A/N: This is mid-Eclipse through the end of Breaking Dawn from Edward's perspective. Thanks for reading!
These characters are not mine and all belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Bracelet (Eclipse)
I carried Bella in my arms as I ran back to Forks. As I suspected she would, she passed out almost immediately.
It had been a very long night. For her. For me.
While I finally had my mind free to myself, I wasn't at peace. I kept running through the events of the clearing again and again. It was Bella's reaction to Jacob. To the wolf. I wanted to convince myself that it was insignificant. She disregarded him in his human form, so what did it matter how well she'd taken to him in his wolf form?
Well, it did matter because I was a very jealous creature. Though it was wrong to do so, I held up their encounter beside one of the most significant moments of my life - the moment when my life finally began.
A perfect meadow on a sunny day. An angel, my Bella, beside me surrounded by wild flowers. It was the day I'd learned I was strong enough. Strong enough not to kill her. Strong enough to be with her.
Even more overwhelming was her quick acceptance and her fascination. She marveled at my skin in the sun. She thought I was beautiful.
And just as had passed an hour ago, the beautiful, fearless girl stretched out a hand with trembling fingers to stroke the monster's face.
The moment had been so perfect, so implausible. Her acceptance and admiration were crushing. The scene was wholly unique.
Until now. Now, there was a parallel story.
But it wasn't just the jealousy. I was also afraid. Afraid of the strange connection. The pull.
I'd been startled by it before, in its weaker form. The first time I saw them together after my return it was there. Undeniably strong. My suspicions over what had passed in my absence hadn't prepared me for it.
Seeing it strengthen in his monster form... hearing Quil's recognition of it...
No, he hadn't imprinted on her. That was clear. Then what was this? This thing that was so mystical in nature. Could it be something completely other from their legends? Could it be that Bella had some type of innate magic of her own that attracted us monsters to her?
Maybe. But the pull between Bella and Jacob wasn't the same as what drew her and I together. It was as if it existed on its own frequency. A weaker, parallel current.
More than ever before I wished to know her thoughts. Would her mind unlock the mystery?
I tucked her into bed, removing her coat and her shoes.
I stared at her lovely face. How badly I wanted her to be only mine. I wanted her to choose me and reject him and any other suitor there ever was and ever would be.
How badly I wanted the gold ring, safely in its box in my pocket, on her delicate finger.
Would she ever consider it?
After Saturday when the stress of the newborns had passed, would the continued threat of Victoria be enough to delay her? Or would she choose to move into this afterlife with Carlisle's assistance?
While I knew it was rotten for her - the worst thing that could befall her beautiful soul, of course I wanted forever with her. It was a forbidden desire. The one that would give me centuries with her. An existence where our bodies were compatible and all but eternal.
She shouldn't want that future. I shouldn't. The cost was too high. The cost was her soul.
But if that path was the only path Bella would consider - the only path Alice could see... Well, I was greedy enough that I wanted it done my way.
I wanted Bella to be married to me first. And I wanted it to be my venom that poisoned her.
When a human descends into this strange afterlife, when she becomes... a vampire, her essence at that time becomes permanent. Her greatest loves and desires become fixed and only intensify.
Selfishly, I wanted me and our bond to be forever etched into Bella in this way. I wanted it to be a part of her as she passed into her new life. The bond between Jasper and Alice, Esme and Carlisle, Rosalie and Emmett... these were some of the greatest ties I knew and they had pledged themselves to one another after transformation.
Had there ever been a human who had pledged herself to her immortal mate before? Would it mean something even more?
I wanted marriage. The spiritual bond... if it was possible I had a spirit.
And the venom. The physical bond -
My phone buzzed.
- I cleared the house out for you Thursday night
I frowned in confusion at Alice's text. The plan had been to hunt Thursday night so we'd be at our strongest for the fight.
- So you can hold Bella hostage...
Ah.
- You'll hunt earlier in the day. I don't see her wanting to visit the dog
Got it, I replied
- Tonight was rough
- But I have a good feeling about Thursday
I sighed. If Alice was intervening she was worried.
I wished, as I had a thousand times, for the escape of sleep. A break from my theories and anxieties. However, sleep seemed to offer Bella little comfort as night turned into day. She was restless, stirring and talking.
I retreated to the rocking chair, allowing space for her frequent tossing and turning.
"But Jasper... yes, I'll go..."
Jasper was the star of her dreams tonight. I silently cursed him each time his name rolled off her lips. It was apparent she liked his plan.
"Knock it off, Jake."
She griped at Jake a fair amount, too.
