A/N: This is mid-Eclipse through the end of Breaking Dawn from Edward's perspective. Thanks for reading!
These characters are not mine and all belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Stolen Kiss II (Eclipse)
The first thing I saw when I broke through the trees was Bella. She lay facedown in the tent, her heart beating out an anxious rhythm.
I was at her side in a second, worried she'd been harmed.
I stroked her hair and she shuddered.
I pulled my hand back. Was my cold touch repulsive now after a night of Jacob Black's warm touch?
"Are you all right?" I murmured.
"No," she whispered. "I want to die."
I felt a flash of anger over whatever he'd done to make her feel this way.
"That will never happen," I vowed. "I won't allow it."
Bella groaned and then whispered, "You might change your mind about that."
I could guess what this was about. I felt a wave of guilt for encouraging his plan.
"Where's Jacob?"
"He went to fight," she mumbled.
I hadn't paid any attention to Seth, caught up in my concern for the girl that lay in front of me, but I listened now.
Jacob, what the fuck?
Do you have any shame?
I think I'm going to lose my lunch.
I'm kind of happy for him.
Shut-up, Embry.
I can't believe you did that, Jake.
You're such a pig.
I really don't want to see this.
Seth's mind rumbled like a disturbed hornet's nest. Amid all the commotion I saw it, I heard it, I could almost feel it. The details were scattered. The wolves individually and collectively processing pieces of the narrative from different points in time while Jacob Black, shooting through the woods like a bullet, victoriously ruminated on his favorite parts.
Unfortunately, my mind was proficient at organizing chaos, quickly assembling the pieces into a logical order.
He'd kissed her. Tangled his hand into her hair. Slipped his hand up the back of her shirt to touch her bare skin. Bowed her body firmly against his. Kissed hungrily along her neck. Forced her to wrap her arms around him.
"You can do better than this, Bella," he'd encouraged her. "You're overthinking it."
This was nauseating.
He remembered her earlobe, how he'd grazed it with his teeth. And how she'd shivered in response.
"That's right. For once, just let yourself feel what you feel."
But she was resisting, he remembered. He kissed her, but she wouldn't kiss him back.
I felt the rage building up inside of me. He'd forced himself on her again? And I'd set him up to do it.
"Are you sure you want me to come back? Or did you really want me to die?"
What was that? I was missing something.
The wolves were confused too, triggering his unwilling explanation. The beginning he'd left off.
"There's a pretty serious fight brewing down there," he'd said. "I don't think it will be that difficult to take myself out of the picture."
He'd threatened to kill himself. I don't know why that surprised me.
"No, Jake, no," she'd begged. "Please, no. I won't let you."
"How will you stop me?"
She'd begged him to stay with her, but he said she'd just run off afterwards.
"I won't run away. I've changed my mind. We'll work something out."
She'd changed her mind, I wondered. Had she meant it? Only said it to save him?
He didn't believer her. Said he didn't want to stick around to be the best man at her wedding.
"I love you, Bella."
"I love you, Jacob."
He started to walk away, confident in his bait.
"Anything," Bella called after him. "Anything you want, Jacob."
"You could ask me," he suggested.
She didn't understand right away, but then she knew.
"Kiss me, Jacob. Kiss me, and then come back."
He'd paused, understanding just how despicable his tactics were.
Then he remembered her words again. How she'd persuaded me to stay with her.
"I was horrible. I had to be..."
He had to be horrible, he decided. To save her.
So he kissed her.
But she wasn't kissing him back. She wasn't trying, she was enduring. And so he'd egged her on until...
"Oh," I said into the quiet of the tent, though my mind existed elsewhere in his memory - in the part he savored most. In the part that was passionate, bordering on violence.
The part where Bella pulled at his hair and he put his mouth eagerly on hers. The part where his fingers clutched frantically at the skin of her waist.
The part where she kissed him back. Pulling him closer. Crushing his lips as he crushed hers. Tasting him as he tasted her. Pressing into him as he pressed into her.
And then, when he felt the pull of time bring him back, she was still gone, her lips moving against his long after his had stopped.
She opened her eyes.
"I have to leave," he whispered.
"No," She pleaded, causing him great joy.
"I won't be long. But one thing first..."
He put his hands on either side of her face and her eyelids slid closed.
Hesitantly, he lowered his face and kissed her once.
"That should have been our first kiss. Better late than never."
I shut out Seth's thoughts the best I could. I needed a moment. I felt... awful.
Certainly jealous. He knew her body in a way I did not. The pressure and resistance of it. His perception of her was so much different than my own. To him her her skin was cool, while to me it was fire. To both of us her lips were soft, but to him they were also strong.
I wanted to kill him. But that wasn't so unusual. It was the same old wound he'd ripped open. The knife just went a little deeper this time.
The old wound was nothing. Nothing beside this new wound that was fresh and burning. Infuriating and devastating.
I'd felt betrayed by her before. When she'd insisted on seeing him. Run to him. When she so much as spared a thought for his feelings. It had been irrational and brutish, but I'd felt it nonetheless.
