Chapter 7
Luke was up early the next morning, some part of him seemed wistful about leaving. But he dismissed the feelings with a sigh.
"Coruscant can't quite compare, can it?" I asked sympathetically as I fastened my boots.
He smiled softly. "No, not in the same way. But it is our home and that's all that matters."
Sentimental right down to the end. I grinned at him before patting his back. "Maybe when we get old and no one remembers who we are, we can disappear to a place like this?"
He chuckled, his mood lifting somewhat. "Some days I already feel that old, Mara."
"Well, I've heard it can get worse," I teased. "But the future can wait, right now we've got a relic to find."
He followed me out of the small room where we'd spent the night. His purpose aligned behind mine, in spite of his secret wish to get away from everything.
"About that," he said as we weaved in between momentos scattered in the somewhat cluttered hallway. "You mentioned leads before, what exactly do you think we should do next?"
"Like I said, the mainframe I hacked dumped at least half of its data. Conveniently the half that recorded where Marcus' stone ended up. But that doesn't mean we're out of options, I need to go back and reexamine some of the data, then we can talk about it. I don't want to move too quickly, we're sure to have spooked them after that charade at the storage shed."
He nodded. "That seems like the smart thing to do." His eyes narrowed. "After all, this is still dangerous…"
I wanted to snidely ask what wasn't, but I held back. His concern was sincere, and little by little, I was starting to share it. Me sitting on a shelf wasn't an option I was willing to consider, but throwing away our son's life for what amounted to an old journal, was a far worse choice. We needed to be smart about this, but I still thought we could handle it.
I smiled at him, ignoring the fact he could feel my misgivings. "We'll be fine, Luke."
He didn't reply, just kept to his own quiet worry as we walked outside to meet the morning. The sights of a new day coupled with the rich scent of earth seemed to steal away our fears, if only for a moment…
Near the corner of his yard, huddled in between the rows of flowers, Marcus was etching something into a large stone. It was a monument of sorts that I'd inwardly questioned the day before, but more pressing matters had stopped me from really wondering about it. Not looking up from his work, Marcus worked at his etching with the careful grace of an artist.
Luke stopped his approach, waiting respectfully for him to acknowledge us. But I was more the type to say exactly what I was thinking.
"What are you working on?" I asked bluntly.
He stopped, turning to nod to both of us. "Why good morning," he greeted softly, with no hint of annoyance at being disrupted. Far from it, he seemed happy to see us.
"What do you think?" he asked, gesturing toward the carving.
"It's very beautiful," Luke said, meaning the alien script. "May we ask what it means?"
Marcus stood, brushing soil lightly from his knees. "It reads Luke and Mara Skywalker."
"You keep an account of all your guests?" I asked, with a little smile.
"Yes, in fact, my family always has." He gestured at the many names written across the stone's surface. "It is a tradition of my grandmother's world, as is the language the names are written in." A pleasant yet faraway look came to his eyes. "They were taught that all moments in time are like touchstones connecting the past to the future."
He glanced fondly back at the stone. "Some moments are trivial…" He pointed to one name. "A package delivery…" He then pointed to another, a smile curling to his face. "Another… My late wife on the day we first met…"
He turned to us, a meek sort of wisdom in his voice. "All these moments make up our lives and so deserve to be commemorated. The force ties us all together in these moments when our paths cross…"
It seemed like his grandmother's people were even more sentimental than Luke. But I found something beautiful about the practice all the same… I thought about how many people came and went from our lives, some not seeming to change anything, others changing everything. For better or worse…it was people that shaped our lives more than any other force in the galaxy.
"I have just one more name to inscribe," he continued softly. "Your son's, what is it?"
I felt my shoulders stiffen. Everything was so new, we hadn't gotten that far yet. Should we have? Did it make us bad parents that we hadn't? I opened my mouth to explain, only to shut it again as Luke spoke.
"Ben," he said gently, without hesitation.
I blinked. That was news to me, but I didn't interrupt. Instead, I watched Marcus smile, turning to finish his inscription.
"Goodbye, Marcus," Luke said softly, so as not to disturb his work. "May the force be with you…"
And so we left him there, carving our son's name into a monument. It felt strange, to think Marcus would likely have succumbed to old age long before he ever got the chance to really meet him. And yet…he deemed the name of this person worthy of time and effort to remember.
I felt both confused and humbled by it. As if my mind didn't get it, but my heart did.
Our walk back was a quiet one. Neither of us broke the silence until the Sabre had come into view. Only then did Luke stop in his tracks and turn to me. A tiny smile was on his face, one mixed with both happiness and guilt.
