She's Gone
Disclaimer: Totally not mine. Dick's to the max!
A/N- Swearing that sailors would be proud of...just a warning...
Another month passed. Carolyn sat at her desk, watching Bobby and Lynn going over crime scene photos in one of the open conference rooms. From where she sat, Carolyn could see Lynn rolling her eyes. Mike came up behind her and nudged her.
"They haven't killed each other yet?" Mike motioned at Bobby and Lynn with his free hand. The other hand was holding a cup holder from Starbucks, a coffee for each of them.
Carolyn took a cup for herself. "You go all the way to that Starbucks just to flirt with the barista?" Mike smiled.
"Yeah. And you'll like this – she wasn't even there this morning." Mike sat down at his desk and grabbed some paperwork from Carolyn. "So," Mike started, "sleep okay last night?"
Carolyn shook her head. "This one was different."
"What was different?" Bobby came to retrieve the coffees for he and Lynn.
"Um, nothing Bobby." Carolyn couldn't bring herself to tell him about her dreams. He was harried enough, having to deal with Nan and now Lynn as his partner. "Are we still on for tonight?" Lynn's head shot up at Carolyn's question.
"Yeah, Mike are you coming?"
"Bounce House? Hell yeah, I'm coming." Mike clinked Bobby's coffee cup playfully. Well, there's a smile, Mike thought.
Lynn cleared her throat. "Why are you going to Bounce House?"
"It's Nan's big day out." Carolyn smiled at the thought of her. Lynn looked at Bobby, confused.
"Who's Nan?" Carolyn and Mike both looked at Bobby as well. Bobby looked down at the ground.
"Nan is, she's my daughter." Bobby walked away from the group of detectives. Mike looked at Lynn.
"I don't…I know I'm never going to replace Alex. I know that." Lynn started to walk away, then came back. "Is she Alex's?" Carolyn nodded.
"She looks just like her. She was only ten months old when Alex died. Sweetest kid. He never told you?" Carolyn looked up at Lynn. Mike cut in.
"Well, Lynn, you know how he can be – "
"Yeah, but…It's a kid. I don't know. I don't think I can work with him any-"
Mike cut her off. "Listen, kid. I know what it's like to not be wanted. But he needs a partner who's not going to walk out on him. It took a while to find Alex, and he really lucked out when they fell in love. Believe it or not, Bishop, he really is a nice guy. He's just weird and private and he misses his fiancée and he's trying to raise a daughter who will never remember her mother. So let's just cut him a little slack, got it?" The entire bullpen was staring at him, Bobby included. Lynn's face remained stoic.
"Got it," she whispered as she walked away. Bobby glanced at her before tearing ass across the bullpen towards Mike. Deakins was out of his office like a shot.
"All right! Goren, Logan – office, now!" They all marched into the captain's office. "Pardon my French, but what the fuck is going on?" He looked at his detectives. He was in no mood. He knew partnering Bishop and Goren was going to be a suck-fest, but at least they got the job done. "Why were you yelling at her?" He looked at Mike sprawled out in one of the chairs. Bobby was leaning against the wall like he always did.
"Well, this one here didn't mention his DAUGHTER to Bishop and made her feel like an ass in front of all of us. Then she threatened to get a new partner and I told her to cut him some slack." Mike motioned at Bobby.
Bobby pushed himself off the wall. "I do not need your pity, Logan. And I don't have to tell her every facet of my life. I am a private person!"
"Look, you just made her feel like an idiot. She didn't even know you had a kid. It's what normal people talk about. Sorry, forgot, you're Robert Goren, captain of the freaks." Mike instantly regretted saying that to him. He looked up at Bobby. He was expressionless.
"Well, glad that's all out in the open." Deakins shook his head at them. "Can you guys possibly sort this out? For me?" He batted his eyelashes, trying to lighten the mood. Mike and Bobby looked at him like he was crazy. "Sorry. So, seriously – work it out."
"Listen, Bobby, I'm sorry. But I just don't want to see you go through what Alex told me about."
"What exactly did Alex tell you?" Bobby shivered a little at the sound of her name.
"Well, about the whole partner issue before she was paired with you. I just didn't want Bishop to give up on you so quick. You're a good guy, like I said before. Bishop's situation is shitty; she's only around when Alex isn't here. And…well, I just feel bad for the kid. I know what it's like to work with you. But it's worse for her – she's not Alex and it's being screamed at her from all angles. Take it easy on her." Mike sat back in his chair. Deakins was pleasantly surprised.
