A/N: This is mid-Eclipse through the end of Breaking Dawn from Edward's perspective. Thanks for reading!

These characters are not mine and all belong to Stephenie Meyer.


Fire and Ice (Eclipse)

Bella's lips were an unnatural purple. Though she had shed not one piece of outerwear and the sleeping bag hugged her snugly, she couldn't stop shivering. I worried her teeth might chip with the violent tremors that knocked them together.

Outside the tent Jacob was agitated and worried sick. She survives drowning and leeches just to die of hypothermia beside her underprepared leech while hiding out from some more leeches. There's a common factor here, bloodsucker.

"W-w-w-w-w-what t-t-t-t-time is it?" Bella managed to get out.

"Two," I answered from where I sat in the tent, as far from her as possible so I didn't add to her misery. My voice was raw with anxiety.

I felt paralyzed. It was agony to watch her suffer. But even running with her in my arms at top speed, the journey would take more than thirty minutes. Thirty minutes without the protection of the tent. Thirty minutes against my too cold body. It was a terrible idea, but I had to do something for her. Bella was ardently opposed, rejecting the suggestion each of the dozen times I proposed it. She objected not only to the cold but also to compromising the plan. I assured her we'd figure that out in the morning, though it worried me too.

An escape with Jacob was not an option either. He could endure the cold in his human form, though it would be uncomfortable, but it would mean hours of exposure for Bella.

Could I possibly move her faster without hurting her. Somehow make the trip in under thirty minutes?

"Maybe..." I started.

"No, I'm f-f-f-f-f-fine, r-r-r-really." Fine, Jacob scoffed, reflecting my feelings exactly.

He remembered her splayed out across mud and moss, a massive gash in her forehead, looking like something out of a horror movie. "I'm honestly fine. Don't get worked up. It's just a little blood," she'd told him.

"I don't w-w-w-want to g-go outside," Bella pressed when neither of us responded.

It was darkly ironic that Jacob and I were once again tuned into her elevated heart rate and rapid breathing. This time clear signs that she was in the early stages of hypothermia.

"What can I do?" I asked, my voice pleading. I hated feeling helpless, useless.

Bella shook her head, too overcome by tremors to speak.

Jacob whined unhappily. God, it keeps getting colder.

"G-g-g-get out of h-h-h-here," Bella ordered him.

"He's just worried about you," I assured her, though I couldn't quite make my voice soothing. "He's fine. His body is equipped to deal with this."

Bella tried to argue, but she couldn't get past the first sound.

What's the plan, bloodsucker? Jacob thought as he emitted a high-pitch, grating sound of complaint. We can't just wait around for her heart to stop.

"What do you want me to do?" I growled, unable to keep up the civility.

Just grab her and go. Who cares what she thinks? She won't be thinking much longer if she's dead.

"Carry her through that?"

She can't keep fighting. Her body doesn't have enough energy to do this another five hours.

I knew he was right. She would stop shivering. Her heart rate would slow down. Her organs would begin to fail. But taking her out into the storm might only hasten that process.

"I don't see you making yourself useful," I snapped. "Why don't you go fetch a space heater or something?"

You know, for some dumb fucking reason, I trusted you with this. Aren't you all supposed to be geniuses or something? You couldn't think to pack a few extra blankets especially when your bloodsucking sister warned you?

"I'm ok-k-k-k-k-k-kay," Bella insisted.

Jacob and I groaned.

"Cold again?" Another memory. I could see the inside of his car. Bella was curled in a ball in the passenger seat, her arms wrapped tightly around her legs holding them to her body. He put his arm around her shoulders and she closed her eyes in relief.

A different memory. I'd seen a glimpse of it before. Inside her truck. He remembered the smell of seawater - this was the day she'd nearly drowned. He noticed her shiver and pulled her tight against his chest, pressing his cheek to her hair.

The memory broke off as the wind picked up violently. Bella shuddered and her teeth slammed together again, louder than before.

Fuck it.

Abruptly Jacob let out an earsplitting howl causing Bella to cover her ears.

Send Seth out here, Jacob told Collin and Brady who were back at La Push running patrol. I'm phasing.

"That was hardly necessary," I snapped. The wolves could hear his thoughts as easily as I could now.

Back in his human form, he quickly pulled on his pants and sprinted to fetch the frozen parka from the tree. It wouldn't help her now.

We don't have another option bloodsucker. So, don't kill me. I saw, unsurprised after his memories, what he intended to do.

"And that's the worst idea I've ever heard," I called loudly.

"Better than anything you've come up with," Jacob retorted. "Go fetch a space heater. I'm not a St. Bernard."

He unzipped the tent and crawled inside the much too small space. The outside air drifted in with him and Bella's body nearly convulsed.

"I don't like this," I hissed. "Just give her the coat and get out."

"W-w-w-w-w-w," Bella stuttered and Jacob glared at me.

"The parka's for tomorrow - she's too cold to warm it up by herself. It's frozen." He dropped it and held his arms out wide. "You said she needed a space heater, and here I am.

"J-J-J-J-Jake, you'll f-f-f-freez-z-z-ze," Bella complained, appearing ignorant of his plan. Shewould worry about him right now.

"Not me," he said cheerfully. "I run a toasty one-oh-eight point nine these days. I'll have you sweating in no time."

I snarled at his innuendo, but he had written me off by this point. He crawled to her side and started unzipping the sleeping bag.

I didn't think. My hand was suddenly on his shoulder restraining him with enough force that it caused him pain. He recoiled, but I didn't move my hand from his feverish skin. I considered how easy it would be to move my hand to his neck and, with just a little force, snap his head back severing his spine at his cervical vertebrae.

He could see the deadly glint in my eyes. "Get your hand off of me," he growled through his teeth.

"Keep your hands off of her," I answered blackly.

"D-d-d-don't f-f-f-f-fight," Bella pleaded as she shook.

I couldn't kill him, I reminded myself. To kill him would be to kill her.

"I'm sure she'll thank you for this when her toes turn black and drop off," Jacob snapped.