I felt it now. Stronger. Only it didn't feel irrational this time.
Today, she'd realized a part of herself... with him. She'd kissed him in a way that I didn't know at all. That I could never know.
I doubted that I would have kissed her like that even if I could somehow be human for her. So rough, so violent. A metaphor for their strange relationship. Passionate disagreements and passionate affections.
But I would try very hard not to think about that because there was not one thing Bella Swan could ever do that I would not forgive. Not when she had forgiven me so many times before for far greater sins. Not when her actions were the natural result of my evil. Not when I did not deserve her in the first place.
I forgave her. Absolutely. If it was even my place to do so.
Which left me to to my greatest torment. Uncertainty.
I still didn't know what she wanted. I didn't know if she even knew that.
I needed to get out of my head and focus on the devastated girl beside me because she needed me now and because I was still fighting. I couldn't let her see how much it hurt me. Not after what I'd first done to her. Not if I wanted to win.
I chuckled, hoping it sounded natural. "And I thought I fought dirty. He makes me look like the patron saint of ethics."
Her face was still pressed into the sleeping bag. I brushed my hand along her red cheek.
"I'm not mad at you, love. Jacob's more cunning than I gave him credit for. I do wish you hadn't asked him, though." I wondered if I was allowed to break his jaw for threatening to kill himself. That wasn't all that different than kissing her without her permission.
"Edward," she whispered in the most pitiful voice. "I... I... I'm - "
"Shh. That's not what I meant," I said, running my fingers along her cheek again. "It's just that he would have kissed you anyway - even if you hadn't fallen for it - and now I don't have an excuse to break his face. I would have really enjoyed that, too."
That wasn't exactly true. I didn't know if he would have forcibly kissed her again. But I wasn't going to start fighting fair now. Especially not after what he'd just done.
"Fallen for it?" She mumbled.
"Bella, did you really believe he was that noble? That he would go out in a flame of glory just to clear the way for me?"
She raised her head slowly and finally met my gaze.
I could see myself reflected in her eyes. My face was serene, understanding. Because I was fighting hard.
I was fighting like my life depended on it. Because it did.
I accused Jacob Black of being an ineffectual ass earlier, but then I had descended to use his tactics. And that's when I'd stumbled. If I really wanted her to choose me now I needed to be in rigid control. I needed to fight in my way.
"Yes, I did believe that," she muttered before looking away. The truth didn't seem to make her feel any better.
I laughed softly. "You're such a bad liar, you'll believe anyone who has the least bit of skill."
"Why aren't you angry with me?" She whispered, bewildered. "Why don't you hate me? Or haven't you heard the whole story yet?"
She looked frightened as if I might leave her any second.
"I think I got a fairly comprehensive look," I said in a light, easy voice. "Jacob makes vivid mental pictures. I feel almost as bad for his pack as I do for myself. Poor Seth was getting nauseated. But Sam is making Jacob focus now."
That was true. Sam had phased to speak to Alice and had had an unpleasant reemergence into the pack psyche. He'd ordered the whole pack to stop thinking about Jacob Black's love life.
Seth and the others were immensely grateful for his injunction. As was I.
Bella still looked tortured. She closed her eyes and shook her head against the sleeping bag. I worried the rough fabric would agitate her delicate skin.
"You're only human," I whispered, stroking her hair.
"That's the most miserable defense I've ever heard," she murmured.
"But you are human, Bella. And, as much as I might wish otherwise, so is he... There are holes in your life that I can't fill." I thought about the unrestrained and enthusiastic way she'd kissed him. The pleading in her eyes when he said he had to leave. "I understand that."
"But that's not true. That's what makes me so horrible. There are no holes."
I thought about that for a moment and then it clicked.
Her grief was about so much more than the kiss. Because Jacob Black had been right. If, for once, she just let herself feel what she felt, she would realize what everyone else already had.
"You love him," I murmured gently.
She grimaced.
I knew it and she knew it, but I still hoped.
"I love you more," she finally said. An admission.
"Yes, I know that, too," I said.
Her eyes looked desperately into mine, begging for forgiveness.
But there was nothing to forgive.
Last night. Their kiss. It had all been a long time coming.
"When I left you, Bella, I left you bleeding," I said. "Jacob was the one to stitch you back up again. That was bound to leave its mark - on both of you. I'm not sure those kind of stitches dissolve on their own. I can't blame either of you for something I made necessary. I may gain forgiveness, but that doesn't let me escape the consequences."
She glared at me. "I should have known you'd find someway to blame yourself. Please stop. I can't stand it."
I was fumbling this apparently.
"What would you like me to say?" I asked.
"I want you to call me every bad name you can think of, in every language you know." I could see fresh moisture in her eyes. "I want you to tell me that you're disgusted with me and that you're going to leave so that I can beg and grovel on my knees for you to stay."
"I'm sorry." I sighed. "I can't do that."
"At least stop trying to make me feel better. Let me suffer. I deserve it."
"No," I murmured.
She nodded slowly. "You're right. Keep on being too understanding. That's probably worse."