"Like the third wife..."
I didn't know what to make of this one, but heard it several times.
It was noon when she suddenly sat up, eyes open but unfocused.
"I will be there, Edward." She declared.
"What are you...?"
Before I could finish my question she flopped back onto her side. Not thirty seconds later she was lightly snoring.
It was a couple more hours before her eyes opened again. She yawned and stretched, her hands appearing to search the space in front of her.
"Edward?" She mumbled.
I knelt beside her bed and placed my hand on hers. She grabbed it eagerly, squeezing it. I'd missed her warmth.
"Are you really awake this time?"
"Mmm. Have there been a lot of false alarms?" She asked sleepily.
"You've been restless - talking all day."
"All day?" She blinked as she studied the window. She looked as though she felt guilty.
"You had a long night," I reassured her. "You'd earned a day in bed."
She sat up too quickly, swaying slightly as if lightheaded. "Wow."
I wrapped my arm around her to steady her.
"Hungry? Do you want breakfast in bed?" I'd memorized a couple recipes and was eager to try them out on her. But of course, Bella wouldn't be taken care of.
"I'll get it," she groaned as she stretched again. "I need to get up and move around."
She seemed particularly clumsy as she stumbled towards the door, still wearing the same jeans and long sleeve shirt from the night before.
I darted to her side, nervous about her trying out the stairs alone, and insisted on holding her hand.
She caught sight of her reflection in the toaster as she dropped her sugary breakfast into it.
"Ugh, I'm a mess."
"It was a long night." The longest night. "You should have stayed here and slept."
She had dark circles under her eyes, her hair was wild, her clothes wrinkled, and she still smelled like that wretched dog. Despite all that, her beauty was untarnished. I fought the urge to tell her that, hoping she might take the physical manifestations of her long night seriously and stay behind tonight.
"Right! And missed everything. You know, you need to start accepting the fact that I'm part of the family now."
I couldn't help but smile. "I could probably get used to that idea."
The ring felt like it was burning a hole in my pocket as I saw the opening to plead my case. I could disguise it as teasing. Let her know what exactly would help me accept this fact.
Bella sat down with her plate. I was still strategizing as I took the seat right beside her but, as she lifted her pastry, an unexpected glint of silver distracted me. With the motion of her arm, her sleeve pulled away from her wrist.
I'd never seen Bella wear jewelry before. So I understood the significance that her wrist was now adorned with a bracelet, binding her to one charm. A red-brown wolf, intricately carved out of wood.
I couldn't stop staring at it, though I felt her eyes on me now.
She was wearing his bracelet.
When - ? I remembered his eyes on her concealed wrist last night when she'd mentioned my graduation present. I remembered too how her wrist was always adorned in his fantasies, though with a different bracelet, and how that persistent detail seemed to bear some importance I was unfamiliar with.
"May I?" I asked, extending my hand.
"Um, sure." She swallowed noisily.
I balanced the charm in my hand, examining the impressive detail. I imagined he'd carved it himself - I knew from a memory of Billy's he had passed the skill onto his son - and how that fact would please Bella.
She'd said yes to Jacob Black - accepted his gift. An intimate gift. Something she'd see every minute of every day.
I held very still, carefully controlling my face. I could not act on the rage that filled me now. Rage over her yes. Rage that he had left a tangible symbol of his claim on her body. I could not reduce the wolf to dust. Not the charm or the man.
I pulled back my hand allowing the charm to swing freely from her wrist. I had to focus. It would do no good to drown in sorrow - there was plenty of time for that later.
"Jacob Black can give you presents," I stated simply, leaving my bait. I was borrowing from the dog's playbook.
Just as it always worked for him, it worked for me now. The guilt was obvious on her face as she mulled my words, surely considering the fit she'd thrown over presents on her last birthday.
"You've given me presents," she argued. "You know I like the homemade kind."
I pursed my lips as I considered that. The most precious object I owned was my mother's ring. It had come to mean more to me since I'd fallen in love with Bella. But it wasn't something she was prepared to accept. Nor was it something I wanted to give her to one-up Jacob Black.
However, there was one of the most valuable objects I owned. Second only to my Vanquish.
"How about hand-me-downs? Are those acceptable?"
"What do you mean?" She asked suspiciously.
"This bracelet." I traced my finger around her wrist, appreciating the the slight acceleration of her heart which told me the goose bumps I left behind were from pleasure rather than chill. "You'll be wearing this a lot?"
Her eyes were a bit wide as she paused, making me wonder if she was scared to say the wrong thing. Finally, she shrugged.
