A/N: Heh, Reviews!
Duck3: Hey there! I'm back! Ha ha ha! Yep. You scare me. Its as simple as that. Any wheezles.... Another chappie! Heh.
Ima Super Mute Ant: Hehe he I LOVE writing ya name! Thankies!
Rukinha Lokinha: Oooh, a new one! Hello and welcome to my madness! Thankies! Yep....Can can this chappie....
SperryDee: Sorry I took so long! Ive been ill!
Mhealeayah: I might do.... I prefer it to Lancitty....
damien455: You're new here too! I love this! New people! Thankies!
You guys have no idea how estatic I am over the number of reviews I got to three chappies of this! I have more reviews to this than I do on my ROMY Fluff, which has 10 chappies! I love you all!
The Diamond Dogs' first song.... And Freddie joins the madness.
Remy appeared, script in hand, and threw it down infront of Ororo. She opened her eyes and looked up at him, having fallen asleep downstairs.
"What is it Remy?"
"Stormy... Remy love dancin' wit' his Chere.... but he no do dis...." She shook her head.
"Do what Remy?" He had highlighted a few lines, and she laughed as she read them.
ARGENTINEAN: Ah, the boy has talent!
[He puts his hand on CHRISTIAN's crotch. CHRISTIAN gasps.]
ARGENTINEAN: I like him!
"Remy, the play must go as it is written, I'm afraid."
"Remy NOT puttin' his hand on Lance.... He not swing dat Way Stormy.."
"You are going to do it Remy, for the fact that you keep calling me Stormy. Poor Lance though...."
He stomped off, muttering in French, and what sounded like cursing.
~*~*~
"Places please!" Ororo's voice came, deciding against being evil and running from the beginning, much to Remy's relief. "When you're ready Professor!"
[Xavier pokes his head through the red velvet curtains.]
Xavier: The Moulin Rouge!
[Lance gapes around at the Moulin Rouge in amazement.]
Lance, as Narrator: Harold Zidler and his infamous girls. They called them his "Diamond Dogs."
[As Xavier gestures, the DIAMOND DOGS appear from behind a mirrored wall. Lance stares.]
(The diamond dogs…)
DIAMOND DOGS:
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
[XAVIER and the DIAMOND DOGS begin their number, surrounded by the cheering rakes.]
(Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, flow sista.
Hey sista, go sista. . .)
XAVIER:
If life's an awful bore. . .
(. . .soul sista, flow sista. . .)
XAVIER:
. . .And living's just a chore
That we do. . .
(. . .Hey sista, go sista. . .)
XAVIER:
. . .'Cause death's not much fun. . .
(. . .soul sista.)
DIAMOND DOGS:
. . .Giuchie giuchie, ya ya. . .
XAVIER:
. . .I have just the antidote. . .
DIAMOND DOGS:
. . .da da. . .
XAVIER:
. . .And though I mustn't gloat,
At the Moulin Rouge!
You'll have fun!
[JAMIE pulls one of the DANCERS onto his lap.]
(Oh la-la!)
Scott: I don't think Jamie should be in this.....
XAVIER:
. . .Just scratch that little niggle,
Have a little wiggle. . .
[LANCE watches with amazement. The RAKES grab at the DANCERS.]
DIAMOND DOGS:
. . .Creole Lady Marmalade. . .
XAVIER:
. . .You know that you can,
'Cause we can can-can!
DIAMOND DOGS:
. . .Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
XAVIER:
. . .Don't say you can't, can't, can't!
DIAMOND DOGS:
. . .Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
XAVIER:
. . .You know you can can-can!
[CUT TO the street. Zoom in to the Moulin Rouge, through the doors, and into the garden. The RAKES dance in a line. LANCE joins in hesitatingly with the BOHEMIANS.]
RAKES:
Here we are now, entertain us!
We feel stupid and contagious!
[Zoom towards the doors to the dance hall. They open to reveal XAVIER and the DIAMOND DOGS.]
XAVIER:
Got some dark desire?
Love to play with fire?
Why not let it rip, live a little bit!
Can can-can!
[The RAKES and the DIAMOND DOGS dance towards each other.]