Seth tensed outside.
Holy shit. That's strong.
Putrid.
God, I have to put that in my mouth?
You've put worse things in your mouth, Leah.
Seriously, Paul? Seth complained.
Paul, knock it off. Everyone focus, Sam ordered.
"It's getting close," Bella observed after my silence.
"Yes, a few more minutes now. Just enough time to say one more thing..."
Bella's eyes were wary.
I leaned down, whispering, "I can be noble, Bella. I'm not going to make you choose between us. Just be happy, and you can have whatever part of me you want, or none at all, if that's better. Don't let any debt you feel you owe me influence your decision."
She pushed herself off the floor onto her knees. Her expression was livid.
"Dammit, stop that!" She shouted at me.
My eyes widened in surprise. She'd never raised her voice at me in anger before, let alone cursed at me.
"No - you don't understand," I scrambled to say. "I'm not trying to make you feel better, Bella. I really mean it."
I felt panicked again. I was failing at this, whatever it was that I was even doing. Fighting for her? Comforting her? I couldn't fathom what was going on in her head, but I was certain the storm there was my fault.
"I know you do," she groaned. "What happened to fighting back? Don't start with the noble self-sacrifice now! Fight!"
I didn't even know how or who or what she wanted me to fight. Fighting dirty had started this whole mess. Playing nice infuriated her. And then what was my opposition? Jacob Black? Her feelings for him? My own idiocy?
"How?" I asked sadly. I had never felt more powerless. Not in a hundred years.
She scrambled into my lap, throwing her arms around me.
"I don't care that it's cold here. I don't care that I stink like a dog right now. Make me forget how awful I am. Make me forget him. Make me forget my own name. Fight back!"
She crushed her lips urgently against mine.
"Careful, love," I murmured.
"No," she growled.
I gently pushed her face away before she could hurt herself.
"You don't have to prove anything to me," I promised her. Though I wondered if she wasn't actually trying to prove something to herself.
"I'm not trying to prove something. You said I could have any part of you I wanted. I want this part. I want every part."
Poor Bella. She'd really had no idea. No grasp at all of her feelings for Jacob until today. I could see that now as she fought herself. She wanted every part of me, so why did she want something else, too? She loved me, so how could she love someone else, too?
These were the questions I imagined she asked herself - or resisted asking herself - as she strained to pull herself against me. I met her lips hesitantly.
This was why Alice had seen Bella's course so clearly all along. Bella had been blind in her stubbornness. Her own mind had made it blasphemy to consider Jacob as a lover or humanity as a legitimate path.
But that path had made itself known. Jacob had made it known.
I was certain when the wolves were out of the way, Alice would see that.
Bella, fighting to keep a grip on the last scraps of her denial, suggestively pressed her body against mine.
"Perhaps this isn't the best moment for that."
"Why not?" she grumbled, dropping her arms.
"Firstly, because it is cold." Her lips weren't their normal rosy pink. I wrapped the sleeping bag around her like a blanket.
"Wrong," she argued. "First, because you are bizarrely moral for a vampire."
I chuckled. I was relieved to see a little humor come back to her. Maybe I was doing okay at this after all.
"Alright, I'll give you that," I allowed. "The cold is second. And thirdly... well, you do actually stink, love."
I wrinkled my nose for effect, hoping I might get a smile out of her. But instead she looked like that made her sadder than anything else I'd said yet. She sighed and her shoulders slumped forward.
"Fourthly," I lowered my lips to her ear to be absolutely certain we weren't overheard, "We will try, Bella. I'll make good on my promise. But I'd much rather it wasn't in reaction to Jacob Black."
She cringed and buried her face into my shoulder. My poor Bella. I'd make sure she was better rested the next time she had to come to terms with life altering truths.
"And fifthly..."
"This is a very long list," she complained.
I laughed. "Yes, but did you want to listen to the fight or not?"
Not a second later, Seth let out a howl of frustration. The wolves in the clearing were readying themselves and he wanted to be down there, too.
Bella stiffened.
Suddenly the scent of her blood was too strong. I looked down and saw her left fist was clenched. Her nails digging into the bandage seemed to have reopened the wound on her palm. I took her hand and gently smoothed out her fingers, trying not to think about her unadorned ring finger.
"It's going to be fine, Bella," I promised. "We've got skill, training, and surprise on our side. It will be over very soon. If I didn't truly believe that, I would be down there now - and you'd be here, chained to a tree or something along those lines."
She ignored that. I knew she was out of it, but I was still surprised I didn't get a rise out of her.
Instead she moaned, "Alice is so small."
I chuckled. She should worry about Emmett getting himself into trouble before she worried about Alice.
"That might be a problem... if it were possible for someone to catch her," I reassured her.
Seth whimpered. He was trying to persuade Sam to let him join with no luck.
"What's wrong?" Bella demanded.
"He's just angry that he's stuck here with us. He knows the pack kept him out of the action to protect him. He's salivating to join them."
That seemed to annoy her.
I passed along to her that Jasper's plan had worked, the newborns had split perfectly into the two groups, and the pack was getting into position.