"Because you wouldn't want to hurt his feelings," I said, giving her the words she was too scared to say.
"Sure, I guess so," she said warily.
"Don't you think it's fair, then," I said, attempting to make my tone seductive, "if I have a little representation?" I looked down at her hand and turned it palm up before running my finger along the veins in her wrist.
"Representation?" She asked, breathlessly.
"A charm - something to keep me on your mind."
"You're in every thought I have. I don't need reminders," she said, a small smile on her pink lips.
But I couldn't let myself get distracted.
"If I gave you something, would you wear it?" I pressed.
"A hand-me-down?" She asked, her eyebrows raised.
"Yes," I said. A heart cut, F colored, internally flawless, 5.01 carat hand-me-down diamond worth, Alice claimed, in excess of $200,000. But I would keep it light. "Something I've had for a while."
I tried to soften her further, smiling in a way that always seemed to make her heat stutter. Was I really going to get away with this? I hadn't even been allowed to buy her lunch at the school cafeteria.
She seemed relieved. "Whatever makes you happy."
Her tone soured my victory. She would accept my gift as a chore. Yes, I'd guilted her into it. But I wouldn't have had to if she could be remotely reasonable.
"Have you noticed the inequality?" I accused. She blinked in surprise at my sudden change in tone. "Because I certainly have."
"What inequality?" She asked, wary again.
I stared at her unhappily. Could she really not see it? "Everyone else is able to get away with giving you things. Everyone but me. I would have loved to get you a graduation present, but I didn't. I knew it would have upset you more than if anyone else did. That's utterly unfair. How do you explain yourself?"
To my great surprise she shrugged, completely unflustered. "Easy. You're more important than everyone else. And you've given me you. That's already more than I deserve, and anything else you give me just throws us more out of balance."
You're more important than everyone else. For a brief second, I allowed myself to bask in the joy her words inspired. It was a sweet relief after marinating so long in my jealousy and insecurities.
I could see what a reactive wreck I'd been. So as I considered her next words …anything else you give me just throws us more out of balance... I resisted the train of thought that wanted to take me down a long list of reasons why Jacob Black was more compatible with her, more human. How the life he offered her would be more balanced...
No, that's not what she was trying to say. How many times had I overlooked her needs in recent weeks to wallow over my insecurities? She was being vulnerable and here I was trying to make it about myself.
I rolled my eyes. "The way you regard me is ludicrous."
She chewed her breakfast calmly, appearing unfazed by my words.
I felt my phone buzz.
"What is it, Alice?" I asked, anxiously.
"Well, first of all I just got back from my jeweler in Seattle." I could hear the giddiness in her voice. "I put in a rush order and he's resetting your mom's diamond into a bezel pendant. Yellow gold to match the ring. The prongs on the original were thin and I was worried - "
I sighed.
"Anyway, I saw you'd need it and you would have asked me for help if I hadn't offered so don't act all put out."
She was right. I would thank her later.
"You're welcome" she chirped. "The other reason I called is to warn you. The day of the fight, I keep seeing Bella wandering off into the woods alone..."
I sighed.
"She never makes it to the clearing and I don't see anything happening to her, but things will be changing quickly that day. That coupled with how distracted I'll be and the blind spots from being around the wolves... I don't like it. There's just too much uncertainty."
I sighed yet again.
"I sort of guessed as much," I said staring into Bella's eyes, making my disapproval known. "She was talking in her sleep."
I watched as Bella's cheeks flushed pink.
"You should know, she's pretty resolved. I already tried calling her out on it last night and it didn't seem to make a difference. The army's down to nineteen now. You might try telling her that."
"I'll take care of it," I replied. I glared at Bella as I snapped my phone closed. "Is there something you'd like to talk to me about?"
She pursed her lips as she thought. I grew impatient as the seconds passed.
"I like Jasper's idea," she finally said.
I groaned. It was really too bad Jasper didn't have a Porsche I could ram into a tree.
"I want to help. I have to do something," she insisted. If I hadn't been so terrified that something would happen to her in her misguided attempt to help, I would have been impressed with her bravery.
"It wouldn't help to have you in danger." My voice was calm, but firm.
"Jasper thinks it would. This is his area of expertise."
If it wasn't Jacob it was Jasper. Why could she no longer trust that I knew what was best for her? Only I understood what it was like to lose her. That knowledge factored into my every calculation and decision.
When I said nothing, she went on. "You can't keep me away. I'm not going to hide out in the forest while you all take risks for me."
