Daniel couldn't seem to stop his tears. It was as though the mirrors edge he had used to cut away his pain had instead cut through all of his defenses, leaving him open to the world. Jack loved him, Jack had saved him, but the pain that was Paul would not leave. Feelings of love and hate washed over him, drowning him in their intensity. His 'I'm fine' masks didn't fit anymore as he desperately tried to rebuild the cracks in his walls. But at the same time, those burning tears that would not leave also refused to fall, hanging trapped in his eyes, leaving him blind.
"I love you, Danny," Jack said softly, watching him with patient eyes. Daniel had finally been released into Jack's care. Though he was still on suicide watch, it was hoped that, with Paul and his threats gone, he could at last start to heal. Daniel wasn't sure what he felt, about anything. It didn't feel like it was over; it didn't feel like any of this could be real.
"You can't," Daniel said, so long after Jack had spoken that it took him a moment to connect it with his earlier statement.
"Why can't I love you?" Jack asked once he had puzzled it out.
"I…" Daniel answered, stumbling over his words, "You can't. I can't. There's the air force, and…there's me…I can't…"
"I love you," Jack insisted, "Regulations won't change that. And there is nothing about you, done to you, or done by you that could change that."
"Jack…" Daniel whispered, his eyes threatening to break beneath the weight of his pain. Jack couldn't stand it any longer, he had to take that final step that separated them and take Daniel into his arms. To his relief Daniel didn't flinch or pull away, but he didn't lean into the embrace either.
"When you're ready, Danny," Jack said, "I can wait. Forever. I'll still love you." Daniel remained tense in his arms, though he still made no move to escape. Jack continued to hold him, willing to stand there all night if he had to. Daniel made one last move as though to escape or flee. Then he shattered, falling into Jack's arms.
"I love you too," he whispered, shuddering, as the tears finally fell in floods. Jack held on tight, not letting him fall, as the pieces that were Daniel slowly allowed themselves to fall back into place, finding a shape to be whole.
When all of the tears flew away from his eyes, washing over them both, Daniel came back to himself feeling better than he had in a long, long time.
"I still have scars, Jack," Daniel said, still huddled in the safety of Jack's arms. Feeling his bandaged arms, he whispered, "I'll always have them. I won't be able to forget, Jack."
"I know," Jack answered softly, "But you will move on. We'll move on. You may still remember, but it will be the past, not the present. It will get better."
"What if it doesn't?" Daniel asked, starting to stiffen in Jack's arms, "You'll want sex, Jack, and I…I don't know if I can."
"I want you, Danny," Jack answered, "You are all I need. Sex is over-rated anyway." Daniel couldn't hold back a snort at that. Then they were silent again.
"Jack?" Daniel finally said, his voice suddenly hesitant, "You know...he…he never kissed me."
"Daniel?" Jack asked, pulling away slightly so that he could look him in the eye, though never letting go completely. He saw fear in Daniel's eyes, but also hope. Then Jack drew him towards him again, but instead of hugging him tightly, he brought his lips forward until they touched. The first kiss was soft and quick, almost chaste. The second was longer, deeper, and so sweet it made them ache.
It was too much, all at once, and Daniel felt the weight of love and hope just as strongly as sorrow and fear. It was crushing him with its intensity and he drew back, out of Jack's arms so he could breathe. He couldn't look at Jack for a long moment, afraid to see the disappointment or anger there, but when he finally did, Jack was smiling.
"Yeah, sometimes my kissing does that to people," Jack said, smugly, but with strangely understanding eyes, "People have been known to faint from the power of my kisses." Daniel gave him a hesitant grin in return.
"You sure it isn't your breath?" he asked, and his grin widened at Jack's mock injured look. Jack grinned in return. He knew they would have to go slow, that Daniel may never be ready for some things, but at that moment, he also knew that they were going to be all right.
Outside, another man watched them with an insane fury. Daniel was his, and would remain his. Despite the trembling rage that turned his world red, it was with an oddly steady hand that Paul raised up a gun. He had seen enough and now he would take back what was his.
As he pulled the trigger, his grin triumphant, another gun sounded. Pain, unlike any he had ever known, blossomed through him. The hard ground pulled him down as the red haze of rage now ran down soaking into the grass. He had lost Daniel, he was lost within his pain. The last thing he saw before his world went still was the cold and empty sky.
Inside, Jack watched the sudden red blossom from Daniel's chest. It was Jack who cried out in pain even as he reached out to catch Daniel as he fell.