"Kind of hard to believe this is the same detective who got sent to Staten Island." Deakins shot a grin at Mike, who bristled slightly at the reminder.
"I'll…try. She is good. She's…you know. Sorry, Mike." Bobby reached his hand out to Mike and shook it.
"Sorry, big guy. You should talk to her though. I don't know where she went." Mike and Bobby stood and left Jimmy's office. Mike went back to his desk and Bobby went to find Lynn.
On The Roof…
Lynn stood on the roof of One Police Plaza. She liked to go out there to think. Maybe I am being too hard on him, Lynn thought. She leaned against the door to the roof, looking up at the gray sky. But why wouldn't he tell her about his daughter. You bring stuff like that up. The door to the roof flew open, sending Lynn flying, landing on her knees. "Oh what the fuck?" Lynn stood up and checked out her knees. Each pant leg had a hole in them now, and one of her knees was bleeding.
"Bishop I'm sorry – what happened?" Bobby looked her up and down. Her red hair was a mess and she looked like she was on the verge of tears.
"Son of a bitch, Goren! You sent me flying and my pants are ruined and my knee is bleeding! That's what fucking happened!" That was unprofessional, Lynn thought. Let's just let those expletives run wild; that's the way to get yourself some respect. "Couldn't you have knocked? Did you have to break the door down?" She looked at him now. He looked really sorry. "I didn't mean to yell. My knee's killing me now."
Bobby looked at her. "Look, I'm sorry. I've…I've been difficult. Obviously it's harder to work with you this time around because she's not coming back. You represent, you are the loss of Alex." Lynn just looked at him. Great, Bobby thought, alienate her even more. "I'm not trying to be mean, but it's hard. For both of us. And I'm not making that easier. And Mike's sorry he yelled at you. I would be grateful if you stuck it out." Bobby looked at her, looking at him.
Lynn sighed. "Okay. I got it. Can I get a band aid now?" She smiled at him and walked towards the door. Wow, a smile. That's new, he thought.
Later that night…
Carolyn walked through the big empty house. No lights but there were candles lit everywhere. She walked from room to room. "Alex? Where are you?" She opened a door on the third floor of the house. Bingo. Alex was sitting on a bed, looking like she had been waiting for Carolyn. There was a breeze coming from the open patio door. Carolyn could tell from the room's doorway that the drop was a long way down. She didn't have a good feeling about this. She turned back to Alex, who motioned for her to sit on the bed with her. She did and they both lay back against the pillows, Alex's feet tucked in beneath her.
"What took you so long?" Alex slapped Carolyn playfully. "I wanted to talk to you."
"Why'd you leave? You left us all. Nan, Bobby – " Alex put her hand up to Carolyn's mouth, shutting her up.
"Stop. I have to tell you something and I don't have a lot of time." She looked over at the patio door impatiently. "Take care of them, okay? I have to go." Alex stood up and brushed herself off. Carolyn stood up and walked back to the door she came through. Alex stepped onto the patio and started to tilt forwards. Carolyn turned and walked back down the hallway. And then the gunshot.
She woke up, sitting straight up in bed. Her phone was ringing. She picked it up and checked the caller ID. Bobby. "Yeah?"
Bobby sat in his bedroom, a crying Nan in his arms. "Carolyn, she's coughing so bad. I, I don't know what to do."
Carolyn checked the clock – two AM. "Bobby, just sit tight, I'll be right over. Carolyn hung up and got dressed, grabbed her purse and headed over to Bobby's.
Bobby's Apartment…
Bobby rocked Nan, but to no avail. Her nose kept running, and she had a nasty bark-like cough. She kept crying and coughing. The buzzer sounded. Carolyn. He buzzed her up. Carolyn heard Nan's coughing and took her out of Bobby's arms. "Do you have a humidifier?" Bobby shook his head, terror on his face. Carolyn never saw that look before. Chill, think of Nan, Carolyn thought. "Okay. Come in the bathroom with me. You're not going to have hot water for a while though." Carolyn handed Nan back to Bobby for a minute. Nan kept coughing, but the crying stopped when Carolyn got there. Carolyn turned on all the hot water taps, letting the steam build. She shut the door and put a towel in front of it for good measure. She took Nan back and sat on the side of the bathtub with her, rubbing her back. Bobby watched her for a minute before settling on the floor next to them.