I had to fight a smile now. Bella was beautiful, bright, and good, but her sense of direction... that was another matter.
"Alice doesn't see you in the clearing, Bella. She sees you stumbling around lost in the woods. You won't be able to find us; you'll just make it more time consuming for me to find you afterward."
After a brief flash of indignation, she carefully arranged her features into a neutral expression.
"That's because Alice didn't factor in Seth Clearwater," she said politely. "If she had, of course, she wouldn't have been able to see anything at all. But it sounds like Seth wants to be there as much as I do. It shouldn't be too hard to persuade him to show me the way."
Hadn't she wanted, more than anything, for Jacob and I to co-exist? We had done just that, despite great discomfort on both sides, to craft a an airtight strategy to keep her safe. Could she not at least honor our mutual sacrifice by trying to keep herself safe? By trusting our collective judgement?
The anger had come on swiftly, momentarily disrupting my poker face. I took a deep, calming breath. I was making this about myself again. She was worried about my family - our family - and her friends. She was brave and wanted to face this head on just as we all did.
And she'd given away her clever plan.
"That might have worked... if you hadn't told me. Now I'll just ask Sam to give Seth certain orders. Much as he might want to, Seth won't be able to ignore that kind of injunction."
I could see smugness creeping into her smile. "But why would Sam give those orders? If I tell him how it would help for me to be there? I'll bet Sam would rather do me a favor than you."
I felt wary for a moment remembering Sam's hatred for me. But I suddenly saw a path forward. It wasn't completely above board and I did feel a little guilty about that. The dog's rigid stance on honesty had, I was sorry to admit, started creeping into my own sense of ethics.
"Maybe you're right. But I'm sure Jacob would be only too eager to give those same orders."
She frowned. "Jacob?"
So he had some secrets of his own, did he? "Jacob is second in command. Did he never tell you that?" She looked genuinely surprised by this revelation, which was perfect. Her ignorance would make what I said next, my bluff, easy to swallow. "His orders have to be followed, too."
As far as my observations had revealed, only the alpha could issue an injunction. I wondered what he'd make of my lie. I wasn't just lying - I was lying about him. On the other hand, I knew the idea of Bella in the clearing terrified him. Maybe he'd let just this one pass if he found out.
Bella's face crumpled in defeat. If my lie kept her safe, it was worth it.
Since I was already ethically compromised for the afternoon, and since I was eager to turn her mind away from whatever scheme she would dream up next, I decided to play a little offense.
"I got a fascinating look into the pack's mind last night. It was better than a soap opera. I had no idea how complex the dynamic is with such a large pack. The pull of the individual against the plural psyche... Absolutely fascinating."
She glared at me - not appreciating my attempt to distract her, I guessed.
"Jacob's been keeping a lot of secrets," I said with a grin.
I wasn't fighting fair - just as I had promised. Jacob had kept these secrets because Sam had mandated he do so. He'd had no choice. But I wasn't about to tell Bella that.
She simply glared at me, so I continued. "For instance, did you note the smaller gray wolf there last night?"
She nodded one stiff nod.
I chuckled. "They take all of their legends so seriously. It turns out there are things that none of their stories prepared them for."
She sighed. "Okay, I'll bite. What are you talking about?"
I felt my smile grow infinitesimally bigger as I successfully lured her in. She was engrossed as I told her about Leah joining the pack. She looked a little betrayed Jacob hadn't shared this with her and my conscience got the better of me. "Like I said before, when Sam gets an order, the pack simply isn't able to ignore it. Jacob was very careful to think of other things when he was near me."
In fact, this appeared to be - at least in part - why he'd weaponized his thoughts about Bella. It was easy for him to lean into that subject, which kept the pack secrets safely unattended to.
I took great care to describe the depth of Sam's feelings for Emily. I didn't want her to underestimate the imprint compulsion. Jacob wanted her to make an informed decision, didn't he?
I got a little carried away, revealing that Embry's parentage was in question as was the fidelity of one of the wolves' fathers.
"The pack mind is mesmerizing," I said. "All thinking together and then separately and at the same time. There's so much to read!"
She laughed, probably amused by my unmasked fervor.
"The pack is fascinating," Bella said. "Almost as fascinating as you are when you're trying to distract me."
I waited, preparing myself for what I knew I wouldn't want to hear.
"I have to be in that clearing, Edward."
"No," I said resolutely. No. it was absolutely intolerable. It was agony to imagine. Nineteen ravenous young vampires intent on killing her. Seven more vampires and a dozen wolves fully embodying the most deadly aspects of their nature. And Bella. No.
