A/N: This is mid-Eclipse through the end of Breaking Dawn from Edward's perspective. Thanks for reading!

These characters are not mine and all belong to Stephenie Meyer.


La Push (Eclipse)

I expected to feel something as we crossed over the boundary line.

When it stood between Bella and I, it felt so alive. As magical and menacing as the creatures who had agreed upon it.

But I felt nothing as the tires of the Mercedes passed over it now. On the other side, the road continued to wind and the trees looked just the same.

The unusually sunny morning had given way to heavy dark clouds. They were almost purple, not so different from the from the acrid smoke we'd left back in the clearing.

Carlisle and I hardly spoke. He worried for me, but allowed me my space. Mostly he tried to focus on perfectly memorized research papers for anything that might help him treat his most unique patient yet. I could hear a little giddiness in his thoughts over the new challenge.

The fragrant brine of the ocean passed through the vents as the trees began to thin. It reminded me of Bella. A much more subtle scent I'd find in her hair and clothes, all but disguised by Jacob's.

The sun found a small break in the clouds just as the road curved northward revealing a stunning view of the ocean.

The water was a deep emerald, framed on either side by the jade green Sitka spruce that grew along the highway. Out across the water to the North I saw what I guessed was James Island. It glowed orange against the dark storm clouds behind it.

"It's beautiful," I murmured.

"Isn't it?" Carlisle agreed.

I could feel her here. See her exquisiteness in the brightly painted coastline. Like her, the sea was steady yet constantly in motion. Always changing.

I remembered what Renée had told me that evening in Florida while Bella was upstairs. How she and Charlie met on First Beach and fell in love. It seemed only natural that the love that created Bella had been sparked here.

The sun slid behind the clouds again, but the beauty was not lost, only dimmed. I could see sharp cliffs in the rearview mirror now. I wondered if that was where she jumped. I shuddered.

Carlisle glanced at me but I just shook my head.

I navigated him down the dirt lanes following Bella's directions. It had been strange, a first, for her to direct me somewhere.

I heard Jacob first.

"He's in a lot of pain, Carlisle."

He nodded. I could hear his regret that we weren't able to get here sooner.

The little house was vaguely familiar from Jacob's memories. It was faded red with narrow windows, surrounded by patches of trees.

Rustic, just as Bella liked. I could see how she found peace here.

As we got out of the car, Sam pushed Billy's chair down the little ramp descending from the little porch. Jared and Paul, already outside, closed ranks around Sam.

I stayed back as Carlisle greeted Billy. The man didn't so much as flinch at Carlisle's cold skin when they shook hands. I could hear his overwhelming relief.

The other men did not share Billy's ease. They eyed me suspiciously.

"I hope it's alright that I've brought my son." Carlisle lowered his voice. Charlie was watching from just inside the house. "Of course, there isn't any literature on proper dosage of morphine and anesthesia for Jacob's unique physiology. My experience in conjunction with Edward's abilities will ensure we make Jacob comfortable as quickly as possible."

Billy was ready to agree, but he looked up at Sam first.

Sam hesitated.

Come on, Sam, Seth thought, listening from inside the house. Jacob's suffered long enough.

Suddenly the boy bounded out the door and to my side. Surprising everyone, including myself, he clapped a hand on my back.

"Trust me, Billy," Seth said, though he looked at Sam. "You want this guy on your team."

Sam looked at him disapprovingly for a second, but then nodded.

I walked into the tiny house last. The space felt claustrophobic with Jacob, seven of his pack mates, two vampires, and three humans. I recognized the third human from Seth's thoughts the previous night - this was his mom.

Carlisle and Charlie shared a warm greeting before Charlie looked at me.

"Edward," he said with a curt nod. He was thinking of Bella. The expression she wore when she lied.

The small crowd parted for us and I could see Jacob was laid out in the middle of the living room floor, panting and grimacing in pain. His right side was contorted strangely, his torso twisted unnaturally.

It was very fortunate Charlie's presence had kept Bella away. I didn't want her to see this.

Some of his brothers remembered carrying him in. Being moved had been excruciating for him and he'd lashed out. But he was mostly quiet now. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut, his thoughts mostly wordless in his pain.

"You wouldn't have room to work in his bedroom," Billy said guiltily. "And he's too tall to lay flat on the couch."

"It's perfectly fine, Billy," Carlisle said as he knelt by Jacob's head. "Do I have your permission to give him morphine?"

"Please," Billy said. "Whatever you think he needs. I trust your judgement."

"Carlisle, shouldn't we get Jake up to the hospital?" Charlie asked.

