A/N: This is mid-Eclipse through the end of Breaking Dawn from Edward's perspective. Thanks for reading!
These characters are not mine and all belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Alice (Eclipse)
Bella fought off sleep longer than usual, excited by this new, less careful way I kissed her. It excited me as well. But eventually my beautiful fiancée fell asleep, her blanket wrapped form resting snugly in my arms.
Fiancée. I really liked that.
Isabella Marie Cullen. Mrs. Cullen.
Would she want to keep her maiden name? I frowned. She was a modern woman after all. Would she consider hyphenation?
Isabella Marie Swan-Cullen. Mrs. Swan-Cullen.
Could I still get away with calling her Mrs. Cullen?
I would respect her preference whatever it was, I decided. Besides, I was being silly. What did it matter? Once she was changed, we would leave the human world behind us. She would be considered a Cullen simply because she was in Carlisle's Coven. And when she did interact with the human world, she'd use a hundred different aliases.
But still, I thought longingly... Isabella Marie Cullen. My wife, Bella Cullen... I was smiling to myself as I played with her name.
She snuggled closer to me in her sleep and a lock of hair fell across her face. Careful not to wake her, I brushed it back behind her ear. Her heart accelerated for a moment before settling back into its gentle rhythm.
"Edward..." she murmured in her sleep. "I love you, Edward."
"I love you, Bella," I whispered back. "My beautiful fiancée."
After a couple hours she grew restless and I scooted to the others side of the large bed.
It was at this point, away from her warmth, that the panic finally set in.
Reckless. Foolish. Stupid. Short-sighted. Selfish. Dangerous.
Was I insane? I replayed the night trying to understand how exactly I'd come to accept Bella's terms.
I'd been compelled by her argument about human experiences. And she'd begged. That had been excruciating. Then there'd been my little test. Pushing the limits to see if I could hold on to rational thought. I had. For the most part.
But what was a prolonged kiss, mostly clothed, next to sex? Would I have stayed rational if I had undone the buttons of her shirt. If I had undone her jeans. Bella in white lace undergarments. Could I have handled that?
What about when I unclasped her bra? Her warm soft breasts pressed into my hard chest.
I shuddered so violently I was scared she'd wake, but she just rolled to her other side.
That's what I thought, a smug voice said in my head.
And what about slipping her panties from her hips? My fists were clenched, fighting another reaction, as I pushed forward in this terrifying, yet titilating fantasy.
Would I still be rational when she took off my shirt and undid my jeans? I imagined her seeing me. Feeling me. And feeling her. In that way.
I swallowed loudly.
Then I'd kiss her. Bare skin on bare skin. I'd pull her down on the bed. Hover over her.
And then?
I shook my head. No, I couldn't do this. Too dangerous. Too wrong. So wrong. Because she'd be so soft. And so warm.
So warm as I slid inside of her.
I exhaled. My abdominal muscles were tight.
No, I needed to stop. I needed to stop thinking about the heat and the pressure and the friction. Moving in and out to the rhythm of her heart.
My breathing was heavy as I considered the sensation and the swirl of her heavenly scent. How could I hold on to sanity enough to measure out each touch and each thrust?
And as I went over the edge? How could there be any control in that? A vile part of myself wanted to wake her up to find out right now. She'd be more than willing.
Was there an equivalent of a cold shower for my kind?
I knew exactly how I'd come to accept Bella's terms. Because I wanted to know this delicate human the same way she wanted to know me. Just as we were. Right now.
I pinched the bridge of my nose.
This was so wrong.
Was being a vampire not enough? Did I need to be an incubus, too?
I knew they were out there, though I wasn't aware I'd ever met one. If I had, if I'd heard it in his thoughts, I would have hated him.
This was different, though, wasn't it? I wasn't seducing some random human to pleasure myself before the feast. So the term didn't really apply...
Did that make it right? No. Did that make it safe?
No, I hadn't met an incubus. But I had met a succubus. Three, actually.
My Denali cousins survived on animal blood as well. They'd come to this way of life because of their preference for human men. It had hurt them to kill their lovers. Their hundreds and hundreds of lovers. So now they lived.
I remembered the last time I'd seen Tanya. She was frustrated that I rejected her, the one no she'd received among a sea of yes's from men both cold and warm. She'd recalled her most recent exploits and though I'd tried to tune it out, I'd caught more than I wanted. Enough to know that her human lovers appeared to walk away happy, alive, and unmaimed.