Her face suddenly changed. She looked conflicted, troubled. She curled in on herself slightly and her arms seemed to unconsciously wrap around her torso as if she thought she might be ill. Whatever she was thinking made me worry for her.
I waited anxiously as the seconds past. I sensed some gravity to her internal struggle and started to wonder if I wouldn't hear from Alice first. What was Bella planning now? The seconds stretched on.
I was about to beg, demand Bella end her painful silence, when I noticed her inhale deliberately.
Her eyes were on the table when she spoke. "Okay, look, Edward," she whispered. "Here's the thing... I've already gone crazy once. I know what my limits are. And I can't stand if you leave me again."
I inhaled in surprise as the pain rippled through me. That wasn't something we talked about. Not that it wasn't well within her right to. It was all I deserved to be daily raked over the coals by her.
But the memories were painful for us both. And she was much too generous to administer the punishment I deserved.
I could hear what it cost her now to bring it up, the pain clear in her voice. I could see the shame obvious on her face.
I closed the small distance between us, pulling her against me. I stroked her face, her arms. I absolutely hated myself for causing her this pain. I absolutely hated that there was no way I could ever atone for my sins.
"You know it's not like that, Bella." My voice pleading, desperate to free her from her anguish. "I won't be far, and it will be over quickly."
"I can't stand it," she insisted, still staring down. "Not knowing whether or not you'll come back. How do I live through that, no matter how quickly it's over?"
I sighed. How could I possibly make her understand? "It's going to be easy, Bella. There's no reason for your fears."
"None at all?"
"None." I wished she would look at me, but she still refused. I couldn't understand why.
"And everybody will be fine?"
"Everyone," I promised.
"So there's no way at all I need to be in the clearing?" She asked. Would she finally be won over? Would Alice's troubling visions of her wandering alone in the forest evaporate?
"Of course not. Alice just told me they're down to nineteen. We'll be able to handle it easily."
"That's right - you said it was so easy that someone could sit out. Did you really mean that?"
"Yes," I said. I felt relief, certain her question indicated she was finally hearing me. Finally trusting that this would all work out.
"So easy that you could sit out?"
I was grateful she was still looking down, certain my surprise was evident on my face. I could understand now the reason for her long silence earlier, the reason for the guilt evident on her face and her preoccupation with staring at the table to avoid my scrutiny. I could see the careful thread she had woven to bring us to this moment.
My face was controlled when she finally looked up at me, though I didn't speak. I wasn't sure what to say. I wanted, more than almost anything else, to destroy the evil that came for her.
The justice system had claimed Orlando Calderas Wallace, Bella's would be rapist and murderer. My brothers had had the privilege of killing James. The wolves killed Laurent. It was too dangerous to kill Jane. I wasn't allowed to kill Jacob Black when he'd wished her dead. And now the newborns... that would be taken from me, too?
Core to my nature, to a vampire's nature, was vengeance. Because of who I was, a Cullen, and because of who I loved, so often vengeance had evaded me. But finally, with the newborns, it was the right thing to do. I'd be in the right place at the right time to soothe this deepest ache.
Her brown eyes watched me carefully as she took a deep breath. "So it's one way or the other. Either there is more danger than you want me to know about, in which case it would be right for me to be there, to do what I can to help. Or... it's going to be so easy that they'll get by without you. Which way is it?"
Her black and white interpretation was flawed. But to clarify and help her see...
I couldn't sit here and explain to her that I wanted to feel the resistance in my muscles as I dismantled her vile predators, pulling arms and legs from torsos. I couldn't explain the sadistic joy I would feel hearing their agonized screams just before I ripped their heads from their necks. I couldn't tell her how I would revel at the sight of flames licking at the cells of their mutilated corpses as they simmered into nothingness.
To make her understand... it would reveal the worst parts of me to the good, gentle creature she was. It would repulse her.
But could I accept leaving this task to my family, the wolves, to Jacob Black? He would be her victorious protector, yet again.
"You ask me to let them fight without my help?" I asked quietly.
"Yes," she said evenly. "Or let me be there. Either way, so long as we're together."
I took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. I held her face in my hands, forcing her to meet my gaze so I could read her face. The guilt was the most obvious. I didn't want her to feel guilty. She was trying to keep me safe. She loved me and cared about me. She cared about us - she wanted us to be together.
The faintest memory came to me and I saw my mother's face. It was more clear than it should have been because I'd enhanced my human memory with other memories borrowed from Carlisle. We sat at the dining room table, just her and I, and she bowed her head in prayer. I couldn't remember her exact words, but I knew, just as she did at every meal and before she fell asleep every night, she prayed that the war would end so I could not run off to fight the minute I turned 18 as I dreamed of doing.
