True Heart
Jean was going to throw something. Punching and kicking just wasn't going to cut it, not in the mood she was in. She couldn't decide who was pissing her off more, Logan or Scott. The latter wanted her back desperately, that much was certain by the way he always attempted to be beside her, found excuses to be in the same room with her, to walk her to bed, but he just couldn't get it through his head that while Jean loved him, their relationship was not going any further than a tenuous friendship. The former pulled back from her. In Logan's defence, she'd shied away from him first. Something had to give or she was going to blow.
Forcibly she took a deep breath, telling herself to calm down as bottles and machinery shook around her. It would not be beneficial to have a flask of strong acid shatter all over the other chemicals.
"Jean?" She spun to face Hank and his worried look.
"Hi. Did I disturb you?"
"When your book starts shaking and threatening to rip itself apart you realize something is wrong," he responded wryly. "Is there something you'd like to talk about?"
"Just annoyed is all," she answered. "I've been dealing with a few personal issues that are starting to drive me crazy."
Hank smiled knowingly. "Relationship problems?"
Jean looked to the ceiling, tilting her head back in defeat. "Is it that obvious?"
"Only to those who have been paying attention," he assured her.
"So that means everybody," she groaned closing her eyes.
"I wish there was something I could do," Hank told her, voice brotherly.
Jean's smile was slightly sarcastic. "Trust me. You don't want to be involved."
"Probably not," he agreed amicably. "But the fact that you're frustrated enough to absently shake not only your lab but rooms down the hall frightens me for your safety as much as for the rest of the school's."
"I know and I'm sorry. I wish I could control it."
"You'll be able to," Hank promised her.
"It's a vicious circle," she complained. "I can't get angry because then Phoenix fights against me but this frustration means Phoenix is going to fight anyway and I can't get upset because then I can't control it."
Hank nodded sagely. "Have you spoken to the professor?"
"Why should I?" she snapped, her temper getting a hold of her. Then she deflated. "Sorry."
"Are you and the professor getting along, Jean?"
"Just fine. I'm sick of everyone suggesting that I talk to him," she explained.
"I sense a 'but'."
"But I have seriously considered asking Xavier to put some of the barriers back, just for safety."
"Not that I'm agreeing, but what stopped you?"
She couldn't stop her smile. "Logan."
"I'm sorry?"
"I have this theory that the Wolverine calms Phoenix because Phoenix doesn't fight as hard when Logan's around. He really is against me cutting the power again."
"Do you know why?"
Jean nodded. "And part of me agrees with him. If the professor was to put the barriers in, I'll never learn to harness the power and merge it with what I do have control of."
"Sounds logical," Hank agreed.
"It is. That's the problem. I don't want anyone to get hurt, but I certainly don't want to have to deal with it later because the barriers break again."
"Quite the conundrum," Hank observed.
Jean sighed. "That's not even the half of it."
Jean went to Logan that night, continuing the ritual of sleeping together… because of his calming influence of course. It had nothing to do with the way she felt so much more comfortable against him than alone in her bed or the way his scent and breathing lulled her to sleep. He was lying on his back, arms propped behind his head and she knew he'd smelled her down the hall.
"Hey," she said softly, tone intimate.
"Hey," he answered. Taking a deep breath and reminding herself about what she'd set out to do she made her way to his bed, folding her robe and placing it on the floor beside her side of the bed. Regardless of how much he respected her, she felt his eyes drop to her behind as she bent over, covered simply in a pair of panties.
"Couldn't sleep?" he asked, his voice slightly husky. She didn't answer. Instead, she climbed in, sitting beside him.
"This is getting stupid," she told him bluntly.
"What is?" He was genuinely confused.
"Us. If there is such a thing. It's always hot, cold, hot, cold… and without reason! Or, it's just a reason I can't understand." Now that she'd started she felt herself unable to stop. "I'm having a hard time trying to figure things out and figure out exactly what you want from me and how you want me to deal with certain situations and I hate the line we've inadvertently created…"
Her ranting tirade was interrupted by Logan, who'd rolled so he straddled her outstretched legs and sealed his mouth to hers. Instead of the Christmas kiss that spoke volumes of restrained desire, this one held his longing and pent up sexual frustration. It forced her to surrender to him and the tongue that probed the seam of her lips. His hands rested on the wall by her head, hers curling up around his neck and into his hair. He pulled away only for a second, to take in a deep breath before plundering her mouth again, only because she'd whimpered when he stopped and yanked his head back to hers. This time they slowed their kiss down until it ended naturally, both of them panting.
