Thank you for the reviews.
Now, if I am being honest, I was going to choose a song. And then I didn't. Because I didn't know what song to choose. So it is up to interpretation.
But the song that I have used throughout this chapter is Our Song by Anne-Marie and Niall Horan. Just because I heard it and thought that it would work...
Thirteen: Our Song
Your OTP and music. Do they have a song? Do they sing? Do they dance?
But every time I think that I can get you out my head
You never ever let me forget 'cause
It was stupid really.
They had both reached to turn up the song on the radio at the same time, their fingertips touching before they got to the volume.
Which had then started a conversation about how much they both loved the song.
It was Eddie (of course) that had announced there and then that it was their song.
And he was ridiculous with it.
Whenever there was a moment that Eddie could play the song, he did. And he sang it to her and hummed it and it did drive her crazy.
But there was just this one Sunday afternoon that Rachel knew that she would remember for the rest of her life.
The Sunday afternoon when he put on the song and pulled her into his arms and they danced to it in her living room. And they had laughed and stole kisses and Rachel couldn't get the song out of her head for the rest of the day.
But it had been one of the happiest moments of Rachel's life and she felt like she had spent the next two weeks smiling because of it.
And if she knew what was going to happen, she would have never left her living room. She would have played that song on repeat if it meant that it would have kept Eddie in her life.
She'd never had a song that had such strong memories attached to it. She never thought that she would be able to listen to it again, always turning off the radio in the first couple of beats of the song.
Why would she want to be reminded of that song if she didn't have him?
I haven't thought of him for days
I'll be honest
It's better off this way
Realistically, it was the last song that she wanted to hear. And she was in the one place where she couldn't turn it off.
She had spent a year trying to avoid the song. More so recently.
Because the memories were more bitter now. She didn't feel like she could smile at a song that she had so many memories attached to when she was no longer with the man in the memories. Especially when she was meant to be making new memories with a new man. A man that she had just married.
She wanted to leave the hall, to take a breather. It was the perfect time to do so. It would make it so that the song wasn't being blasted at her.
But Adam was in front of her before she could leave the hall, grabbing onto her arm to pull her towards the dancefloor.
"Adam, no." Rachel said.
"Oh, come on, Rachel. This is the perfect song for us to dance to. You always used to like this song and to dance to it."
And it was true. In her youth, when she had the opportunity to take some time for herself, she used to ask her friends if they could do anything. And they had this club that they could sneak into, even though they were underaged, and Rachel did use to dance the night away. Because, for a moment, she could feel normal. Her own normality used to hit her harder after that, reminding her that her life was so far away from normal as it could possibly be.
Any other song, she probably would have allowed him to drag her onto the makeshift dance floor, with her not caring that they were in the middle of the school hall, surrounded by her students. Maybe she would have cared internally but she would try not to show that it bugged her externally. Maybe that was just because of all the back and forth between her and Adam since they had been reunited. Just because he could relive those days, didn't mean that she wanted to as well. She now understood why her mum always used to tell her that girls grow up quicker than boys.
"Just not this song." She said as she dragged her arm out of his grip and stepped out of the hall.
Now that the memories had started, Rachel found that she couldn't stop them. And she was in one of the worst places for reminders of Eddie. She was going to step outside but just outside the foyer held the worst. So she found herself wandering the halls until Kim caught up with her.
"Are you okay?" Kim asked.
"Just needed a breather." Rachel said, trying to give her a smile.
"Rachel?"
Rachel knew that Kim could see through it. Of course, she would be able to. Mainly because Rachel didn't think that she was doing a good job of hiding it.
"That… song." Rachel said. "Any other song and I would have danced with Adam. It's just… that song. And I haven't even thought about him. In so long. I thought I was moving on."
"It's okay," Kim said.
"Is it?"
"Rachel, I know I didn't partially like him, but you can't run from the fact that you loved him. That getting over him wasn't going to be easy."
"It's been a year though, Kim."
"And there is no time frame. You loved him and you lost him in the worst way. You lost a lot that day. You do need to realise that. Because you didn't just lose Eddie, did you? Because you loved Michael as well. And you lost a deputy as well. Someone who had been with you through a lot. You are allowed to mourn it. You are allowed to remember him and forget him and reminisce and hate his guts. Breakups are never easy. And the ones that are unexpected are the worst."
It wasn't the reminder that Rachel wanted but she knew where Kim was coming from and with it sounding like a completely different song was on in the hall, Rachel knew that they would have to go back.
"I'm going to have to do something I won't like, aren't I?" Rachel said.
"Maybe."
Rachel was glad that Kim left it at that. Maybe because Kim knew that she had already made up her mind.
When I hear it I just can't stop smiling
I remember you're gone, baby, it's just the song on the radio
That we used to know
He still couldn't get over it.
The song.
Their song.
And sometimes it took him by surprise.
The smile would rise up on his lips as he remembered the way they danced to it and how carefree Rachel was. He could remember how it felt to have her in his arms, the way her arms were resting on his shoulders as her hands started to absentmindedly play with the hairs at the back of his neck. He could even remember the way that they stole kisses, with him feeling like a teenager again.
Without a shadow of a doubt, Eddie knew that he did and would always love Rachel more than he could ever put into words.
Sometimes, the memories were enough to keep the smile on his face.