Another tremor passed through her.

It was excruciating to watch. Particularly because I knew he was right. It would all go away if I could only drop my hand.

I took a long look at her face. Her safety and comfort were my biggest priorities, which left only one option.

I dropped my hand and slid back into the corner. "Watch yourself," I said menacingly.

Jacob only chuckled. He knew I had no play to make.

I glared at him unblinking as he zipped open the sleeping bag again.

"Scoot over, Bella."

Bella stared at him in outrage, finally realizing.

"N-n-n-n-n," she attempted in protest.

She didn't want this. And that was almost enough for me to stop him again.

But of course, Bella's instincts were always backward. I needed her to survive and this is what it would take.

"Don't be stupid," Jacob said, exasperated. "Don't you like having ten toes?"

It seemed impossible, but somehow he crammed his body into the small bag and managed to get the zipper up most of the way behind him. He pulled her tight against his chest and she pushed into him, seeming to forget her objections. I heard her sigh.

He felt her fingers, like ice, press into his skin.

"Jeez, you're freezing, Bella," he complained. Despite his discomfort, his relief was acute. He didn't want her to suffer.

"S-s-s-s-sorry," she stuttered.

Their bodies moved together as her muscles spasmed and his tightened to squeeze her in response. Her breath was still quick. His breathing was accelerated from his own brief exposure to the cold.

It all felt too intimate.

His putrid odor already overwhelmed the small tent. Poor Bella would smell absolutely awful tomorrow.

"Try to relax," he said when she shuddered again. "You'll be warm in a minute." He met my eyes. "Of course, you'd warm up faster if you took your clothes off."

And then he actually pictured it.

I growled sharply.

"That's just a simple fact. Survival one-oh-one."

"C-c-cut it out, Jake," Bella said angrily. "n-n-n-nobody really n-n-n-n-needs all ten t-t-t-toes."

"Don't worry about the bloodsucker," Jacob suggested, his tone smug. "He's just jealous."

"Of course I am," I said, carefully controlling my voice. "You don't have the faintest idea how much I wish I could do what you're doing for her, mongrel."

"Those are the breaks," Jacob said lightly, but his word choice made him think of her hand. He could feel the brace against his chest.

"I swear I won't stop him if he wants to break your jaw," he remembered Bella saying. He met my eyes briefly. "At least you know she wishes it was you," he said sourly.

"True," I agreed. I was too far gone to smile, but his memory was comforting. She hadn't wanted his affection anymore today than she had that day and, more importantly, it sounded like she really would let me break his jaw. I'd prefer his spine, but his jaw would do.

Bella hardly shivered anymore.

"There," Jacob said, pleased with his work. "Feeling, better?"

"Yes," Bella said, no longer fighting her chattering teeth.

I was on edge, but I came back to myself little by little as she improved.

Jacob pulled back a little to look at her. "Your lips are still blue. Want me to warm those up for you, too? You only have to ask?" He remembered kissing her. He imagined doing it now.

I sighed heavily.

She blushed slightly and her eyes were annoyed.

"Behave yourself," she muttered as she pressed her face against his shoulder. He flinched at the cold and I thought I saw the slightest smile on her mouth. He suddenly felt something ice cold on his shins - her toes he realized - causing him to jump again. Her smile grew.

She was being vindictive, but I couldn't find it in me to appreciate it. I'd much rather she touch him as little as possible.

He became more proactive, pulling her closer and pressing his cheek against her cold ear. Her long dark hair fell across his thick arm as he shifted her. I couldn't see her face at all anymore and their embrace somehow looked even more intimate now.

He could feel the tension leave her body as she relaxed against him. It put him at ease knowing she was comfortable and out of danger now.

I was immensely relieved, but far from being at ease.

Enduring this... My fiancée resting peacefully in the arms of my rival, that was bad enough. Yes, it was bad enough that he was the hero, saving her life yet again because of my poor decisions. It was bad enough that he loved her. Bad enough that she was attracted to him. Enough that my photographic memory would carry this image forward through forever with perfect fidelity.

All of that was bad enough, without his fantasies. And I would be forced to carry those through eternity as well.

He imagined them laying in the sleeping bag as they did now, though she no longer wore her jacket. It was replaced by some invented tank top she didn't own. He brushed her hair from her face and pulled up her chin with his finger, bringing her lips to his. The kiss was gentle and over quickly.

"That should have been our first kiss. Better late than never," the dog imagined saying, sounding over-rehearsed.

Bella - the dog's imagined Bella - smiled. "Better late than never," she agreed. Her eyes looked mischievous. "What other firsts do you have planned for me?"

"Jake?" Bella - my Bella - mumbled sleepily.

The dog's eyes snapped open and his vision dissolved. I relaxed my right hand slightly, loosening its painful grip over my left fist.

"Can I ask you something? I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything, I'm honestly curious," Bella said.

It seemed to be an inside joke.

"I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything - I'm honestly curious... What's it like having a vampire for a boyfriend?" He remembered asking. I rolled my eyes but he didn't notice. He was too busy staring lovingly at the top of her head.

I remembered that day, too. He'd come over to get the scent of the intruder at Bella's house. I hadn't been there for his question, but it didn't surprise me given the fact that the intruder's scent was strongest in her bedroom. As was my own. All over her bed.

"Sure," he chuckled, pulling back slightly to see her face.

"Why are you so much furrier than your friends? You don't have to answer if I'm being rude." Even dopey Bella was more polite than he deserved.

"Because my hair is longer," he said, amused. He shook his hair, grown out to his chin, playfully so that it brushed her cheek.

Though I knew her intentions were pure, it all felt too flirtatious with them tangled up as they were.

"Oh." She sounded surprised. "Then why don't you cut it? Do you like to be shaggy?" The corner of my mouth turned up at her description.

He looked over her head at the tent wall, his thoughts were wordless for a minute remembering her in her darkened room touching the back of his newly cut hair. She looked sad. I thought she preferred it long.

I didn't like this memory. And I wanted to hurt him back.

