Disclaimer: Fire Emblem - The Sacred Stones is a belonging to his respective corporation and creator: Nintendo and Intelligent Systems. The following characters belong to the author.

Adrion: A recruit from Renais in training to become just like Seth.

Adam: A journeyman from Frelia in training to become Frelia's first hero.

Nicole: A young maiden from Rausten. The uptight best friend of L'Arachel.

Irene: A young citizen of Renais and mage-in-training. She's quite the character.


Ephraim and Eirika – The Sacred Twin Life

The One with the Marriage Therapist—

-Castle Renais-

"You called me Your Majesty?" Seth approached an edgy Fado at the throne room.

"Where're Orson and Monica?" Fado complained, "I need them to review our weekly budget."

"They should be arriving soon my king."

Suddenly, Orson and Monica came storming in the throne room at opposite directions. Scrolls were carried around their arms. They shot lethal glare at each other.

"Finally!" Fado sighed frustratingly, "What took you so long?"

"It's not a matter of what took me so long, your Majesty." Monica pointed out, "It's a matter of who."

"Look," Orson stuck the finger at his wife, "it's not my fault I forgot about our 13th anniversary arrangement."

"Of course it's your fault!" Monica snapped, "like the time you forgot to pick up the kids from school, or from the doctor, or…oh! Forgetting to kiss me good night!"

"Hey! What about you?" Orson was now angry, "I told you to pick up the mails and the newspaper and what do you do? You scoff!"

"I SCOFF BECAUSE I'M BUSY!"

"WELL, IF YOU'RE SO BUSY, WHY NOT PASTE A STICKY NOTE ON YOUR BARE FOREHEAD THAT SAYS 'BUSYBODY'?"

"Hey! Hey! HEY!" Seth stopped the fight, "What's the matter with you guys? You two have been arguing since… weeks ago and I didn't know you guys had kids."

"We're adopting." Orson replied, "It's quite a thrilling job actually."

"Yeah, like the one you forgot to do like picking them up from school." Monica scoffed.

"Say I have an idea." Orson snarled, "Wanna pick them up now or should I? Oh wait, you just scoff, so you're BUSY!"

"You disgust me!" Monica snarled back then faced Fado, "I'm taking five, King Fado. I ain't gonna be working with the likes like Whoreson over here." Monica left in haste.

"Oh so now I'm a horse!" Orson gasped.

Fado slapped his face in embarrassment, "My head hurts."


-Renais Plaza-

Eirika, Ephraim, Tana, and Innes walked down the streets of Renais, feeling alive and ecstatic.

"I'm telling you," Eirika sighed, "somewhere in this street is awaiting my one true love. My first… and my forevermore."

"Same here Eirika," Ephraim sighed as well.

"What's wrong with you two?" Innes raised an eyebrow.

"Can't you smell it?"

"I do. Somebody's armpit."

"I think it's yours." Tana flapped her hand by her nose and frowned.

"No, you guys." Eirika sighed, "It's the smell of love. At any second, we might meet someone as cute and handsome as a pony."

Innes snorted, "Please. Like I'm ever going to meet my l—" The Frelian prince stopped short as his eyes met a hideous red-haired female passing by. She wore a ragged robe and had a torn scarf around her shoulders. She was fat, had bucked teeth, glasses, and always was burping.

"Your days will come, Innes." Eirika remarked, "Before you know it, you'll be saying 'I'm in love'."

No reply. Eirika looked around and saw Innes was missing. Ephraim and Tana looked around as well.

"Umm…where's Innes?"


-Castle Renais-

Adrion walked down the halls until he spotted Orson on the way. At that moment he rushed towards him and grabbed his hand. Orson, in response to this conduct, panicked.

"Hey! What's going on?"

"It's the King!" Adrion exclaimed, "He's in need of desperate attention, and he's summoning you!"

"What is it?"

"He'll explain the details later, right now let's go!"

At the same moment, Seth burst into Monica's bureau in a state of terror, "Monica! You've gotta come right away!"

"What's wrong?" Monica rose from her seat, sounding fretful.

"It's the King!" Seth exclaimed, "He's in need of desperate attention, and he's summoning you!"

"Attention?" Monica replied, "Is he sick?"

"He'll explain later, but we don't have much time!"


-Renais Throne Room-

Orson entered the throne room in haste and saw Fado at the throne seat, looking sickly. "Your Majesty! What's wrong?"

