a/n: I haven't written in forever...and be warned...I'm feeling abstract. My advice to the reader is: don't try to make sense of every little thing. It's meant to be a bit free-wheeling and off-keel.

Based on the past relationships of Squall+Rinoa (ick but it's canon) and Cloud+Aeris (yaaaay!) but it is LeonCloud, the twisted way. I mean, that's the only action you get.

Also...Cloud and Aeris haven't met again.

Disclaimer: You'd better hope I don't own these stinkers, else they'd become suicidal or just plain confused with themselves.

Frenzy
One will choose to forget. One will need to remember. Two will encounter for that same reason. LxC


Part 1: Forget


When Leon stalks from consciousness, the sky will be black. (When Squall gusts from consciousness, the sky will be black. In between the stars, all black.) When he finds an answer he will gaze at it. He will be angry, he will be hurt.

A scowl will greet him, when he wakes from consciousness. He will feel it and he will

"Here."

a sad melody. He will understand. The face of a troubled angel will match with him. He will remember to forget about her every day. (Dark hair only shadows pale thoughts, he will mutter.) When he forgets to remember, he will

"Drink that."

irony in until he is a contradiction.

He will be a contradiction. If he will not forget, then blue eyes and a grey soul will trouble himself only because he can. (It won't feel right to

"Just relax. Even for one night.")

because somewhere, he will be pinning a blue butterfly to the cold stone of a doorstep. He will garnish it with a white flower, like a grave. When he does a favor, it will seem morbid. When he smiles at lost beauty it will be his way of saying

"...Listen, are you alright?"

and he will know and create small reminders of her pain, bordered by brilliant insincerity. (He will be unable to understand completely because

"You just look so...dead, lately.) I'm worried..."

that he will try to come over it and will fail. (He will fail.) When he distracts himself he will not succeed. (When he is distracted he will know he is being distracted.) There will have been nothing he could have done. He will mourn that. (When he is victim to fate, he will blame himself for not having options.)

He will see wings on the moon circling his blue butterfly's planet. (Lunar eclipse.) Black lights from indoors will prompt him to

"...Smile a little!"

at a confused ghost. She, the ghost, will wonder why he didn't save her. He, aloud, will wonder who is. (When practicing self-deceit,

"...Your lifestyle is very unhealthy, and you know it.")

But he will not mind that consequence. He will not feel able to care. She will persist, and he will insist. This will not be familiar ground. His name will not have been

"...Squall?"

and it never will have been, because "Squall," Leon will have a strange notion, will have been a failure in saving what he loved most. The past will be easily forgotten. (That is why it will be the past.) It will be a dream for him. It will show no meaning other than that his conscience will mysteriously want the burden that

"...Right, Leon."

will never have earned, because this man will be strong and able to carry

"...What the heck?"

kind of weight it will have been that was once upon his shoulders. He will grow and he will shed and he will not cut hair. He will bear a scar he will distinctly remember never having gotten. Against his want, it will seem to cry out

"Come on, talk to me!"

and many faces will bite into him. (He will be bitten into by many strange faces.) Many named and nameless faces that will whine to this strong warrior, asking

"...but aren't we friends?"

when he says he will not speak of himself. He will be honest to say he does not remember a thing. He will be truthful to say he distinctly remembers never having gotten this scar. He will wonder if a smile will reassure his plain audience.

"...But..."

he will never have smiled before. (He will have smiled maybe once before.) It will feel unnatural and he will perhaps be thankful for that. He will continue to smile more often. (A punishment he will not have earned but will feel he deserves is in the discomfort of baring one's soul to be seen. A smile.)

He will forget but he will not feel right in forgiving. When he forgets, then his feelings will be absolute. His mistakes will be absolved if he will accept their kin as his own. A clear mind will be lost forever. No sort of emotion will make him

"...fine..."

again. This pain, and his frustration, will seem to be

"...going back inside..."

of him, but the shadows of despair will always chase his fingers. They will find him and whisper

"Hey, I'll meet you later...we're still leaving together, you know."

And there will be no argument. (Long before the scar he will distinctly remember never having gotten, and

the mysterious six-lettered name which he will refuse to carry

he will have forgotten the need

to despair. He will have forgotten the meaning of argument.)

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