Billy sighed. He'd already told Charlie he didn't want to take Jacob to the hospital.

"We're dealing with broken bones," Carlisle said. "No head injury, no open wounds. It will be better for Jacob if we don't move him too much and this way he can heal where he's most comfortable."

I knelt beside Carlisle and pulled supplies out of his bag as he thought of them.

Seth subtly maneuvered so he was standing between me and Paul, literally watching my back. Though in truth, it was Quil on my other side who I believed to be the bigger threat at the moment.

"Jacob? It's Carlisle Cullen. How are you doing?" He asked as he prepared an IV.

"Super, doc," Jacob spat, his teeth clenched.

"I'm going to hook you up to an IV - it's the fastest way to get you some relief - so you're going to feel a little pain in your wrist, alright?"

"That will be such a change," Jacob muttered.

As I looked at him now, I knew the fight had left me completely. I knew Jacob wasn't just better for Bella, he was good for her. Her scent, still heavy in his hair, on his skin, seemed to underline that fact.

Remembering the newborn's face, Bree, I wanted so much more for Bella. I wanted her here, in a little house somewhere just down the road. Maybe somewhere with a short walk down to the beach. She could teach English at the local high school.

At the end of the day she'd come home to her Jacob. His brothers would be her brothers. Their partners, her sisters.

The day she turned thirty, an acceptable age, he'd take her for a stroll along the beach. He'd get down on one knee and she'd give an enthusiastic yes. Eventually they'd have children. A girl who looked just like Bella and a boy who looked just like him.

Her evolving life would be full and rich. She'd rarely think back on the dark years when the Cullen's had haunted her life.

Before it seemed possible Bella and I could have a future together, I'd imagined how I might crush skull of the man who would share her future.

But that wasn't what I thought now. No, what I thought now was this was not how Bella's future husband, her only shot at humanity, should look. Pale, broken, distressed.

What if the damage was worse than it looked? Broken bones could puncture organs. Cause blood clots. How did Carlisle know his internal injuries weren't more extensive?

I saw my concerned, agonized face reflected in Charlie's head and for the first time I sensed warmth towards me in his opaque thoughts.

"Jacob," Carlisle said. "On a scale from one to ten, how bad is your pain now?"

"Maybe down to five now," he said, his speech slurred from the morphine.

He opened his eyes for the first time and looked first at Carlisle and then noticed me.

"Ugh," he groaned, closing his eyes again. "This guy."

A few people laughed.

You look upset, he thought sleepily. Guess that means I'm gonna pull through after all.

He started to mutter about something about 'bloodsuckers.' Fortunately it was nearly inaudible to the humans in the room, but Sam didn't want to take any chances.

He looked up at Seth's mom - Sue, I heard in his thoughts. She met his eyes and watched him glance quickly at Charlie and then back to her.

"Charlie," Sue said. "Why don't we wait outside. It's a bit crowded in here."

I was surprised to hear a tenderness towards Charlie in her thoughts. A tenderness Charlie returned.

Their exit was well-timed. Soon Jacob drifted to sleep, the drugs and exhaustion catching up to him, and Carlisle needed my help.

He had put off doing a physical exam until Jacob's pain was managed, knowing the poking and prodding would have been nothing short of torture.

As far as I could tell from Jacob's thoughts, unable to feel his pain directly, the morphine was working.

"I think it's alright now," I murmured to Carlisle.

Aware of the tension in the room, Carlisle carefully explained his intentions before mentally cataloguing the damage as he probed along the right side of Jacob's body.

"I think he could use more morphine," I said near the end.

"Yes, I thought it smelled a little faint."

"He's burning it off quickly." I frowned. Hopefully Carlisle had brought an adequate supply.

When he was satisfied, Carlisle stood and addressed Billy and Sam.

"The good news is Jacob is going to be just fine. Many of his bones have started to heal already. Less fortunate, is that some of the bones are not set right. You can see that yourself, of course."

And Billy could. There were fresh tears on his cheeks as he looked over his deformed son. I saw the same woman's face that Jacob had remembered the night before. His mother. Glad Sarah isn't here to see this...

"What needs to be done, Carlisle?" Sam asked, seeing Billy was beyond words.

Carlisle took a deep breath. "I'll need to rebreak some of his bones so they can be reset. He won't be able to move for a few days, but he heals quickly so he won't need casts, only braces."

Billy's face scrunched up in agony. I heard similar responses in some of his brothers, while others focused more on analyzing the threat we posed.

Billy didn't look to Sam this time. The desire to see his son normal and whole eclipsed every ounce of knowledge and prejudice the man held in his body.

"Yes," he said simply.

