A/N: This is mid-Eclipse through the end of Breaking Dawn from Edward's perspective. Thanks for reading!

These characters are not mine and all belong to Stephenie Meyer.


The Kitchen Counter (Eclipse)

Bella squared her shoulders and picked up the phone to dial. Though I couldn't read her thoughts, I was almost certain she was bracing herself for the tedium that would be Renee's update on Phil, Bella's recently injured step-father.

"Hey, mom, how -" Renee interrupted immediately, of course.

Bella frowned slightly as she listened. Occasionally, she got a word in.

I was fascinated and mesmerized by her beautiful animated features and savored the fact that I could devote myself fully to studying them in that moment. Around others I had to constantly remind myself to not stare at her too much. Boyfriend or not, it was conspicuous behavior to never acknowledge anyone else's existence at the lunch table. And in private, well, how could I stare at those beautiful, full lips and not do something about it. So I took advantage of that moment with her on the phone to obsess over every detail.

Though the kitchen light was yellow and dim, her dark hair shimmered red. It was completely distracting. I ran two fingers through the lock behind her ear. As I reached the end of the strands, I twisted them around so they were wrapped loosely around my fingers. Analyzing them, I took in the unearthly prisms they cast off that were probably invisible to the human eye. I fought back a smug smile, realizing that only I could fully appreciate this part of her beauty while none of her human admirers could.

She looked up at me then and, as I met her lovely gaze, I couldn't stop what felt like a huge dopey grin from taking over my face. But it must not have looked as silly as it felt because her heart stuttered and her eyes went wide as if I'd dazzled her.

"...but his niece Sarah sent the cutest get well card. You met her, right?" I heard Renee ask. "Bella? Didn't you meet her when we were still in Phoenix?"

"Oh, um," Bella's eyelashes fluttered. It was as if she hadn't heard Renee's question at all.

"Phil's niece, Sarah," I whispered quickly.

"Yeah, of course I did," Bella assured her. "She had purple hair right?"

"I think it's pink now, but yeah, I think you're right. It used to be purple."

That wasn't the last time I had to help her.

I was careful to hide it, but I was becoming impatient. Could I go one more minute without my lips on hers? I thought about kissing her neck, but stopped myself. Bella would be entirely consumed and it wasn't fair to steal that time away from her mother. Not when there was so little of it left.

I wondered if Bella had felt the same electricity buzzing between us because she became more assertive in her attempts to end the call.

"Mom, I'm really sorry but I need to study for my finals. I have no idea how I'm going to pass calculus."

Renee finally took pity on her, on us both, and let her hang up.

As soon as Bella placed the phone back in the receiver she whirled around and stretched up on her tiptoes to place a kiss on my lips. How long had I waited for that?

I put my hands around her waist and lifted her onto the kitchen counter to give her easier access. She met my enthusiasm, throwing her arms around my neck. As she crushed herself to me, I felt her soft breasts press into my chest. She wrapped her legs around me so securely I was sure she could feel me through my jeans. The heat of her there was overwhelming.

I pressed my lips eagerly to hers, fighting against tremors of pleasure at the feel of her lips molding to mine.

Though lost in her blazing allure, some quiet voice in the back of my head reminded me to not squeeze her hips too tight, or touch her face with more than the slightest pressure. It also reminded me that she probably needed to breathe by now, something she certainly wouldn't consider.

When I moved from her lips she gasped for the oxygen that was overdue. I attended to her neck, celebrating her thrumming pulse with my lips. As my lips moved across her throat, she moaned and her head fell back slightly in pleasure granting me better access. I embraced the fire that scorched my throat easily now. It was undeniable that that her scent caused me great pain, but the pain meant she was alive and near. So as excruciating as it was, even my aching throat became conflated with the pleasure of our intimacy.

I could tell she wanted to kiss me again, but I wanted to tease her a bit first. I trailed kisses along the side of her neck and up behind her ear. I exhaled before carefully running my tongue along her ear lobe.

She gasped sharply and I returned to her lips as if compelled.

The quiet voice was chattering again, telling me to keep my tongue to myself. A different, more insidious voice was growing louder. It pointed out the fact that our clothing was a little intrusive in this moment. It also pointed out that with just one sweep of my arm, the kitchen counter would be clear and, though not quite as long as I was tall, it would provide a sufficient place to play.

