How Wonderful Life is…
It had taken nearly three weeks to complete, but it had been worth it. They had literally constructed the top half of Satine's Elephant. It sat on the floor, complete with balcony ontop, and all in all, stood about ten feet high. Smiling, Ororo stood on top of it, checking for stability as she called the meeting to order.
"Well done everyone! We are all so proud of the work you've put into making this elephant… That we're going to use it today. We're going to do Satine and Christian's meeting in the elephant after the dancehall incident. Places please." She paused, looking around.
"Wait… Wheres Saint John?"
"He said something about a muppet, and refused to come in." Pietro shrugged, "Thought it safer not to ask."
LANCE, holding his hat in his hands, nervously stands framed in the heart-shaped entrance at the front of the elephant. The BOHEMIANS are watching in the garden below.
JAMIE: Unbelievable! Straight to the elephant!
The Red Room in the belly of the elephant. KITTY finishes changing behind the screen and steps out behind LANCE.
KITTY: This is a wonderful place for a poetry reading, don't you think?
Surprised, LANCE turns to face KITTY, and takes in her black lingerie ensemble with some surprise. LANCE is very nervous.
Pietro: My
god… Kitty actually looks good…
Kitty: Shut up Pietro, before
I have to, like, hurt you!
KITTY: Hmm? Poetic enough for you?
LANCE: Yes.
The BOHEMIANS climb up the back of the elephant.
KITTY: A little, uh, supper? Maybe some Champagne?
Jean: Champagne? Shes not old enough to DRINK!
Rogue: Shut ya mouth red, before Ah shut it for yah.
Remy:
Nice, Cherie…
Rogue: Goes fer ya too Swamp-rat.
KITTY turns to a trolley with food and drink on it, and picks up a bottle of Champagne from the ice bucket.
LANCE: I'd rather just, um, get it over and done with.
Pietro: Bet he would… How long's it been since you saw a lass in her underwear Lance? Oh yeah… NEVER!
Wanda: Oh please…. I didn't need to know that…
Annoyed, KITTY, with her back to LANCE, drops the Champagne back into the ice.
KITTY: Oh.
KITTY composes herself, and turns to face LANCE.
KITTY: Very well. Then why don't you come down here?
KITTY walks over to the bed and lies down on it seductively.
KITTY: . . .And let's get it over and done with.
LANCE: I-I prefer to do it standing.
Pietro: See! He's stuttering!
Lance: Its in the script Stupid!
KITTY can't disguise her surprise and jumps up.
KITTY: Oh!
LANCE: You don't have to stand, I mean. It's sometimes that it's quite long, and I'd like you to be comfortable. It's quite modern what I do, and it may feel a little strange at first, but – but I think if you're open, then—then you might enjoy it.
Rogue: Ah think Wanda's right… Ah don't need to hear that stuff comin' from Lance's mouth… Ah'm gonna have nightmares…
Remy: Remy'll protect Y'chere!
Rogue: Remy'll keep his filtheh Swamp Rat hands ta himself if he wants ta keep them.
A little confused, KITTY nonetheless retains her professional composure, her voice a little louder to talk over the others, determined to finish this scene regardless.
KITTY: I'm sure I will.
LANCE: Excuse me.
LANCE turns away from KITTY to compose himself, then turns to face her, but he is very nervous.
LANCE: The—the sky is—is...with the bluebirds...
KITTY, unsure of how to react, sighs erotically, and LANCE nervously turns away again.
LANCE: I know. Come on, come on.
Pietro:
LANCE CANT GET IT UP! HA! Eeek!
Rogue: Now that was ah nice
shot… Raight into tha trash, where ya belong Pie-boy.
Wanda: He was irritating me…
Rogue: When does he not?
Wanda: Pauses When he's trying on Mystiques clothes and irrirating her.
Pietro: WHAT? That's a lie!
LANCE turns to face KITTY again, who lies back on the bed and moans.
LANCE: I think…
LANCE turns away again.
LANCE: There might be some shaking. Oh, riki-tiki-tiki-tiki.