So it was possible.
I sighed. My situation couldn't exactly be equated. For one, my cousins had had a lot of opportunities to perfect their control. I could only guess there were a handful of botched attempts before they perfected their methods.
The other big difference... I imagined female anatomy better lent itself to this sort of interspecies mingling. But what did I know?
I'd need to have a very uncomfortable conversation with Carlisle. He would tell me what I already knew, wouldn't he? That this was a horrible idea?
And then there was Alice. I wouldn't ask her because it wouldn't be gentlemanly to do so - it seemed awfully ironic to consider myself gentlemanly given the things my mind lingered on tonight - but she would certainly warn me if she saw my stupidity leading to Bella's death or injury.
It seemed she'd known what was coming tonight, Bella's demand, and it didn't appear to trouble her... was that the assurance I needed?
So maybe...
But it would take so much restraint - could I even please Bella that way? On top of that, to her, my skin was so unyielding. And the cold! She'd be shivering the whole time.
What was she thinking? What was I thinking?
Bella was expecting sex with me to be the pinnacle of her physical human experience. Meeting this lofty expectation had me almost as panicked as her safety.
I suddenly recalled a conversation we'd had in this very bed about this very topic.
"For the hundredth time, Bella - it's too dangerous."
"I like danger," she'd insisted.
A masochist and an incubus. I shook my head. We certainly brought out the best in each other.
Bella rolled over so that she was facing me again.
"It'll be fine..." she muttered in her sleep. I fought back a laugh, wondering if she wasn't debating a dream manifestation of myself making the same arguments.
"Vegas... in sweatpants..." Ah. She was working through her own demons.
Sweatpants. I smiled. Alice was going to be livid.
But that didn't matter. Bella had said yes. That's what mattered.
Right?
I recalled Bella gathering her things for her shower before bed. She was about to walk out the door.
"Oh," she'd said, with put-on surprise. "I shouldn't wear this in the shower, I guess."
I watched as she pulled the ring off.
"Why don't you keep it safe for me?" She dropped the ring into my open hand.
"Of course," I'd promised.
When she left, I slipped it onto the tip of my finger until her warmth faded completely from the metal. Then I set it back into its box and left it open on the bedside table where she could easily find it.
She didn't put it back on later, but I guessed a lot of women didn't sleep in jewelry. Maybe in the morning...
Bella sighed in her sleep. "I love you, Edward," she muttered.
I felt the powerful joy come back to me all over again. The victory, the triumph, the rightness, the irrational confidence in my ability to fulfill Bella's demand.
It was another long night as I oscillated between elation and despair.
The sun was bright outside when Bella finally woke, disturbed by a particularly powerful gust of wind. I was feeling optimistic at the moment, but also nervous her perspective might have shifted with sleep.
"Good morning," I whispered.
She smiled. "Hey."
I took her left hand and kissed her ring finger.
Her expression grew serious.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing," she said quickly. "Just nervous about tomorrow..."
"You don't need to worry, Bella. Everything will be fine."
I smiled reassuringly.
In truth, I felt uneasy, but not over the newborns.
Last night, her yes, it all felt too good to be true. Especially with all of her hesitations about marriage. Especially with the heaping pile of insecurities I had built up through the night about my ability to truly satisfy her even if I could meet her demand - would she come to realize that?
My anxieties weren't helped by the fact that she did not retrieve her ring from the night stand after she dressed. But maybe I was reading too much into that. Fine jewelry and camping didn't exactly mix. And I imagined she'd want to break the news to Jacob more compassionately than I would.
My family returned around noon, just as I'd put up the last dish from Bella's lunch. I heard Alice, still a couple miles out, first. She sounded more like Rosalie today, weaving my name into a string of profanities.
When they arrived, the rest of my family greeted us briefly before attending to their respective preparatory chores.
Alice was not covert in her displeasure.
"I think" - she made a face as she used the word -"that you're going to want to pack for cold weather, Edward. I can't see where you are exactly, because you're taking off with that dog this afternoon. But the storm that's coming seems particularly bad in that general area."
I nodded.
"It's going to snow on the mountains," she warned me. Not in Vegas though. No, it'll be nice and warm for your big day.
"Ew, snow," Bella muttered to herself.