She had known nothing else would stop me. My desire to fight was stronger now, but it wasn't the center of my universe any longer.
I'd never considered before the similarities between my mother and Bella, but now it seemed obvious. My mother had compromised her own hopes of recovery, Carlisle had told me, trying to nurse me back to health. Bella, too, had risked her life to save me and was prepared to do so again. Giving Bella my mother's diamond heart suddenly seemed more profound. How similar their hearts were. Both were brave and loved sacrificially to a fault.
Still looking at Bella's face, I could see that. Her resolve. If I didn't stay with her she would go off on her own and that terrified me.
Last and worst of all, I could see Bella's pain. A reminder of what I'd done to her. The worst mistake I'd ever made.
No, I could never atone for my sins. But I could try.
It was true that my family and the wolves would be enough - more than enough - to destroy the army. I didn't even worry for Esme, the weakest of us all. The price would be only mine and I owed it to Bella to pay it.
Leaving one hand on her face, I reached for my phone.
"Hey," Alice answered glumly. She already knew.
"Alice," I sighed. "Could you come babysit Bella for a bit?" I raised my eyebrow daring Bella to object to the word. I would do as she asked, but it didn't mean it was reasonable. "I need to speak with Jasper."
"Already on my way," she said.
I put my phone away and focused on Bella's face again. I would need to hold this image, her beautiful face distorted in this way, at the forefront of my mind once I was away from her so I wouldn't be tempted to change my mind. Emmett's certain glee would be almost unbearable.
"What are you going to say to Jasper?" She whispered.
"I'm going to discuss me... sitting out."
"I'm sorry," she said, looking as if she might cry.
"Don't apologize," I said, forcing a smile. "Never be afraid to tell me how you feel, Bella. If this is what you need..." I shrugged. "You are my first priority."
"I didn't mean it that way - like you have to choose me over your family," she said, her eyes suddenly wide.
"I know that," I quickly reassured her. "Besides, that's not what you asked. You gave me two alternatives that you could live with, and I chose the one that I could live with. That's how compromise is supposed to work."
She leaned her forehead against my chest.
"Thank you," she whispered earnestly. Though I was still immensely disappointed, the peace she exuded was all I needed.
"Anytime," I answered, kissing her hair. "Anything."
I held her for a long time. She was everything and I needed nothing else, even when my violent instincts tried to tell me otherwise.
There was relief in the compromise for me as well. I had no doubt now she'd be safe. Surely she'd sleep better tonight. No more dreams about Jasper...
"Who's the third wife?" I asked, abruptly ending our silence.
"Huh?" She asked, her voice a little too high.
I could hear Alice approaching now. "You were mumbling something about 'the third wife' last night. The rest made a little sense, but you lost me there."
"Oh. Um, yeah. That was just one of the stories that I heard at the bonfire the other night." She shrugged. "I guess it stuck with me."
I pulled away to see her face, the uncomfortable edge in her voice igniting my curiosity.
Alice strode through the doorway then. "You're going to miss all the fun," she grumbled.
"Hello, Alice," I greeted her.
My curiosity would have to wait. I put one finger under Bella's chin and tilted her face up to kiss her goodbye.
"I'll be back later tonight," I promised. "I'll go work this out with the others, rearrange things."
"Okay," Bella said.
"There's not much to arrange," Alice said. "I already told them. Emmett is pleased."
I sighed. "Of course he is."
I'll take care of an alibi for Charlie so you and Bella are set for Thursday night, Alice thought as I left.
Jasper wasn't concerned about my lack of participation. Esme thought it was sweet. Emmett was smug. Just as Alice had said, there wasn't much to rearrange. I changed clothes and was back to Forks barely an hour later.
I retrieved the Volvo from where I'd hidden it the night before and parked in front of Bella's house.
Charlie was in a better mood than usual with Alice there. He even wished me a good trip, believing Alice's lie that I'd be away hiking while Bella was at my house for a slumber party.
I excused myself earlier than usual, claiming my family was leaving first thing in the morning. Alice took the driver's seat and stopped when we were out of view of the house.
"How are you?" She asked.
"In a better place than last night," I said. It was true. I felt like I'd gained some perspective today. "I think sometimes I overthink things."
"I think so, too," She teased. But she showed me what I wanted to see. Look, everything is certain still. Her future's crystal clear.
