Chapter 15:
Lizzy arrived at the Gardiner's before nightfall. She hesitated before knocking on the door, bit her lip, took a deep breath, and knocked. Lizzy knew she had been foolish by running away, she had regretted it almost instantly. But she also knew that she could not stay there even one minute longer. Now that she knew she loved him, she could not bear to see him thus...to see him look at her like that.
She now knew he was an honorable man, she thought bitterly, a fact she had previously ignored, regardless of the information before her. What would have happened if she had yes to the original proposal? Would any of this had happened? She scrunched her face, thinking of what could have been and the chill from the outside breeze reminded her of what actually was. She had been influenced by prejudice and perhaps a bit of pride. She blushed as she remembered how he had slighted her at their first assembly together, calling her not handsome enough to temp him. It had wounded her and she knew that although she had laughed it off, it had in fact colored her experience with Mr. Darcy.
Lizzy shifted her weight to the other foot, her impatience leading her. She had left after writing the letter to Mr. Darcy, having found a few pounds in her desk drawer, when she had searched it for writing material. She knew she had practically stolen from Mr. Darcy, she thought gulping, but she assuaged herself by thinking it was better than taking away from him his choice in marriage. She was determine to pay him back, a promise she knew naught if she could keep. It seemed it was now a habit of hers, to make herself promises in regards to Mr. Darcy.
She rode on a public coach for many hours, still wearing Miss Darcy's borrowed dress and coat. She had finally arrived to London exhausted, feeling she could sleep for days. Lizzy was counting on the tale that Charlotte had spread that she had gone to visit Mrs. Rose Morling in Warwickshire. The Colonel had relayed this information to her on that night when they had stopped to drink and rest their horses on their way to Pemberley. Warwickshire was near Derbyshire and the traveling time should seem relatively normal, she hoped. Lizzy could only pray that her aunt would not question her arriving, unannounced, without any luggage nor carriage. Servants, she knew, whispered louder than the gentry, and it was of utmost importance to keep it all as quiet as possible. She knew she needed not to doubt Mr. Darcy's servants, they clearly loved him and would not utter a word.
She raising her hand to knock again, looking behind her with a nervous smile, hoping no one was staring nor whispers spreading, when the door suddenly opened, a footman welcoming her.
"Miss Elizabeth!" He said, looking surprised. "Please come in." She saw him looking around behind her to see if she had traveled with a maid, which she did not and noticing the lack of companion and belongings, ushered her in.
"Elizabeth" said Mrs. Gardiner warmly, "Welcome! You made good timing!" she added, wanting to say that she was unexpected but did not know the reason and being wise as she was, she stayed quiet. Lizzy was eternally grateful.
"I thank you" said Lizzy, giving her a weak smile.
"Your bags should arrive shortly, your mother told me you were sending them with another coach" said Mrs. Gardiner in the calmest manner, ushering her niece into the drawing room, where she called for some cold meats and refreshments to be brought.
"Come you must be tired, coming all the way from..." said Mrs. Gardiner, looking expectedly at Lizzy, to fill in the missing information.
"My friend, Mrs. Morling" said Lizzy, noting that she was becoming quite good at lying.
"Yes, yes, of course come I have called from some refreshments, we had our supper earlier, but I am glad you are here" she said, sitting with Lizzy and bringing both of her hands to hers. "Oh my, your hands are cold" she whispered.
"I lost my gloves" said Lizzy weakly, fighting back a tear. I lost a lot more than that, she wanted to say. The servants seemed to not have noticed anything amiss, after all, they were not always notified when a guest was expected. Mrs. Smith did quickly send a girl to fix up Miss Elizabeth's room, and after Lizzy ate in silence, with Mrs. Gardiner watching her with a mixture of love and fear, she brought Lizzy up to her now readied room and shut the door.
"Lizzy! Whatever is the matter?!" she asked in a frightened whisper.
"Oh Aunt!" said Lizzie, tears pouring out. "I must get to Longbourn as soon as possible. But please, please tell me if you have heard any rumors."
"None" said Mrs. Gardiner, "Last I heard you were visiting your friend Mrs. Collins and I think your mother did mention in last week's letter that you had gone to visit another friend, but I thought nothing of it."
"Dearest Aunt, you are too kind, please do not think me ungracious but I am so tired" said Lizzy, wanting desperately to cry, "And I must set off to Longbourn early tomorrow and I have no money."
"Fear not, my dear" said Mrs. Gardiner lovingly, taking her hand in hers like a mother would to her own child, "I shall arrange for your trip tomorrow morning, now rest. Would you like me to call up for some warm water to be brought?"
"No" said Lizzy, looking around the room, she did not think she had the energy to wash up, "But may I trouble you with a nightdress?"
"Of course, I shall bring one myself, no need for servants to ask any more questions, now rest, come, let me help you" said Mrs. Gardiner, "You are safe now my dear" she said, kissing her on her forehead.
Lizzy nodded, forcing a smile. I was safe at Pemberley, she thought, but my heart was too close to being broken.
PNPNPNPNPNP
Mr. Darcy had not been gone for more than five minutes when he barged back into drawing room, where the Colonel was looking at him with a smirk.
"Err, I do believe I need assistance" said Mr. Darcy, looking embarrassed to have to ask for it.
"I am at your service" said the Colonel, in a jovial manner, even bowing elegantly as a playful gesture.
"Do you know where she would have gone?" asked Mr. Darcy rubbing his head, from so much thinking. He kept forcing himself to remember more. But it seemed it was not enough.
"How is your memory?" asked Richard kindly, noting Mr. Darcy's hand on his forehead, his eyes shot with intense concentration.
"She wrote me a letter...and I remember some of it...a lot more than I did. I...I loved her even then, in Hertfordshire" he said, the words slowly coming out of his mouth. He slouched on the chair, letting out a heavy sigh. "I feel so..." he said, gulping loudly, "So useless, having to wait till daylight to go after her and I do not even know where to go."
"You must take care of yourself, you have only just recovered and you outdid yourself by coming to deal with Wickham" said Richard tentatively.
"I had to" said Mr. Darcy curtly, raising an eyebrow.
"I know" said Richard softly. This conversation reminded him that he had something in his pocket that belonged to his cousin. "Here" he said, reaching for a letter that had now been folded too many times, and gave it to Mr. Darcy, "Perhaps this shall help with your memory."
"Indeed" said Mr. Darcy reaching for it with a look of disbelief. "This is the letter that I wrote Elizabeth..." But he could not read it. It was not meant for him. He knew that it was a letter that Elizabeth, and only Elizabeth, was meant to read.
"She most likely went to London" said Richard, pulling Darcy away from his woolgathering.
"But where?"
"That is what we need to figure out" said Richard pensively.