"Billy," Paul snarled, "You can't be serious."

Billy gave him a tired look. "Paul, take me outside. I can't watch this."

Paul wanted to argue, but Sam silenced him with a look.

"Collin, Brady, Seth. You go, too." Sam ordered, fearing for the younger wolves' control. "But don't go far."

Collin and Brady followed, but Seth stood his ground.

"Sam, please," Seth begged. "We wouldn't be here if it weren't for my sister and I proved myself today."

Kid's getting cocky, Sam thought. But it wouldn't hurt to have one more just in case...

"Fine, but stay out of the way."

Carlisle recommended moving Jacob to his bed so he wouldn't be stuck on the floor for days.

Billy hadn't exaggerated, Jacob's room was small. It fit his double bed and little else. The white walls were mostly bare. There was a calendar still displaying the page for February. A bulletin board displayed a couple school flyers and an old movie ticket. Those were dated February as well.

The anesthesia worked quickly, pulling Jacob into a deep, dreamless sleep. I helped Carlisle with some of the braces, but he did the actual breaking.

Sam and Jared watched from just inside the doorway while the others stood in the tiny hallway.

Even with the more volatile members of the pack outside, it was tense as Carlisle worked. With each snap the men pushed against the heat passing along their spines threatening to change them. I was again amazed at Carlisle. Any other vampire would have been distracted if not completely overcome by the need to defend himself.

Self-preservation above all else.

Self-preservation. The reason why, despite all the wisdom I'd acquired over a hundred years and all the insight I'd gained in the past twenty-four hours, I still hoped Bella would choose me.

She should choose him. For her, I wanted that. It was the only right path for her now.

But for me, I hoped.

For me, I needed him to be okay so the choice was real. I didn't want to be the option she was forced into. The most evil part of me wanted her to completely understand everything she could have and still want me more.

Taking Jacob's advice to stop lying to myself, I had to accept that truth.

And for him? For him, I truly hoped, with all my heart, that magic would bring him his own happiness.


Carlisle let Billy know we'd stay at least until Jacob woke from the anesthesia. At that point, he planned to switch Jacob to a morphine tablet as his body kept rejecting the IV needle, pushing it from his vein and out of his skin as it tried to heal the small puncture.

I felt particularly grateful to Alice today for taking care of Bella and thinking of the more practical things.

The minute Charlie climbed into his police cruiser, I went out front to call her and told her to give Bella the keys to the Volvo. I knew Bella would be thinking of nothing but Jacob and figured that, for once, she would find her sluggish truck inadequate. Alice was the one who thought to delay her, certain, even while Charlie was still in her blind spot, that he would recognize the Volvo driving the opposite direction on the highway and be interested in who was driving it.

I stayed outside, waiting for her anxiously. Carlisle didn't need me at the moment - I'd just advised him to up Jacob's morphine - and my scent caused the others discomfort.

It was uncomfortable to be here in this lull where I had nothing to do. Nothing to busy my hands with, no pressing thoughts to read.

I watched as Jacob's brothers started to leave here and there - they ignored me, except for Seth who shook my hand - until only Sam, Quil, and Emrby remained. It spoke volumes that the guard was so small now.

Bella arrived and it was clear this little red house was like home to her. She walked through the front door without knocking and went straight to Jacob's bedside, pulling me by the hand with her.

I could see unshed tears in her eyes as she looked over his unconscious form and Carlisle did his best to reassure her.

"He'll really be okay?" She whispered.

I didn't focus on Carlisle's answer, instead watching the images in Jacob's unconscious mind - his first dreams since going under sedation. It was just Bella's eyes at first. Then the rest of her face. Her blushing cheeks. Her pink lips. Then they were walking on the beach hand in hand.

"At least Sam got to him before..." Bella's voice trailed off.

I squeezed her hand tighter.

"At least we have each other," Jacob told her in his dream.

"At least there's that," Bella replied.

Through the long hours in the tent, in the little house, I'd become somewhat acclimated to his scent. Now, with both hers and his swirling in the small room, I found a disturbing harmony in the potent amalgam.

Bella wasn't there thirty minutes when Alice called insisting I send her back. She could see that Charlie was already suspicious.

"Plus," Alice said. "The girl still needs a shower. What would Charlie think if she walked in the door looking like that?"

Bella refused initially and I didn't have it in me to fight her. She could have whatever she wanted. We'd worry about Charlie later.

Fortunately, Carlisle, just like Alice, helped pick up the slack for me today. Thanks to his unparalleled bedside manner, I was walking her out to the car after only a few minutes' persuasion.

"You'll be okay driving?" I asked, looking over her exhausted face doubtfully.

