushed off.
"A little late, aren't you, Lupin?" Severus asked in a silky voice.
"Only a little," Remus returned pleasantly. He tried to step around the Potions professor, but Snape blocked him. "Excuse me, Severus."
"I thought you said you were 'only a little' late," he sneered.
"I'd rather not be late at all," Remus replied with forced patience.
"I'm sorry I can't help with that." But he didn't look sorry at all. "You said you were going to get rid of that boggart, Lupin. When will you be doing that?"
"This period. If you'll excuse me?" Remus pushed past Severus and entered the classroom. He smiled vaguely at the class as he moved toward his desk, trying to figure out what Severus had accomplished in delaying him. He finally gave up, thinking, It's not my problem. I have to concentrate on this class now. Come on, Remus, what are you worrying about him for? You never did before.
He took a deep breath and turned to face the class. "Good afternoon." He noticed that all the students had their books out. I really was very late, wasn't I, he thought before saying, "Would you please put all your books back in your bags. Today's will be a practical lesson. You will need only your wands." There, he told himself, not a bad start.
Once everyone was ready, Remus said, "Right then. If you'd follow me." He led them towards the staffroom. It's like ducklings following their mother around in a perfectly straight line. I can't believe that we all used to be so afraid of the teachers that we would do that. It could get rather annoying.
He thought that maybe he should be planning what he was going to say when he turned a corner and he saw Peeves the Poltergeist floating upside down and shoving chewing gum into the keyhole of a broom cupboard. Remus was going to walk right past, but he froze as Peeves looked up and broke into song.
"Loony, loopy Lupin, loony, loopy Lupin…"
So much for thinking he would have forgotten that song, Remus sighed. He smiled slightly, remembering how James and Sirius had made such a joke of it; they had called him 'Loony Moony' for weeks after they first heard Peeves. The class seemed surprised that he was smiling.
"I'd take that gum out of the keyhole if I were you, Peeves," he said, keeping his voice reasonable. "Mr. Filch won't be able to get in to his brooms." Might as well be polite now that I'm a teacher, he thought. The Marauders had been Filch's worst nightmare while they were at school.
Peeves blew a loud raspberry in his direction. Some things never change.
"This is a useful little spell," he told the class. "Please watch closely." He raised his wand to shoulder height, said, "Waddiwasi," and pointed it at Peeves. He smirked to himself; it really had always been a useful spell for placing things where they didn't belong. The gum flew out of the keyhole and down Peeves' nostril. The Poltergeist cursed as he zoomed away.
"Cool, sir," one of the boys, Dean Thomas, said.
Remus thanked him, then added to the rest of the third year class, "Shall we proceed?" He could feel their eyes on his back as they watched him; he wondered what they were thinking.
Thankfully, they had reached the staffroom. He opened the door and stood back to let them inside. As he followed them, about to close the door, he noticed that not all the old, mismatched chairs in the paneled room were empty. Severus happened to be sitting in one of them. Oh, not again. Why did I have to tell him I was going to be in here today?
"Leave it open, Lupin. I'd rather not witness this," Snape said. It took Remus a second to realize that Severus meant the door. He watched Snape leave, and good riddance, he thought, the last thing I need is him criticizing my teaching.
Snape turned at the door and said nastily, "Possibly no one's warned you, Lupin, but this class contains Neville Longbottom. I would advise you not to entrust him with anything difficult. Not unless Miss Granger is hissing instructions in his ear."
Remus stared at Snape. How am I supposed to respond to that? He asked himself. I know who Neville is; he looks just like his mother. What could Severus have against him? And what does Hermione have to do with this? A sudden thought came to him as he caught sight of Neville's face. Remus raised his eyebrows.
"I was hoping Neville would assist me with the first stage of the operation," he said, "and I am sure he will perform it admirably." And I prove myself wrong again. I thought that I couldn't improvise to save my life.
Neville's blush deepened, and Remus winced. He hadn't wanted to put anyone on the spot. Snape left with a smirk.
"Now, then," Remus said, regaining the class' attention and beckoning them toward the wardrobe at the far end of the room. He moved next to it, and it wobbled. "Nothing to worry about," he said calmly as some of the students backed away, alarmed. "There's a boggart in there." Then again, boggarts are rather scary if you don't know how to deal with them, he added to himself.
He began to explain what boggarts were. "They like dark, enclosed spaces," he told the class. "Wardrobes, the gap beneath beds," this is why muggle children believe monsters live under their beds, he thought, "the cupboards under sinks—I've even met one that had lodged itself in a grandfather clock," he continued out loud. He said something about this particular boggart and their class; he never remembered this part of the speech.
"So, the first question we must ask ourselves is, what is a boggart?"
Remus called on Hermione as her hand shot up in the air. "It's a shape-shifter. It can take the shape of whatever it thinks will frighten us most."
Remus nodded. "Couldn't have put it better myself." He then explained that no one knew what a boggart looked like, until it assumed the shape of a person's worst fear. "This means," he said, "that we have a huge advantage over the boggart before we begin. Have you spotted it, Harry?" Remus figured that if Harry answered the question,Remus wouldhave some excuse for not letting him fight the boggart. I mean, I can't really have Lord Voldemort appearing in the staffroom, even if it is just a boggart. Just an image of him would be creepy, especially since so many people lost so much to him…
Harry was answering the question. "Er—because there are so many of us, it won't know what shape it should be?"