RAKES:
Here we are now, entertain us!
XAVIER:
Don't say you can't, can't, can't!
You know you can can-can!
[The RAKES and the DIAMOND DOGS dance together.]
DIAMOND DOGS:
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
RAKES:
'Cause we can can-can!
XAVIER:
Outside it may be raining. . .
. . .But in here it's entertaining!
[In the garden of the Moulin Rouge, the RAKES dance around XAVIER and the DIAMOND DOGS on a stage.]
DIAMOND DOGS:
If you love, love, love
To be free, free, free
XAVIER:
Then the Moulin Rouge is the place to be!
[XAVIER back-flips through the garden into the dance hall, with help from Jean's TK.]
Scott: Nice one Jean!
Jean: Thanks!
XAVIER:
'Cause we can can-can!
ALL:
We can!
XAVIER:
Yes we can can-can!
ALL:
We can!
RAKES:
Here we are now, entertain us!
XAVIER:
Outside things may be tragic,
But in here we feel it's magic!
[XAVIER, surrounded by DIAMOND DOGS, sings from a stage in the garden.]
RAKES:
Here we are now, entertain us!
[XAVIER, on the orchestra podium in the dance hall, encourages the crowd of RAKES and DIAMOND DOGS. He then holds up his arms for silence. The music stops and the crowd falls silent. XAVIER leans forward, and whispers:]
XAVIER: The can-can.
[The CROWD scatters. XAVIER flips a placard to read "Cancan". Slo-mo silence, then can-can chaos erupts.]
XAVIER:
Because we can can-can!
[The DIAMOND DOGS launch into their can-can routine while the RAKES cheer from the sides.]
(Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, flow sista.
Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, go sista.
Giuchie giuchie ya ya da da
Giuchie giuchie ya ya here.)
XAVIER:
Because we can can-can!
Yes we can
can-can!
(Creole Lady Marmalade)
[The DIAMOND DOGS entice the RAKES onto the dance floor.]
XAVIER:
Because we can can-can!
Yes we
can can-can!
BOHEMIANS:
Well you can bump and grind...
[The BOHEMIANS dance around LANCE.]
LANCE:
'Cause it's good for your mind!
[LANCE joins the crowd dancing with the DIAMOND DOGS, then looks around at the debauchery surrounding him.]
RAKES:
Here we are now, entertain us!
DIAMOND DOGS:
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
XAVIER:
We can can-can!
(Hey sista, go sista, soul sista, flow sista.)
[JAMIE signals to LANCE.]
JAMIE: Christian!
RAKES:
Here we are now, entertain us!
DIAMOND DOGS:
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
[LANCE goes and sits down at the table with JAMIE and the other BOHEMIANS.]
JAMIE: Mission accomplished! We successfully evaded Zidler!
XAVIER:
Cancan, cancan, cancan...
[The music fades and the lights dim. ALL look upwards as silver confetti falls from the ceiling, blown in on a light wind from Ororo.]
JAMIE: It's her, the sparkling diamond.
[KITTY descends from the ceiling on a diamond-studded trapeze, the ends of which are thrown over a beam. On the other end of the ropes is FRED, holding her up. LANCE gapes.]
Fred: Ugh..... HEAVY....
Kitty: I like, AM NOT!
Fred: You don't have to hold you up....
Kitty: Shut up! Its my line!
KITTY:
The French are glad to die for love. . .
KITTY:
. . .They delight in fighting duels. . .
[LANCE stares open-mouthed at KITTY, while on the on the other side of the pillar next to him, PIETRO, sitting with XAVIER, watches KITTY with beady eyes. Neither can believe she could sing without saying like.]
LANCE: But someone else was to meet Satine that night. . .
KITTY:
. . .But I prefer a man who lives. . .
LANCE: . . .Zidler's investor. . .
KITTY:
. . .And gives expensive jewels.
Jean: Don't we all? Oh.... sorry Scott....
LANCE: . . .the Duke.
[As the lights come up (Alison (Dazzler) above the stage, getting a light-boost from the singing), KITTY circles above the crowd on her trapeze, touching the RAKES' outstretched hands.]