I laughed under my breath. He'd all but forgotten I was there.

"Sorry," Bella said, pausing to yawn. "I didn't mean to pry. You don't have to tell me."

Jacob groaned, annoyed. "Oh, he'll tell you anyway, so I might as well... I was growing my hair out because... it seemed like you liked it better long."

"Oh," she replied awkwardly. "I, er, like it both ways, Jake. You don't need to be... inconvenienced."

He shrugged, though I could see he was blushing. "Turns out it was very convenient tonight, so don't worry about it."

He looked down into her face again and watched her eyelids droop shut. Her breathing grew slower, more even, as she approached unconsciousness.

"That's right, honey, go to sleep," he said.

His pet names for her really got under my skin. I had a death grip on my left fist.

Bella sighed, sounding content, and he smiled.

Jacob Black felt very good about himself tonight. He was her protector when I could not be. And he would be again tomorrow.

He remembered her when he carried her earlier. She was on the verge of tears.

"I did something... bad," she'd told him. "Edward isn't going to fight tomorrow. I'm making him stay with me. If anyone gets hurt it will always be my fault. I was horrible. I had to be, to convince him to stay with me."

He wondered what horrible thing she had done, figuring I probably deserved it. He was right - I had deserved it. He didn't understand how I could stay behind, though.

Unfortunately, thinking about me was much less interesting than thinking about Bella.

He studied her thick, dark lashes, the slight purple shadows beneath her eyes, the peaceful set of her eyebrows, the little slope of her nose. Her lips, noting how pink and full they were. Particularly her top lip. He was obsessed with it.

I was on the verge of crushing my left hand again.

...for Jake to put his foot in his mouth. I swear he's gonna get me killed...

"Seth is here," I muttered to Jacob, hearing Seth about a mile out.

"Perfect. Now you can keep an eye on everything else, while I take care of your girlfriend for you."

Fiancée. How badly I wanted to correct him.

"Stop it," Bella muttered.

The wind howled, but eventually Bella seemed to drift off.

Jacob's eyes closed though he opened them again and again as if to make sure it was really Bella in his arms.

Even when his eyes finally stayed closed, sleep did not find the hormonal teenage boy.

No, this was my personal hell.

The dog resumed his earlier fantasy, imagining kissing her, tasting her. His lips moved to her neck, sucking. He grabbed the thin strap of her tank top with his teeth pulling it off her shoulder. He sucked there, too.

I felt almost queasy, if that was possible. I tried very hard to follow Seth's thoughts instead. Paul had given him his old video game console...

The dog imagined his hand on Bella's lower back, pulling her against him. She was wearing shorts he decided - the little cotton ones the tourists wore to the beach in the summer - and she could feel him...

Seth thought Paul had pretty good games. His favorite took place in a post-apocalyptical world. He couldn't get past level 17...

The dog imagined slipping his hand up the back of her shorts and grabbing her. Fantasy Bella giggled. His other hand moved under her shirt tracing her ribs...

The closest gaming store was in Sequim. His mom said she'd take him there after things had settled down. There was some robot themed game he wanted. The robots had three lives, but so did the...

The dog was past her ribs now -

"Please!" I hissed. "Do you mind!"

Jacob's eyes opened. Seth jumped.

"What?" Jacob whispered back, surprised.

"Do you think you could attempt to control your thoughts," My whisper was low and furious.

He really can't, Seth thought to himself.

Oh. Fuck! Gross. Jacob was embarrassed.

"No one said you had to listen," he muttered, defiant. "Get out of my head."

"I wish I could. You have no idea how loud your little fantasies are. It's like you're shouting them at me."

Welcome to the club. I'd say it gets easier, but it doesn't. Seth told me. Did I just empathize with the...

Yup, thought Brady.

Only you would do that, Seth, thought Collin.

"I'll try to keep it down," Jacob whispered sarcastically.

I bet your jealous about a lot more than the fact that I'm keeping her warm. I've seen how carefully you touch her - you probably couldn't do even half the things I...

"Yes," I answered quickly, trying to stop the images filling his head. "I'm jealous of that, too."

"I figured it was like that," Jacob whispered. He was both smug and relieved, remembering my scent in her bedroom. "Sort of evens the playing field up a little, doesn't it.

He watched me smirk as I recalled my own mental images.

Last night in my bedroom felt like a million years ago, but I remembered it perfectly. How she'd tried to seduce me. How she'd begged... right now, physically, there's nothing I want more than you. More than food or water or oxygen... Please. It's all I want. Please.

I chuckled. "In your dreams."

He didn't like my undeniable confidence on the subject. He was suspicious about where that confidence came from.

"You know, she could still change her mind," he taunted me. "Considering all the things I could do with he that you can't. At least, not without killing her, that is." His mind flipped unconsciously through the possibilities. Quick crude images.

At least, not without killing her. I really didn't want to think about that problem at the moment.

"Go to sleep, Jacob," I murmured. "You're starting to get on my nerves."

"I think I will. I'm really very comfortable." He squeezed her tighter and I was feeling very grateful for the shapeless bulk of her coat.

He did attempt to redirect his thoughts for a couple minutes. Awareness of my witness to them seemed to be an effective turnoff.

But he was a teenage boy holding the beautiful girl he loved. I could see his hormones were bound to win out sooner or later.

Not thinking about her soft skin. Not thinking about her pretty lips. Not thinking of her - no, definitely not thinking of those.

He stole another glance at her face - a distraction from more objectionable thoughts. She's so beautiful. Like a porcelain doll. Her cheeks are so pink. Is she still cold?

He imagined warming them with slow kisses, allowing his lips to linger until he no longer sensed the chill beneath them. She'd wake and kiss him deeply to show her gratitude. The kiss would intensify. Her hands, almost frantic, would stroke his face, pull through his hair. He'd roll so his weight pressed her small form into the ground -

I ground my teeth.

Dammit! Jacob took a deep breath, trying to dissipate the scene. His mind was clouded with wordless embarrassment for a moment.

Fucking bloodsucker. Knows everything about me, but probably wouldn't even tell me his favorite color.

