"Fancy seeing you here" Meredith said as she sat down next to Addison at the bar. The redhead was sipping a margarita and she grinned at the younger woman.
"You know when you repeatedly turn a woman down, you're not supposed to sit next to her at the bar after work," Addison replied. "Unless of course you've changed your mind," Addison added hopefully. Meredith didn't respond instead she ordered her own margarita.
"I would have pegged you for a wine drinker, what's with the margarita?" Meredith asked.
"Taco Tuesday," Addison responded. The innuendo apparent in her tone. "The last time I had wine things didn't end well."
"Killer hangover?"
"So much worse," Addison responded simply. Meredith looked at her expectantly, and for some reason she continued. "I forgot how to operate a corkscrew and went all caveman on the bottle." Addison held out her left hand which was visibly trembling to show Meredith the barely visible white lines left behind from the glass that had pierced her skin. They served as a reminder, every time she'd thought about indulging in a glass of red she had reconsidered.
"So basically you got into a drunken fight with a bottle of wine," Meredith said with a smirk. "You are a very interesting woman Dr. Montgomery, if you weren't my boss I would definitely go out with you," she whispered.
"I don't have to be your boss," Addison said quickly before she could even be sure of what she was saying and Meredith looked dumbfounded and Addison felt very foolish as she realized what she had suggested.
"Don't get me wrong the sex was good, but not quit your job good."
"Don't forget about the kiss," Addison responded.
"How could I forget about that kiss?" Meredith asked breathily as her hand crept closer to Addison's. "I only wish the hospital had more floors so I could have had you to myself for a few moments longer." Addison's cheeks burned at the young doctor's words. "Don't get me wrong, I want to go out with you, but," her words hung in the air and Addison couldn't take it any longer, she reached out a fraction of an inch and took Meredith's hand.
"Can we just forget about work and give it a try?" Addison asked softly. Her eyes were hopeful and she continued to hold the blonde's hand. Meredith smiled and nodded.
"I think we can try that." Addison's face lit up.
"Dinner Friday night?" Addison asked.
"Oh I don't know I might be on call Friday night," Meredith teased.
"I could order some takeout then, and we could have dinner at the hospital," she sassed back despite the fact that they had just agreed to leave work out of their relationship. Addison was going to go for broke though. "And after," she whispered, leaning closer to Meredith so as to whisper the words directly in her ear. "Maybe I can have you for dessert in the on call room," It was Meredith's turn to blush.
"Friday night," she said with a silly smile, "it's a date." They both just sat there, holding hands and grinning like idiots at one another.
"It's a date," Addison repeated as she gently withdrew her hand and stood. She pulled some money out of her purse and threw it onto the bar for her drink and Meredith's.
"Wait, where are you going?" Meredith asked.
"I have a date to plan," she responded with a smirk. "Have a good night Meredith."
"Good night Addison."
Reality hit Addison hard the following morning. It was Wednesday and she had a date with Meredith Grey on Friday and she had no idea what she was doing. She'd never taken someone else out on a date before and though she wanted to try things out with Meredith she was completely out of her depth. She tried to put it out of her mind as her current patient had fractured her wrist and getting that set and managing the pain in a way that was not harmful to her unborn child was going to be an ordeal. She had paged for an ortho consult and a fourth year resident showed up.
"Callie Torres," the woman said holding out her hand. "You're new here right?" She asked to which Addison nodded.
"Addison Montgomery," she said offering the younger woman her hand. "Nice to meet you." The dark haired resident set the patient's wrist and went over some dos and don'ts with her. She had been very straightforward and Addison found herself drawn to the young doctor's personality.
"Wanna grab lunch?" Callie asked and Addison was surprised but quickly smiled and nodded. They ended up in the cafeteria and Addison was gnawing at an apple slice completely lost in thought. "I don't usually do this, but you looked kinda lost and you look really lost right now Addison," she waved her hand in front of Addison's face, "like maybe you could use a friend." Addison focused on that.
"I'm sorry, I'm a little spacey today."
"I noticed," Callie laughed and Addison smiled. "I know you're new here," Addison nodded. "And I thought maybe you could use a friend," Callie repeated.
"Friends." Addison said the word as if it were foreign and Callie laughed. "Oh god I'm sorry. it's just I have a date Friday night and I didn't expect her to say yes, and I don't know what I'm doing. I've never taken a woman out on a date before and I don't know what she likes or where to take her and normally I would call Mark, he's my best friend and he lives in New York, but he doesn't know anything about Seattle. I don't know anything about Seattle it just rains here all the time, and I've bought 6 new umbrellas since I moved here and," Addison stopped talking.