"Uncle…Pedro?" Fado spoke hoarsely. His eyes were droopy under as he turned towards Orson. Monica burst in the throne room as well and approached Fado.

"Your Majesty? Are you all right?"

Orson turned mad at the sight of Monica. Monica also couldn't help but expose her anger at Orson's presence.

"What are you doing here?" Orson snapped at his wife.

"I was summoned by the King on desperate attention." Monica hissed, "What are you doing here yourself?"

"You were summoned for desperate need? I was summoned for desperate need!" Orson pointed the finger at himself.

"What? What's going on Your Majesty?"

Fado turned to face Monica, but didn't say anything. Instead, he snapped his fingers and all portal doors were closed shut. Orson and Monica looked around, feeling trapped. Fado rose from his seat, showing no sign of sickness whatsoever.

"Your Majesty!" Monica exclaimed. "You… tricked us?"

"That's right." Fado spoke, his voice as clear as ever, "And I'm not sick."

Orson was lost of words, yet Monica was not afraid to express her feelings, "THAT'S SICK! How can you do that? Is that one of your sick jokes to put me and Whoreson over there in the same room?"

"My name is ORSON!" Orson roared.

"SILENCE! BOTH OF YOU!" Fado exploded and the couple stood silent. Fado continued, "Now, I understand how you felt about my quick joke here Monica…"

"Darn straight."

"But I'll have you know that you do not raise your voice at your ruler on any situations. Do I make myself clear?"

Monica stood silence. Orson raised his hand, catching Fado's attention, "Why do you need us anyway?"

Fado snapped his fingers and two mages came from out of the blue, carrying scrolls on their hands. They handed the scrolls to the couple. As the couple opened up their scrolls, Fado spoke: "I've assigned you both to see a marriage therapist at Rausten. You'll be leaving first thing tomorrow morning and she'll put you to different marriage tests throughout the week. Whether you pass these tests or not will determine how you should handle your marriage. Healthy or…you know."

"Err…King Fado." Monica giggled nervously, "Don't mean to be blunt, but we don't need to see a marriage therapist. Our marriage is totally fine!"

"Yeah!" Orson reluctantly wrapped his hand around Monica's waist, "And we're totally fine with our alone-time together."

Monica secretly pinched Orson's hand. Orson released his hand gently from Monica and softly caressed his hand. Seth and Adrion both shook their head, "Yeah right."

"And what does that supposed to mean?" Monica crossed her arms, her eyes glaring at Seth and Adrion.

"You two have been fighting for weeks." Seth approached the couple following Adrion, "It's obvious that you have no alone-time."

"And I can tell since you, Monica, just pinched your husband." Adrion spread a sly smile and also crossed his arms. Monica stopped frowning, stared at her husband for a second, then at Fado. The King nodded. Monica then stared at Adrion and spoke under her breath, "you're a butt pain. You know that?"


"Innes! What are you doing?" Eirika quickly found Innes at the park avenue of the town, writing a love letter. Ephraim and Tana followed.

"I'm in love." Innes spoke a strangely pleasant voice.

"In love?" Ephraim asked, "In love with whom?"

Innes pointed at the citizen girl seen earlier. Eirika, Ephraim, and Tana's jaws dropped at the sight of the girl.

Tana formed a fist and jabbed Innes's head, "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?"

"Hey!" Innes held his bumped head, "What's the big deal?"

"Look at her!" Tana cried, "She's hideous!"

"She's breathtaking!"

"All right, you two." Ephraim stopped the fight, "Whatever Innes thinks, it's his personal problem."

"Thank you." Innes said.

"A serious problem."

Innes rolled his eyes, "Well, your opinions isn't gonna bother me anyway, cause I wrote her a poem."

"Oh really?" Eirika said, "Let's hear it."

Innes cleared his throat, "Irene, my beautiful Irene. Thy name was called by the winds of winds. Thy name has been dancing in my everyday dreams…"

Eirika's eyes began to sparkle. Innes continued, "I can't take my eyes off you, I dunno why, but I think I'm falling in love with you."

Innes finished and stared at his three friends. Eirika felt already moved.

"That was so sweet." Eirika wiped her tears.

"You like that?" Ephraim stared at his sister.

"Of course! Hey, you know what Innes?" Eirika wrapped her arm around Innes's shoulders, "You gotta go ask her on a date."