"Precisely." He elaborated slightly, and then told them that "The charm that repels a boggart is simple, but it requires force of mind. You see, the thing that really finishes a boggart is laughter. What you need to do is force it to assume a shape that you find amusing." Anything can make it amusing, of course, he thought. And that requires imagination, which is rather difficult when you're scared stiff, but why make this more complicated than it already is?
"We will practice the charm without wands first. After me, please… riddikulus." The class repeated him.
"Very good," he said kindly. "But that was the easy part, I'm afraid. You see, the word alone is not enough." Remus winced inwardly as he realized that he had just repeated himself. Since when do I say 'you see' anyway?
"And this is where you come in, Neville," he said out loud, in accordance with what he had said to Snape. He hoped he wasn't setting the boy up for even more embarrassment.
"Right, Neville," he said trying to sound encouraging. "First things first: what would you say is the thing that frightens you most in the world?"
Neville spoke in something less than a whisper.
"Didn't catch that Neville, sorry," he said, sounding more cheerful than he meant to. He sounds like I did, embarrassed to admit I was afraid of the full moon, afraid someone would think to ask why… but that doesn't matter today.
"Professor Snape," Neville said, this time in just more than a whisper. Everyone laughed. Even Neville seemed tofeel the sort of embarrassment that made you laugh rather than cry.
Remus thought for a moment, then said, "Neville, I believe you live with your grandmother?"
"Yes, but I don't want the boggart to turn into her either."
"No, I was just wondering if you could picture the clothes she normally wears," Remus said with a smile. This is better than I thought. But Severus will never let me hear the end of this if it works.
"Yes," Neville said uncertainly. He described some very old-fashioned clothes, things that Remus' grandmother had worn.
Remus smiled. "When I let the boggart out of the wardrobe, Neville, it will see you, and take the shape of Professor Snape. You will point your wand at it, say riddikulus, and concentrate on your grandmother's clothes. If all goes well, Professor Boggart Snape will be forced into that vulture-topped hat, that green dress, and with that red handbag." Remus had to laugh with everyone else. When they had quieted he said, "After Neville faces the boggart, I will call the next person forward. Please take a moment now to think of what frightens you most, and imagine how you might force it to look comical…"
Remus knew exactly what hewas afraid of, and so he let his mind wander. He ignored the students' mutterings. When most of them had gone silent, he asked if everyone was ready. They were. He had everyone back away so that the boggart wouldn't become confused, then let the boggart out on the count of three. Snape emerged from the wardrobe, looking the same as he had earlier that day. Neville backed away, he seemed to have forgotten what he was supposed to do, but then he squeaked, "Riddikulus."
Snape was dressed in a lacy green gown with a tall, black witch's hat that sported a moth-eaten vulture and a bright red handbag. The boggart paused as the class laughed, and Remus called Parvati forward.
She caused her mummy to trip on its own bandages, and its head fell off as it hit the floor.
"Seamus," Remus shouted. Seamus removed the wailing banshee's voice. Another few people took on the boggart. It became a rat, which chased its tail, just like Peter did when he was bored on the full moon, Remus thought with a slight smirk. He used to run himself dizzy and Sirius would laugh so hard… The boggart became a rattlesnake, a bloody eyeball…
"It's confused!" Remus shouted. "We're getting there. Dean!"
Dean caught a crawling, severed hand in a mousetrap.
"Ron, you next!" Remus winced as a few people screamed. The boggart had become a giant spider, an acromantula. Ron didn't move; he seemed as frozen as Neville had been, and then, Ron took its legs off. The boggart rolled away to land at Harry's feet. Remus swore to himself, he should have prepared for this.
"Here!" he shouted. Remus moved forward and the boggart appeared as the full moon in front of him. Praying that no one would recognize the silver orb as the moon he said "Riddikulus" and focused on the first image that came to his mind. For some odd reason, the boggart hit the ground as a cockroach. Where the heck did that come from? Remus asked himself. A cockroach? I must be getting depressed, if that's amusing. Though I was chasing some last full moon. It was rather entertaining, actually.
"Forward, Neville, and finish him off!" Remus shouted, stepping back and shaking his head. Snape reappeared, and Neville moved forward. This time he was determined. There was a split second when Snape stood in the lacy dress, before Neville laughed and the boggart exploded into tiny wisps of smoke and vanished.
"Excellent. Well done." Remus sighed. "Let me see… five points to Gryffindor for every person who tackled the boggart, ten for Neville because he did it twice, and five each to Hermione and Harry."
"But I didn't do anything," Harry complained.
"You answered my questions at the start of class, Harry," Remus said lightly. But he had a feeling that Harry knew he had stopped him from taking on the boggart. He assigned them their homework and dismissed the class. They left, chattering. Once they were gone, Remus collapsed into a chair and placed his head in his hands.
One more day. One more day, and I'll have survived my first week. It can only get better from here. He stood up and headed back to his office to prepare a lecture for a first year class. Maybe he wouldbegin by telling them what the Dark Arts were, the point of the class. That was always a good place to start.