"What's wrong with her?" Bobby said after a little while, watching Nan fall asleep in Carolyn's arms. Carolyn turned off the taps and maneuvered herself onto the floor next to him.
"Croup. My sister had it when she was about 4 or 5. My mom was scared shitless. It's the cough. It's down right creepy sounding."
"Well, yeah. I got up to check out the apartment and then I realized the sound was coming from her." Bobby brushed her damp hair off of Nan's face.
"Can you take her for a second? I've got to pull the nest back." Bobby took Nan and looked at Carolyn oddly. She pulled a hair band out of her pocket and put her hair in a ponytail.
"The nest? I've never heard that before." Bobby gave her a small smile.
"I'm a joy to work with when it's humid out. Curls are such a blessing," Carolyn said sarcastically
"This one lucked out; I've got curly hair but Alex has…had poker straight hair. She used to complain that she couldn't get it to do anything." They both smiled at that. Bobby looked at Carolyn closely. "Are you going to tell me about those dreams you keep having?"
"Bobby." Carolyn stopped and closed her eyes.
"You tell Mike."
"I don't tell Mike, I just tell him if I've had one or not. And more often than not it's a yes." She looked over at him. "They give me panic attacks or something. I wake up and I can't breathe and it feels like forever. Then slowly everything comes back. I can move, I can breathe and then I don't want to go through it anymore."
"Are they that bad?"
Carolyn thought for a moment. "The dream I had before you called? She actually talked to me this time. Usually she doesn't, usually…" Carolyn stopped, feeling the tears well up.
Bobby put his arm around her the best he could with a sleeping thirteen month old in his arms. "I'm sorry. I didn't meant to upset you."
"She said 'take care of them'. Then she jumped of the patio. Then the gunshot." Carolyn stared intently at the pipes under the sink. Bobby absorbed this information.
"I don't know what to say. My dreams are a little more pleasurable than that." Carolyn made a gross out face. "I didn't mean it that way, well sometimes they are, but they're more like flashbacks. Like the first time she came over to my apartment and started cleaning things. Or when we first kissed. Sometimes it's the night Nan was born. That one's the hardest." Bobby tightened his hold on Nan.
"Well, there are variations on three different themes. One is Alex is there and I'm trying to keep her from leaving. But she always does, and as she leaves I turn away from her and then I hear the gunshot and I wake up. The second theme is me searching for her, but to no avail. Those aren't so bad, just sad. The third," Carolyn looked at Nan, sucking her thumb in her sleep," Nan is at an end of a hallway or just sitting somewhere calling out 'ma' and I have to get her. It's only slightly more terrifying when she's screaming bloody murder and I can't find her. Those, those dreams…" Carolyn shook her head, trying to get the picture out of her mind. "Those are the scariest ones. Worse than turning my back on Alex, you know? I can't get back to sleep after those. So when I come in looking like death warmed over, you can guess which one exactly I dreamt about." Carolyn sighed.
Bobby wiped his forehead. It was really hot in here. "Hey, you want to get out of here? She's asleep and that weird wheezing sound's gone. And the cough." Bobby stood up and helped Carolyn to her feet. They opened the bathroom door and were hit with a wall of cool air. "I'll put her back in her crib." Carolyn nodded and went to wait for him in the living room. She looked around at all the pictures of Alex. There was one of Alex and Bobby, shortly after they started dating, one of Alex and Nan when she was about six months old. There were a few of Alex displaying her pregnant belly for the camera. Carolyn stood to get a closer look of one of her and Alex. It was taken just a week or two before the night she died. They were at the bar, all four of them. Nan was with Alex's mom for the night so Alex and Bobby could have a night out. They were playing some quiz game, guys against girls. The girls lost; why they'd agreed to a quiz game against Bobby, the world would never know but the losers got the winner's beers dumped on them. Alex and Carolyn didn't know about that particular detail, and it came as quite a shock. But they got over it. Mike had snapped the picture, the two of them in white t-shirts, covered in beer, looking like drowned rats. They were both giving the finger to Mike while laughing. Carolyn smiled.
"I'm going to have to hide that one from her when she gets older." Bobby came up behind her, peering over her shoulder.
"Well, you guys shouldn't have done that. The whole bar probably thought we were alcoholics, walking around reeking like booze." Carolyn put the photo back and sat on the couch again. Bobby sat down next to her.