"Wear a jacket," Alice snapped at her. It'll go nicely with your sweatpants. I smiled causing her to round on me again. You see this? Do you see this? She showed me a vision that didn't surprise me in the least after Bella's sleep talking last night. A drive through chapel in Vegas. Bella wearing her favorite tattered sweatpants. They're not even new sweatpants. I smiled wider. It really was funny. Both Alice and our wedding plans.
Alice marched off dramatically and Bella looked up at me with questioning eyes. I pretended not to notice. I didn't want to explain this one.
We were in the garage packing camping gear when Alice made another appearance.
Edward, please. Be reasonable.
I ignored her.
You're not even going to look at me?
No, I definitely wouldn't do that.
You put this godawful idea in her head. Now you get it out. A drive through chapel in Vegas? Did you think you were joking or were you seriously suggesting that? It doesn't matter. You should have known better.
She switched tactics. I would plan you the most beautiful wedding. And Edward, the dress - you love the dress, she said in her strange present-future tense. I could sense her effort to keep it concealed from me and I was intrigued, but I had my priorities straight for once and didn't bite.
She went on like this, pleading and scolding.
When I was done packing, I handed Bella my phone. "Why don't you call Jacob and tell him we'll be ready for him in an hour or so. He knows where to meet us."
I monitored Bella's conversation with Billy - Jacob wasn't home, but he'd get ahold of him - in the periphery, but Alice was getting desperate and I couldn't ignore her any longer.
I'll just talk to Bella then. She'll give me what I want.
I frowned at her. I was trying very hard not to scare Bella off. Alice wasn't helping that.
You could be a little more grateful.
My eyes narrowed.
If it weren't for me, last night would have just been another boring night at Charlie's.
And this, she remembered a vision. "A perfect fit." It was me holding out Bella's hand, the emotion much more obvious in my eyes than I had realized. A perfect fit - yes because Alice got it sized the day after we got back from Italy.
I smiled for a second at her reference to herself in the third person.
Oh and, by the way, I know you considered getting all hissy with me about the shirt. Well, let me tell you, things would have gone a whole lot differently if she'd gone for your pants first.
I hadn't considered that. She noted the subtle widening of my eyes.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
I sighed and shook my head.
Edward, please - her tone shifting dramatically again - just let me talk to her. I know I can convince her and you'll be so happy. She shared a glimpse of the house, decorated with thousands of white flowers. She'll like it, too.
I just frowned at her.
"Billy said to tell you 'good luck,'" Bella said, walking to my side.
"That was very generous of him," I said, breaking away from Alice. I considered snatching Bella up and running away, but Alice saw that and made a snap decision.
"Bella, could I please speak to you alone?" Alice asked swiftly.
"You're about to make my life harder than it needs to be, Alice," I warned her through my teeth. "I'd really rather you didn't."
"This isn't about you, Edward," Alice shot back.
I laughed. No, I was irrelevant as the groom, apparently, but it wasn't about Bella either. Only Alice.
"It's not," Alice insisted. "This is a female thing."
I frowned.
"Let her talk to me," Bella insisted, her eyes curious.
Ha! Alice thought.
"You asked for it," I muttered.
You're going to thank me for this later. Alice was smug as I strode out of the garage.
I didn't go far. I paced just outside the garage, ready to intervene if Alice took this too far or Bella started to fall apart.
Alice was playing a part now. She didn't look at Bella as she walked past her to curl up in a ball on the hood of her Porsche. Bella followed her, leaning against the bumper beside her.
"Bella?" Alice asked in a somber voice. She shifted over, curling into Bella's side. I couldn't believe how thick she was laying it on and how easily Bella ate it up.
Bella wrapped her fragile arms protectively around Alice's small, but lethal form.
"What's wrong, Alice?" Her voice was close to despair over her manipulative best friend... one of them.
"Don't you love me?" Alice asked. A low growl escaped me.
Shush. She thought, easily able to hear me through the garage wall.
"Of course I do," Bella said quickly. "You know that."
"Then why do I see you sneaking off to Vegas to get married without inviting me?"
"Oh," Bella muttered. Alice felt the heat of her blush and noted Bella's guilty expression. "You know how I hate to make a big deal out of things."
Alice glared at her.
"It was Edward's idea, anyway," Bella said in a rush. I laughed at the ease with which she threw me under the bus when she was usually one to take blame upon herself. Alice was truly terrifying.
"I don't care whose idea it was. How could you do this to me? I expect that kind of thing from Edward, but not from you. I love you like you were my own sister."