"What? Why?" Innes gasped.

"Cause you're in love."

"But, I haven't prepared my speech!"

"Who needs a speech when you can express your feelings right there!" She pointed towards his heart and shoved him about a yard next to Irene. Irene quickly noticed him, "Who are you?" she boomed angrily.

Innes stammered, "I…I…I…m…my…m…my…"

Irene gasped as she approached Innes, "You look different than us commoners. And I think I saw you from somewhere."

Innes cleared his throat, "Well, I am quite popular."

Irene blinked. Innes continued, "Listen. I would like to… err… I would like to… I…err… would…umm… Can I …"

"Just say it!"

"Don't rush me!"

Irene gasped then spread a smile, "Ooh, you're a bad boy aren't you? Me likey."

Innes returned the smile, "You do?"

"BURPS!"

Innes frowned and shuddered in reply to the burping. Eirika grinned, giving Innes a thumb up, but Ephraim and Tana frowned.


-Rausten Court-

Orson and Monica had arrived at Rausten for their first day of marriage therapy. They were inside Rausten Court's Healing Lounge. Every wall and its structure was ivory white. The chairs and sofas were also of that color has well, in addition to few gold accents. The Healing Lounge was the size of a 3-yard living room.

"So we're meeting that marriage counselor here huh?" Orson said as he admired the castle's structures, "Nice."

"I guess." Monica said, "I think it's nicer than our house. Specially your room…without the dirty laundry pile."

"What is your problem?"

"What is your problem?"

Orson and Monica glared at each other for a second then turned their face at opposite direction. A castle maiden came inside the room, "Dr. Lara's on her way."

The couple nodded in unison. Then the door swung open.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Lara." A very, unsettled familiar voice boomed from the person entering and claiming to be the therapist. To their biggest surprise, Orson and Monica were at a great loss of words, feeling joked and dumbfounded at who they saw. Dr. Lara was L'Arachel.

The Rausten princess wore a lab coat on her greenish troubadour outfit. A gold plaque, inscribing her fake name, was pinned on it.

L'Arachel exchanged glares with the couple, "What?" she sincerely asked, even though her voice sounded comical, "Y'all look like you saw a ghost.

No reply. L'Arachel continued, "But don't worry! I purified this place with holy water last night, so there should be no ghost." She then pulled out a piece of Elfire X-plosive bubble gum and shoved it in her mouth. The couple looked horrified.

--- --- ---

"You…are our counselor?" Orson quietly asked.

"That's right, I am!" L'Arachel squealed.

"Is that a joke?" Monica breathed.

"Joke?" L'Arachel snorted, "That's 100 percentreality honey."

"She is the best marriage therapist renowned for restoring marriages in Magvel since the year 794."

"Since her coronation?" Orson gasped.

"Course." L'Arachel replied, "I was very young back then, so…"

Orson and Monica glared at each other. "All right then! What seems to be the problem?"

An hour had passed since the counseling began inside the Healing Lounge of Rausten Court. L'Arachel, after hearing Orson and Monica's stories quickly realized how serious the damaged was in their marriage.

"All right." L'Arachel said, "After hearing both your stories, I finally figured out what's your problem?"

Orson and Monica leaned towards L'Arachel to hear her statement. "It is your career."

"Our career?" Orson squinted.

"Think about it: you, Orson, have no time whatsoever to pick up your own newspaper. And Monica, you are always scoffing whenever paperwork falls on your head…literally."

"WHAT?" Monica hissed.

"And you need to control that anger of yours."

Monica immediately shut up. L'Arachel continued, "Because of your career, you are always fighting, and because you have no time for the little things in life, you have no time for your alone-time. Don't you see?"

"I guess." Orson muttered.

"It's not just affecting your alone-time, it's affecting your marriage altogether. And marriage is all about openness and honesty." L'Arachel began flipping through her documents, "So in the next couple of days, this is what you need to do and I expect you do it: make your own calendar, always eat right, communicate, that's important, and no! You should not use negative nonverbal behaviors like scoffing, and defensive dialogue like 'you' and 'always' and… you know what I mean."

Monica rose her hand to speak but L'Arachel interrupted her, "And no! Your husband's name is not Whoreson. Carry on."

Monica grumbled. The couple rose from their seats but L'Arachel stopped them, "Oh! And you'll be doing all of these tasks…together."

Monica and Orson's jaws dropped. They felt like screaming.