"Is this what we're going to be then?" she inquired, searching his face. He cupped her cheeks in his palms, his gentle touch contrasting with the intensity of him the moment before.
"You know it couldn't be, Jean. Not anymore."
"Then what happened?"
"You asked for time," he pointed out. "I was givin' it to you."
"By pulling away completely?"
"I didn't want things that I did to have an influence on your decision."
She leaned forward, kissing him quickly. "That sounds so messed up, I don't want to understand," she told him.
Logan grinned. "I'm assumin' you don't want more time," he said, his voice dropping, making her shiver.
Jean nodded. "But whatever we do, we're going to take it slow," she demanded. He nodded, pulling her forward and sealing his mouth to hers again. Jean couldn't hold in her whimpered groan as his tongue swept into her mouth. Eventually, when she couldn't breathe, she pulled away, accidentally whacking her head against the wall, baring her neck. He took advantage of the opportunity, nipping and licking up the side of her neck, making her gasp as he hit the juncture of her neck, jaw and ear.
"Logan," Jean warned. "Cut it out." Her tone wasn't convincing in the slightest. It didn't help that her body hitched and her throat choked out a pleasured moan as he lavished attention on her ear and the surrounding area.
"Logan," she tried again, fighting against her body's natural response. She finally grabbed a hold of his face, and pulled him to her face, slowing them down substantially with a long drugging kiss.
"Slow, remember?" she said softly. "And we still have a lot to talk about." She could feel the happiness and pleasure rolling off of him in waves, but also the distinct heat and arousal at seeing her, touching her and kissing her like he had always wanted to.
"It can wait," he told her, leaning in to kiss her again. She allowed it, but kept it slow and careful, feeling his frustration.
"So can what you're thinking," she responded, her eyes still closed. Before he could try and convince her otherwise, Jean let out a huge yawn. Immediately after, she blushed.
"Sorry."
"Bedtime?" Logan asked unnecessarily, already rolling of her to settle against the pillows.
"Yeah," she agreed, cuddling against his body.
"Good night Red," he whispered pressing a kiss to her hair.
"Night," she answered sleepily.
Logan was surprised the next morning to find Jean still curled up beside him and completely awake. It wasn't the fact that she'd stayed that surprised him, more that she was always an early riser, even on Saturdays. The proof that she was still there at 11am on said Saturday morning told of her conflicted thoughts.
Slowly he started rubbing his hand lazily up and down her back, simultaneously trying to calm her tense muscles and let her know he was awake. "Morning, Jeannie."
"Morning," she responded smoothly, her voice calm. Unfortunately for her, Logan knew better.
"You okay?" He'd never been one to beat around the bush, and he wasn't about to start. Jean slowly started drawing on his stomach, where her hand had been resting.
"Been thinking, is all," she answered softly.
"At 11am?"
"Consider yourself lucky I decided to sleep in today."
"You're avoiding something," he stated matter-of-factly after a few minutes.
Jean grimaced. "Is it that obvious?"
"To someone who's never seen you in bed past nine if you can help it," he answered. His hand on her back started taking a deliberate path that he knew would hit all the parts of her back to soothe and calm her.
Jean sighed. "So what if I am?"
"It won't help to avoid it. You know that."
"If you were avoiding a conversation with your ex-fiancée telling him you wanted him to leave you alone so you could try and see what would happen between you and his main rival you would be avoiding it too," she snapped.
"That's not my style," he pointed out gently.
She snorted. "You can't tell me you'd get violent."
"You have to do this, Jeannie."
"You're biased," she retorted petulantly.
He sighed. "Maybe so, but I know it's not goin' to help whatever is going on with us or help you get closure on your relationship with One-Eye."
"There's more to it than that," she insisted.
"Is there?"
She sighed. "Logan, you're not even sure what to call our change, if we're even going to call what we have a relationship," she said frankly. "How do you expect me to explain it to Scott."
"You're turning the conversation around," he accused. With an irritated snort, Jean flipped the covers off and pulled herself out of bed, away from Logan.
"Jean…"
"You don't ever want to talk about you, and at times, its sweet, but I'm sick and tired of you hiding from me," she stated, standing and putting on her robe. "I'm going to talk to Scott."
"Jean…"
"No!" she yelled then took a deep breath to calm herself. "When you're ready to tell me where we're going, what we're doing… come find me."