"To me, Alice, you are my sister." I smiled a little. I liked Bella declaring my family as hers. Even if said family member was completely undeserving at the moment.
"Words!" Alice growled.
Alice saw a new future. It was still Vegas, but the drive through chapel was gone. We were at a more traditional looking church and Bella wore a dress. It was casual, but it was white. Alice and Jasper were in the background. I could only guess that in this future, Alice had pushed for these small improvements.
"Fine, you can come," Bella said. "There won't be much to see."
Alice was grimacing. This new future wasn't much better than the previous one in her mind.
"What?" Bella demanded.
"How much do you love me, Bella?"
"For the love of God, Alice," I muttered. She ignored me.
"Why?" Bella asked, suspicious.
Though I couldn't see it, I knew exactly the expression Alice wore on her face as she begged. She had used it - the pleading eyes, the slanting up eyebrows, the trembling lips - on all of us with varying degrees of success. I knew without a doubt it would annihilate Bella.
"Please, please, please," Alice whispered. "Please, Bella, please - if you really love me... Please let me do your wedding."
"Aw, Alice!" Bella groaned, pulling away and standing up. "No! Don't do this to me."
If I wasn't so entirely anxious about this being a deal breaker for Bella, I would have been able to appreciate that she was getting a taste of her own medicine.
"If you really, truly love me, Bella."
Bella folded her arms across her chest. "That is so unfair. And Edward kind of already used that one on me."
Had I? I considered the accusation seriously.
"I'll bet Edward would like it better if you did this traditionally, though he'd never tell you that. And Esme - think what it would mean to her!"
Did Alice not understand there would be no wedding at all if she didn't stop this?
Bella groaned. "I'd rather face the newborns alone." I cringed.
"I'll owe you for a decade."
"You'd owe me for a century!"
Alice could see the new future she was spinning - it was getting clearer by the second.
"Is that a yes?" Alice enthused.
"No! I don't want to do this!" Bella exclaimed. Rationally, I knew she was referring specifically to the over-the-top affair Alice had brewing, but the words still stung.
"You won't have to do anything but walk a few yards and then repeat after the minister," Alice assured her.
"Ugh! Ugh, ugh!"
"Please?" Alice started bouncing in place. "Please, please, please, please, please?"
The future was all but solid.
"I'll never, never ever forgive you for this, Alice."
Would she forgive me? I was feeling horrible. I had coerced her. Not in the same way as Alice. In a way that was worse.
"Yay!" Alice squealed, clapping her hands together.
"That's not a yes!" Bella clarified.
"But it will be," Alice sang.
"Edward!" Bella yelled, stalking out of the garage. "I know you're listening. Get over here." Alice was right behind her, still clapping.
As I came up behind her, Alice caught sight of my worried expression.
Ugh, you are so dramatic. Everything is going to be perfect now!
"Thanks so much, Alice," I said.
Bella turned abruptly at the sound of my voice. She looked upset, but it must have been more at Alice because she threw her arms around me and hid her face against my chest.
"Vegas," I promised in her ear as I held her against me.
"Not a chance," Alice gloated. "Bella would never do that to me. You know, Edward, as a brother you are sometimes a disappointment."
I glared at her over Bella's head.
"Don't be mean," Bella said, defending me. "He's trying to make me happy, unlike you."
That made me feel a little better.
"I'm trying to make you happy, too, Bella. It's just that I know better what will make you happy... in the long run. You'll thank me for this. Maybe not for fifty years, but definitely some day."
Bella pulled away from me but I kept my left arm protectively wrapped around her waist - as if I could actually protect her from my sister.
"I never thought I'd see the day where I'd be willing to take a bet against you, Alice, but it has arrived," Bella said.
Alice laughed. "So, are you going to show me the ring?"
Bella grimaced in horror as Alice grabbed her left hand and then dropped it just as quickly.
Edward...? "Huh. I saw him put it on you... Did I miss something?" She concentrated with a furrowed brow and, agitated as I was at her causing Bella discomfort, I was eager for the confirmation too.
I saw myself in a tux and then Bella - No, he doesn't get to see that! Alice thought to herself before I could make anything out.
"No," Alice said, pleased with the clarity of her vision. "Wedding's still on."
"Bella has issues with jewelry," I explained, not liking the panic Alice could see in Bella's eyes.
Alice's thoughts were disappointed. Though she'd seen the ring plenty of times, she wanted the whole picture. She'd wanted to see us married even longer than I had.