Her mind briefly flitted to something else, another vision, but she quickly moved away from it.
"You'll be late for Bella if you don't leave soon."
"What was that?" All I'd caught the briefest glimpse of Bella's face. She looked grumpy about something.
"Nuh-uh. Go." She said, her mind now busy translating French poetry into Mandarin.
"Is something wrong?" I asked. "What are you keeping from me?"
"It's not wrong. Just trust me. Go!"
I glared at her for a couple seconds, but did as she said. I'd bug her about it tomorrow if she didn't slip tonight.
I laid across Bella's bed, considering the possibilities. Not wrong, Alice had said But then why was Bella unhappy? And why was it important that I not know? The setting of the vision wasn't clear, but her face had been lit by artificial light. She'd worn a long-sleeve white shirt with small grey buttons down the front, so I knew it wasn't tonight because Bella was wearing a plaid shirt when I'd returned.
I looked up when she walked in to see if perhaps she'd changed again, but no, I was disappointed to see she was still wearing the same plaid shirt. Alice's secrecy made me anxious for the moment to arrive.
"What time are we meeting with the wolves?" Bella murmured as she laid down beside me.
"In an hour."
"That's good. Jake and his friends need to get some sleep."
"They don't need as much as you do," I pointed out. She looked annoyed. She was allowed to worry about everyone else, but heaven forbid someone worry about her.
"Did Alice tell you that she's kidnapping me again?" Her eyes were accusatory.
I grinned. "Actually, she's not."
I laughed quietly at her confusion, enjoying the build up.
"I'm the only one who has permission to hold you hostage, remember? Alice is going hunting with the rest of them." I sighed, allowing myself to mope a little. "I guess I don't need to do that now."
Bella's eyes were huge, her eyebrows raised.
"You're kidnapping me?" She asked, incredulous.
I nodded.
She frowned, seeming to think deeply about something - what was it?
Her silence made me anxious. Had I crossed a line? I supposed it was improper, a man and a woman spending the night alone together outside of marriage. But, though Charlie was nearby, we'd essentially disregarded that notion long ago and every night since. Besides, sharing a bed didn't quite have the same implications for Bella and I given the unfortunate limitations of our physical relationship.
"Is that all right?" I asked, eager to end the suspense.
"Well... sure, except for one thing." Hadn't she said I could take her hostage anytime I wanted? I supposed that could have easily been a joke... But still, Bella wasn't exactly a prude with early 20th century morals.
"What thing?" I asked anxiously.
She smiled slightly and I couldn't imagine why. "Why didn't Alice tell Charlie you were leaving tonight?" she asked.
I laughed, relieved. For once, her face was clear of stress. She looked excited.
As was I. Thursday night could not come fast enough.
The clearing was bright tonight, illuminated by the moon.
The tension of last night was largely absent with only three wolves in attendance. Jasper and Emmett were roughhousing while Alice and Rose watched, amused.
Carlisle and Esme were a few yards away, their fingers intertwined and their heads close together. They spoke so quietly I wouldn't have been able to make out their words if I couldn't hear their thoughts. Carlisle was telling her about his shift while she listened with rapt interest. They'd missed each other.
All these decades later, they were still madly in love. I'd envied the ease of that love countless times. There had never been any complications.
Complications like a giant dog and his heart, which was suddenly pounding out of his chest because he'd caught sight of -
Bella. His thoughts were otherwise wordless for a moment, just joyful and relieved. As we walked up, he celebrated her pink cheeks and her beating heart, clear marks of her humanity.
When he looked for her bracelet, hidden by her jacket as it was last night, he noted my hand in hers and his happy little bubble burst.
Bella wondered why there were only three wolves and I pointed out that one was plenty for the job. "Sam didn't trust us enough to just send Jacob, though Jacob was willing. Quill and Embry are his usual..." Sidekicks? Jacob suggested, successfully provoking his friends with the degrading term. "I guess you could call them his wingmen."
"Jacob trusts you," Bella said. The realization seemed to please her.
Jacob snorted, hearing the same thing. You'd think I asked the bloodsuckers out for ice cream or something.
I nodded, fighting a smile. "He trusts us not to try to kill him," I clarified. "That's about it though."
"Are you participating tonight?" She asked, hesitant as if she might hurt my feelings.
"I'll help Jasper when he needs it," I said, trying to sound nonchalant. "He wants to try some unequal groupings, teach them how to deal with multiple attackers."
Jacob was watching Bella closely, noting the panic spread across her face. Then he looked to me. What's up with her?
