HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYKAIOS! I managed to finish in time! Woop!

This should have been written ages ago. I still blame people on lj. Anyway, add me if you're on there. I like having friends.

James stared at Sirius. His friend was shaking, arms wrapping around his body in a childlike defensive gesture. James had never seen Sirius look this down, not even when his family had disowned him. "Padders…"

"He hates me." The voice was small and, in a way, broken. James pulled the taller man down onto the sofa, noticing how he didn't relax in any way. Every part of Sirius' body was tense, as though he was only staying still by extreme force of effort.

"Padfoot, he doesn't hate you." A soft smile was sent his way, pain behind the eyes. James knew that Sirius knew he was lying. Remus, their Remus, was never like that without a reason. "He was just… concerned about other things."

"I hugged him James. Normally that would get a response, even if it was flinching away." James could remember those days, when Remus hated to be touched and avoided any physical contact. "But there was nothing."

"I'm sure if-"

"Not a word." Sirius' voice was heavy, almost dead. "He didn't say anything."

So trying to convince him that Remus didn't hate him would be rather useless, probably using up too much effort. "Do you know what's wrong?"

"If I did I'd make it better again." James quelled the smile in him at the biting tone Sirius took. At least there was life there.

"Nothing happened before he left?"

Sirius stiffened next to him, standing and moving to be nearer to Harry's small figure. "No, I've told you that before. When he decided to run away in the first place."

"We don't know what happened. He might have had to leave without saying anything."

Bitter recrimination dashed across the handsome face. "Yes, because his best friends mean nothing. Where's he say he's been these years?"

"Europe. Teaching."

"That's bull. I'll go ask him."

James shot up, stopping Sirius with one hand on the doorknob. "No, Sirius. He's not speaking to you, you won't get anything out of him."

One eyebrow lifted, and the mouth twisted. "You think I'm just going to ask nicely?"

James didn't feel like mentioning that Remus would probably be able to kill Sirius easily if he wanted. "Let me go. That way neither of you will do something stupid."

There was a tense few moments as they stared into each other's eyes. James could see the thoughts whirring violently in Sirius' head- on one hand, he hated being ignored and going to confront Remus would get rid of that problem. On the other, he knew there was a large chance he would make things worse. James could see new lines appearing on his friend's face, skin that was normally completely smooth.

"Ok." The words were soft. Sirius seemed to sag slightly, and his eyes were left looking haunted. He twisted back to look at the child still on the floor, engrossed in his toys. "Bye Harry."

James watched his best friend walk out of the house, slouched over and looking as though he wanted to crawl into himself. "Shit."

"That's a naughty word, daddy." Harry's disapproving voice cut through his mind and made him whirl around to stare at the centre of his world. Harry had been playing with his toys the whole time, not taking time to pay attention to any of the grown up melancholy and angst. He really was amazing, and James let the smile grow on his face. Harry was the only thing he knew he couldn't live without- even Lily was less important to him. He lived for Harry.

"I know." He bent down, letting his hand wander over his son's head. Three most important people in his life- Harry, Lily, and Sirius. Remus could hurt all of them by doing this.

He stood up straighter, face setting into furious lines. Remus wasn't going to be allowed to get away with this. He'd never seen Sirius look like that. And Remus was responsible. Therefore he was going to make amends.

He had no right to be so damn… difficult with Sirius! James clenched his hand on the banister. It was Remus' fault that he'd left. It was his fault that all of this had come crashing down around them.

Only one of the doors was shut- the bathroom. So James strode up to it, flinging it open. He'd expected a furious turn around, something passionate. But Remus didn't move. He stayed where he was, back to James, shaving in the small mirror.

"What the hell was that?" Normally James prided himself on how controlled he was, in any situation. Not now. His voice came out in clipped tones, sure sign of how angry he was.

"What was what?" Infuriatingly calm. James couldn't tell if it was also on Remus' face- the angle the mirror was placed at meant he couldn't see any of his friend's face.