Jean, with assistance from her growing telepathy, found Scott easily, hunting through the kitchen cupboards for lunch. Since she hadn't eaten anything since lunch the day before – something her stomach was insistently remind her of – she figured it was a good enough place to start.
"Did you just get up?" Scott asked when he noticed her entrance. She blushed.
"Yeah."
He frowned. "Bad night?"
Jean's stomach turned a flip-flop at the blatant concern in his voice. "Something like that?"
"Logan?"
Her head snapped around to face him in shock and she let out a bark of laughter. "No, not Logan."
Scott looked defeated for a moment. "Oh."
With a gentle poke of her mind, she forced him to meet her eyes. "We need to talk, Scott," she said softly. This time he really did deflate, his shoulders sagging and his entire demeanour changing. Jean immediately felt guilty, but pushed it to the back of her mind.
"You don't love me anymore," he said succinctly. He'd felt their mental connection deteriorate since she'd come back but hadn't acknowledged it.
"Not like you want. I haven't been in love with you for a long time," she told him honestly. "But you knew that. I told you that." Silence settled over them for a moment before realization blossomed over Scott's face.
"You're in love with Logan." His voice held an interesting mixture of defeat and passionate anger, his fists clenching at his sides. There was no use in her denying it.
"Yes."
"Why?"
"He's been there for me, he trusts me," she said simply.
"He'll leave."
She sighed. "I know. I'll deal with it when it comes."
"You're making mistake," he warned.
She met his eyes, hers reflecting the grief, pain and relief at having the conversation. "Then so be it."
Jean stood at one of the floor to ceiling library windows a few nights later, looking at the car in the driveway of the mansion. It was 2am and everyone was supposed to be asleep, but she'd been startled awake by waves of agony, sadness and defeat. She took time to figure out the reason before getting out of bed, soothing Logan with her mind as she took off down the halls to the library, where she now stood.
And watched Scott pack duffle bag after duffle bag into the trunk of the car.
Her heart bled for him and his need to leave but she never moved to stop him. She'd found the note he'd left on the pillow in her room, twisting the folding paper now between her hands. It touched her that his heart and conscience had forced him to let her know he was leaving and why. She'd read it at least a hundred times already, a few of the phrases burned into her mind
I can't stay.
It hurts too much.
I'd be lying if I told you I wanted you to be happy with him.
I can't be around you, knowing you're not mine.
Watching him leave was purely for her own closure.
Finally, he climbed into the driver's side, closing the door and starting the car's engine. She watched him drive off without once looking back, and made no move, physically or mentally, to stop him.
Good luck, she thought, keeping the words to herself. Stay safe.
She had closure.
The entire school noticed the shift in dynamics since Scott's departure, not only in the team but in specific members as well. Even so, Jean was still annoyed with Logan's reluctance to share any feeling with her.
He'd wordlessly left on an extremely short trip – or so he'd promised – but left her a note and an other Care Bear, this one meaning almost more than any of the others.
Jeannie,
True Heart may be better suited to me than you since she's supposed to help share feelings, especially caring ones, so consider this a promise. I have to leave for a couple of days for Chuck, but I promise we'll talk when I get back.
Logan
Her heart rate sped up at the implication of his words and a smile blossomed over her face as she set the multi-coloured bear on the sill with the rest. Then a knock sounded on her door.
"Jean, Logan is on the phone for you," Hank told her, poking his head in.
"Thanks," Jean replied as she followed him down the hall to the closest phone.
"I've been doin' a lot o' thinkin' and I decided I couldn't wait," he spurted before she had a chance to speak.
"Okay…"
"I care about you, Jeannie."
"I know," she replied, affection in her voice. "I'm sorry for questioning that."
"It's hard for me."
"I know." And she did.
"I want a real relationship with you," he told her passionately.
She sighed blissfully. "Me too."
"Good." His voice oozed contentment and she found herself unable to repress a shiver.
"Be careful, okay?"
"Always, Red. I'll see you in a few days."
It wasn't until after she heard the click of the phone that she allowed herself to whisper to the empty hallways,
"I love you."
Hope you guys were happy with this. I'm gone again until Sunday, but I will try to have the next chapter written by then.
More importantly, I HAVE AN IDEA FOR A SEQUEL! Be happy, cuz I am! We'll see if it works out.
Tonnes of hugs and love to those of you who reviewed the previous chapter. You guys have been utterly fantastic with this. Thanks a million.