I froze, recognizing the lifeline he had inadvertently thrown me.

I adjusted my features into the most neutral expression I could manage.

"Maybe I would," I said. If I could keep him talking... If I could keep his mind off Bella...

He looked at me in surprise. I met his eyes.

He understood what I was offering. He could guess my motivations, too.

"But would you be honest?"

"You can always ask and see," I said, a trace of humor in my voice.

"Well, you see inside my head - let me see inside yours tonight, it's only fair."

"Your head is full of questions. Which one do you want me to answer?"

"The jealousy... it has to be eating at you. You can't be as sure of yourself as you seem." He thought I was arrogant. He wasn't the first. "Unless you have no emotions at all." You are a rock after all.

"Of course it is." I scowled and looked at the tent wall. "Right now it's so bad that I can barely control my voice. Of course, it's even worse when she's away from me, with you, and I can't see her."

I felt burdened to give him the full truth. He was a decent reader himself and I feared any deceit on my part would end his interest in the game.

"Do you think about it all the time?" He whispered. "Does it make it hard to concentrate when she's not with you." I was taken aback by the direction he'd taken. He wanted to commiserate together?

"Yes and no. My mind doesn't work quite the same as yours. I can think of many more things at one time. Of course, that means that I'm always able to think of you, always able to wonder if that's where her mind is, when she's quiet and thoughtful."

Out in the snow, Seth was intrigued as he tried to imagine it. He wondered if it was anything like how he felt juggling the onslaught of thoughts among his pack.

But Jacob honed in on only the last part. Do you think that happens a lot?

"Yes, I would guess that she thinks about you often," I murmured. "More often than I like. She worries that you're unhappy. Not that you don't know that. Not that you don't use that," I accused.

"I have to use whatever I can," Jacob muttered. "I'm not working with your advantages - advantages like her knowing she's in love with you."

"That helps," I conceded.

He mistook the fact that I didn't appear the least bit ruffled at his implication as arrogance.

"She's in love with me, too, you know," he said defiantly.

When I said nothing, he continued. "But she doesn't know it." I could see he was probing for my own assessment, a sliver of doubt behind his assertion.

"I can't tell you if you're right," I said gravely.

"Does that bother you? Do you wish you could see what she's thinking, too?" He liked that I couldn't hear her, sure I would use the ability to manipulate her more than he thought I already had.

"Yes... and no, again. She likes it better this way, and, though it sometimes drives me insane, I'd rather she was happy."

A violent gust of wind thrashed the tent and Jacob's arms tightened around Bella protectively. The act was entirely pure. Entirely out of concern.

"Thank you," I whispered. "Odd as this might sound, I suppose I'm glad you're here, Jacob."

He smiled widely. "You mean, 'as much as I'd love to kill you, I'm glad she's warm,' right?"

I pursed my lips trying not to smile. He reminded me a little of Emmett the way he stated things plainly. The way his mind was so open. But Jacob was more given to emotion. And sensitive, like Bella - that was certainly why they fought so much.

"It's an uncomfortable truce, isn't it?" There was no point in sugar coating things with Jacob.

"I knew you were just as crazy jealous as I am," he whispered smugly.

"I'm not such a fool as to wear it on my sleeve like you do," I said condescendingly. "It doesn't help your case, you know."

"You have more patience than I do."

"I should. I've had a hundred years to gain it." I looked him in the eye, imploring him to understand. "A hundred years of waiting for her."

Jacob's thoughts resisted the heaviness of my assertion - Melodramatic bat should stick to his own kind - but I could hear Seth was touched.

"So..." Jacob said, ready to change the subject. "At what point did you decide to play the very patient good guy?"

"When I saw how much it was hurting her to make her choose. It's not usually this difficult to control. I can smother the... less civilized feelings I may have for you fairly easily most of the time. Sometimes I think she sees through me, but I can't be sure."

He saw through me, easily detecting my half-truth.

"I think you were just worried that if you really forced her to choose, she might not choose you."

I paused. Bella was absolutely and completely mine... she had to be. She had worn my ring. To admit to his accusation would allow him hope. But I also found myself not wanting to lie to him, even if I could have gotten away with it.

"That was part of it," I said slowly. I could hear his silent satisfaction. His glee. "But only a small part. We all have our moments of doubt. Mostly I was worried that she'd hurt herself trying to sneak away to see you. After I'd accepted that she was more or less safe with you - as safe as Bella ever is - it seemed best to stop driving her to extremes."

He sighed. "I'd tell her all of this, but she'd never believe me."

"I know," I said smiling.

"You think you know everything," Jacob muttered.

Everything except what I wanted to know the most. "I don't know the future," I said, not having really decided to say it. What had made me say that?

"I'm prepared to be annoyingly persistent," he remembered saying.

"I'm not going to change," said a sickly Bella.

"It's still the other one, isn't it?" Jacob had asked.

Agony washed over her face.

I cringed.

"What would you do if she changed her mind?" Jacob asked.

"I don't know that either." It would be an endlessly dark existence.

Jacob chuckled. "Would you try to kill me?"

"No."

"Why not?" Jacob jeered. Probably wouldn't want to get his fancy clothes dirty...

I looked at him doubtfully. "Do you really think I would hurt her that way?"

He heard my own challenge in it. Would he really hurt her that way?

It's different though. I'm not a 100-year-old demon preying on high school girls. But still - he remembered her scream as she jumped off the cliff and I shuddered - it would kill her.

"Yeah, you're right. I know that's right. But sometimes..."

He remembered dismembering Laurent. He imagined doing the same to me.

"Sometimes it's an intriguing idea," I finished.

Jacob pressed his face into the sleeping bag to muffle his laughter. "Exactly."

I smiled a little and shook my head. Was this what dreaming felt like? Two monsters, natural enemies, on a camping trip laughing about their darkest desires. To kill one another.

I was starting to understand why I'd said too much tonight. Talking to Jacob, I didn't have to pretend. There was no point - he would call me out. But more than that, he hated me almost as much as I hated myself and for the same reasons. The right reasons.