"Thank you, for ah, coming over tonight. I would've ended up going to the hospital or something."
"For that kid, anything – just ask. Oh, the symptoms will probably stick around and only get really bad at night so be careful. Give her some baby Tylenol if you have any." Carolyn yawned. "I'd better get back. We have to be at work in," she looked at the clock on the VCR, "three hours." She stood to leave.
"Carolyn, you can stay. I'll grab you a blanket and you can have my pillow. You don't have to leave." Some thing in the way he said it made Carolyn turn around. She looked at him and realized he was crying.
"Bobby, it's okay. I'll stay." She walked over to him and put her arms around him. She looked up at him. His eyes were squeezed shut, tears coursing from the sides of his eyes. It made her feel like crying all over again.
"Why does she have to be gone? Why?" Bobby loosened himself from Carolyn's hug and flung an arm out, swiping the pictures off the top of the TV. Carolyn backed away, terrified of what he was going to do.
"Bobby, the baby – " Carolyn moved towards him, reached for his arm. He fell to his knees crying, sobbing at her feet.
"I, I, I, just want her back." Carolyn knelt down beside him, getting him to lay down. He did. He sobbed for a little while longer, his breathing becoming deeper and more regular. She grabbed a throw off the couch, covered them up and fell asleep on the living room floor beside him.
Lynn's Morning…
Nine thirty in the morning and Bobby still wasn't there. She sat at her desk, no Alex's desk, and studied the paperwork in front of her. He was never late when she worked with him before; sometimes he was there early. Deakins walked over to her.
"Hey, Goren just called in. The baby was sick last night. Croup. You'll be with Logan and Barek." Deakins glanced over towards Mike and Carolyn's desks. Only Mike was there. He waved and smiled at Jimmy and Lynn. Deakins suppressed an eye roll as he walked over to Mike. "Good morning, sunshine. Where's your partner?"
"Well, Nan has the croup, and Goren called Barek over there in the middle of the night for help. She called me early this morning." Mike cringed. "Forgot to inform you, sir. I apologize."
Jimmy did not hide this eye roll. "That's just great. Well, it's you and Bishop today then. Have fun." He nodded briefly at Lynn before walking back to his office. Lynn stared at her pen. That's great. She'd been ditched. She sighed and carried her stuff over to Carolyn's desk.
"Good morning Logan."
"Good morning Bishop." Mike smirked at her. His phone rang. "Logan? Well hey, kiddo!" Lynn looked at him while he was on the phone. She had a thought and dismissed it as soon as it came up. He's too old for her. He hung up the phone and grinned at her. Oh Jesus, she was in trouble. If she had to keep working with him…She pushed the thought out of head again.
"What's going on?"
"Well, that was your partner on the phone – "
"You call Goren kiddo?"
"No. First it was Barek, then Goren got on the phone. They wanted to know if I wanted to stop over there later, and if you wanted to come then you were welcome as well." Mike smiled at her.
Lynn felt her belly flip-flop. "Wait, I thought the baby was sick and that's why they called in?"
"The baby is sick. That's why we'd be going over there." Mike got serious for a second. "Do you know what happened to Alex?"
"No, just that she was shot."
"Carolyn was her partner. They weren't together when Alex was shot; Carolyn was at the back. They were also best friends. She's felt guilty about what had happened, and she felt guilty about not telling Bobby herself what had happened. So, she's laying a lot of shit on herself."
"Why are you telling me all this?" Bishop smoothed her already smooth hair back.
"I just don't want you getting the wrong idea about Bobby and Carolyn. He lost his fiancée and she lost her partner and best friend. I can see the wheels turning in your head – I know what you're thinking." He smirked at her again.
Oh, if he only knew. Where the hell did that come from? Lynn shook her head. "Sure, Logan. I get you."
"Good, you coming then?"
Lynn thought for a minute. She'd never been invited out before. People always mistook her for arrogant. Well, time to change that. "Yeah, I'll come out."
Mike smiled. "Good." He smiled to himself and got down in his paperwork.
Lynn watched him for a moment before returning to hers. That baby better get well soon, or she was bound to do something stupid. And stupidity for G. Lynn Bishop was intolerable…especially from herself.
A/N – First, I don't really know if Barek has a sister so do with that what you will. Second, I don't like Bishop. But I felt bad for her early on. And I thought she needed to loosen up a bit…okay a lot. R&R – Thanks!