I resisted that impulse, for the moment, and instead gently placed my hand against her lower back and pressed her harder against me. Maybe I didn't need to clear the counter at all. This right here would work...

The quiet voice warned me that I was passing into dangerous territory, and really, it reasoned, the counter would be quite uncomfortable for Bella. No, argued the insidious voice, Bella wouldn't even notice. As if to drive home this point, I felt Bella's tongue press against my lips, recklessly seeking entry.

I pulled away, somehow, and Bella's face immediately slipped into an adorable, enticing pout. I laughed, imagining the insidious voice had somehow been hers all along. I felt her holding on to me with what was probably all of her strength. I'm not sure how I found the will power, the idea of separating myself from her arousing heat was painful, but I worked to gently extricate myself from her legs and then her arms. Rather than face her, I leaned against the counter next to her so she couldn't easily see the strain against my pants. I put one arm lightly around her shoulders casually, ready to restrain her if necessary.

"I know you think that I have some kind of perfect, unyielding self-control, but that's not actually the case," I confessed.

"I wish," she sighed. Her voice sounded so sad.

How badly I wanted to give in to make her happy, to soothe my longing. I sighed, too.

It was so frustrating to be what I was and not able to give her all of me. I felt a sharp pang of jealousy towards my rivals. Sure, I could see the prisms dancing off her hair, but Jacob Black, Newton, and all the others - they had humanity, or enough of it, to give her what she seemed to want most.

It wouldn't do any good to drown in despair right here in Charlie's kitchen, I thought. I changed the subject.

"After school tomorrow, I'm going hunting with Carlisle, Esme, and Rosalie. Just for a few hours - we'll stay close. Alice, Jasper, and Emmett should be able to keep you safe."

"Ugh, I hate being babysat." she grumbled.

"It's temporary," I promised.

"Jasper will be bored. Emmett will make fun of me."

I couldn't do much about Jasper, but I could bribe Emmett with a wrestling match. He was a simple man. "They'll be on their best behavior," I assured her.

"Right," she replied sarcastically. Her face, which had been glum suddenly lifted brightly before settling into something more cautious. I probably wouldn't like what she said next. I readied myself. "You know... I haven't been to La Push since the bonfire."

I focused entirely on keeping my face composed. "I'd be safe enough there," she added quickly.

I'd committed to being more reasonable and had not stood in her way when she'd wanted to go to that bonfire. In fact, I'd all but encouraged her to go, eager to execute my strategy. But the experience had been even more excruciating than I'd expected. I'd fought all my instincts leaving her their at the line where the dog, my rival, had gone out of his way to taunt and threaten me.

He was actively resentful that I could hear his thoughts. Rather than ignore me or attempt to regulate those thoughts, he launched them at me with violent hostility. He was the hero in the story, she the damsel in distress, and I the villain. Keeping her safe from Victoria was merely a sub-plot. He ached to be the one to end her so he could hold up her destruction as a victory to win Bella's affections.

But ultimately, I was the greatest threat, he believed, because I was intent on destroying his first love, the only woman he ever could love, he reasoned, as he was unable to see past her beautiful, bright brown eyes. I could relate.

As I'd done my own taunting, kissing her right there in front of him, he'd graphically imagined dismembering my body and watching it burn.

But none of that mattered. I'd committed to my long term strategy and would follow through even if that meant literally delivering my reason for existence into the arms of the second greatest threat to my happiness that had ever existed.

"You're probably right," I said, my voice betraying none of the inner storm.

I was so very much like Heathcliff. No I would not harm "a single hair of his head" so long as she... loved him? cared for him? I recalled more of Heathcliff's tantalizing words: "The moment her regard ceased, I would have torn his heart out, and drank his blood!"

Whatever Bella's feelings were, I knew they would never cease, even if she turned her back on him. Plus, didn't I owe him an insurmountable debt for keeping Bella alive when I did not?

It was agony to know I would never have the unparalleled pleasure of destroying him.