I shrugged dismissively and he went back to watching her. Some of the wolves not in attendance and reliant on his witness grumbled at his preoccupation.
Seriously? I'm missing sleep to fawn over the leech lover? Leah sneered. I didn't particularly like her.
Neither did Jacob, but he seemed to be pretty good at ignoring her.
Suddenly Bella's eyes met his. He smiled at her just as he had the night before. She tried to smile back, but no one was convinced.
Jacob sprang lightly to his feet and trotted over to us. His remote audience, after a few choice words, decided to ignore him best they could and focus on Quil and Emrby's thoughts. I hoped Sam might order him to remain in place, but I wasn't so lucky.
"Jacob," I greeted him.
Bloodsucker, he replied with mock politeness, never looking at me.
He lowered his head down to Bella's level, cocking it to one side. A low whimper escaped his muzzle. You okay? He wondered.
I opened my mouth to translate, but somehow Bella had read his thoughts just as easily.
"I'm fine," she answered. Yeah, sure you're fine. That's why you're biting your lip off. As if she'd heard his objection, she added, "Just worried, you know."
That's really stupid. What is there to be worried about?
I waited a beat for her to respond and was relieved when she didn't.
"He wants to know why," I murmured.
Jacob let out a benign growl of annoyance. What, do you charge by the word or something? I found myself fighting a smile again. I didn't want to find Jacob Black funny.
"What?" Bella asked, defensive.
"He thinks my translations leave something to be desired. What he actually thought was, 'That's really stupid. What is there to be worried about?' I edited, because I thought it was rude."
Sorry, teacher. Want me to scratch 'I won't be an ass' into the dirt ten times?
Fortunately, no one was looking at me.
Bella, was smiling a little herself, though at my words rather than his unspoken ones... I hoped. "There's plenty to be worried about. Like a bunch of really stupid wolves getting themselves hurt."
Jacob answered with a barking laugh.
The stress was mostly gone from her face. Her heart beat at a comfortable, steady rhythm.
Edward, Jasper called. I'm ready for you.
I sighed. "Jasper wants help. You'll be okay without a translator?"
"I'll manage," she said easily.
I stared at her wistfully, wishing as always to know her mind. To understand her easy acceptance of monsters and her strange link with the wolf. To know whether she loved him.
Knowing she loved Jacob Black would be excruciating, but wouldn't it be far more bearable than the present? The endless uncertainty.
I didn't want to walk away from them now, certain the pull would close the gap between them as soon as I did. But, though I wouldn't give up fighting for her, I had to accept that this was Bella's decision. I'd surrendered what little control I had over my destiny when I left her in that forest all those months ago.
It was becoming clear that this was Bella's knot. That's what Alice and I had called my decision back when my and Bella's paths had first crossed and Alice's visions saw inevitably it would come to a point where I would either kill Bella or be with her. The decision rested on my shoulders and had lasting implications for myself and Bella both, as well as those who loved us.
The same would be true for her soon enough and all Jacob Black and I could do until then was wait for her to realize she even carried this burden in the first place. Once she understood, her decision would come swiftly. She wouldn't want to prolong either man's suffering.
I turned my back decidedly and strode over to Jasper, accepting what I could not change.
I tried my best to channel my energy and concentration into the training, but it wasn't in my nature to stay in the dark, so I did keep tabs on them. They were touching, just as I suspected they would be. Jacob enjoyed the sensation of her weight where she sat against his broad shoulder. Bella was... petting him again. He responded with purrs of pleasure.
Just as they had last night, they somehow managed to keep up a conversation.
I chanced one glance in their direction and was taken aback. The scene was so much different with distance. For a moment I could consider it apart from my violent jealousy and fears.
I felt like I was looking upon a fairy tale. Bella looked younger, almost childlike and Jacob somehow docile. A girl and her giant feathery beast bathed in silver moonlight. Her head rested on him now as her eyes followed the thin wispy clouds moving quickly across the sky, their breaths keeping perfect time. She was surely warm and comfortable there, a small smile on her lips.
I had fretted over what I'd taken from Bella - and what I'd yet to take - a million times. But for the first time, I felt the slightest pang of guilt over the future I had stolen from Jacob Black.
In a world where the Cullen's didn't exist, Jacob Black would have just been boy from La Push and Bella just a girl from Phoenix. They would have inevitably fallen in love and drifted into a happy, uncomplicated future. It would have been easy, like Carlisle and Esme.
But the Cullen's did exist. And so I would keep fighting.
A/N: I really enjoyed this one. Please let me know what you think!
Next up... COMPROMISE!