"I'm sorry…" he finally whispered. "I had meant to discuss it with you first. But his question was so sudden I…"
"The name?" I mumbled, before dismissing his worries with a shake of my head. "It's fine. I mean," I shrugged. "I didn't really have any better ideas…"
But it wasn't as casual as I was making it sound, we both knew that. It was important to him, every inch of his face revealed that.
"After your old Jedi friend?" I asked softly, to which he nodded; his thoughts feeling far away.
Ben…
I mumbled the word within my thoughts, trying to put a name to the vivid identity growing inside of me. I was surprised how easily the pieces fit together, seeming as if they had always been.
"I like it…" I whispered, my sincere feelings proving I meant it.
A wave of relief washed across his face. "I'm glad… I didn't want it only to be about my past and my meaning, I wanted the name to be special to us both."
I smirked, trying to ease the somber mood lingering around us. "It's great Luke. I mean what could I have done, named him after the Emperor?"
He chuckled lightly. "No, but I imagine Talon would be pleased if our son was named in his honor."
I laughed. "Trust me, one Talon Karrde in the universe is more than enough."
I was grateful for the long trip back to Coruscant, it gave me time to think. To sort a few more pieces of this puzzle in my head. I told myself, that the only puzzle was this mission, but I knew better.
Though that realization wasn't entirely a bad thing…
I held my tongue, letting the thoughts disappear into the relative calm of my emotions. If Luke had caught the ripple, he didn't show it. Instead, he maintained that simple but profound sense of joy.
And honestly, that made me happy too, more so than I'd ever have thought possible.
When at last Coruscant's spires came into view, we wasted no time regrouping with Han and Leia. In fact, they were waiting for us.
We didn't have much to tell other than a bit of facts and philosophy Marcus had shared with us. The real import, just how special our encounter with that old Jedi had felt, I kept to myself. It wasn't like me to get caught up in the sentimental undercurrent that Luke mostly lived in. But I…still felt moved by everything that had happened, no matter how simple it was. There was something about that old man that made me think about time and generations, about the paths our lives take...
Leia seemed naturally more intrigued by our story of Jedi philosophy than Han. He seemed more interested in the nuts and bolts of the problem.
Slipping his feet off Leia's desk he sat up a little straighter. "You kids could have told me you were messing with Echo Drivers, I could have helped."
"You've heard of them?" Luke asked, seeming a little shocked.
Solo scoffed. "Of course I have, there isn't a dirty rock on Tatooine I haven't looked under."
We all heard the audible sigh that escaped Leia's lips.
He shrugged, glancing back at her. "It was all business, Sweetheart. But it's that kind of scoundrel experience that the New Republic can use now."
She smirked at him. "Well, at least you're finally calling it what it is, Han."
A flicker of amusement passed between them before he went on. "So what I'm saying is, I know a guy on Tatooine that can get you some details on this gang. Maybe even something better than details."
"You always 'know a guy,' don't you?" I teased.
He smirked, folding his arms. "Isn't it convenient? But if you want my advice…" He gave us a stern look. "Stop chasing trouble and play house for a while."
I scoffed. "Honestly, Solo?"
He held his hands up defensively. "I'm just saying, it can be more fun than ya think. Now then…" He stood up and walked past us, stopping at the door to glance back. "First off though, can you both help me with something?"
"Of course, what is it, Han?" Luke asked, eager to please. I found it a little ironic, telling us to take it easy with one breath and putting us to work with the other.
"It's more a show than tell, kinda thing," he explained vaguely. There was something strange about him, we could both sense that.
"What are you up to?" I teased suspiciously.
He gave his best innocent look. "Who me?"
I rolled my eyes, resigning myself to just wait and see. He led us down a hallway toward one of the conference rooms. The closer we came the more familiar presences I could feel inside. Wedge, Corran, and Karrde, just to name a few.
I would have suspected trouble if not for the sense of excitement and expectation in the air. I assumed they didn't want me to know that, but it was hard to surprise a Jedi.
Surprise…
The word made everything click together inside my brain. A rush of awkwardness flared through my emotions, but I barely had time to notice them as Han ushered us inside.
A round of applause resounded from the motley crew of ex-smugglers, pilots, and politicians alike. It was a party. The sight of food and drinks mingling with happy faces told me that much. But it was also apparently a party in our honor, or at least I assumed Ben's. Which meant…
I frowned playfully at where Karrde stood quietly in the corner. When it came to Talon Karrde, information could be buried or circulated as quickly as he wanted. He smiled back at me, before innocently taking a sip from his glass.