[KITTY steps off her trapeze and dances through the crowd as the RAKES thrust money and jewels at her, all made from paper by Jamie and Jubilee, with loving care, under the supervision of no-one. This explains why the jewels Scott holds out sticks to his hand. He glares at the culprits.... or rather, at any Jamie he sees and Jubilee, who is setting 'fireworks' off from the stage.]
Scott: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU TWO!
KITTY:
A kiss on the hand may be quite continental,
But diamonds are a…
KITTY and DIAMOND DOGS:
…girl's best friend.
KITTY:
A kiss may be grand,
But it won't pay the rental on your humble flat,
Or help you feed your pussycat.
KITTY and DIAMOND DOGS:
Men grow cold as girls grow old,
KITTY:
And we all lose our charms in the end.
KITTY and DIAMOND DOGS:
But square cut or pear-shape,
These rocks don't lose their shape.
KITTY:
Diamonds are a girl's best friend.
[LANCE and PIETRO watch from the side, remembering to close their mouths as they watch her.]
PIETRO: When am I going to meet the girl?
KITTY:
Tiffany's!
Jean: Like THAT makes sense....
Kitty: YOU'RE ONLY JEALOUS!
XAVIER: After her number. I've arranged a special meeting—just you and Mademoiselle Satine, totally alone.
KITTY:
Cartier!
JAMIE: After her number, I've arranged a private meeting, just you and Mademoiselle Satine, totally alone.
LANCE: Alone?
JAMIE: Yes. Totally alone.
XAVIER: Totally alone.
Jean: Who didn't see that coming?
Rogue: Ya read tha script Miss perfect..... So shut tha hell up!
Remy: Nicely said Chere..
Rogue: Get ya hands offa meh, before ya loose 'em....
Remy: Not Remy chere.... his hands are here.
Rogue: Then who....
Pietro: Oh.... That's ROGUE.... Sh*t.... Sorry!
Rogue: Ya a DEAD MAN Pietro!
KITTY and DIAMOND DOGS:
'Cause we are living in a material world,
And I am a material girl!
KITTY: Come and get me boys!
Boys: WITH PLEASURE!
(Fred lets go of the trapeze which starts to fall, but it caught by Jean's TK.)
Jean: Do I Have to do EVERYTHING myself?!?!!
Logan: Jeannie.... Play nicely.
Jean: But....
Ororo: You wish to stay in this Jean?
[The RAKES dance around KITTY, then lift her into the air and carry her towards a stage.]
XAVIER: Excuse me.
[XAVIER leaves PIETRO and makes his way through the crowd to join KITTY on the stage.]
KITTY:
Black star, Roscor!
Talk to me Harry Zidler, tell me all about it!
There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer,
DIAMOND DOGS and XAVIER:
But diamonds are a girl's best friend.
KITTY:
There may come a time when a hard-boiled employer
Thinks you're…
XAVIER:
…awful nice!
KITTY: But get that ice or else no dice!
[LANCE gets up to go over to KITTY, but JAMIE stops him.]
JAMIE: Don't worry, don't worry I'll sally forth and tee things up!
[As JAMIE stands up, his cane knocks over a tray of drinks, spilling them on PIETRO.]
Jamie: HA! I got him!
Pietro: Why you little..... this was NEW!
DIAMOND DOGS:
He's your guy when stocks are high,
[As KITTY and XAVIER continue with their number, they carry on a quiet conversation.]
KITTY: Is the Duke here, Harold?
XAVIER: Liebchen, would Daddy let you down?
DIAMOND DOGS:
But beware when they start to descend.
[XAVIER looks over to see JAMIE wiping PIETRO's shirt with his handkerchief.]
JAMIE: I'm terribly sorry.
[KITTY and XAVIER circle each other.]
KITTY: Where is he?
XAVIER: He's the one Toulouse is shaking a hanky at.
[JAMIE reaches round the pillar to take LANCE's handkerchief just as KITTY looks over to find PIETRO.]
JAMIE: Excuse me Christian, may I borrow…?
DIAMOND DOGS:
Diamonds are a girl's best,
Diamonds are a girl's best,
Diamonds are a girl's best friend.