I was concentrating hard on the pack, but abruptly realized the tent had grown too quiet.
I looked down and sure enough Bella's lips were going white.
"Breathe, Bella," I reminded her.
She breathed too fast at first and I worried she'd hyperventilate, but she seemed to find a natural rhythm.
Holding both of Bella's hands in mine, I narrated the fight. I felt as antsy as Seth, admiring some of the pack's defensive moves while imagining how I would have done others differently.
Jacob was a clear standout. He relied heavily on instinct, which would have helped him if we ever had fought as I wouldn't have had as much to glean from his conscious thoughts. Leah was impressive, too, but more for her speed than anything else.
I was so absorbed in the fight that I smelled the threat before I heard it.
Seth, too, picked up the scent. His breathing stopped and so did Bella's.
I searched outward.
Victoria.
She was close. And she wasn't alone.
I quickly tore open the tent.
Seth was standing there not six inches from my face.
That's Victoria alright. And the other one's familiar, too - the scent from Bella's place. Southeast about a mile out. She won't expect us to be working together, Seth pointed out. Like how she followed the line that night Paul and Emmett got into it. She might run off if she sees us both here. Sneak attack? I can go hide back in the trees.
"Go, Seth!" I whispered urgently.
I'll howl when I'm position - don't know if you'll be able to hear me but I need to get far enough away so she won't suspect something's up.
I heard the pack down in the clearing momentarily freeze up, worried for Seth.
I swept Bella off the ground and bolted to the cliff face. I crouched protectively in front of her.
"Who?" She whispered.
"Victoria," I snarled. "She's not alone. She crossed my scent, following the newborns in to watch - she never meant to fight with them. She made a spur-of-the-moment decision to find me, guessing that you would be wherever I was. She was right. You were right. It was always Victoria."
I'd waited for this moment for a long time. Hoped even, that I would be the one who could take her down. But never in those imaginings was Bella anywhere near.
I shifted slightly, putting myself perfectly between Bella and the two vampires who had just cleared the trees.
Victoria looked just as I remembered her, tall with vivid red hair. The boy with her was blond and a few inches taller than she was. I heard his name in her thoughts. Riley.
Victoria's black eyes feasted on Bella, only reluctantly glancing at me every couple seconds. Bella's large brown eyes stared back in horror. An appropriate response for once.
I could see Victoria's violent fantasy. How she'd claw out Bella's heart and crush it in her hand, leaving no hope for medicine or venom.
Bella's heart seemed to pound harder as if she'd somehow heard Victoria's plan herself.
I heard Seth's howl. He was ready.
Riley stole a glance at Victoria. He was to fight me so she could have the satisfaction of killing Bella herself. She knew I'd probably kill him and she didn't care so long as he distracted me long enough for her to finish her work.
Victoria jerked her chin towards me. A direction for Riley to attack.
"Riley," I said in a soft, pleading voice.
He froze, confused. How...?
After picking through his thoughts, I told him Victoria was lying to him just as she'd had him lie to the newborns.
"Is it so hard to believe that she's lied to you, too?"
I shifted a few inches to the side and he shifted to match.
"She doesn't love you, Riley. She never has. She loved someone named James, and you're no more than a tool to her."
Victoria reacted fiercely to James' name as I hoped she would. Her lips pulled back in a teeth-baring grimace. I wanted to rile her up. Let her get caught up in her emotions and loose focus. Infuriate her enough that it would be too painful for her to flee again.
Riley cast a frantic glance in her direction. He was stung by her strong reaction to this unknown vampire. It made him question whether her affections were real.
"Riley?" I said.
He looked at me again.
"She knows I will kill you, Riley. She wants you to die so that she doesn't have to keep up the pretense anymore. Yes - you've seen that, haven't you? You've read the reluctance in her eyes, suspected a false note in her promises. You were right. She's never wanted you. Every kiss, every touch was a lie."
I inched towards him. Victoria measured the gap between Bella and I.
Riley repositioned himself again, but he was less certain in his movements now.
"You don't have to die," I lied. "There are other ways to live than the way she's shown you. It's not all lies and blood, Riley. You can walk away right now. You don't have to die for her lies."
I moved forward and a little to the side. Riley overcompensated in his answering movement.
"Last chance, Riley." I could hear Seth's mind now. He was close.
Riley looked frantically at Victoria. He could see that I was lethal. He understood my advantage and that it would be impossible to overcome. Did she really care for him? Would she stand by him? Would she leave him to die in her obsession over this insignificant human?
"He's the liar," Victoria countered. "I told you about their mind tricks. You know I love only you."
She was all he knew. The only constant in this new life. Riley's jaw tightened and he squared his shoulders, rejecting my words and his gut instinct that they were true.
Victoria's hands were claws ready to dissect her prey. She trembled with crazed anticipation.
Seth bounded into the clearing with a mighty snarl. He had Riley pinned to the ground in a second already grabbing at his limbs.
Impressive.
"No!" Victoria cried. Her mind was full of grief and disappointment. Her heightened instinct for escape told her the game was over for today. She'd have to start over.
