Reality VS Halo 4

When people get into a game, people really get into it. They can feel their environment, they can see depth, and they can taste the air and feel the pleasure of f-ing someone from behind. For them, this is reality, not Halo.

NETWORK CONNECTION ESTABLISHED… LOADING MAP BLOOD GULCH

Welcome Slowpoke

Panda Bear: Hey slowpokemon

Slowpoke: hey!

Panda Bear: Let's try to blast out of BG

Slowpoke: Kay

Panda Bear: No death cheat is on!

Slowpoke: Kay

BOOM!

Slowpoke: Dudzorz, I'm flying!

BOOM!

Panda Bear: So am I!

Meanwhile, on the other side of the ring…

The rumble of the scorpion main battle tank filled the canyon as the beast crawled towards its ultimate target of the control centre. Okay, at the rate the tank is going, I think it needs a closer target… say… that rock over there. The 'last Spartan' was in the pilot cage, manipulating this powerful machine, and complaining about its speed.

"Grumble… stupid slow tank… can't even… GRUNT!"

BOOM

"OMFG! I LOVE TANK!"

Okay, he's not complaining anymore. He's now babbling to the marines around him (sitting on tank treads and one in a ghost near by) about the greatness of the tank. The marines, however, are just ignoring the chief as usual and were talking about random occurrences in the environment, while casually shooting down random covenant that seemingly pops out of nowhere.

"Hey, Carroll, ever though of getting it on with moi?" Asked Dom randomly.

"DIE!" She cried as she pointed her assault rifle in Dom's general and fired. The armour piercing rounds ripped through a group of grunts and cut them down like a hot knife through butter. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"… nothing?"

Ironically, Dom couldn't have picked a better time to ask, and couldn't have picked a better response for the answer. On the other side of the tank, absolutely no flirting was going on, just pure battling.

"Elite! 3 o'clock!" Barney barked as a ghost piloted by Kyle ran it over.

"Dudz0r5!1!1! 1'm 337 y0!1!" Kyle screamed afterwards. How he managed to SAY the whole thing, leetspeak included, is a mystery to the modern world. Mr. X just sat there and shook his head.

"OMG! Kyle's leetness has reached a whole new level!" Barney exclaimed, "A level that's impossible for a marine! He must have become a leet marine! ME TOO! I WANT TO BECOME ONE TOO!

"l\l 0."

"Fine, I'll invent my own language… um… it's called leat! And… um… I'm ELITE YO!"

"l\l00BZ0r, j00 5UcK. j0 0\/\/l\l \/\/0rd5 p\/\/l\l j00."

(Noobzor, you suck. your own words pwned you)

Translation: "No, just… no. That's SAD,LAME, and WRONG all at the same time."

"What?"

"You just got pwned… twice!" said Mr. X with a chuckle.

"… EMO MODE!." Barney said silently as he took out his M6D pistol and pulled the trigger... … "Damn! Jammed! I guess I have to live this lonely life." he then bursted into tears. "WHAAAAAAAAA…"

Okay… not so much battling anymore. SCENE SWITCH!

Ef-you I-cant-see had travelled down the forerunner elevator to the lower level of the canyon. He exited the shaft and out the tunnel to witness the damage done to the twelfth regiment of the covenant army. Bodies lay twisted in strange positions, some were on fire, and some you can't find enough pieces to fill a small shopping bag. This race suffered a great defeat today. But wait! Some of them are still alive, begging for their comrades to put them out of their misery! But only one grunt was wandering the battlefield doing absolutely nothing. I-cant-see walked calmly to the grunt, who had been hiding for the entire battle. The grunt was obliviously in shock, and was holding a large container of sugar. "Rawr Rawr RAWRRR!" "What happened here?"

May I note that the grunt is also very hyper: "The demon and the marines and the BOOM and the pwnage and the slaughter and the TATATATATATATA and the AHHHH and the BLAH and the CUPCAKES!" The hyper-sugared grunt said while gesticulating.

"Rawr?" I-cant-see replied with an annoyed voice.

"What?"

"GUNTURRET, PSU PSU PSU Then demon goes BAM BAM, and I go BLAH, pretend to dead, but then BOOM! Purple tank go bye bye, Then PWNAGE! And B33R! B33R GOOD!"

"RAWR RAWR RAWR!" "I don't understand you!" The phoney gold elite replied, with a murderous hint in his voice.

The sugar high grunt took another sip of his sugar drink and continued. "DEMON! BOOM BOOM! PWNAGE! KILLINGNESS! T3H HORROR!"

Finally giving up on the grunt, I-cant-see examined the situation for himself. "Hmm… It seems like you were on a gun turret shooting down marines. But then the demon came and shot two bullets in your general direction. You fell off the gun turret pretending to be dead, while observing the battle. He then teamed up with the marines and badly pwnt your small fighting force. They even blew up our wraith tank. It was very horrible."

The grunt had finally calmed down and stared at him in disbelief. "The gold-elite-fake commander was the most awesome detective ever!" He thought. He wanted to join the elite in what every quest he was going to go on. "Me Join whatever you going to quest for!"

"Um… okay. Just don't be annoying… and don't talk about food nipples on mother ships. I've tried to drink from it once. The explosive diarrhea was NOT worth it."

"…"

Three maddening hours later…

"And that's why I don't have caffeine! Anyways, what anime do you like? I like this particular one called One Piece! It has pirates! PIRATES! Argh! Haha! It also has this one person that is stretchy! I forgot his name! I think it was Mr. Stretchy or something! He stretches SOO FAR! He is my idol! I tried stretching like that once! It Hurt! They also took away my one-piece collection including DVDs of the whole thing! I don't know why they did that, something about the sanity of the whole crew! But…"

"STOP! STOP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! YOU HAVE BEEN TALKING FOR THREE FRIGGEN HOURS! HOW YOUR VOLCAL CORDS ARE STILL FUNCTIONING IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST UNEXPLAINED PHENOMENS OF THE MODERN WORLD! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP!"

"… So I've heard of another anime called Pokemon. I heard, to the humans, they treat it as a god! I bet I could be a Pokemon if I wanted to, I could have been called Gruntymon! But no! That stupid Nintendo thought I wasn't cute enough…" the grunt then pulled off his methane gas mask and showed the elite his lamprey-like jaw, "Do you think I'm cute?"

"AHHHHH!" Ef-you I-cant-see pulled out one of his many commandeered plasma pistols and placed it in his mouth…… "Damn, out of batteries, NOOOOOO"

TO BE CONTINUED…

Will Ef-you I-cant-see die in peace?

Will The Master Chief and the marines EVER get to the control room on the slow, but powerful tank?

And what the heck happened to I-am-mee?

Find out on the next and final episode of Reality VS Halo!

Author's Notes: Just Kidding! The next one isn't the final episode of RVH. It's just a test to see if you actually read the author's notes. I've been looking at my hits and I'm sad. NO ONE READS! But lots of ppl review: ) I'm sorry that this chapter is so short, but we're getting there aren't we? Hehehe, I used the f-ing joke again! That one never gets old.