"I can't believe this Innes!" Eirika squealed in delight, "Your first date! Ain't that exciting?"

"I would if you stop following me!" Innes grumbled. Eirika and Innes were at a furnished lounge inside a four-star restaurant at the outskirts of Frelia.

"So where's your date anyway?" Eirika looked around.

"She should be here any minute now." Innes replied.

Entering the four-star restaurant lounge was Irene, still dressed in her commoner costume but the scarf and robe were looking brand-new. Innes left Eirika and approached Irene, "is that what you wearing?"

"Why hello to you too, Innelicious. You likey? I picked it up myself."

"Innelicious?"

"BURPS!" she followed it with a giggle and a snort. Innes grinned nervously then looked at Eirika who signaled him to go on his date.

Irene and Innes had just taken their seat at their table and were reading the menus. Irene burped again, once more, and took another shot. Innes became irritated with her habits.

Irene pulled her chair toward and up-close Innes. She blinked her amorous eyes, but it wasn't the eyes Innes focused on; it was the drool dangling her lips like waterfall. Innes scooted his chair back once, and Irene approached hers once. It kept going for a few seconds until Irene caught Innes, wrapped her arms around his neck, and gave him a huge kiss on the lips that lasted three seconds. The prince gagged.

"Oh Innes!" Irene looked up dreamily, "I can't believe you asked me out! And I've always wondered why no one has ever asked me out since I was a little girl."

Innes gagged and wheezed, "Gee…You wonder why?"

"And I had no idea you were the prince of Frelia. Well, that settles it!"

Innes looked horrified and panicked, "That settles what? What did you settle? Don't make me mad woman!"

Irene smiled. Her teeth were all grey and filled with garbage, as if she hasn't brushed her teeth since a long time. The only teeth that were white and clean were her bucked teeth. She slammed her hands on Innes's shoulders and hangs on them fiercely, "Let's get married!"

Innes gasped.

"We'll have kids! How does twelve sounds?"

Innes gasped even more.

"We'll call 'em Inene and Ires, and Nnesi, and Rene, and Ire, and Neri, and Seni, and Ene, and Eneri, and Senni, and Irene Jr. and Innes Jr. SQUEAL!"

Innes began whimpering, but Irene was not done, "Oh! And you know what the best part is? I'll become queen and our children will be heirs!"

"NO!" Innes jumped off his chair causing Irene to let go off him and fall flat on her face. "I can't do this!"

Irene looked up, her glasses uneven, "What?"

"I can't take this anymore. This date is officially over."

"Wh—?" Irene gasped, "You're… breaking up with me?"

At that same moment, Eirika stuck her head in a nearby indoor bush to see what the fuss was all about. Following Eirika was Ephraim and Tana.

"Yo." Ephraim asked, "What's going on?"

"Shh!" Eirika placed her finger on her lip.

"It's not that I'm breaking up," Innes stammered, "It's just that…yes. I'm breaking up with you."

Eirika gasped. Ephraim and Tana grinned. Irene's eyes began to water. Innes sighed, "I'm sorry. You're sweet. You're smart. But… I don't think you're… my type."

"Nice shot." Ephraim grinned.

"Now that's what breakups are all about." Tana nodded.

"How about I land a fist on both your faces?" Eirika hissed at the duo.

Innes sighed once more, "I'm sorry."

Irene took a napkin, cleaned her drooling lips, and burped. It took her a minute to speak, "You're right." She smiled, "We're definitely not fit. But hey, we can make it happen during the course of our lives, right? We can find someone that can fit in our status."

Innes smiled, "Thank you for understanding." Irene smiled as well.

"Say," Innes said, "How about we stay friends? How does that sounds?"

"Perfect."

"Friends?" A scream echoed through the restaurant. Innes and Irene turned around to find Eirika, Ephraim, and Tana approaching them. Eirika pointed the finger at Innes, "Friends never works with ex-couples Innes. It's a stupid idea and you should believe that."

"She's just jealous 'cause she ain't got no date." Ephraim whispered to Innes and Tana followed with a giggle. Eirika stared coldly at her brother, pulled out a bottle of white wine and began chasing him with it. "YOU BETTER RUN!" she screamed.

"CAN'T TAKE A JOKE?" Ephraim screamed.


-Rausten Healing Lounge-

A week had passed since L'Arachel gave the assignment to Orson and Monica, which was communicating and making calendars together without ever arguing. L'Arachel sat down with the couple.