But she's so close, Victoria argued.
I started moving towards her.
I could see through Seth's eyes that Riley was up on his feet again, only a little misshapen. Riley landed a kick on Seth's shoulder and there was a loud crunch as his bone broke. Seth was limping.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I processed Sam's voice. Jacob, Leah, you will stay here and fight the newborns in the clearing.
An order. Necessary because Jacob had wanted to race up here to defend Bella while Leah had wanted to protect her brother.
I pushed these unimportant details aside as I concentrated on Victoria. She felt torn still. Stuck between the warring instincts of self-preservation and vengeance.
For the moment, she reluctantly chose vengeance.
We mirrored each other, moving in half circles. My steps matched hers, not even a sixteenth of a second behind as I anticipated her every step. She got sloppy, though. The anxiety made her hesitate and suddenly I was matching her moves an eighth of a second before she made them herself.
She recognized her weakness and self-preservation started to win out. As I noted Seth pull off another chunk of Riley, Victoria began dancing backwards towards the trees.
But I couldn't let Victoria leave. I needed to finish this because I needed Bella to have a true choice. I needed her to have the option to send me away if that was what she wanted. And I would not go so long as Victoria lived.
"Don't go, Victoria," I murmured. "You'll never get another chance like this."
She bared her teeth and hissed.
"You can always run later," I reassured her. "Plenty of time for that. It's what you do, isn't it? It's why James kept you around. Useful if you like to play deadly games. A partner with an uncanny instinct for escaping."
My words cut her like razors.
"He shouldn't have left you - he could have used your skills when we caught up to him in Phoenix."
She snarled. Vengeance was leading again. She was full of regret that she would not have time to torture Bella before killing her.
"That's all you ever were to him, though," I said calmly, dismissively. "Silly to waste so much energy avenging someone who had less affection for you than a hunter for his mount. You were never more than a convenience to him."
She was on the tipping point. I could feel it.
I smiled at her and tapped my temple. "I would know."
She screeched and flew to the side. I blocked her easily and our dance resumed.
Seth took another hit, but it wasn't as bad as the last one which had almost completely healed. He kept himself between Riley and Bella. I felt his tail brush across my back.
I don't understand, Victoria thought. Won't he defend himself against the beast? They're enemies - I've seen that. He'll turn on him. He must know that and then I'll have my chance.
"No, he won't turn on me. You provided us with a common enemy. You allied us," I explained.
Allied with a werewolf? She remembered a beast larger and more angular than Seth. More monster than animal with flat brown eyes. She remembered how James had tracked it. Killed it.
Impossible, she decided. More lies.
"Look more closely, Victoria," I said, trying to distract her. "Is he really so much like the monster James tracked across Siberia?
"Not the same? Impossible!" She declared again.
"Nothing is impossible," I murmured. "Except what you want. You'll never touch her."
She snarled and we closed the distance. She was a good fighter but no match for my advantages. It was only a matter of time.
I got a hold of her shoulder. She pulled back while I gripped, and just like Riley her shape became distorted, though she was still in one piece.
She slipped out of my grasp, but I quickly got ahold of her other shoulder. I twisted it in the opposite direction so that her torso was bowed unnaturally across the horizontal plane. It made it harder for her to aim her arms as she intended - they weren't aligned and her mind was having trouble compensating quick enough to keep up with me.
Riley was distracted watching us for a moment and Seth crunched off another piece of him. Riley retaliated, launching Seth into the rock face with a sweep of his arm.
Miraculously Bella was not crushed beneath the wolf's body as he crashed back down to the ground. She ducked out of the way just in time.
Seth whimpered and rested on his side, feigning grave injury where he lay between Bella and Riley. He hoped Riley would think he had an easy shot and drop his guard.
Riley fell for Seth's ruse. His lips were pulled away from his teeth as he poised to rip out Seth's throat. A few feet away I had Victoria right where I wanted her.
Suddenly I heard Bella gasp and my throat was on fire.
I froze in absolute terror for a fraction of a second, remembering the story I'd seen in Jacob Black's head. The knife. Her heart.
But I could see Bella through Riley and Victoria's eyes and it was her arm that bled. I let out a sigh of relief. Of exasperation.
Though I wanted visual confirmation for myself that she was okay, I'd have to trust their perfect sight and the vital pounding of her heart, because suddenly I needed to be in two places at once. Seth had not witnessed Bella's stunt.
I launched Victoria, still gawking at Bella, into a tree. Not a heartbeat later I twisted backward and caught Riley by the arm. I planted my foot against his back and heaved.
The shredding sound alerted Seth that something had changed. He leapt to his feet.
My back was still to Victoria as I finally got Riley's arm off. Seth saw her smile and crouch.
He pulled Riley's detached arm out of my grasp with his teeth and launched it at her with a twist of his neck just as she sprang.
The impact, loud as thunder, threw her into another tree.
I was ready for her when she landed in a crouch. We stared at each other, neither of us blinking.