"I'm fine," she said with a small smile. "I love you."

"I love you, Bella." I kissed her on the forehead and turned abruptly back for the house not wanting her to see my face.


Alice was waiting out front when I got home. Bella was already gone, likely on her way to La Push by now after reassuring Charlie.

"What is it, Alice?"

I didn't see anything. I haven't been able to with all the trips down to La Push. "But she said some things."

"Yes?"

She remembered standing behind Bella, combing her hair. She'd dressed her in a long-sleeve forest green dress I'd never seen before. Her lips were a deeper pink than usual I realized. The outfit and the lipstick made her look older. More mature.

Had she needed to dress her that nicely to go see Jacob?

It helped her alibi for Charlie, Alice defended herself, seeing the confusion on my face.

"What did she say, Alice?" I asked, sounding defeated and impatient at the same time.

Well, I asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about. What with everything that... passed between her and Jacob earlier. It's so frustrating to not be able to see and just know! And trying to get information from her -

"Yes, I can't imagine what that's like," I quipped.

"Right," she said quickly. "Anyway..."

"Will I be like that?" Bella had asked in a subdued voice. "Like that girl Bree in the meadow?"

"Everyone is different - " I didn't want to say yes, but I remembered my promise to you. That I wouldn't try to sway her -"but something like that, yes."

Bella was very still, her forehead crumpled and her eyes far away.

"It passes," Alice promised.

"How soon?" Bella asked.

I wondered what was an acceptable amount of time. What length of time would make her choose the pretty life waiting for her on the coast over an eternity of night and thirst?

"A few years, maybe less," Alice answered. "It might be different for you. I've never seen anyone go through this who's chosen it beforehand. It should be interesting to see how that affects you."

"Interesting," Bella repeated. Her expression vacant. Her eyes devoid of their usual curious light.

I closed my eyes. Bella understood. After a year and a half of trying to get my warnings through her impenetrable skull, she finally understood.

"We'll keep you out of trouble," Alice promised.

"I know that. I trust you." Bella's voice was monotone, dead.

Alice put her hand on my arm. "Do you want to hear anymore?"

"There's more?" I asked, my voice sounding as dead as Bella's had.

"It's not all bad," she said softly.

"Yes, I want to know." I wasn't sure if that was true, but it was habit.

"Okay," she said skeptically.

"Can I ask you another question about the future?" Bella had asked. "I don't want specifics, just an overview."

"I'll do my best," Alice replied hesitantly.

"Can you still see me becoming a vampire?"

"Oh, that's easy. Sure, I do."

Bella nodded. Her face looked downcast, as if she'd hoped to hear something else.

My throat felt tight and my eyes stung.

"Don't you know your own mind, Bella?"

"I do. I just wanted to be sure."

"I'm only as sure as you are, Bella. You know that. If you were to change your mind, what I see would change... or disappear, in your case."

Bella sighed. "That isn't going to happen, though."

"See?" Alice asked squeezing my arm. "Not all bad."

Her hope was real, but so was her anxiety.

"Was there anything else?" I asked.

"I'm sorry," Alice had told her. "My first memory is of seeing Jasper's face in my future; I always knew that he was where my life was headed. But I can sympathize. I'm so sorry you have to choose between two good things."

"Don't feel sorry for me," Bella snapped, getting up to leave.

"Two good things," I scoffed.

"How is it that you can read minds and still perceive yourself the way you do?"

I looked up at her.

"I know right from wrong, Alice. The positive regard that you or Esme or Carlisle have for me doesn't change that. And if others' perceptions of me were relevant, Charlie and Jacob, the two humans who love her most, would never choose me for her."

She could see no point in arguing with me.

"Go get a shower. You smell almost as bad as Bella did and I'm sure she'll be a little while."

I followed her orders, feeling numb as I did. My chest was hollow, my heart with the beautiful girl in La Push.

Once clean I grabbed the engagement ring from its box on my nightstand and put it in my pocket. A small act of faith.

But what was I supposed to do now? I didn't have the energy to run or to pace. I didn't want to feed, though my throat burned with neglected thirst. I felt like the man I'd been through the fall and winter months who could do no more than curl up in dirty, pest infested crawl spaces.

I froze when I got to the top of the grand staircase.

I forced myself to take one step and then another. But what was the point?

I collapsed onto the step beneath me, covering my face with my hands.

There was the whisper of steps and then I felt the gentle touch of caring hands. Esme sat on my left side. She pulled me against her holding me as if I was a small child.

My son... It'll work out. I know it will. I have faith that it will.