Fred: Is he gonna blow up?
Jubilee: I don't know…
Bobby: Ten says he does…
KITTY is getting a little annoyed, and she sits up on the bed, trying to appear concerned
KITTY: Um, is everything all right?
LANCE: Um, I'm a little nervous. It's just sometimes it takes a little while for…
LANCE nervously looks down, and KITTY thinks she understands.
KITTY: Oh!
LANCE: …you know, inspiration to come.
Toad: Imputent?
Jean: I've seen cadavers that could get harder…
KITTY: Oh, yes, yes, yes. Let Mummy help, hmm?
KITTY walks over to LANCE and grabs his crotch. LANCE gasps.
KITTY: Does that inspire you?
KITTY throws LANCE onto the bed, and growls.
KITTY: Let's make love!
LANCE: Make love?
KITTY climbs on top of LANCE, who is genuinely confused.
KITTY: You want to, don't you?
Scott: Im mentally scarred for life… Im never gonna look at Kitty the same way again..
Jean: Then stop looking at her now!
LANCE: Well, I came to...
Betsy: Oh lighten up luv.. He's male… He's only watching that which it is in his nature to watch.
Jean: Oh and whats that?
Betsy: Well, Porn, obviously. Its plain he isn't getting any… The poor dear's so highly strung all the time… Even something like this can hold him enraptured.
KITTY: No, tell the truth.
Jean: You get your hands off him you British whore!
Betsy: Theory proven… Scott's stressed from lack of sex, and Jean really is frigid…
KITTY undoes LANCE's tie.
KITTY: Can't you feel the poetry?
Bobby: I've got a twenty that says Betsy kicks Jean's ass…
Jubilee: Oh, I don't know… Betsy used the 'F' Word…
Bobby: Yes, but Jean did call her a whore…
LANCE: What?
Outside, the BOHEMIANS have lowered JAMIE so he can spy in the window.
Jean: What did you just say?
KITTY: Oh, come on. Feel it. Free the tiger!
Betsy: You heard me… Frigid, and stuck up…
KITTY undoes LANCE's pants.
KITTY: Big boy!
Pietro: LIAR!
JAMIE, looking in the window, reports to the BOHEMIANS.
JAMIE: He's got a huge talent!
Pietro: MORE LIES!
KITTY: Yes, I need your poetry now!
LANCE: Oh, all right.
Confused, but eager to please, LANCE throws KITTY off him and stands up, pulling himself together.
Scott: Jean, Don't…
Jean: If you think Im going to take this off some English Whore, who's come here because no-one in the UK will have her, You're wrong…
LANCE: It's a little bit funny.
KITTY is really confused now.
KITTY: What?
Jean: You'll learn your place, even if I have to force it into your stupid mind that you are only second best to ME. I am the stronger…
LANCE: This f-feeling in-inside. I'm not one of those who can—who can easily hide. Is this—is this okay, is this what you want?
Jean: I am all powerful… You think you can challenge m…
Rogue: Me. Yes. Stupid telepath.
Hank: Theres no need to kick the girl while she's down… literally…
KITTY, trying to figure out what he wants, thinks she understands at last.
KITTY: Ohh, poetry, yes. Yes. Yes, this is what I want, naughty words! Oh!
KITTY starts to roll around erotically on the bed, moaning.
LANCE: I—I don't have much money, but. . .
Betsy: That was nice Rogue.
Rogue: At least she's quiet…well, out here… Want ah peak?
Betsy: Sure luv…
KITTY: Oh! Naughty!
LANCE: . . .but boy if I did. . .
KITTY: Oh, yes!
Logan: Girls! No pickin' on Jeannie..
Kurt: Can I see ze Jean-in-a-box?
Betsy: Sure… Hold m' hand..
LANCE is a little confused by KITTY's response, but he continues.
LANCE: . . .I'd buy a big house where we both—both could live.
KITTY: Oh, I love them! Oh, it's so good!
Scott: Umm… Is she still alive?