Seth got another of Riley's arms off and Riley called out to Victoria for help. She ignored his pleas.
Seth had an undeniable advantage now. He launched at the Riley and they rolled into the cover of the trees. The air was loud with screeches and screams as Seth made quick work of the floundering vampire.
With the fall of Riley, Victoria's survival instinct reasserted itself.
"No," I tried to persuade her. "Stay just a little longer."
She darted away into the trees and I shot at her unprotected back like a bullet. It was too easy.
With a kiss of death upon her neck, the ginger head rolled and the ache of my bloodlust was satisfied.
Her mind when silent. I realized Riley's mind was quiet now, too.
I could feel Bella's eyes on me as I dismembered Victoria's corpse. As I covered her twitching limbs in dry pine needles. As I gathered pieces of Riley with Seth. As I set it all aflame. As I scoured the entire site for every last stray icy white bit.
I felt her eyes, but I was too ashamed to meet them.
Seth stared at the purple smoke with deep satisfaction, laughing to himself.
Last time the bench us, huh, Edward? A-team right here. Am I right?
I smiled and held out my fist. He bumped his nose to it.
"Nice teamwork," I murmured, feeling dazed.
Any time, bro. He coughed another laugh.
I could hear in his thoughts they were done in the clearing.
The newborns had all been annihilated. Victoria annihilated. Bella's visitor - Riley - annihilated.
The Volturi's impending arrival made me uneasy, but Alice had just updated Sam. All would go smoothly.
The wolves were doing one last sweep to make sure they'd burned everything and then they'd be on their way. As they worked they swapped stories and jibes. Involuntarily they let Seth know just how jealous they were that he'd gotten the best fight. Jacob Black in particular was sour about that.
I caught glimpses of my family in the distance. From what I could tell they were just as at ease.
So it was just me and Bella now. A hideous monster and the terrified girl.
I took a deep breath and turned slowly to face her.
Her eyes were huge, underlined by dark purple shadows, and her mouth hung open a little. She was almost as white as me - not a trace of color in her cheeks. Her hair was a wild mess around her face. She held a jagged blood tipped rock in her broken hand and I could see the dried blood trail down her arm where I knew her scar from her last birthday should have been.
She'd finally seen what I really was. And it terrified her.
Her fear was a crushing force of sadness.
But I needed to focus now. The Volturi were only a few minutes out.
The fact that she was in shock holding a sharp object was my most pressing concern. She'd managed to hurt herself with much more mundane objects than that.
I inclined my neck to meet her eyes in what I hoped was a submissive pose.
"Bella, love," I said softly. I stepped toward her with exaggerated slowness, my hands held up, palms facing forward. "Bella, can you drop the rock, please? Carefully. Don't hurt yourself."
She frowned the slightest bit and stared at me for about twenty seconds. Finally her fingers relaxed and the rock clattered against the ground. Her hand stayed frozen in the air.
I exhaled a quiet sigh of relief, but I didn't move any closer.
"You don't have to be afraid, Bella," I murmured. "You're safe. I won't hurt you." I felt a heaviness in my chest, a tightness in my throat as I uttered the words.
She frowned in confusion, her eyes still too wide.
"It's going to be all right, Bella. I know you're frightened now, but it's over. No one is going to hurt you. I won't touch you. I won't hurt you."
Her eyes blinked furiously. "Why do you keep saying that?" She asked in a soft voice.
I was surprised when she took a step towards me. Reflexively I straightened, leaning away from her. It was just like that night in Port Angeles when I'd hidden my hands from her touch. Fearing her certain repulsion.
Her frown relaxed and her face grew somber.
"What's wrong?" She whispered. "What do you mean?"
She looked almost concerned for me.
I frowned, confused. What was she thinking?
"Are you... aren't you afraid of me?"
Her expression matched my own.
"Afraid of you? Why?"
She staggered forward another step before tripping over her own feet. I caught her and she dove into me, pressing her face into my chest. Her little fists clung to the front of my shirt. She started to sob.
I held her tight against me and moved my lips to her ear.
"Bella, Bella, I'm so sorry. It's over, it's over."
"I'm fine," she gasped. "I'm okay. I'm just. Freaking out. Give me. A minute."
I held her even tighter. "I'm so sorry," I murmured. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."
I apologized over and over again, my reply to each sob and each heaving breath.
Her breathing finally started to slow and suddenly she was kissing me. My chest, my shoulder, my neck - every part of me she could reach.
Each kiss was a flame. A zap of electricity. How could she kiss me after what I'd just done?
I felt off balance in my shock and overwhelming relief. The effects of her small acts of affection were amplified sending my priorities askew.
I wanted her. And I didn't even care that she smelled like him.
The need asserted itself so strongly, so unexpectedly. It was a fight up current to remember we weren't alone, I hadn't prepared, she was undecided, and the Volturi were on their way.
"Are you okay?" She demanded between kisses. "Did she hurt you at all?"
"I am absolutely fine," I promised, burying my face in her hair.
"Seth?"