"So you're gay or bisexual or?" Callie asked and Addison felt that familiar uncomfortable feeling of dread and uncertainty like maybe she shouldn't have said anything.
"I'm complicated," Addison answered and Callie chuckled.
"I don't have a problem with the gay thing," Callie added and Addison sighed in relief. "So what do you know about her? Maybe I can help you pick a place for this date."
"I know she's cute, and I really like her," Addison said dumbly. "And she likes tequila, or at least I think she does, she was drinking it when we met. I don't want to try something too fancy and over the top, but I want to make a good impression."
"You're kind of a mess," Callie laughed and Addison nodded. "Alright so I might know a place. Cafes are a staple in Seattle. Coffee is kind of a big deal here, and there are quite a few that offer nice lunch and dinner options that are pretty simple, but still nice and it can be casual while offering a better atmosphere than most other places," she suggested and Addison smiled and thanked her for the suggestion. She was able to focus when Callie started to tell her about a guy she had operated on with a broken leg. It wasn't long before Addison was cracking up laughing. She had definitely made a new friend.
The first date had been a success. Addison had found a small cafe that wasn't too over the top, but also wasn't too casual. She learned that Meredith loved seafood, hated Chinese food, and couldn't cook to save her life. It was nice to just laugh together while getting to know one another better. When Addison took the blonde home at the end of the night, they ended up making out in her car for twenty minutes before saying goodnight. Addie really had to thank Callie for the suggestion.
On Monday morning Addison found Dr. Torres and handed her a coffee.
"Not that I'm not grateful, but what's the occasion?" Callie asked.
"Thank you for your suggestion," Addison responded with a grin. Callie smiled back at her silently asking about the date. "We're going out again tomorrow." Meredith took her out for sushi and the night ended in Addison's bed. She groaned Wednesday morning when her phone woke her up. Meredith was snuggled into her pillow and Addison shifted to sit up and grab her phone that was on the other side of the room.
"I'm going to kill your husband. You won't need to wait for him to sign the divorce papers and I'll be put out of the misery that is dealing with his hangover induced bullshit!"
"Addie, come back to bed," Meredith mumbled and Mark heard. Addison quickly grabbed her robe and pressed a kiss to Meredith's temple and whispered that she would start a pot of coffee.
"Ooh somebody had a sleepover last night," Mark teased. "Sorry I woke you up," he apologized. "It's just that," Mark paused and Addison took the coffee grounds out of the cabinet and began scooping them into the coffee filter. "He's not even hungover, he came to work drunk this morning, I just don't know what to do Addie." Addison didn't know what to say and she pressed the start button on the coffee maker to buy herself some time. Tomorrow was the 18th and he would be calling her and they would scream at each other and Addison shook her head at the thought.
"Have you tried calling his mother or sisters?" Addison silently thought of Amelia who would likely revel in the irony.
"And listen to them tell me who they blame for his uncharacteristic behavior? No thank you," he sighed and Addison knew they probably blamed her. "I'm all he's got right now and as much as I'd like to unload him onto someone else I can't, I just needed to vent and figured you of all people would understand."
"Of course I do Mark it's just, it's a lot."
"What's a lot?" Meredith whispered as she wrapped her arms around Addison from behind. Mark laughed.
"I wouldn't want to keep you from your new lady friend Addie, I'll talk to you later," he said before hanging up.
"Who got you out of bed?" Meredith asked, and when Addison turned around she saw that the blonde was wearing one of Addie's t-shirts and nothing else. The redhead found herself completely distracted by pale legs and Addison leaned forward and kissed the cute blonde completely ignoring her question. When they pulled apart, "you didn't answer my question." Addison forgot what the question was and she looked at Meredith all confused and the blonde closed the distance and kissed her again. "Who was on the phone?" Meredith asked when they parted.
"Oh Mark," she answered.
"And do I need to worry about this Mark guy?" Meredith asked and Addie shook her head.
"No, he's just my best friend and he lives in New York and something happened at work and he forgot about time zones." Meredith smiled at her response.
"You're so cute when you're flustered. How about we go get a shower?" Meredith suggested and Addison nodded. A girl could get used to this, and Addison did. The sleepovers became a semi-regular occurrence and the showers together the next morning were essential. She loved the sensation of Meredith's fingers lathering shampoo in her hair and gently massaging her scalp, and the way Meredith responded to Addison's lips caressing her shoulder blades. Addison found herself smiling more than ever before, and as she lie in bed with Meredith almost a month into their relationship she was grinning like an idiot.