Other times, it dropped so sharply that, if he could, he had to turn it off. And when he couldn't, there was a set of headphones in his coat pocket that he could plug into his phone and blast one of the few songs that he had on his phone.
Sometimes, he relished in the memories.
Other times, it caused such pain in his heart that he was worried that he was having a heart attack.
It was one of those other times that Eddie found himself in as he pushed the trolley around the supermarket, with him unable to block it out because of two reasons. One, he thought that he wouldn't need his coat as it was a warm, spring day. And two, he should probably focus on his daughter.
Although, that wasn't an easy thing to do with the song playing in the background. Because the main reason why he wasn't with Rachel was because of said daughter.
He should have fought her more. He knew that things were never going to be the same between him and Melissa. Even more so when they fought over everything. The biggest fight of his life had been when Melissa hadn't wanted him to have any involvement in Maise's life. He still had no idea what he had done to make Melissa make that decision but it had been a long battle before Melissa made the decision that she wanted to be the part-time parent. Not that the two and a half-year-old really understood her mother's decision or why she went long periods of time without seeing her. He wished that he could feel guilty about Maise recognising Alison more than Melissa (which was the argument that they had the last time Melissa remembered that she had a daughter) but Alison had been more of a mother to Maise.
He knew who he would want to be in her life but he had been put off even thinking about contacting her by Philip when he finally revealed that Rachel was married. And despite it being the exact opposite of what he wanted (with him being extremely jealous of the guy that she was married to), he hoped that she was happy and had everything that she wanted.
Maybe the one thing that he didn't expect was for him to be reunited with her in the closing of their song, in one of the most mundane places that he could think of.
Just when I think you're gone, hear our song on the radio
Just like that, takes me back to the places we used to go
Rachel hadn't realised that she was humming along to the song until Theo started to attempt to do the same in her arms. She had only rushed in because she needed a couple of bits. Just some bread, milk and fruit to get her into the next week and the next big shop. There was only so much an adult and an eleven-month-old were going to go through. Although, maybe Theo went through more food because, sometimes, half of it ended up on the floor.
It took her a moment to realise what the song was and she found it weird that she looked down the aisle that she was going down to see Eddie coming up it. For them to be reunited during their song was the type of fate that she needed to build up the strength to walk over to him.
"Eddie, hi." She said when she approached him, only unsure about her movement when he looked up at her.
"Rachel?" He stuttered. "Hi."
"You look well."
"You as well." He looked between her and Theo. "Philip didn't mention a little one."
"No. He probably didn't. We had a little disagreement. About Adam and how I was dealing with things. I ummm… kinda need to get back in touch with him. Plus, I don't think he would have. Just because you are you and… like I know nothing about your little one."
He scoffed before he nodded. "I suppose so. This is Maise." He turned to the toddler in the seat of the trolley. "Say hello to Rachel."
Maise looked up with big doe eyes that reminded Rachel too much of Melissa. That was pretty much it. Every other part of her looked so much like Eddie that it was unreal.
"She's not great around strangers," Eddie said. "I would like her to be better but… I don't think Melissa has helped. Being in and out of her life."
"Really?"
"Full-time Dad here. Had to cut back on my responsibilities at work because of it. Just a plain old boring maths teacher now."
"I haven't gone back to work yet. There is nothing that really interests me and… Theo has been my main priority. And trying to work out how I am going to co-parent with Adam. Problem is… sometimes he seems so interested to be in his life and others, not."
"That's Melissa. Then she gets upset because I've called Alison to help me more times than I should have done and now, Maise sort of sees Alison as a mother figure."
"Kim's been my go to when I need an extra pair of hands."
He smiled at her. "I'm glad."
"Look, you probably want to get on. Why don't we swap numbers again?" She paused. "I would ummm… really like to have you in my life again."
"What about Adam?"
"Divorce will be finalised soon. He made his bed. He had his chance and he blew it."
"Didn't I have my chance with you?"
She smiled. "Yeah, you did."
"Didn't I blow my chance as well?"
"Yeah, well, Lawson, I am willing to give you another chance. Last chance though. And it will get Kim off my back about trying to get in contact with you. Honestly, I thought you two hated each other. She has become your biggest fan in the last six months."
"I think we agreed to disagree about the school."
"It hasn't been the same since." She said, having to stop because of the lump that formed in her throat.
"Yeah, it hasn't." He said as he got his phone out of his pocket. "I think your number might still be in here. Unless you've changed it."
"I did. It's… all part of the story." She said as she took his phone off of him, having to move Theo slightly so that she could type in her new number. She was going to ask him if his number was the same but decided that it would just be as easy to quickly ring her number to make sure.
"Well, you'll have to tell me when we meet up." He said as he took his phone back off her.
"I will. And once we arrange a date, I'll have to tell Kim. I mean, she will be more than happy to look after these two. Can also catch you up with what has happened in her life as well. She has been doing the single parent thing as well."
"We have definitely all been busy."
"Yeah, we have." Rachel said with a nod of her head.
If Theo hadn't become bored in her arms or Maise starting to moan about the stranger that her father was talking to, she was sure that they would have had more of a conversation. But it ended with them both saying that they would let the other one get on and with looks over their shoulder before they carried on with their tasks.
And it was the first time in a really long time that Rachel allowed herself to smile and the song, their song, became the song on repeat in her head for the rest of the day. And she couldn't care one bit.