"I would have torn his heart out, and drank his blood!" I remembered again, savoring the line. Of course, I'd never do it... if she chose him, if he succeeded in stealing her way, I couldn't... but how I could imagine it. To embody his worst nightmares. To be the monster of their legends that raised the hair on his neck in my presence. To, despite his repugnant odor, drink his wretched blood. I wouldn't make it quick. I'd want him to know he was the beast who would quench my thirst.

"Are you thirsty already?" Bella asked stroking just beneath my right eye. Her finger tips were so pleasantly warm, but I could hardly appreciate them as startled as I was.

Had she somehow heard my thoughts? Felt the impression of them? Or noticed me swallow the venom which had pooled in my mouth.

"Not really," I finally answered.

She stared at me confused. I knew my tone was off. But her question... it still rattled me. I focused on answering her.

"We want to be as strong as possible," I said. "We'll probably hunt again on the way, looking for big game." Not giant wolves, I added mentally. It was silly, but it truly felt like she'd tapped into some supernatural frequency. Almost as if I was broadcasting my thoughts as her mother did, unbeknownst to her or the other humans around her.

"That makes you stronger?" She asked.

I was still trying to shake my irrational theory. I concentrated on her face, trying futilely to read her mind for the thousandth time as if this fictional frequency I had crafted from my personal paranoia would finally allow me access.

But it was all nonsense.

"Yes," I finally said. "Human blood makes us the strongest, though only fractionally. Jasper's been thinking about cheating - adverse as he is to the idea, he's nothing if not practical - but he knows what Carlisle will say."

"Would that help?" Bella asked. What a strange question.

"It doesn't matter. We aren't going to change who we are." No humans. And no wolves, I thought, as the grotesque yet appealing image of Jacob Black's drained form fought for my attention once again.

She frowned and then shuddered. It was eerie. Like she had again sensed my thoughts. I felt hideous.

I tried to focus on educating her to clear my dark thoughts.

"That's why they're so strong, of course. The newborns are full of human blood - their own blood, reacting to the change. It lingers in the tissues and strengthens them. Their bodies use it up slowly, like Jasper said, the strength starting to wane after about a year."

"How strong will I be?" She asked, her voice light.

I grinned, grateful for the distraction. "Stronger than I am." Strong enough for me to hold your hips and stroke your face without anxiety, I wanted to add.

"Stronger than Emmett?"

I felt my smile widen. "Yes. Do me a favor and challenge him to an arm-wrestling match. It would be a good experience for him," I said, remembering his cockiness on our hunting trip. We both laughed.

She sighed and slid down from the counter. As she did, a wave of sadness fell over me. It was as if her action slammed the door on the kitchen counter fantasy that I hadn't realized I'd still been considering. But the quieter voice had won as it always did.

The insidious voice grieved.


I wasn't sure how effective a tutor I was as I helped Bella study for calculus. Of course I knew the material well, but it seemed I was too big a distraction.

I was 10 seconds into answering her question about vector-valued functions when I noticed her heart was pounding just a little too hard for the subject matter, her eyes unfocused.

"...well, they resemble parametric equations and - " I sighed " - I didn't think graphing vector valued functions would make you so excitable." She had her elbow on the kitchen table, propping up her chin. I chuckled at the silly expression on her beautiful face.

Her heart seemed to accelerate at my laugh. "Um, sorry, what?"

"Bella, you need to focus. You're not hearing a word I'm saying," I said.

"I'm sorry, it's just," she paused, struggling to put words together, "you're too handsome."

I rolled my eyes, though my silent heart warmed at her words. "I'll try to work on that."

"Maybe," she started, her face growing mischievous, "we should take a break."

"You've barely just started working," I reminded her.

"Oh, yeah," she said, frowning.

"It won't hurt my feelings if you want me to remove myself as a distraction."

"No!" She exclaimed. "I want you to stay and I'm sure I'll need your help."

"I bet Alice would be willing to help," I offered.

"No, no, I'll behave," she grumbled.

And she did, for about 15 minutes.

"You've left me again," I told her when she continued to look at my face though I was pointing at her paper.

"I think I've earned a break now."

"I think you're right."

"Really?" She stood up with comical speed and immediately stumbled. I caught her and pulled her into my lap.

"Sure. I'll distract you all evening and all through the night," I purred.

Her heart was hammering as she stared at me in disbelief.

"What's the catch?" She demanded.