"I was wrong before," Meredith whispered as she kissed Addison's palm, "the sex is definitely worth quitting for," Addie giggled as the blonde continued pressing kissed to her hands. Pink lips began climbing Addison't left arm however and blue eyes caught sight of ugly zig-zagging scars and Addison found herself pulling her arm away. Meredith had paused for a moment before reaching out and taking Addison's arm once again and kissing her way over the angry scars. Her lips teased the redhead's elbow before continuing up towards her shoulder, and when Meredith was at eye level with Addison, she whispered, "You don't have to tell me about them, but I hope that eventually you feel comfortable enough to talk to me about it." Then Meredith was leaning in for a kiss and Addison kissed her back and they snuggled up together before falling asleep.
It had been a week since Meredith had noticed her scars and they were sitting on the couch eating pepperoni and mushroom pizza. Nothing had really changed, despite Addison's fears. They had gone to dinner twice that week and had gotten handsy in Meredith's jeep after work, which was pretty normal for them. The only difference was that Meredith hadn't spent the night in that week. She wasn't sure if the lack of physical intimacy was all in her head though and she didn't want to dwell on it so she took another bite out of her pizza.
"This isn't bad," Addison commented, which considering her history with pizza that was high praise. Meredith knew Addison was a New Yorker and any pizza made west of the Big Apple was deemed unfit for consumption. They'd had the conversation at least three times and Addie and Naomi had been involved in far too many pizza related arguments, well she didn't want to start another pizza argument.
"My girlfriend the food critic," Meredith groaned. They'd had an argument when Meredith defended the Chicago style deep dish, and Addison rolled her eyes at the memory. She really needed to see if Mark could overnight her a greasy New York pizza. Then maybe she would be satisfied to drop all pizza related arguments. Meredith had said girlfriend. The words finally registered in her pizza glazed mind and she smiled. She liked when Meredith called her that.
"Look I lived in Los Angeles for eight months, it is a diverse city and I tried lots of different food. Not everyone thinks grilled cheese is acceptable for three meals a day." Meredith chuckled at that.
"That's all just a part of my grand plan to get you to make me pancakes and take me on lots of dinner dates," the blonde responded with a teasing grin. She leaned her head against Addison's shoulder and just smiled at the redhead, before placing a quick kiss on her cheek causing Addison to blush.
"You're teasing," Addison giggled and Meredith nodded.
"You're extra cute when you're blushing," Meredith whispered before leaning in to place a second kiss on the redhead's rosy cheek. Addison turned her head and quickly placed her own kiss on Meredith's cheek, before standing up.
"I'm going to clean up," she said as she picked the pizza box up from the coffee table.
"Do you want some help?" Meredith asked and Addie just shook her head. It would only take her a few minutes and Meredith looked comfortable on the couch. When Addison returned from the kitchen Meredith was watching a movie. Addie sat down with her and while Meredith was engrossed in the plot, Addison stared at her girlfriend. The blonde slid over so that she was cuddled up against the redhead, and she nestled her head into Addison's shoulder and the redhead sighed as she wrapped her arm around the young doctor. Two hours later when the credits began to roll neither of them wanted to move.
"Will you stay tonight?" Addison asked softly. Before she knew it the blonde had moved to straddle her lap.
"I thought you'd never ask," Meredith whispered before leaning in to kiss her girlfriend soundly. Fingers had slid under Addison's shirt and were quickly climbing up her back and Addison pulled back suddenly feeling very overwhelmed.
"I, I, just, I just meant to sleep," Addison stuttered nervously. There was a flash of disappointment in Meredith's blue eyes, but in an instant it was gone and Addison questioned whether she had simply imagined it. They hadn't been intimate since Meredith had seen her scars, and while the blonde hadn't done anything that would make her think things would change she was still uncomfortable. It had been okay when Meredith didn't know about them, but now Addison felt so self-conscious and even if Meredith did still want her, she wasn't ready for that. There were so many things she wasn't ready for.
"That sounds good," Meredith finally said as she stood up. "I'm gonna go get changed," she added before heading towards the bedroom. Addison just watched her go. She was feeling so conflicted as she listened to Meredith move about in the other room. She remained lost in thought until the blonde called out, "Addie, where's the toothpaste?" Addison had cleaned the bathroom sink off that morning and as she got up from the couch to grab the toothpaste she heard drawers opening and closing in the bathroom. She snatched the tube off of the dresser and when she walked into the bathroom Meredith was standing there in Addie's gray Columbia Med tee and a pair of gray pajama pants, and the medicine cabinet was open. Addison handed her the tube of toothpaste, but Meredith's eyes were focused on the prescription bottles in the medicine cabinet.