"Why Master Luke, Lady Mara," Threepio exclaimed as he approached us. "We were all quite overjoyed to hear such wondrous news!"
Artoo chimed from beside him; a tone that made me believe he wasn't quite so surprised, but just as happy.
Luke smiled the widest farmboy smile I'd ever seen. "Thank you!" Then he turned to take in the larger crowd. "Thank you all so much! We're honored by your friendship."
They all cheered, before one on one they came up to give their personal congratulations. Pats on the back, handshakes, and even a hug or two. I'd be lying if I said I was comfortable with the spotlight over this particular subject. Completing a mission, bettering my skills, those were things I was used to celebrating. But this was…
Both more important and more difficult.
Unsurprisingly, Luke seemed to share none of my misgivings. He made his way around the room with ease, all the poise you'd expect from a Jedi Master. But he was more than poise, he was nearly unbridled joy. So much so that his emotions felt brighter than a million suns. I had to stare in wonder at this strange being known as Luke Skywalker.
"You hate this, don't you?" Karrde said suddenly from behind, pulling me out of my thoughts. I glanced back at him, Shada was on his left, looking a bit uncomfortable in the crowd herself.
I sighed playfully. "Hate isn't a word I throw around lightly anymore, Talon." I glanced back at Luke laughing with his old pilot friends. "In fact, it's hate that got me in this awkward spot to begin with."
He smirked. "Well, I'm sorry, but I thought this was certainly worth celebrating."
"So you are the one behind this party, huh?"
"Guilty as charged, I'm afraid. I admit it's unlike me, but…we've both very unlike our old selves these days, aren't we?"
I couldn't possibly roll my eyes enough for that, so I settled on a smile. "Well, looks like the crew is enjoying the free food anyway." I jerked a thumb toward Chin and Dankin raiding the buffet.
"They'll be asleep during their duty shifts at this point…" Shada sighed.
"I supposed they have a right to celebrate," Karrde went on. "It isn't every day something so momentous happens in our little family." His eyes warmed with a serious note. "We truly are all very happy for you, Mara."
"Thanks…" I said simply, my voice trailing away as I scanned the crowd. It felt like a surreal scene, but this was what my life was about now. The attention was still somewhat foreign to me, even Karrde's. But we were a family, he was right about that. He and the rest of his gang of misfits had been the first real home I'd ever known…
I glanced back at him and Shada. "And you both even dressed up for us?"
Karrde shrugged. "This old jacket isn't anything special, Mara, and it was hopeless trying to get the rest of the crew into anything even remotely formal." He glanced at Shada for just a moment, his tone warming just a fraction. "But Shada takes well to even the fanciest of clothing."
She stiffened, the only person at this gig even more awkward than I was. And in a way, I saw myself in her. In fact, maybe she had it even worse, at least Luke hadn't been my boss besides.
"You do make it look easy," I complimented her.
"Many wardrobes for many tasks…" she mumbled meekly. "It's as simple as that."
I cocked a lop-sided smile, the emotions swirling between the two of them as obvious as the broad side of a bantha.
"Well, I'll be sure to dress up real nice when I get the chance to return the favor."
Luke wouldn't have approved, but I enjoyed watching them squirm. Sometimes people needed to squirm. Or in other cases, be dangled over a Sarlacc pit before they got it together.
The rest of the party went by without a hitch. Gradually, I managed to relax, but the awkwardness never completely went away. A few hours later, I was watching Luke carry in armfuls of gifts; a few levitating in his wake.
I didn't realize how relieved I was to be away from prying eyes until the door slid shut behind us. A weight slipped off my shoulders and I collapsed into the couch.
Still, in spite of me, his mood hadn't once faltered. He was all too thrilled to open up admittedly mundane and strictly practical items. Because what could anyone buy a baby that would be truly interesting?
I found it all more than a little funny.
"Luke, you're so maternal, you're practically glowing," I teased.
He glanced up from examining a levitating crib to toss a playful frown my way. "I'm just excited, that's all. Seeing all of this makes it finally seem real…"
I leaned my head back. "That's all it took, a room full of stuff?"
He grinned. "You know what I mean." I wasn't really sure I did, but I didn't bother to point that out.
"Look at this," he gushed, holding up what may have been the smallest Jedi robe I'd ever seen in my life.
I raised an eyebrow. "Are we really going to start him off that young?"
"They used to," he added distantly. "In the old order, I mean."
"Well, we've already broken most of their rules, so I wouldn't worry about it."
I'd only meant it as a joke, but his emotions sobered suddenly. I sat up, taken off guard.