I wasn't good for Bella. But Bella wouldn't listen. Nor would Alice or Carlisle or Esme. Rosalie would, but she thought so little of Bella that I found no peace it.

I had to respect Jacob Black because, above his romantic pursuits, he wanted what was best for Bella. And I was poison.

"What is it like?" He looked down at her face again, trying to memorize it. "Losing her?" I could hear the pain in his voice. See the moisture in his eyes. "When you thought that you'd lost her forever? How did you... cope?"

"That's very difficult for me to talk about."

Try.

I was moved by his pain. Perhaps because it was my decisions that had led to it. Or perhaps it was because he pictured a different face. A middle-aged woman with dark hair that fell past her shoulders who had his eyes exactly.

"There were two different times that I thought that." I spoke slowly, expending a great effort to keep my most painful memories at the periphery. "The first time, when I thought I could leave her..." I was on the little path in the woods again. "That was... almost bearable." In retrospect. In comparison to what was to come. "Because I thought she would forget me and it would be like I hadn't touched her life.

"For six months I was able to stay away, to keep my promise that I wouldn't interfere again. It was getting close - I was fighting but I knew I wasn't going to win; I would have come back... just to check on her. That's what I would have told myself, anyway. And if I'd found her happy... I like to think that I could have gone away again." My eyes stung with nonexistent, unsheddable tears.

"But she wasn't happy. And I would have stayed. That's how she convinced me to stay with her tomorrow, of course. You were wondering that before, what could possibly motivate me... what she was feeling so needlessly guilty about." I could hear his confusion. "She reminded me of what it did to her when I left - what it still does to her when I leave. She feels horrible about bringing that up, but she's right. I'll never be able to make up for that, but I'll never stop trying anyway."

He recalled the events from his own perspective. The phone ringing late at night. His dad's face going pale as he spoke to Charlie.

Jacob, disobeying his dad, had walked miles and miles to get to Charlie's. Bella was safe by the time he got there but the faces of the search party haunted him.

He heard she was having a hard time, but Charlie didn't visit the reservation for a while - scared to leave Bella alone longer than he absolutely had to - and he called Billy less and less, so Jacob was left to wonder what became of her. He remembered, when she started coming around, how broken she'd seemed. Almost crazy sometimes. And he wondered what exactly I'd done to her.

It wasn't until he phased the first time that he understood the burden she'd carried around. I was a different kind of monster than he'd thought, but a monster nonetheless.

Now I was going to make her a monster, too.

"And the other time - when you thought she was dead?" He whispered roughly, imagining the red eyes, the cold skin.

"Yes, it will probably feel like that to you, won't it? The way you perceive us, you might not be able to see her as Bella anymore. But that's who she'll be."

He glared at me. "That's not what I asked."

I was still aching from his memory and he was determined to twist the knife.

"I can't tell you how it felt," I snapped. "There aren't words."

He held her tighter, afraid the madness he could see in my eyes would come for him one day. Any day now.

"But you left because you didn't want to make her a bloodsucker. You want her to be human." That's all I want. Even if she doesn't want to be with me, that's all I want.

He did love her. He did want her to choose him. But I could see the essence of what he said was true. Her rejection paled in comparison to her destruction. To any course that would destroy her enchanting brown eyes.

For some reason, I desperately wanted Jacob Black to understand me. As if he was an agent of her God, the one that I imagined turned a blind eye to the evil that was my kind, I needed him to know I had tried. I had done everything in my power to spare the girl, but I wasn't strong enough.

"Jacob," I said slowly, "from the second that I realized that I loved her, I knew there were only four possibilities. The first alternative, the best one for Bella, would be if she didn't feel as strongly for me - if she got over me and moved on. I would accept that, though it would never change the way I felt. You think of me as a... living stone - hard and cold. That's true. We are set the way we are, and it is very rare for us to experience a real change. When that happens, as when Bella entered my life, it is a permanent change. There's no going back..."

He frowned, imagining how, if Bella did choose him, I would still continue on out there, somewhere, obsessing over her.

"The second alternative, the one I'd originally chosen, was to stay with her throughout her human life. It wasn't a good option for her, to waste her life with someone who couldn't be human with her, but it was the alternative I could most easily face. Knowing all along that, when she died, I would find a way to die, too. Sixty years, seventy years - it would seem like a very, very short time to me... But then it proved much too dangerous for her to live in such close proximity with my world. It seemed like everything that could go wrong did. Or hung over us... waiting to go wrong. I was terrified that I wouldn't get those sixty years if I stayed near her while she was human.

"So I chose option three. Which turned out to be the worst mistake of my very long life, as you know. I chose to take myself out of her world, hoping to force her into the first alternative. It didn't work, and it very nearly killed us both."

I could see how badly he wished that I had been destroyed. How simple the solution would have been if Alice had just not come back to comfort Charlie or drag Bella halfway around the world to save me. He was probably right, but the door on that option was closed now too.

"What option do I have left but the fourth option? It's what she wants - at least, she thinks she does. I've been trying to delay her, to give her time to find a reason to change her mind, but she's very - " pigheaded? Jacob suggested, " - stubborn. You know that. I'll be lucky to stretch this out a few more months. She has a horror of getting older, and her birthday is in September..."

"I like option one," Jacob muttered, though I could see he was somewhat moved. Not nearly as moved as his brother outside the tent, but for Jacob...

"You know exactly how much I hate to accept this," Jacob whispered, "but I can see that you do love her... in your way..." That it's more than just some creepy human fetish. It's still wrong, but... "I can't argue with that anymore.

"Given that, I don't think you should give up on the first alternative, not yet. I think there's a very good chance that she would be okay. After time. You know, if she hadn't jumped off a cliff in March... and if you'd waited another six months to check on her... Well, you might have found her reasonably happy. I had a game plan."

I chuckled. His boiling frog strategy. Yes, Bella didn't like labels. She had resisted becoming his girlfriend in the same way she had resisted becoming my fiancée. Even when I'd called myself her boyfriend at the beginning... "I was under the impression that you were something more, actually," she'd objected.