"Just ask," Addison finally said as the silence became too much for her to handle. Meredith was a doctor and she knew what each of the drugs treated and that coupled with the scars she'd seen the week before must have created a clear picture for the blonde.
"You have asthma?" The words sounded strange, she'd forgotten about the presence of her emergency inhaler amongst the anti-depressant and the anti-anxiety medication, and Addison shook her head.
"I have really bad anxiety attacks, and sometimes they mimic an asthma attack," Addison answered. Meredith put the toothpaste down on the counter as if she just realized it was in her hand. She reached out to touch Addison with her now empty hand.
"I get that you're uncomfortable talking about this, but when you're ready to talk, I'll be here Addie." Addison felt herself begin to shake and Meredith instantly wrapped her arms around her, holding her close as she sobbed. Meredith's hands rubbed comforting circles around Addison's back and the redhead tried to calm herself with deep breaths.
"I'm just afraid that you'll hate me if I tell you," she finally said. Things between them had been incredible. Addie had felt an instant connection and when they went on dates, Addison felt as if every struggle she had endured in the past year was worth it. She was terrified of what would happen if Meredith pulled away from her.
"In case you hadn't noticed I really like you Addie. I doubt anything you tell me would make me hate you." She sounded so genuine and so certain, and the warm smile that accompanied her words made Addison feel so safe. It was the push she so desperately needed. She pulled back and slowly rolled up her left sleeve exposing the scars to Meredith in the harsh light.
"Eleven months ago," she started, taking several deep breaths before continuing. "I had a really shitty day at work, and I got really drunk, so drunk in fact that I tried to stab open a bottle of wine. And when that didn't work I used the knife to try and kill myself," Addison didn't know what she had been expecting when she finished but Meredith pulling her back into her arms felt so right, and she allowed herself to fall into the warm embrace.
"I am so happy that you are here with me right now, and I'm glad that you trusted me enough to tell me," Meredith whispered. It was a relief for Addison that Meredith had been so understanding, and she smiled at that fact as they brushed their teeth together, but when they crawled into bed and Meredith's arms were around her she felt overcome with guilt. She was still married. She had gone out of her way to flirt with Meredith and get her to go out with her, and she had omitted such a major detail. Meredith had confided in her about her sick mother and told her stories about people she dated to piss her mother off. They had built trust. Enough trust that Addison had felt comfortable enough to tell her she'd attempted suicide, but that one detail. She hated Derek for it, but more than that she hated herself for starting a relationship with this wonderful woman under false pretenses and her anxiety was in control.
Meredith must have sensed that something was off because she got real still and after a beat whispered, "Addie?" Addison hummed in response. "You would tell me if I did something to trigger your anxiety right?" Addison turned to face Meredith fully.
"You won't," she said simply despite the fact that she was clearly anxious.
"How can you be so sure?" Meredith asked, worry apparent in her tone. Again Addison was overcome with guilt. She hated that she had caused Meredith any distress.
"Meredith," she began, her tone serious. "There is something else that I have to tell you." Meredith tensed at her words and Addison hated herself for causing such a response.
"You don't have to tell me anything, I'm sorry if I pushed too hard."
"You didn't Meredith. I just, I really like you and I don't want to scare you off or ruin things between us, but I haven't been completely honest with you," she paused and took a deep breath. Inhale, exhale. "I know you won't trigger my anxiety," she paused again, "my husband is the only one that triggers it."
"Husband?" Meredith was sitting up now and the hurt look in those pretty blue eyes filled Addison with sorrow. She sat up and reached for Meredith's hands.
"I haven't seen him since I was released from the hospital eleven months ago, and I filed for divorce nine months ago, he just refuses to sign the papers. We get into a screaming match over the phone about it once a month. I never wanted to hurt you. When we met I had such a good time and it felt nice to be with someone I could be myself with. I'm crazy about you Meredith and I'm so sorry that I messed it all up."
"You didn't mess things up Addie," Meredith whispered softly. "Hey I'm in the middle of a messy divorce do you wanna grab dinner isn't a great pick up line. I mean I'm not happy about it, but I'm pretty crazy about you too Addie." The redhead had been on the verge of tears believing that their relationship was now broken beyond repair at her confession, and now she found herself grinning.
"Meredith Grey you are amazing," she whispered before leaning in to kiss the other woman senseless.