"What's one more diamond?" Alice asked. I saw the heart pendant in her mind. "Well, I guess the ring has lots of diamonds, but my point is that he's already got one on -"
"Enough, Alice!" I cut her off, glaring pointedly. I couldn't bear the thought of Bella wearing that bracelet without my charm. Or the thought of her giving the charm back.
I heard Bella's heart jump. Well, I'd actually scared her for once. Alice, on the other hand, was unfazed.
"We're in a hurry," I added more calmly.
Really Bella? Alice thought, her tone patronizing. Edward, does she really have no idea? That thing's worth more than Charlie's house!
"I don't understand," Bella said suspiciously. "What's that about diamonds?"
Alice considered my expression for half a second.
"We'll talk about it later. Edward is right - you'd better get going. You've got to set a trap and make camp before the storm comes."
Alice frowned. She tried to see around Jacob again but with little success. The best she could make out was was swirls of snow. I don't know, Edward. I just have this feeling. "Don't forget your coat, Bella. It seems... unseasonably cold."
"I've already got it," I assured her. But her vision-less premonition had me nervous. I knew better than to underestimate her.
"Have a nice night," Alice said as we parted.
It was twice as far to the clearing as usual; I took a long detour, making sure Bella's scent would be nowhere near the trail Jacob would hide later. I carried Bella in my arms, a bulky backpack full of camping gear on my back.
When we reached the far edge of the clearing I set Bella down. I pointed her North and walked parallel to her while she left the false trail. There was only a twenty yard gap between us, but I disliked the necessary distance, especially knowing I would have to be apart from her soon.
"Am I doing this right?" She called.
"Perfectly."
"Will this help?" She asked. I watched, unhappy, as she pulled out a few strands of hair.
"Yes, that does make the trail stronger. But you don't need to pull your hair out, Bella. It will be fine."
"I've got a few extras I can spare," she said. I didn't argue, knowing it would be futile.
We walked quietly for a couple minutes, stopping here and there for her to wedge the strands of her hair into roots and branches.
I was still feeling anxious about Bella's surrender to Alice. I knew marriage hadn't been high on Bella's list of priorities at eighteen years old, but surely she'd imagined how it might look someday at an age she deemed more appropriate. Even if what she envisioned was a casual trip to Vegas.
"You don't need to let Alice have her way, you know," I said.
"Don't worry about it, Edward. I'm not going to leave you at the altar, regardless."
"That's not what I'm worried about." Well, I had been a little worried about that before Alice checked this afternoon, but that's not what I was getting at. "I want this to be what you want it to be."
Bella bit her lip and kept her eyes straight ahead. The silence stretched uncomfortably and I grew anxious. I wanted to know what she was thinking, but feared I already knew.
"Well, even if she does get her way, we can keep it small. Just us. Emmett can get a clerical license off the Internet."
Bella giggled and it warmed me, helping dispel my fears. "That does sound better."
"See," I said with a smile. "There's always a compromise."
We continued at our slow pace to the point Alice was certain the newborns would intersect Bella's trail. I helped Bella stay on the same path on the way back.
We weren't far from the clearing when she stumbled. Fortunately she caught herself before her head bashed into the tree.
My throat was suddenly on fire. More so than usual.
"Ouch! Oh, fabulous," she muttered.
"Are you alright?" I asked.
"I'm fine. Stay where you are. I'm bleeding. It will stop in a minute."
I ignored her, immediately moving to her side. She'd cut her hand on the branch that stopped her fall.
"I've got a first aid kit," I said, retrieving it from the backpack. "I had a feeling I might need it." I glared at her playfully.
"It's not bad... I can take care of it - you don't have to make yourself uncomfortable."
"I'm not uncomfortable," I said calmly. "Here - let me clean it."
She breathed only through her mouth as she very intentionally avoided looking at her hand. I was amused that her blood seemed to affect her much more than it affected me.
"Wait a second, I just got another idea," she said excitedly, walking forward again.
I frowned. "What are you doing?"
"Jasper will love this," she muttered to herself. I watched as she pressed her open wound onto leaves, branches, and any other bacteria infested thing in her path. "I'll bet this really gets them going."
I sighed. I would personally remove one of Jasper's limbs if her hand ended up getting infected. The blood, the hair, it was completely unnecessary.
"Hold your breath," Bella instructed me, misunderstanding my sigh.