"What is it?"
He shook his head, folding the tiny tunic with care. "It's nothing…"
I didn't flinch, instead, I wondered when we'd quit trying that old tired line on each other.
He smiled slightly. "Okay, so it is something. But it's just a passing thought, just a feeling, it's not important."
"Let me be the judge of that, Skywalker."
He tenderly sat the tunic aside. "I've been thinking about everything Marcus told us… How his family was inasmuch exiled for…well for love."
He looked up at me, his blue eyes filled with a sort of sorrow that I rarely saw from him. "We would have been exiled too, wouldn't we?"
"Or maybe executed," I joked, hoping to lighten the suddenly dark mood. "Did the Jedi do that sort of thing?"
But he didn't seem amused, instead, he sighed softly. "A part of me feels responsible for everything that happened to them. I am the leader of the Jedi now, aren't I?"
"How is any of that your fault, Luke? You weren't even born when those dumb rules were made."
"Yes, I was born in spite of those rules. In a way…Leia and I's very existence was forbidden." I wasn't following where he was going with this, but I kept listening.
"And all those prohibitions would have seemed utterly justified if the Jedi council were here today. Justified because of me, because of what my parents became."
I'd never gotten the whole story, not even while working for the Empire. Vader and the reasons why he'd fallen to the dark side in the first place. I doubted that Luke truly knew either, but his parents' relationship had hardly been approved by the order. And whether it had anything to do with Vader's fall or not, it certainly didn't give the idea of Jedi marriage a good mascot.
"The old order believed that all emotions could lead to the dark side," he went on. "In essence, they believed having attachments were akin to…weaknesses." He looked at the small tunic again, a war evident on his face. "And yet…this feels so right." He looked up at me, a look of worry and doubt cascading across his face. "Did my father feel the same way…?"
For all the times I thought he was past it, it always found its way back in. If the Emperor still haunted me, Vader was the shadow still hanging over Luke. In spite of Vader's redemption, the restoration of balance, and everything else, including all the years that had passed. He was a father Luke knew just well enough to drown in his legacy.
And yet…to me, the answer was so painfully obvious that I wanted to shout it.
"You're not your father," I said in one breath. "Not even remotely. Not the heartless man Vader became. It was the power of your goodness that saved him, Luke." I hesitated. "And saved me too…"
My words seemed to reassure him, his emotions calming. "Maybe I did…" he whispered. "But I still needed you just as badly. After so many years alone, I…" A flicker of guilt wavered behind his blue eyes. "Sometimes I felt used. As if, I was only meant to make sacrifices with no happiness in return… And yet…isn't that what a Jedi is meant to do?"
I shrugged simply. "I don't know, maybe once it was. Maybe back then, Ben's existence could only be shameful from their standpoint. But…they're all dead, Luke, dust and bones. We're alive, and we're right. Your father did bring balance to the force. In spite of how horribly it was done, one rigid and unbalanced order fell, and another, better one has risen from its ashes." I looked at him sincerely. "Luke, if we're going to fix this mess, we have to learn from both your father's and the order's mistakes. That is what it really means to be a Jedi…"
He was silent, quietly musing over everything I'd said. Finally, he looked back up at me, a gentle look behind his eyes. Eyes that should never have seen the things he had been forced to. A part of me longed to shield him from the horrors he'd known firsthand. But I could do nothing about the past, his or mine…
"I'm sorry…" he whispered. "I didn't mean to imply that you or Ben are like weaknesses to me. I could never think that…"
"But Dad's shadow is pretty long?" I said it for him. "Trust me…I know all about that."
He gave me a weak smile, not managing more.
Getting to my feet, I shuffled over to him. Reaching for one of the many gifts, I nudged him with it, forcing him out of the past. "Come on, Farmboy, open it up."
After a moment or two, he gave in and pulled out a very exciting pair of baby socks. "Just look at us…" I said in mock drama. "Two evil lords probing ever closer to the ways of the dark side. And what led us here? Socks." I found myself laughing. "But not just any socks, they're baby socks. That's what makes them truly evil."
It took him a bit, but I finally saw the smile curve to his lips. The rays of his joy reemerged as if the sun. "It is silly, isn't it…?" he mumbled.
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, ya think?"
Finally, I heard him laugh. A sweet sort of laugh that could have belonged to, not a war hero, but a little boy… The boy I knew he still was. The better person I still believed he was. Better than I thought I ever could be…
Ghosts of the force and of the past…
In our own way, we were both so broken… That was why, wasn't it?
Why two people could fit so perfectly into one whole…?
