My Sweet

Summary: As much as she had hated him in years' past, she loved him achingly now. But for the first time, he hated her. He hated her with every fiber of his being. And all because of a stupid decision. But that was the thing about love. It was easy to start, hard to end. Like war…

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.

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For once in her life, he hated her.

The loath and abhorrence that burned unfathomable in his hazel eyes never once hit her as coldly as it did that first day. The first day, she was sure of it now, had been the absolute worst. Even though she was particularly shaken up herself, he had been angry, uncontrollably incensed, unforgiving, and fuming. His entire body, especially his eyes, had trained themselves to ignore her. They said, "You're not wanted here." And for the moment, she knew she deserved it.

Even his best friends no longer talked to her anymore, or, if they did, like saying a quick hello in the corridor or the Great Hall, it was rushed, strained, and cold. Like a slap in the face. Every time she saw them, she felt about a million times worse, and she always had to swallow the bile in her throat when she thought of how this didn't just affect her and…him; it effected his friends as well.

And she almost missed them as much as she missed him. His friends, even though voluntarily bothersome at most times, could be saccharine and mature.

But she didn't care about them. Not now, anyway. His friends meant nothing to her if she couldn't be with him. She never thought she would ever find herself saying this, but she needed him back-- wanted him back so badly, she shook with the ache that was spreading through her, and all the time now, she needed refuge, and she needed it soon.

She hadn't cried since it happened. Not once. She only had been tacit, hadn't used her voice in what felt like forever, and her friends had slipped away too.

And didn't he think how unfair this was to her? If he would just talk to her, then maybe he'd understand. It wasn't as if she'd…

Oh, damn.

McGonagall was standing right behind her; she could feel those cold eyes burn into the back of her neck. She could feel their professor strain over, catching one or two of the words she had written on the paper:

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love--

"Miss Evans," McGonagall began, but was suddenly caught off guard by a shriek from behind-- one of Lily's old best friends had jumped out of her chair and ran behind McGonagall. It seemed that Sirius Black had turned his worm into a fifteen-foot snake, coiled in a heap on the desk. He was grinning his lop-sided smile, giving the professor an innocent look that only meant to mean that it had been a mere accident.

Yeah, right.

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Later, the seventh years were outdoors enjoying the sun and the clear skies, talking and laughing and fooling around.

But one girl, a certain girl with startling green eyes and thick, rich, auburn hair hung back, sitting beside the big rock, and laid her school things about her.

Across the field, she could see him-- James, the one who had given her so much hell in the last few weeks, the boy that had finally showed--

No.

She wouldn't go there.

She swallowed the tightness in her throat, and bent to fix a correction on her Ancient Runes paper, when she heard a scream, a gale of laughter, and felt the ground shudder slightly.

She looked up, and gasped: James, the complete dolt, had Severus Snape spinning around in the air, looking bored and faking a yawn while Peter, Remus, Sirius, and a bunch of other students laughed and cheered.

She didn't care if they weren't on speaking terms. She didn't care if he hated every ounce of her entire being. She didn't care if he never spoke to her again; the chances weren't good, even now, but there was no way that she would let him treat Severus like that; even though she and Snape weren't on speaking terms, she still felt sorry for him.

So she grabbed her wand and her bag, shoved everything inside, and stormed over there. She pushed her way through the crowd, and saw Snape still whirling through the air, looking green and dizzy.

"Stop!" she cried, shoving her way over to James, letting her bag slide off her shoulder.

He looked at her, clenched his fists, and turned to look at his mates, who had gotten up and stood behind him. They weren't too close, but just the way they had themselves lined up, it almost seemed as if they'd practice this about a million times. Her stomach turned over.

They don't trust me, she thought, her heart sinking and her throat tightening, they don't trust me alone with him-- or almost alone, anyway.

"You can back off," she said coldly, her wand trembling as she held it out in front of her, "I'm not going to do anything to him, and I don't want to."

They looked ambiguous, and almost taken aback. James looked at them, and nodded with his head for them to stay out of this. They sat underneath the tree, but their eyes never left her.

She disregarded them.

"Put him down! You can't treat him like that!" she said, placing a hand on her hip.

"Oh yeah?" he asked acidly, "watch me."

He made to say another jinx, but Lily beat him to it.

"Protego!" she cried, and a red jet of light hit James's blue ray, and sent it towards a tree. Splinters and bark flew from the tree trunk on impact.

"I suggest you leave," he said, his voice low. "It doesn't always do to meddle in another's business. I learned that the hard way."

His comment stung her worse than any thing she had gone through in the last six-and-a-half years of her time at Hogwarts. Didn't he realize that she was lamenting over her mistake as well? She wanted to say something back, but swallowed the words. Instead, she got back to the original topic of discussion.

"No," she said, standing her ground. "Not until you leave him alone and put him down! You think you're better than everyone else! He's done nothing to you!"

He merely looked amused all the while, and when she turned away, frustrated and put-down, she heard a yell, and an outburst of laughter.

She spun around.

Severus was lying on the ground, drizzles of vomit sliding out of his mouth, and James and his friends were laughing so hard they were rolling on the ground.

"You-- you… oh my-- how could you…" She didn't even know what to say. Instead, she ran to Severus, and took a hanky out of her pocket, and helped him sit up.

"I'm sorry about that," she whispered as she wiped off his mouth like a mother would do to a child.

He said nothing, just looked at James with such a hate that Lily had to look away.

"Severus…" she began, but he stood up, brushed himself off, and grabbed his things from the ground.

She looked away, sighing, and stood up, too.

"Look," she started, wanting to try a different approach, "I'm not contagious, or anything--"

"And yet," he said, his lip curling, "you have the Potter mark on you. Just because most people think I'm a slimy, greasy wart, doesn't mean I don't know who you associate yourself with."

He left.

She raised a shaking hand to her forehead.

Behind her, the students had broken up into their groups, and went back to their respectable places.

She caught one last look at James.

Oh, how she regretted everything she'd done! Why had she been so completely stupid?

She turned away again, and wiped a tear from her eye. She was tired and frustrated and angry at herself, and she wanted to go to bed, and hopefully her dreams would let her forget, at least this one night.

"Hey, Lily?" James called from behind her.

Hope sprouted in her chest. Were they going to let bygones be bygones?

"You forgot your books."

He shoved past her with his friends, and they left her standing there, alone, friendless, heartbroken, crying for herself. She knew that he had seen the hope in her eyes, and she almost didn't blame him for laughing at her.

But that, of course, she thought, bending down to pick up her things, was a big fat no.