"I'm fine. I just think you're going overboard."
"This is all I get to do. I want to do a good job."
I held back another sigh. If this was what made her happy...
"Well, you have," I assured her. "The newborns will be frantic, and Jasper will be very impressed with your dedication." I would make certain he knew about it as well as my opinion on the matter. "Now let me treat your hand - you've gotten the cut dirty."
"Let me do it, please." I could see that she was concerned for me, and not at all for herself.
I smiled. Though I'd rather she wasn't hurt, I felt true joy over the fact that I could be the one to care for her. When she'd gotten hurt on her last birthday, I'd told her that she was better off with a boyfriend like Mike Newton who could hold her hand while they stitched her up without fighting the urge to kill her.
Now here I was, her fiancé, cleaning her wound myself with zero urge to kill her.
"This doesn't bother me anymore."
She watched me closely as I worked looking for signs I was deceiving her.
"Why not?" She demanded as I smoothed a bandage across her palm.
I shrugged. "I got over it." I hoped she would let me leave it at that.
"You... got over it? When? How?"
I couldn't blame her for her curiosity. It was quite an extraordinary thing.
"I lived through an entire twenty-four hours thinking that you were dead, Bella," I said, seeing flashes of it. The phone call in the attic. The plane ride. My pleas to the Volturi. "That changed the way I look at a lot of things."
"Did it change the way I smell to you?
"Not at all. But... having experienced the way it feels to think I've lost you..." I felt just an echo of the hollowness, the ache, and it was all I could do to hold myself together. "My reactions have changed. My entire being shies away from any course that could inspire that kind of pain again."
All of the old instincts - the automatic tightening of my muscles, the excess flow of venom in my mouth, my stomach twisting with hunger - were gone. Only the dry ache in my throat remained. The absence of these reactions was one of the reasons I'd been convinced I was dead when she'd come to save me in Volterra.
Bella was speechless.
I smiled at her stunned expression. "I guess that you could call it a very educational experience."
I could hear Jacob's thoughts now as he approached the clearing in his wolf form. He was thinking about how he'd be staying at the campsite tonight. Sam didn't feel comfortable having Seth alone with me and Jacob, as usual, was willing. I was disgusted to realize part of Jacob's motivation was that he didn't want me to be alone with Bella. Though he knew I snuck into her room at night, he hoped Charlie being just across the hall might act as some deterrent for whatever evil he imagined me committing.
I could only imagine what he'd think of my most recent evening with Bella.
The wind picked up suddenly, lashing Bella's hair around her face and causing her to shiver.
"Alright, you've done your part." I pulled her heavy winter jacket out of my pack and held it out for her to slide her arms into. "Now it's out of our hands. Let's go camping!"
Bella laughed.
I took her bandaged hand in mine. As we started across the clearing, I could feel the panic welling up in me again. It felt like as long as I was with Bella, I could protect her from whatever ominous force Alice had sensed earlier. Now I would have to trust Jacob Black. He would give his life for her. I could see that. And he was respected as one of the best fighters in his pack. Still, when it came to Bella's safety, I trusted no one more than myself.
Beyond that, it felt incredibly wrong for her to go off with him now. She'd chosen me. She would marry me.
But there was no ring on her finger and his thoughts were determined. The fight would live on another day.
"Where are we meeting Jacob?" Bella asked.
"Right here." I gestured to the trees in front of us and Jacob, shirtless as usual, stepped out into the dwindling sunlight. He held a large coat.
Bella's heart rate picked up and her breaths came a little too quick as she spotted him.
Jacob noticed. He noticed my frown as well.
Even her bloodsucker knows it. She gets all worked up around me, unless I'm a wolf.
"There had to have been a better way to do this," I muttered.
Intimidated?
"Too late now," Bella muttered.
It must get exhausting pretending all the time.
I sighed.
I had tried very hard to convince myself Bella was not attracted to Jacob Black. I'd noticed her physiological reactions to him, but those same reactions could reflect anxiety or fear. While it was very unlikely she was afraid of him, I hoped her responses reflected the obvious tension that existed between him and myself. She feared we would fight.
Plus, she'd rejected him, forcefully, after he kissed her.
But still, it was difficult to deny his interpretation after our first training in the clearing. In his wolf form, he presented a much greater threat to me and yet her system was so calm. He phased and her nervousness returned.
Again at the second training, she was totally relaxed. Now here he was, a half-naked man, and her heart was in a sprint.