"The catch is you don't pass your calculus final and fail calculus, which means you don't have four years of high school level math, which means you don't graduate. And I may be mistaken, but I believe graduation was Carlisle's condition to change you." I couldn't help but smile at the fury on her face. "Also, I don't think they offer AP classes in the summer, which means it would be a whole year until you finally graduated. So... did you still want that break?"

She trudged back to her chair, but her focus improved drastically.

An hour in, I could tell she really did need a break.

"I should probably call Jacob," she said, watching my face carefully, "to make sure he's free tomorrow..."

"Of course," I said easily.

I played with hair again, hoping she would believe I found this call no more significant than I found her call with Renee.

After three rings, Jacob finally answered with a rude "What?"

"Hey, it's me," Bella said, frowning. "You okay?"

"I was sleeping," he grumbled.

"Oh, sorry I woke you."

"It's fine," he sighed.

"So," she said, seeming off-put by his tone - I was, "Can I visit tomorrow?"

"Oh," he said, sounding pleasantly surprised. "Definitely!"

"What time do you get home from school?"

"We're already out for summer."

"Perfect. I have - "

"Hey," he said, cutting her off as if suddenly deciding something, "come over as early as you can tomorrow, okay?"

What did that mean? What was he planning? As she wrapped up her call I grew more and more worried, imagining a thousand unpleasant scenarios.

"I'll take you to the line straight from school tomorrow," I let her know once she'd hung up.

"You don't have to do that. I'll just drive myself to school so you don't hold the others up."

"I won't be holding them up," I said quickly.

"Really, I'm happy to drive myself. Plus, it's not good for my truck to just sit there all the time."

"Please, Bella? For me? You know how much I'll miss you and this way I'll see you get there safe. Please?" I asked once more, staring deep into her eyes.

"Fine," she sighed in defeat.

I had several reasons for insisting I drive her. Most importantly, I wouldn't allow Victoria that opening. But that wasn't all. For one, I wanted as much time with her as possible before we had to be apart. My other reasons were strategic. I needed Jacob Black to see us together. He needed to remember that things were not the same as they had been in the Spring when, as I had seen in his and Charlie's memories, he felt free to grab her hand or hold her tight against his naked chest. She was taken now. She was mine.

Lastly, I needed access to his thoughts. Knowledge was power and I needed to know what he was thinking and planning. I especially hoped to make sense of his urgency on the phone for her to arrive as early as possible tomorrow.

From what I could decipher during our few meetings and piece together from Charlie and Newton's thoughts, Jacob had essentially been following a boiling frog strategy. He'd noted that anything too forward pushed Bella away, so he'd avoided labels and just slowly started acting like her boyfriend. Holding her hand, calling her honey, embracing her in much too intimate hugs.

As far as I could tell from his thoughts and Alice's conversation with him, Charlie had been almost certain Bella was secretly dating Jacob Black. Alice too had wondered. She'd remembered Bella's tired face brightening as she mentioned his name, their intense conversations, and Bella kissing his palm as she said goodbye to the obviously infatuated boy.

I'd wondered if Charlie and Alice weren't wrong. My curiosity had raged, my jealousy consumed, but I didn't know how to ask Bella about it. I didn't know if I wanted to. It seemed like the less she thought of Jacob Black the better.

However, when I encountered him in the woods outside her home, seeing him for the first time since he'd become a monster himself, I knew Charlie and Alice had been wrong, but just by a hair. Jacob Black knew and I knew then, it had been very, very close. A margin of no greater than 20 or 30 seconds when my phone call had disrupted their most intimate moment. A moment that would have surely been the payoff of his diligently executed strategy.

He hated me all the more for that.

Now we were both left to wonder, were Bella to truly understand her choice, who would she choose? I was the monster, ice-cold and rock-like. Jacob, though not fully human himself, was enough so. If she were to understand what she was missing, the ease and familiarity of being with another human, could she possibly still want to be with someone as alien as me?


A/N: Up next... Jacob's stolen kiss! I can't even tell you how excited I am for that one. I'm a total love triangle junkie if you couldn't already tell.

Also thanks so much to reviewer gambitrogue12 - your kind review seriously made my day :) and also motivated me to get this chapter up faster.