5. Desert Bloom

When Daniel awoke, the first thing he noticed was the smell. It was that old, sterile, medicine-like smell mixed with the sweet scent of flowers that invariably told him when he'd gotten into an accident off-world and was in the infirmary again. When he opened his eyes, however, he saw the shining, blurred form of windows which confused him. It took a moment for his sluggish brain to understand why; there are no windows underground. Unable to get his nose to agree with his eyes, he started to try and look about the room more carefully. Finally, his eyes fell upon the form of a man sitting in a nearby chair.

"Jack?" Daniel whispered, still trying to line up his memories into some form of comprehension as to where he was and why. The blurred form turned his head, rising from the chair and stepping towards him. A moment later, a stream of people came bustling into the room, apparently to check on Daniel. He watched them with a puzzled, sleepy sort of concern. Only one person looked back, holding his clipboard in hand, as he started to ask Daniel questions. Daniel listened to the questions with a vague detachment, not completely sure this wasn't a dream, but when he saw the man waiting expectantly for some sort of reply he finally said, "Daniel Jackson, (birthdate), in the infirmary…with windows."

The form paused for a long moment, but soon started talking again. Daniel suspected he really should be paying attention, but it didn't really seem worth it. He finally caught up with the man again when he was asking him how many fingers he saw, and that was only because a hand was thrust in front of his face to force his eyes on them before it was pulled back to a more reasonable distance. Daniel hazarded a guess of three, after staring hard at the pink blur. Then Jack's voice was speaking and a moment later the world suddenly came into focus. He discovered that it was in fact two fingers the doctor was holding up. Finally, all of the people left the room except for Jack.

Daniel focuses his eyes onto him, thankful that he could now see him clearly. He was starting to feel more awake and less bewildered now that they were alone again. It had finally occurred to him that he must be in a regular hospital, not the infirmary, which left him even more confused as to what had happened. Jack was staring at him with a strange expression, a mixture of softness, fear, and fury, making him uncomfortable, and Daniel made an unconscious move to wrap his arms around himself, only to find himself restrained.

"Jack?" Daniel cried, pulled at his arms against the restraints at his wrists and feeling the first jolt of pain in his arms. Suddenly, his memories came flooding back and everything fell back in to place. Daniel could feel himself wilting, the weight of his own impurity almost too heavy to bear. He pulled against the restraints again, this time in a vain attempt to hide himself from Jack and to be left alone to his shame.

"Danny," Jack whispered, his hand reaching to take up Daniel's, stopping his struggles to be free. It wasn't the hand, though, that stopped Daniel but Jack's voice, the heavy softness of it combined with the sudden use of a nickname that only Jack had ever been allowed. Then Jack's next words froze him to the core.

"Who hurt you, Danny?" Daniel stared, wide-eyed, like a deer caught before the headlights.

"No one," Daniel answered, stuttering slightly, before turning his head away, not wanting to see the disgust or disbelief on Jack's face.

"You tried to kill yourself," Jack's voice hissed in his ear, "You damn well near succeeded." Daniel closed his eyes against the bitter venom in Jack's voice, wishing he could curl up on himself. Then Jack's hand moved to brush gently against his face, running through his hair with a softness that confused him.

"I'm sorry," Jack whispered, the anger gone, "I should have seen something. I should have known."

"It's not you're fault," Daniel answered, alarmed. Jack was the one pure piece of himself he had left; he wasn't going to let him sully himself with guilt.

"The doctors found signs of…abuse," Jack continued. Daniel went very still and quiet.

"Janet was furious. She looked ready to split that doctor in two who's been doing your physicals." The quietly contained fury in his voice hinted that Janet wasn't the only person who was angry.

"Everyone knows?" Daniel asked, trying to shrink into himself.

"No," Jack answered, "Just the doctors. And me." Daniel swallowed painfully against the tightness of emotion running through him. He remembered the mirror in pieces, the blood running freely from his arms, and the intense desire to be clean. It hadn't worked; he was more worthless than ever, and worse, now everyone could see it. His one, brief moment of failure had left him broken and bare for all to see. For the first time, he consciously wished that he had never woken up.

He couldn't look at Jack now, knowing that he'd see his failure reflected there, but Jack was pulling on him, forcing his fact to turn to look him in the eyes. What he saw there was the same, gentle fear that had so confused him before he had completely woken up.

"Danny," Jack whispered brokenly when he was able to see the expression of Daniel's face. Unable to stand that ashamed, fearful look on Daniel's face but equally unable to find the words that might banish that look forever, Jack made a sudden move. Leaning over him gently, he brought his lips to Daniel's in a soft kiss.