"Maybe it would have worked. It was a well thought-out plan," I admitted.

"Yeah," he sighed.

What would I have done if I had come back to find her with him? If I'd known what he was and that Victoria was pursuing her? I knew I wouldn't leave without dealing with Victoria. But would I try to be Bella's friend, too, if she didn't want to leave him? I imagined the past couple months if it had been me who only got her for a few precious hours a week, all the while knowing she would go back to him at night. It would have been a bleak, but tolerable existence.

"But...," suddenly his voice was desperate, pleading. "Give me a year bl - Edward. I really think I could make her happy. She's stubborn, no one knows that better than I do, but she's capable of healing. She would have healed before. And she could be human, with Charlie and Renée, and she could grow up, and have kids and... be Bella.

"You love her enough that you have to see the advantages of that plan. She thinks you're very unselfish... are you really? Can you consider the idea that I might be better for her than you are?"

He wondered if he'd been appealing to the wrong authority all along. But he was a fool if he didn't think I was just as much a slave to Bella's will as he was.

"I have considered it," I answered. I could hear Jacob's doubt. Seth's quiet surprise. "In some ways, you would be better suited for her than another human. Bella takes some looking after, and you're strong enough that you could protect her from herself, and from everything that conspires against her. You have done that already and I'll owe you for that as long as I live - forever - whichever comes first..." I couldn't imagine how I would ever manage to repay that debt.

"I even asked Alice if she could see that - see if Bella would be better off with you. She couldn't, of course. She can't see you, and then Bella's sure of her course, for now.

"But I'm not stupid enough to make the same mistake I made before, Jacob. I won't try to force her into that first option again. As long as she wants me, I'm here."

It was hard for him to accept that Bella wasn't my puppet. Even though he knew she was stubborn, pigheaded. Even though he knew it was her decision. It was much easier for him to cope with her rejection of humanity, of him, if he thought she was being manipulated. Seduced.

"And if she were to decide that she wanted me?" He challenged.

I frowned. She had already decided. Last night. And she didn't want him. I felt guilty giving him false hope.

He misinterpreted my reaction. "Okay, it's a long shot, I'll give you that."

"I would let her go."

"Just like that?"

"In the sense that I'd never show her how hard it was for me, yes. But I would keep watch." He didn't like that. "You see, Jacob, you might leave her someday. Like Sam and Emily, you wouldn't have a choice. I would always be waiting in the wings, hoping for that to happen."

Jacob snorted. You wish. I can't see anyone else but her. He imagined her eyes again, remembering them precisely.

"Well you've been much more honest than I had any right to expect... Edward." Though he'd said my name a moment ago in his attempt at persuasion, this time it was different. As if he could see my... not humanity... maybe personhood... "Thanks for letting me in your head."

There was the smallest part of him that was relieved. He could see I cared about Bella and knew her, though maybe not as well as him. She wasn't just an object or trophy to claim. It wasn't approval or his blessing. I didn't quite know what it was.

"As I said, I'm feeling oddly grateful for your presence in her life tonight. It was the least I could do... You know, Jacob, if it weren't for the fact that we're natural enemies and that you're also trying to steal away the reason for my existence, I might actually like you."

"Maybe... if you weren't a disgusting vampire who was planning to suck out the life of the girl I love..." He'd still be a prissy rich know-it-all in khakis - and you heard that... "Well, no, not even then."

Leave it to Jacob, Seth thought.

I chuckled. Jacob's assessment was fair.

I imagined his tolerance of me would be fleeting, so I decided to take advantage of his good will while I could.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked.

"Why would you have to ask?"

"I can only hear if you think of it. it's just a story that Bella seemed reluctant to tell me about the other day. Something about a third wife...?"

"What about it?"

His thoughts were mostly wordless as he imagined a violent scene with a female vampire at its center. She was winning the fight against a single wolf, wounding him faster than he could heal. A human woman watched the the wolf falter, horror in her eyes. A knife in her hand. She plunged it into her heart. The wolf overcame the vampire as she frenzied at the scent of blood.

My eyes widened with my own horror. "Oh, for the love of God," I whispered so quickly the sound came out as a hiss.

"What?" Jacob demanded.

"Of course. Of course!" I seethed. And I'd been upset with Jasper. "I rather wish your elders had kept that story to themselves, Jacob." I was feeling very grateful she'd ensnared me, keeping me from the fight. I had to be with her. From now through eternity if she was thinking things like that.

"You don't like the leeches being painted as the bad guys? You know, they are," he said, as if explaining something to a child. "Then and now."

"I really couldn't care less about that part. Can't you guess which character Bella would identify with?"

"Oh." Fuck. "Ugh. The third wife. Okay, I see your point."

"She wants to be there in the clearing. To do what little she can, as she puts it." I sighed. "That was my secondary reason - " now my primary reason " - for my staying with her tomorrow. She's quite inventive when she wants something." Phoenix bathrooms with two exits to run to her assassin, jumping off of cliffs to hear my voice...

"You know, your military brother gave her the idea just as much as the story did."

And I wasn't okay with that either. But my loyalty was to my brother.

"Neither side meant any harm," I whispered.

"And when does this little truce end?" Jacob asked. "First light? Or do we wait until after the fight?"

I considered the way he held her. The fact that they were both such physical creatures with unfulfilled longings and easy chemistry. How he remembered she'd nearly let him kiss her that day I called.

But that was just the surface level. There was the deep, mysterious bond that already existed. And now he had sustained her through the night. Kept her warm...

She was mine. She had said yes to me... But she sure didn't look like mine right now.

"First light," we whispered in unison, and then laughed quietly.

His thoughts weren't so different than mine. Only where I saw the need for damage control, he saw an advantage he'd be a fool to give up.

"Sleep well, Jacob. Enjoy the moment," I murmured, knowing the fate that awaited him.