I chuckled, welcoming the distraction. "More than fine. Very pleased with himself, in fact." He was replaying the entire sequence in his head for the pack in case they'd been too busy with their own fights to watch his live. Some enjoyed the play-by-play than others. I even heard grudging appreciation of my own performance.
"The others? Alice, Esme? The wolves?" She asked anxiously.
"All fine. It's over there, too. It went just as smoothly as I promised. We got the worst of it here."
She took a deep breath and I could see she was finally starting to relax.
The corners of her lips started to turn up, but then she frowned again.
She looked up into my eyes suddenly.
"Tell me why," she insisted. "Why did you think I would be afraid of you?"
The shame chased off by her kisses reclaimed me.
"I'm sorry. So sorry," I said. "I didn't want you to see that. See me like that. I know I must have terrified you."
She stared just past me, appearing deep in thought.
I was rigid with stress as her silence stretched on. I remembered her sweet kisses, her concern. She cared for me, but was that enough? Was she coming to terms with what she'd agreed to marry? Was she revisiting the warnings I'd given her over a year ago? Finally grasping their gravity.
For a solid thirty-seven seconds she was still aside from her rising and falling chest and the breeze in her hair.
The strangest expression came over her face. Humor, exasperation, incredulity.
"Seriously?" she asked. "You... what? Thought you'd scared me off?"
And then she snorted.
I put my hand under her chin and tilted her head back so I could read her face more closely. I couldn't detect even a hint of deception.
Was she still in shock? Had she still not processed it.
"Bella, I just" - cowardly, I hesitated, - "I just beheaded and dismembered a sentient creature not twenty yards from you. That doesn't bother you?"
Her expression didn't change. This wasn't news to her.
I frowned. Her brain didn't work right. It just didn't.
So I shouldn't have been surprised when she responded with a shrug.
"Not really," she said. "I was only afraid that you and Seth were going to get hurt. I wanted to help..."
I lost track of her words as I recalled thinking she'd stabbed herself in the heart.
The memory made me livid.
"Yes," I snapped, glaring at her. "Your little stunt with the rock. You know that you nearly gave me a heart attack? Not the easiest thing to do, that."
Her eyes were round with fear and she avoided my gaze. Well, now she was scared of me.
"I wanted to help..." she murmured in a small voice. "Seth was hurt..."
"Seth was only feigning that he was hurt, Bella. It was a trick. And then you...!" I shook my head. The horrid image made it impossible to speak for a moment. "Seth couldn't see what you were doing, so I had to step in. Seth's a bit disgruntled that he can't claim a single-handed defeat now."
"Seth was... faking?" She asked.
I nodded.
"Oh."
We both looked at Seth as he sat before the fire, mesmerized. Single-handed defeat or not, he'd had the best fight of all the wolves.
"Well," Bella said, sounding truly embarrassed now. "I didn't know that. And it's not easy being the only helpless person around."
She met my eyes, her chin lifted stubbornly. "Just you wait till I'm a vampire! I'm not gong to be sitting on the sidelines next time."
I processed that, overwhelmed by a dozen emotions all at once.
Would she be more reckless as a vampire? All the overconfidence of Emmett, but with only a fraction of his strength once her human blood left her tissues? Would I be fighting just as hard to protect her from herself when she was all but indestructible?
And... did this mean she would still marry me? Still join me? Why was I feeling relief, pure joy, picturing her hard and cold? I shouldn't want that. I didn't want that. Besides, did she even know what she was saying right now? Wasn't it very possible the stress of the fight had made her forget everything that had passed between her and Jacob Black?
But wait. This was silly. "Next time?" I asked. "Did you anticipate another war soon?
"With my luck? Who knows?"
I rolled my eyes, but I was flying - the relief was making us both lightheaded. It was over.
Abruptly the worried 'v' reappeared between her eyes.
"Hold on. Didn't you say something before - ?" She flinched and seemed to get lost in thought for a moment. "About a complication? And Alice needing to nail down the schedule for Sam. You said it was going to be close. What was going to be close?"
Before she'd kissed him, I realized she was about to say. Before she knew she loved him. It seemed she had forgotten about that entirely amid the commotion.
But now wasn't the time for that.
I looked at Seth.
Alice just stepped away so she could see again, Sam said. She seemed concerned Edward and Bella weren't back yet.
I noted how he talked to Seth rather than to me directly.
"Well?" Bella asked.
I looked at her closely. Despite her temporary high from Victoria's downfall, she looked very fragile. I wasn't sure how much more she could take. It would be better to tell her about the Volturi with Jasper nearby.
"It's nothing, really," I said quickly. "But we do need to be on our way..."
I went to pull her onto my back, but she stiffened and drew away.
"Define nothing," she ordered.
I deliberated for a fraction of a second before Jacob Black's words from this morning came back to me: You don't know her at all if you think she'll let this go. Might as well rip the band-aid off now.
I took her face between my palms. "We only have a minute, so don't panic, all right? I told you that you had no reason to be afraid. Trust me on that, please?"
She nodded, but I could se she was already scared. "No reason to be afraid," she said, her voice quivering. "Got it."