[KITTY turns back to XAVIER.]
KITTY: Are you sure?
XAVIER: Let me peek.
[KITTY has her back to LANCE and PIETRO, and XAVIER peers round her and sees JAMIE again waving his handkerchief at an angry PIETRO.]
Wanda: When is he ever not angry? Wait.... When I Hex him through a wall if he doesn't behave!
(Pietro stops tryig to kill Jamie)
JAMIE: Let me finish. I'm ever so sorry! It's so embarrassing.
[XAVIER turns back to KITTY.]
XAVIER: That's the one, chickpea. I hope that demonic little loon doesn't frighten him off.
Jamie: I thought Remy was the Demonic one, and St john was the loon....
[But JAMIE has had enough of PIETRO.]
JAMIE: Clean yourself off, you bourgeois pig!
[JAMIE throws the handkerchief in PIETRO's face. ST. JOHN, PIETRO's manservant, pulls aside his jacket to reveal a gun.]
St John: Lookie! I GET A GUN! Flame thrower woulda been better y'know.... More fitting..
Rogue: We want tha place in one piece.... we aint stupid....
JAMIE: Sorry, sorry.
[KITTY and XAVIER duck behind a circle of DIAMOND DOGS for a costume change.]
KITTY: Will he invest?
XAVIER: Pigeon! After spending the night with you, how could he refuse?
KITTY: What's his type? Wilting flower? Bright and bubbly? Or smouldering temptress?
Pietro: Whatever! As long as shes in my room later!
Lance: Stay away from MY girl....
Pietro: She aint your Rock-head....
Kitty: SHUT UP!
XAVIER: I'd say smouldering temptress. We're all relying on you, gosling. Remember, a real show, in a real theatre, with a real audience. And you'll be...
KITTY: A real actress...
[KITTY leaps up to finish the song. JAMIE tries to get her attention from the crowd.]
KITTY:
Cause that's when those louses. . .
JAMIE: Bejewelled vision!
KITTY:
. . .Go back to their spouses. . .
JAMIE: Amazonian goddess!
Lance: Storm's over there idio.... oh.... its your line....
[Two CLOWNS carry KITTY on their shoulders towards the table where LANCE is sitting.]
KITTY:
. . .Diamonds are a. . .
JAMIE: I've got some exciting news!
[KITTY arrives in front of LANCE as she sings the last notes of the song.]
KITTY:
. . .girl's best friend.
[LANCE looks up at her, dumbstruck.]
KITTY:
I believe you were expecting me.
LANCE: Yes. Yes.
[KITTY turns to the crowd.]
KITTY: I'm afraid it's lady's choice.
[The BOHEMIANS clap LANCE on the back as KITTY works the crowd.]
RAKES: Satine! Satine! Satine! Satine!
JAMIE: I see you've already met my English friend.
KITTY: I'll take care of it, Toulouse. [Turning to LANCE] Let's dance.
[KITTY pulls LANCE onto the crowded dance floor.]
JAMIE: Hit her with your most modern poem!
Pietro: You'd better not hit her with ANYTHING Rock-boy.
[KITTY starts dancing, but LANCE just stares, overwhelmed, until two RAKES push him towards KITTY.]
JUBILEE:
Feel the beat of the rhythm of the night,
Dance until the morning light.
Forget about the worries on your mind,
You can leave them all behind.
Feel the beat of the rhythm of the night,
Dance until the morning light.
Forget about the worries on your mind,
You can leave them all behind.
[The BOHEMIANS can't believe their luck.]
SCOTT: That went well.
HANK: Incredible!
REMY: He has a gift with the women.
Remy: Jus' like Remy....
Rogue: Swamp rat....
Remy: Only got eyes f' y' m' Chere....
JAMIE: I told you, he's a genius.
[KITTY and LANCE dance, LANCE somewhat hesitatingly at first, unsure of some of the more risqué moves, but then he gets into it. XAVIER watches from the back, unable to see LANCE's face.]
XAVIER: That duke certainly can dance!
KITTY: So wonderful of you to take an interest in our little show.