His mind moved slower with exhaustion, becoming more wordless and disorganized. He absentmindedly twirled and untwirled a lock of her hair around his finger as he recalled the feeling of her hand in his fur in the clearing the other night.

His thoughts were benign enough at the moment that I could focus on a different point of anxiety. Had Alice's premonition come to pass? Or was their something beyond the cold night that she'd picked up on? I had not been lying when I told Bella picking off the newborns would be easy. But could it be that Alice was picking up on some void - a loophole exploited by whoever was behind this? Yes, Bella had been very right. We needed to stay together.

As Jacob neared sleep, his control faded. But if I could just bite my tongue for another minute, maybe five at the most, he would drift off and I'd find what little relief I could while she was still snuggled against him.

He imagined them in a dumpy little shed. Or maybe it was a garage. He sat on the floor beside his car, his hands busy with something. Bella sat sideways in the passenger seat curled up with her arms around her legs. She wore a familiar long-sleeve white shirt with small grey buttons down the front. The sleeves were pulled over her hands.

"Jake," his imagined Bella pouted dramatically. "I'm cold."

He knelt in front of her where she sat.

"Then I'll just have to warm you up, honey."

He pulled at her knees, spreading her curled up legs, which she willingly wrapped around him. Her arms wound around his neck and pulled him down until their lips met.

The kiss was familiar, clearly crafted from his memory, but it intensified. He squeezed her tight against him before his hands started to wander. Under the back of her shirt. Along the side of her clothed breast. In her back jeans pocket.

She giggled and pulled away for a second, leaning back on her palms pressed into the seat behind her so that her back was arched.

"What?" He asked.

"Do you remember that whole lifetime of servitude thing?"

"Yeah, why?"

She abruptly pulled him down by the front of his shirt so he was leaning over her.

"Pay up," she commanded.

The cramped front seat of his car magically accommodated them as she laid all the way back across the seats. He climbed on top of her quickly throwing aside his shirt as he did.

I groaned. "I didn't mean that quite so literally."

Shit. "Sorry," Jacob whispered, and I could see he was being genuine, mostly. "You could leave, you know - give us a little privacy."

There wasn't a chance in hell of that.

"Would you like me to help you sleep, Jacob?"

"You could try. It would be interesting to see who walked away, wouldn't it?" He was cocky enough to think he'd win, but I'd left an impression in the clearing. Enough of one that he didn't think it would be a boring fight at least.

"Don't tempt me too far wolf. My patience isn't that perfect."

He laughed quietly at my jealousy.

"I'd rather not move just now, if you don't mind."

He spared me his fantasies, but he still thought of her, imagining what he didn't know. I wasn't sure if he could help it. Though, that was probably being too generous.

I couldn't kill him. Not tonight.

I brought her face to mind, since it was hidden against his chest. She was warm and she was here with me in the tent. That's what was real. Nothing in his head was real. And it never would be.

I hummed her lullaby, louder than usual, trying to drown out his thoughts. By some miracle maybe it would put him to sleep the way it did for Bella.

He was agitated by the sound, but could guess why I did it. It wasn't much later that he drifted off. He dreamed of her face. Her eyes.

His heart slowed to match hers, keeping perfect time.

"Edward..." Bella muttered.

I smiled. I was with her. Wherever she was.

Jacob twitched, but he didn't wake. The Bella he dreamed of, her eyes momentarily flashed red before returning to their exact chocolate brown.

"Edward, stay," she ordered, louder this time. Jacob opened his eyes, blinking in confusion. "Edward, don't go. Stay."

He looked at looked at her face.

"Edward," she sighed.

She talks in her sleep? About him. Great.

He rolled his eyes without looking at me, sparing himself the smirk I was wearing now.

He closed his eyes, hoping sleep would find him again quickly.

"I love you, Edward... Please, don't go."

No, please go, Jacob disagreed.

After a couple minutes he fell back to sleep. Again he dreamed of her eyes.

"Edward... tell Alice to go away..."

Jacob was awake again.

"...tell her to go to Vegas... she can wear my prom dress... No, I don't want it."

Well, I guess I always knew she was strange, Jacob thought

I chuckled quietly, though she seemed to hear. "Edward..." It sounded like she was smiling.

She had better not do this all night, Jacob thought grumpily.

"It never lasts more than an hour or two. Three at most," I whispered smugly.

He glared at me remembering my scent on her bed. He shuddered. Creepy bloodsucker.

"But... Edward, a diamond?" She muttered. So she'd figured it out...

Yeah, Edward, a diamond? Jacob could feel the charm against stomach where her hand rested in a fist.

"You fired the first shot," I murmured evenly.

Every time Jacob fell asleep, Bella would wake him up not not minutes later, saying my name and various nonsensical things. He stopped being surprised. His only response was to hold her tighter and maybe hurl a few silent curses at me.

It had been a good twenty minutes of quiet when she started up again.

"Stop," she murmured.

Jacob sighed into her hair where his face rested at the top of her head. Shut-up, Bells...

"Don't be an idiot, Jake."

His eyes opened wide and he looked down at her, thinking she must have woken, but he found her eyes were closed. He continued to watch her, waiting.

"Don't die. Don't die, Jake," she whispered.

He was too caught up in the moment to think of me, which gave me time to compose my face. It wasn't the first time she'd dreamt of him. She complained and argued with him often enough. She'd missed him when she hadn't been able to see him and she still worried he'd get hurt. I didn't like it, but I knew to expect it.

It was entirely different for him to hear it himself. For him to know she dreamt of him.

"Jake..." she muttered.

He looked at me and raised his eyebrows, but I was staring at the tent wall again.

"And how often does that happen?" He asked smugly.

"Jacob," she said.

Normally it was Jake. It was almost always Jake.

"Bells," he whispered into her ear. I'm here.

"My Jacob..."

I froze.

"Jacob... my Jacob," she mumbled again.

It was never that. It was never my... it was never my anyone. Not him. Not me.

"My Jacob," she sighed.

"My Bella," he whispered.

I couldn't move. If I moved I would kill him.

"Jacob, my Jacob."