"You know damn well what."

"James, I really don't. Lily might be good at interpreting angry James circle talk, but I'm really not."

James gripped Remus' shoulder, intending to turn him round, but found the bony figure was immovable. "Downstairs, just now. You just hurt Sirius!"

"Drop it, James." The razor was dropped to the bowl, swirled in the water, and raised back to the cheek.

"No, I won't! Remus, he held onto you as though he couldn't bear to think about losing you again. You ignored him completely!"

"James." The voice was quieter now. "You don't know anything."

"Tell me then!" Remus didn't move at James' raised voice. ""What the hell happened between you two?"

Remus still refused to turn, still staring at his reflection in the mirror. He rinsed the razor again, and James heard the rasping as it scraped the stubble. "We… had an argument."

"You don't say." James knew he ought to control his sarcasm, but sometimes it was the only possible way. It had always been Remus who was sarcastic, and now James was just emulating him. It might one day get his throat ripped out.

"I do."

James reached forward and pushed the top of the mirror, causing it to flip upwards and face the ceiling. Remus froze. "He was heartbroken just now, and you were as cold as anything. He deserves more than that, Remus! He's your best friend!"

"No!" Now Remus turned, amber eyes blazing. "He was my best friend. He hasn't been for a very long time."

"He doesn't know what he's done wrong."

James flinched as Remus spun the mirror back, letting it go too far and smash. "Doesn't he?" In contrast to the action, the voice was tight.

"Rem, talk to me."

"No." A small smile appeared on the lined face. "Sorry about the mirror. I'll pay you back once I get some money."

"Remus-"

"James." Amber eyes locked with hazel. Desperation shone in them, and a kind of fear. James had only seen Remus look as scared twice in his life. The first time had been when they first discovered Remus was a werewolf, and he'd thought they were going to hang him from the nearest tree. The second time had been when they were about twenty…

---

The banging on the door was insistent. James raised one hand to his head in pain, the pounding almost unbearable. He hated getting drunk. Well, he didn't. It was more the morning after that he hated with a passion he normally reserved only for family and Quidditch.

Next to him Lily murmured in her sleep. She wasn't likely to get up, and he didn't much blame her. She'd been up with Harry most of the night, while he'd been out getting drunk. He stumbled out of bed and pulled on a dressing gown. Didn't know who it would be, but most people would hardly like to see a hungover James in his underwear.

Somehow he made it down the stairs. Knowing his luck, it would be Lily's parents. More likely to be Sirius, with that interminable chirpy grin on his face.

It wasn't.

Remus stood there, looking completely lost. He was shaking, shadows appearing on his face. "Remus?"

"Jay?" His friend's face seemed to crumple, and he collapsed forward into James' arms. James was stunned. Firstly, he had no idea how to deal with something like this. Secondly, he'd never seen Remus break down like this. He knew it could happen, Sirius had told him, but it was the first time he'd seen it.

James pulled Remus into the living room, kicking the door shut behind them, and fell onto the sofa where the smaller man clung to him. "Remus, what's wrong?"

"I… oh Merlin, I… I'm lost, James, I'm lost forever."

"Remus, you're not making any sense."

"I'm drunk."

The words were said matter-of-factly, and the stench of vodka rapidly rising from Remus inclined James to believe it. "Why?"

"I've been drinking since three o'clock."

That made it… four hours. Which meant it was unbelievable that none of Remus' words were slurred, and that he wasn't catatonic. Then again, his werewolf metabolism was an advantage. It did explain why Remus was now sobbing into James' towelling dressing gown.

"Remus, what happened?"

"I mucked it all up, I'm lost…"

"What do you mean, you're lost?"

"Love of my life… only one who could save me…"

James lifted one hand to stroke through the blonde hair. Remus was heartbroken, that explained it. "Didn't know you were dating."

"It was a secret. Wasn't meant to be love, just sex… I fell in love… mucked it all up…"