"So, how was it?" L'Arachel spoke, "Was there any improvements during that course?"

"Of course!" Orson smiled and wrapped his arm around a happy Monica, who responded by laying her head on his chest, "We've learned a lot! We're both two busy people and we've learned that we should let our job tear us apart."

"Right, right." Monica nodded, "And we've learned that honesty and openness equals a healthy marriage."

L'Arachel stood still. She wasn't buying the couple's answers. The couple stood immobile and showed their teeth even more. "What?" they both grinned nervously.

"That was my lines. And I sense there's still no connection with the both of you since you, Monica, is about to pinch your—"

Before L'Arachel finished her sentence, Monica startled and instead of withdrawing her tempted hand behind her husband's back, she pinched him. "YEOWCH!" Orson yelped.

"Exactly."

Monica grumbled, and Orson was about to whimper as he rubbed his pinched back. L'Arachel crossed her arms, "You haven't learned anything, haven't you? I'm not going to let you waste your 10,000G on this therapy session until you ameliorate your marriage."

"Wait a minute!" Monica gasped, "Our 10,000G?"

"It's King Fado's money, so don't panic." L'Arachel replied, "Now why don't you two tell us, in your own words, why you two have been fighting? Three minutes from each individual. Start talking."

Orson and Monica looked at each other. Orson sighed and began, "Well, it just that…I love my wife very much, but it irritates me when she begins to verbally abuse me with what I should do with my schedule. And it's not my schedule I follow all the time, It's King Fado's. I'm His Majesty's fellow royal advisor and general of the Renais Knights Army. It's tough to juggle between both careers. And all I am asking for is some time and assistance. If she doesn't want that, it's fine. I understand. And if I tend to forget to pick up the kids and forgetting our 13th anniversary arrangement, it's totally my fault."

Orson locked on Monica's eyes sincerely, "Monica." He said, "I'm sorry that I have been a Whoreson pain in the butt, if you know what I mean."

Monica's eyes began watering. Orson continued, "So, shall we start over fresh? It's your ca—"

"OH!" Monica hugged firmly her husband, "I'm so sorry!" they then both held hands, "It's my fault. I've been the biggest Moni-calling pain in the butt, not you, me! I'm like, the royal counselor to both the king and the twin heirs. It's like the toughest job ever! I'm sorry!"

Orson began to shed tears, "Oh, Monica."

Monica bawled, "Oh, Orson."

The couple hugged and silently shed tears together. Obviously, they weren't the only ones in the room to get all wishy-washy. L'Arachel pulled out a tissue and blew her nose. "Awww." She squealed, "You're making me cry."

Orson and Monica smiled at each other then at L'Arachel, "Thanks for your help, L'Arachel." Orson complimented, "Or should I call you Lara."

"We both thought that we wouldn't survive this." Monica said, "But thanks."

"Aw, don't mention it… you know what's strange?"

"What?" the couple exclaimed.

"Usually in my sessions, it takes a week for a couple to recover. But a day in your case?" L'Arachel snorted. Orson and Monica stared at each other. L'Arachel cackled, "I just broke the wedding therapist's record, and that makes me—!"

"Let's get out of here." Orson told his wife, and they both left the room in haste as L'Arachel began chanting her glory.


-Castle Frelia, Innes's Suite-

Innes was at the lounge side of his suite watching one of his favorite shows when there was a knock at his door. He placed his feather pen and went to answer it. He saw standing at his door the girl he thought he had dumped: Irene. She was dressed elegantly in a gold-accented ivory sage outfit, equipped with a sun-colored velvet cape reaching the back of her knees.

"Morning Innelicious!" She landed a heavy kiss on his cheek, "I bought you flowers and chocolates." She then entered the room. Innes immediately looked back and saw heavy boxes of chocolates and a forest of flowers. In addition to the gifts, her suitcases stood there as well. The prince's eyes were at the edge of falling off any second.

"What are YOU doing here?" he squealed, "And what are those SUITCASES doing here?"

"I'm moving in."

"WHY?"

"I took your advice."

"WHAT ADVICE?"

Irene snorted, "About us being friends? Duh!"

Innes's mouth hanged open. Irene continued, "So we're going to be roomies! BURPS!"

Innes's face sank. He looked up the sky and let it out.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"


END OF CHAPTER