The dog was perceptive enough that he didn't taunt me. Knowing that he was hers, that she claimed him... that was enough. Enough to know she was at least a little bit his as well. Enough to know that somewhere deep inside she knew it.

She loved him. Bella loved Jacob Black.

"My Jacob."

It made him think of Emily and her Sam. Kim and her Jared.

Bella and her Jacob.

Sleep came for him first. Then it pulled her deeper, silencing her call.

But still there was no peace. Only vibrant dreams as I sat completely still and completely alone among three beating hearts.


Dreams (Jacob's POV)

Her house was dark when I parked the truck.

It was so quiet. Just her heart beat and mine.

I threw my arm around her and crushed her against my chest, binding her to me. She shivered but finally relaxed.

She still smelled like the sea. I couldn't believe I'd almost lost her. It had been so close.

"Sorry. I know you don't feel exactly the way I do, Bells. I swear I don't mind. I'm just so glad you're okay that I could sing - and that's something no one wants to hear." I laughed and her heart reacted, her breathing kicked up a notch.

I pressed my cheek against the top of her hair, resting it there. The rain started to pick up and I focused on the gentle thrumming.

I felt her fidget a little, but she didn't pull away, so I held on. Just as I always did.

I felt a light pressure, something cool on my shoulder.

Her lips.

They lingered for a moment and then she abruptly pulled away. I looked down at her, stunned.

Her eyes were closed.

"Bella?" I whispered in amazement.

When she opened her eyes, they were wide with pain and confusion. She slowly looked up at me.

"Don't be afraid," I said. "I'll never hurt you. I promise, Bella. I will never hurt you."

She stretched upward and I bowed my head. I could feel her breath on my chin. Gently, slowly, I put my hands on either side of her face. A shaky breath escaped me.

Her eyelids slid closed. Hesitantly, I lowered my face until finally, like rose petals, I felt her lips under mine. It was the lightest pressure. It couldn't have lasted more than two seconds.

She took a deep breath. Her lips weren't more than an inch from mine.

"Jake, you deserve so much that I can't -"

"No, Bella," I shook my head. "You're exactly right. Exactly right."

"I'm not," she said, tears leaking from her eyes. But she reached up to wipe away my own tears.

"You are. I'll remind you every day. And I'm prepared to be annoyingly persistent."

She laughed, though the sound seemed to get caught in her throat.

"There's so much you need to know," she said. "So much I need to tell you, but..." She couldn't continue.

I squeezed her tight against me again.

"When you're ready, I'll listen."

"But, Jake - "

"There's nothing you can say that would change the way I feel about you, Bella." I looked down into her eyes. "Nothing."

I kissed her tears where they slid down her cheeks.

Her hands were flat on my chest. She stared straight into my eyes. I could see the determination in hers.

I kissed her lips. Quick, desperate kisses.

She moved her hands up my chest, wrapping her arms around my neck. She kissed me fiercely, as if I was water in an empty desert. Her lips parted under mine and her breath felt cool.

I lost sense of time. When we finally pulled apart she was in my lap and the windows were fogged.

"It's late," I said unwillingly.

"Stay," she pleaded.

"Okay," I said, my heart pounding.

I scooped her close to my chest and carried her through the pouring rain.

I never looked for a light switch. It was heaven to just hold her on the sofa to the soundtrack of the rain and the ticking clock above the stove. The music grew louder, swelling with the sound of our excited hearts, our breaths, our lips.

After a few minutes she scooted away from me to pull my oversized sweatshirt from her delicate shoulders. She took great care to drape it over the back of the sofa before looking at me shyly.

"Get back over here," I said playfully. She smiled and crawled back into my arms. I fell backwards across the cushions, pulling her on top of me. She laid flat against me, folding her hands across my chest as she looked down at me. Her hair, wavy from the salt water, cascaded over her shoulder.

"What?" I asked, not understanding the look in her eye.

"I don't know," She said, looking at my chin instead of my eyes. "This feels surreal."

"Bells," I whispered, touching her face. She met my eyes. "I love you."

"I love you, Jacob."

I twisted my hand into her hair and pulled her face down so I could kiss her again.

It was everything to lie beneath her knowing she felt for me what I felt for her. I'd never felt more safe or more whole.

I broke off the kiss. "I think I hear a car." We waited quietly, but the car drove past.

"Come upstairs with me," she said.

I sat up slowly, pulling her next to me, and took her hand. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Why?"

I looked down at our hands. It was my turn to be self-conscious. "Because I really really care about you. And I really like kissing you -"

"I really like kissing you, too," she admitted, blushing.

I laughed nervously. "And that's why I think it would be really easy to... get carried away."

She took a deep breath and looked me in the eye. "Jacob, I want to get carried away."

Her bed was small, too small, but it didn't matter. If I bumped my head on the wall, she kissed the spot. If my foot kicked the footboard too loud she giggled.

She straddled me where I sat, my back against the headboard. She wore nothing more than a pink bra and underwear. I reached around her, undoing the clasp on her bra. I pulled the loose straps from her shoulders.

She was delicate, yet full and feminine.

I held her tight against me with one arm and stood with her still wrapped around me.

I ripped the quilt from her bed and tossed it out over the floor. I set her on her feet and her hands were immediately pulling at my sweats. I helped her, quickly kicking them off before grabbing at the side of her underwear.

She was so small. Beautiful and blushing pink under me where she laid on the the soft quilt.

She was mostly quiet as we moved together, but sometimes she would gasp or sigh.

Her heart raced faster and she called out my name.

"Jacob," her back arched, her hips pressed up against mine. "Mmm... my Jacob."

I moved over her, faster and faster.

"Oh," she gasped. "Jacob, Jacob, Jacob," she cried out.

Her back arched again, stronger this time, before she collapsed back onto the quilt with a content sigh.

"My Bella," I whispered.

The dream slipped away too soon, as they always did. But today the beautiful girl was in my arms when I woke. She was warm and still, except for her steady breaths, so I squeezed my eyes shut and bliss found me again.


A/N: Up next, the morning after.