Rogue: Lets hope not!
LANCE: If I were a sculptor—
Logan: She's breathing…
KITTY: Wonderful!
KITTY rolls off the bed and crawls across the floor.
Rogue: Really? Damn…
LANCE: . . .but then again, no.
Betsy: So Scott… Fancy going and getting coffee for everyone, with me? I don't think I could possibly carry all that myself, eh luv? Besides, you do need to get out of the mansion more…it's a little unhealthy…
KITTY: Wonderful.
Scott: Sure.. Jean's out for the count…
LANCE: Or a man who makes potions at a traveling show.
Pietro: Ha ha, Scott needs permission to go out!
KITTY starts rolling around in a fur blanket on the floor.
KITTY: Oh don't! Don't!
LANCE pauses.
KITTY: No, no, no. Don't stop!
Remy: Roguey et Remy are goin' t'… Study…
Rogue: Uh hu, sure Cajun.. Ah'll hold ya ta that…
LANCE: I know it's not much. . .
KITTY: Give me more! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh!
By now, LANCE is giving KITTY funny looks, but still he manages to continue with his poetry.
Wanda: Hmm.. Well… Considering the company, Im leaving. You'll stay here if you know whats good for you.
Toad: Anything you say snookums.
LANCE: . . .But it's the best I can do.
KITTY: Oh, naughty! Don't stop! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Logan: Are you sure this is a 12, Ororo? As in, Children aged 12 can watch this?
Ororo: Well, I have been starting to wonder… Maybe its just the acting…
Logan: You're hoping she's that bad?
Ororo: Im hoping its beyond my ability to comprehend.
Finally, LANCE turns his back on KITTY to look out the window, and he breaks into song.
LANCE:
My gift is my song. . .
On top of the elephant, the BOHEMIANS pause in their drinking.
As LANCE's song echoes across the Paris cityscape, lights flicker on in a wave across the city.
KITTY stops rolling around on the floor and looks up at LANCE.
LANCE:
. . .and this one's for you.
LANCE turns to look at KITTY.
LANCE:
And you can tell everybody that this is your song.
It may be quite simple, but now that it's done,
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind,
That I put down in words,
How wonderful life is, now you're in the world.
LANCE turns and walks towards the front of the elephant. KITTY gets up and follows him.
LANCE:
Sat on the roof and I kicked off the moss,
Well some of these verses, well, they, they got me quite cross.
But the sun's been kind while I wrote this song;
LANCE turns to face KITTY, and they slowly walk towards each other as he sings to her.
LANCE:
It's for people like you that keep it turned on.
So excuse me forgetting, but these things I do,
You see I've forgotten if they're green or if they're blue.
LANCE takes KITTY's hands as she smiles at him somewhat uncertainly.
LANCE:
Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean,
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen.
LANCE spins KITTY around, and they leap out of the elephant on a beam of starlight, and into the night sky.
LANCE:
And you can tell everybody that this is your song.
As silver rain falls, LANCE opens an umbrella, and they step up onto the roof of a building.
LANCE:
It may be quite simple, but now that it's done. . .
Taking the umbrella, LANCE dances across the sky and leaps up onto the Eiffel Tower, tossing the umbrella to one side. He and KITTY dance towards each other, meeting in the middle of the sky.
LANCE:
I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind,
That I put down in words,
How wonderful life is, now you're in the world.
LANCE picks KITTY up and spins her around in his arms.
JAMIE: Looks like he got the job!
As LANCE spins KITTY round, dissolve back to them in the elephant. LANCE dips KITTY, and she looks up at him as the song ends.
Kitty: Holy cow, We finished it! No interruptions! Hey… Wheres Miss Monroe gone? Logan?
Lance: I
think Hank took Jean to the infirmary..
Kitty: Then wheres Rogue
and Betsy? Remy, Scott… they're all missing…
Lance: That's why we finished it. Thank god for small miracles.. Like us being here alone together Kitty… Cant you see it just feels right?
Pietro: You wish rock-head…