I pursed my lips tying to find the words to explain without breaking the girl.
Whoa, that's strong. See how it's done, baby brother!
It was Leah's voice. She picked up a strong scent away from the pyres leading into the trees on the opposite end of the clearing. She broke into a sprint.
"What's she doing?" I asked in harmony with Seth, Sam, and Jacob.
Seth whined.
"No!" I gasped. I was fully in her head, in the pack psyche. She was closing in on a newborn. One that had gotten away. But she was headed straight at it, going for the easy kill. Its arms stretched wide waiting to catch her.
Dammit, Leah, slow down! Jacob said, pushing after but not quite catching her.
Leah - I could hear the authority ringing in Sam's thoughts, but he was too late. It distracted her enough that she slowed, but she didn't have time to stop.
Jacob Black gained on her in her hesitation, coming at an angle.
He was about to do something very brave and very stupid. And she wasn't worth it.
"Don't - !" I shouted.
Leah felt a brutal force against her right side - not where she expected it - and she flew face first into a tree.
The newborn caught Jacob right around the middle and constricted its arms. With sickening cracks and crunches the right side of Jacob's body seemed to collapse against the newborn's steel-hard torso.
I heard Seth's howl as I fell to my knees, gripping the sides of my head.
We couldn't literally feel his pain, but we could feel his mental anguish and suffering in reaction to that pain. That alone was its own torture. Our anxiety for our brother's pain was acute.
Somehow, though he looked broken and disfigured, Jacob was still fighting. Snapping his teeth against the newborn where it had pinned him against its chest. Ripping off its ear, a chunk of its jaw, a bit of the back of its head.
Leah had picked herself up and was turning back to help Jacob.
Go home, Leah, Sam ordered angrily as he bolted across the clearing.
Why didn't he let her help? She was right there. Couldn't Sam run any faster?
For a moment, I couldn't separate my mind from the pack's. Only Bella's terrified voice reminded me where I was.
"Edward! Edward!"
I didn't know when she'd knelt beside me. I focused on her pained, bewildered face. She thought something was wrong with me.
Jacob got a chunk of its neck.
The newborn dropped Jacob, staggering with the pain of its own injury.
"It's okay. We're going to be fine. It's - "
Jacob's fall exacerbated his injuries and his form became further misaligned. He laid out on his side. His right legs were crushed. There was no way he could get up.
Seth howled in anguish.
"We're fine. We're going to be okay," I said along with Sam. He was almost to Jacob. Paul wasn't far behind.
But the newborn focused again and suddenly its hands were claws. Jacob knew it was going in for the kill. He knew he was going to die.
"Sam - help him - " I shouted.
"Don't die, Jake." The memory of Bella's whisper rang in Jacob's head.
Though it seemed impossible that he should have any fight left, Jacob whipped his head up with the strong muscles in his neck just as the newborn's clawed hand brushed the fur over his beating heart.
With a furious rip, Jacob severed the newborn's neck completely. Its body fell on top of him, the limbs twitching.
Sam pulled it off of him and started shredding it. Paul's teeth tore into the head.
The wolves could hear some of my family's worried voices shouting in the distance. Carlisle was running close behind
Jacob's eyes closed against the pain and he saw Bella's eyes.
Bella.
She sagged towards the rocks. I caught her and sprang to my feet.
How the hell are we going to get him out of here? Jared wondered.
Seth was crouched, ready to sprint down to the clearing. Sam was too distracted to stop him.
"Seth!" I shouted. "No! You go straight home. Now. As fast as you can!"
Only Aro would have understood these were not truly werewolves, only shapeshifters. I highly doubted the guard on their way would know that and they would not be interested in explanations otherwise believing they were laying eyes on their most feared enemy.
I shivered imagining the devastating effect Jane's gift could have on their connected minds.
The pack should have left by now, but they didn't know how bad Jacob's injuries were. They didn't know if they could move him. If they were still there when the Volturi arrived... I couldn't risk Seth's fate that way.
Jacob was crying out in pain.
"Please let me take a look. Please let me help." I heard Carlisle's voice. He was standing outside the circle of wolves surrounding Jacob.
They didn't trust him. Paul bared his teeth.
"Seth. Trust me," I said, still begging him to go home.
Seth needed to know Jacob would be okay first. Sam, he pleaded, let Carlisle through. Jacob trusts Carlisle.
Sam was torn.
Jacob tried to twist onto his stomach, hoping to find relief, but it was a mistake. His yowling hit a strident new pitch.
Move out of the way, Paul, Sam ordered as he stepped aside himself.
I felt a surge of relief and realized how desperately I needed Jacob Black to survive.
"Thank you," Carlisle said, fervently.
Seth straightened up and flew into the trees. He was headed home.
I cradled Bella to my chest and took off through the trees down the steep slope.
A/N: Whenever I'd read this part of the book in the past, it just gave me so much secondhand embarrassment for Bella. Trying to imagine it from Edward's POV in a way that felt true made me actually feel bad for her and give her a little more credit.
Thanks for all the love guys! Up next, the Volturi...