"Hey, Jake," Bella greeted him.
"Hi, Bella."
"Hello, Jacob," I said.
"Where do I take her?" Jacob asked. He was ready to dismiss me. He wanted Bella to himself.
I pulled a map out of my pack and handed it to him.
He unfolded it.
"We're here now," I said, pointing to the location on the map.
Jacob visibly flinched at the proximity of my hand. I heard his automatic effort to repress the heat that threatened to pass along his spine. I carefully ignored the reaction and continued.
"And you're taking her up here. Roughly nine miles."
Jacob nodded once.
"When you're about a mile away you should cross my path. That will lead you in. Do you need the map?"
Do I need the fucking map? He thought sarcastically to himself, but he was aware of Bella's watching eyes and didn't want to spoil her mood. He was on a mission. I could see he was worried that, after the threat of the newborns was extinguished, he might not see her again. He wasn't about to throw away this opportunity.
"No, thanks. I know this area pretty well. I think I know where I'm going."
"I'll take a longer route," I said. "And I'll see you in a few hours."
I stared at Bella, irrationally hoping that she'd ask me not to go. That she felt uncomfortable with this plan and we'd have to come up with something else.
"See you," she murmured.
But, of course, she was more practical than that. This was the safest way, so it was good she didn't object, I told myself.
I turned and sprinted away at full speed, not wanting to share Jacob Black's mind as he held my fiancée in his arms.
I tried to focus fully on my run. The power behind each launching step, the feel of the air against my skin, the changing light filtered through the trees. When my mind lingered too fully on Jacob Black, I reminded myself that our encounters were numbered now. Today, tomorrow, whatever day Bella finally worked up the courage to tell him. Surely I wouldn't see him more than three or four more times. Five at the most. Soon he'd be just an unpleasant memory.
The journey to the campsite went too quick, as did assembling and securing the tent.
I was left with nothing to do but worry and wait. Alice's premonition, Jacob Black, Victoria, the Volturi.
What if, in the blind spot Jacob created in Alice's sight, Victoria intercepted their path? What if, cradled in his arms, Bella had a change of heart? What if the someone from the Volturi was watching our every move, waiting for just this type of opening? What if, what if, what if for two hours, twenty-seven minutes, and thirty-eight seconds.
The storm had picked up forcefully by the time I started to hear his thoughts. Worried about Bella's exposure to the storm, he was focused on moving up the mountain as fast as possible. I was surprised at how carefully he'd mapped out potential threats to her. He was on the look out for stray debris caught up in the wind. He monitored the color in her cheeks and lips to see if she was too cold. He maneuvered gracefully to keep from jostling her. He never forgot Victoria or some other enemy could be waiting for him behind every boulder or bend.
Maybe it was his natural nonchalance or the rough way he interacted with her that made me underestimate him. In truth, to someone less biased than myself, he would probably appear overcautious with her.
As I paced in those last few minutes, I felt my respect for Jacob Black grow just a little bit.
When he finally dashed around the lee side of the stony peak, I saw Bella was curled in tightly into his chest where she was better protected from the the flurries falling around us.
"Bella!" I called out. I was so relieved by her safe delivery that I hardly notice the sting of jealousy at all. I flashed to her side considering too late the discomfort that would cause Jacob. He cringed and set Bella on her feet where I caught her in a hug.
Jeez, don't squeeze her to death, Jacob thought, genuinely concerned. I ignored that and my annoyance at his doubt in me.
"Thank you," I said over Bella's head, my voice sincere. "That was quicker than I expected, and I truly appreciate it."
Jacob shrugged. He didn't feel the same relief I did. It was strange to seem him stressed this way - It made me almost as nervous as Alice's premonition. "Get her inside. This is going to be bad - my hair's standing up on my scalp. Is that tent secure?"
"I all but welded it to the rock," I assured him, feeling tolerant again.
"Good," he said as he looked up at the sky. His nostrils flared as he tested the air for signs of danger.
"I'm going to change," he said when he was satisfied with his test. "I want to know what's going on back home."
He hung the parka on a branch and disappeared into the forest.
I picked up Bella and quickly got her into the tent, zipping it closed behind me.
A/N: Fire and Ice up next! Sorry for the long wait for this one. I wanted to get drafts down of the chapters after this because it's pretty non-stop form here on out and it all builds, so I didn't want to accidentally leave anything out in the earlier chapters.