Addison's confession had actually been really good for their relationship. They had spent almost every night since together. On the rare occasion that they were both off on the same day, the free time was spent enjoying each other's company. They had walked through Golden Garden's Park sharing stories about medical school and Meredith's trip backpacking through Europe on a rare sunny day. Addison told Meredith about learning to surf and Addison learned about Meredith's love of ice skating. It was the first time Addison told Meredith about her beach house in Los Angeles.
"I'd love to take you there. I'm definitely an amateur surfer, but being out in the water feels amazing. One of my good friends is my neighbor too." Addison told her as they strolled along the park path.
"That sounds amazing, I've never been surfing before but I love the ocean," Meredith smiled. The Olympic Mountains were visible as they continued their journey through the park and Meredith asked, "have you ever been skiing?" And Addison burst into laughter at the memory of her last ski trip where Derek broke his leg and she had to explain to Meredith who laughed with her. They were really communicating and it felt wonderful.
While things had been going great their current situation was causing Meredith a great deal of stress.
"You have to leave before they see you," she hissed. Addison cursed the fact that the restaurant had been closer to Meredith's place. They had hardly been able to keep their hands off of one another which was how she'd ended up naked in Meredith's bed being hissed at and smacked playfully with a pillow. Addie groaned, she didn't want to leave Meredith's warm cozy bed.
"Ugh," Addison groaned as she sat up. "If you hadn't been so impatient last night, we could have gone to my place and," Meredith cut her off with a kiss and Addison gasped in surprise.
"Will you please shut up and get dressed?" Meredith sighed as they pulled apart. She didn't even argue Addison's point.
"Where is my bra?" Addison asked as she slowly got out of bed. She found her dress, but her undergarments were nowhere to be found. Meredith handed her, her bra with a smirk and as Addison grabbed it she saw her panties in Meredith's other hand. She didn't seem to be willing to surrender them but Addison was not amused and glared at her until she handed them over. She was forcing her out of bed this early and Addie was most certainly grumpy about it. Meredith seemed to understand and murmured something about making this up to her before shooing her once again. Addison opened the bedroom door cautiously peaking outside to be sure that Stevens and O'Malley weren't lurking about and she made a break for the stairs and slipped out of the house and into her car hoping she hadn't been spotted.
It wasn't until later that morning when she was working with Dr. O'Malley that she realized she'd been caught.
"You saw me leaving this morning." He nodded in confirmation and Addison sighed. This was proving to be one hell of a day, she was exhausted from her late night extracurricular activities, she had thrown her anesthesiologist out for being drunk, postponing her surgery in the process and now O'Malley. She placed her hand against her temple.
"Don't you think it's wrong to be taking advantage of her like that," he responded lamely and Addison just rolled her eyes. She already felt the imbalance of power in their relationship at work and she worried about it enough without this intern adding to her stress.
"I know your type O'Malley, you're one of "those" guys," Addison responded startling the young intern. "You think of yourself as a "nice guy" but really you think you're entitled to sleep with women because you're "nice" to them. Newsflash you're not entitled to sex with Meredith and your little crush that's so obvious to everyone but Meredith, should be all you need, to know she's not interested. Now go and get the damn labs!" She growled before heading to grab a latte from the cafe around the corner. She hoped that a walk coupled with caffeine would improve her mood. She made it to the lobby when she spotted Meredith carrying two coffee cups.
"Hey," she smiled as she handed one of the cups to Addison, "vanilla latte with an extra shot."
"You're the best," she hummed.
"I heard you told George off," Meredith said before she could bring the lid to her lips.
"God word travels fast around here," she huffed.
"I'm not mad," Meredith clarified.
"Really? Because the way you threw me out this morning," her words hung heavily in the air between them.
"Alright I deserved that," Meredith mumbled. "I just didn't want them to think I was getting special treatment sleeping with the boss okay? It's not you it's just," Meredith ran her hand through her hair. "It's just with Ellis Grey being my mother and," Addison cut her off. She already had a chip on her shoulder and Addison knew talking about it made her uncomfortable especially since Ellis was sick.
"I understand Mer, really," she offered Meredith a weak smile.
"Come over tonight?" Meredith asked shocking the redhead. "I want you to feel at home at my house Addie." She smiled and nodded in agreement.
That evening they left work together and met at Meredith's house where they walked up the front walk hand in hand. She nodded at Meredith's roommates as they went upstairs and it wasn't long before Addison was dressed in a pair of charcoal gray sweatpants and Meredith's Dartmouth shirt. She practically face planted into the pillow and with Meredith's arms wrapped around her she was asleep instantly.