LANCE: It sounds very exciting. I'd be delighted to be involved.
KITTY: Really?
LANCE: Assuming you like what I do, of course.
KITTY: I'm sure I will.
[LANCE dips his hat to the watching BOHEMIANS, much to their delight.]
(Here we are now. . .)
LANCE: Toulouse thought we might be able to, um, do it in private.
(Here we are now. . .)
KITTY: Did he?
LANCE: Yes. You know, uh, a private poetry reading.
(. . .Entertain us. . .)
KITTY: Ohh!
(Here we are now. . .)
KITTY: Mmm, a poetry reading. I love a little poetry after supper.
RAKES:
. . .Entertain us!
Here we are now, entertain us!
We feel stupid…
KITTY: Hang onto your hats!
[KITTY kicks off LANCE's hat, as the DIAMOND DOGS kick off the hats of the RAKES. Hats everywhere fly into the air.]
[The Paris cityscape at night. Above the Moulin Rouge, the only spot of colour and light, top hats explode into the air.]
[Back in the Moulin Rouge, the MEN catch their hats as KITTY, back on her trapeze, launches into the finale of "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" as she makes her exit.]
KITTY:
Diamonds! Diamonds!
[The RAKES and DIAMOND DOGS, holding hands, form a circle around her trapeze as it ascends, dancing.]
(Remy stand s and moves behind Rogue, sliding his hands down her sides. He glances up to see Logan's claws extend and re-takes his seat.)
KITTY:
Square cut or pear-shape,
These rocks don't lose their shape;
[LANCE is back sitting with the BOHEMIANS, who are overjoyed.]
JAMIE: Fantastic!
[But LANCE can't take his eyes off KITTY.]
KITTY:
Diamonds are a girl's best...
[But as KITTY reaches the final chords of the song, and the crowd beneath her raises their arms in anticipation, she suddenly gasps for breath. LANCE is spellbound, XAVIER looks on in concern, and the crowd throws their arms in the air for the big finale, but KITTY can't catch her breath and faints, falling from the trapeze.]
XAVIER: NO!
[KITTY is saved by KURT, who catches her and looks to XAVIER. XAVIER motions for KITTY to be taken backstage. As KITTY is carried off, LANCE looks worried. The CROWD looks uncertain, but XAVIER starts clapping, as though it had all been planned. The CROWD follows suit.]
XAVIER: Satine! Satine! Satine! Satine!
CROWD: Satine! Satine! Satine! Satine!
[KURT carries KITTY backstage and places her on a couch. The DIAMOND DOGS look on.]
ROGUE: Don't know if that Duke's going ta get his moneh's worth tanaight.
BETSY: Don't be unkind, Nini.
JUBILEE: She fainted, just fainted.
[Back in the dance hall, the JAMIE motions to XAVIER that KITTY won't be coming back.]
CROWD: Satine! Satine! Satine! Satine!
[XAVIER motions for the CROWD's silence.]
XAVIER: You frightened her away! But I can see some lonely Moulin Rouge dancers out there who are looking for a partner or two. So if you can hunk-hunk, you can hunkadola with them!
[The CROWD cheers, and the BAND strikes up. LANCE looks confused.]
A Jamie: All together now!
[Backstage, KITTY's dresser, MYSTIQUE, hurries over to her with smelling salts.]
MYSTIQUE: Out of my way. Quickly.
[MYSTIQUE waves the smelling salts under KITTY's nose, and KITTY comes to.]
KITTY: Oh, Marie... Oh, these silly costumes.
MYSTIQUE: Just a little fainting spell.
JAMIE: All right you girls, get back out front and make those gents thirsty. Problems?
MYSTIQUE: Nothing for you to be worrying about.
JAMIE: Don't just stand around, then.
[KITTY starts coughing, and MYSTIQUE holds a handkerchief to her mouth. When KITTY turns away, MYSTIQUE sees blood on it. KITTY doesn't notice. MYSTIQUE looks grave.]
[Back in the dance hall, things are in full swing.]
KURT:
Come out of the garden baby,
You'll catch your death in the fog.
Young girls, they call them the diamond dogs!