Alice curled up against my right side, pressing her forehead into my arm. She was searching. Searching fruitlessly yet tirelessly for Bella's future.

Carlisle settled in a few steps lower, leaning against the wall.

After a few minutes Rosalie drifted down the stairs. She brushed her hand through my hair for a moment.

I'm going to leave before I accidentally think the wrong thing or say something stupid. But I want you to know... I want you to be happy. Even if it's different than the way I would do it. You deserve that.

She left with Emmett, and Jasper followed. It seemed cruel to him to force happier emotions on me with what might be coming.

Thirty minutes passed. And then an hour.

Alice kept pushing. Searching further and further into the darkness and finding nothing.

The four of us never moved. The only changes were the dimming light coming through the windows and the thud of the rain on the roof as the clouds finally released their bounty.

Maybe Bella wouldn't come home tonight. Would she at least call?

Suddenly there was a flicker in Alice's thoughts. A quick spark of light.

I sat up and looked at her, grabbing her hands in each of mine.

Her eyes stared back, but they didn't see. Like a flood, the darkness became light. A thousand images aligning themselves into Bella's future with more clarity and more reach than ever before. A thousand images flickering past so quickly I couldn't process them all.

Bella human. Laughing with me in our meadow. Sitting next to me across from Charlie wearing my ring. Holding my hand as she looked at Alice's smiling face disapprovingly. Walking towards me, her face painted. In blue, running beside me to the car as rice rained down on us. Rice that morphed into an inexplicable shower of feathers. Feathers that landed on bare skin. Bare skin and lace and sheets and excited brown eyes.

Red eyes in a beautiful face. A graceful figure clad in ice blue silk running beside me through the forest. An enchanting smile. Shimmering skin. A cottage. Green-blue flames dancing along driftwood. A large white bed. More bare skin...

"What is it?" Esme asked anxiously, breaking our trance.

Alice and I both smiled unable to speak, overwhelmed by our joy.

Esme sighed and locked eyes with Carlisle. They shared a smile of their own.

"Where is she, Alice?" I asked eagerly.

She concentrated for a moment.

"Oh," we said in unison.

The Chevy pulled to the side of road. Bella slumped across the front seat.

"Go!" Alice ordered, but I was already out the door.

I sprinted through the forest, the rain pelting my skin. I tried to not think of the glimmering artifacts of the future. They would have to wait.

I opened the truck door, nearly ripping it off the hinges in my haste.

She was curled in a ball on the seat, her arms squeezed tightly around her torso.

I cranked the heater and pulled her into my arms, curling her body into mine, tucking her head beneath my chin. She shuddered against me with loud violent sobs. I held her tighter than I ever had, hoping I might somehow be able to hold her broken heart together.

The beautiful future I'd glimpsed felt like a million years away. If it was real at all.

The sky was black when she finally spoke, but I couldn't understand her.

"What is it? What is it, Bella?" I whispered.

"Charlie," she sobbed. "He'll - he'll be... Charlie."

"Are you really ready to go home?"

I didn't know if the man could bear to see her like this. Not after everything I'd already put him through this year. He would demand information and I didn't know if she was strong enough to give it. He'd assume the worst. Maybe he'd lock her up and never let her out into this vile world again.

She spoke again, but again it was muddled.

I put my hand under her chin and gently lifted her face so I could read her lips.

"I don't understand, Bella. I'm sorry," I said desperately, wishing more than ever that I could read her mind.

"It's not going to... It's not going to... get better. Right now. And he'll call - "

Her tear stained cheeks were flushed. The hair around her face was damp from her tears and my rain-moistened shirt.

"Okay," I said, frowning. "I'll get you home."

I tucked her firmly against my side, driving about twenty miles below the speed limit in hopes that she might come back to herself somewhat.

The sobs continued at first and then, following gasped breaths more destressing than the sobs themselves, her system seemed to settle into a quieter form of misery.

I lifted her out of the truck and set her down in front of the porch.

Her face was dead. Flat except for the glimmer of the porch light reflected in the droplets still flowing from her dark eyes. It was a face I'd only seen before in Jacob and Charlie's thoughts. In Alice's visions.

"Wait for me upstairs," she mumbled.

I hugged her close. I wasn't going to let go, but then I heard Charlie's worried thoughts inside.

I leaned against the wall beside the window in her room.

Charlie watched her walk past without greeting.

"Bella?" He called casually.

She froze and then turned to look at him.

He jumped to his feet, Jacob's face in his thoughts and then Billy's.

"What happened? Is Jacob...?" He demanded.

Bella shook her head furiously. "He's fine, he's fine," she said, her voice hoarse.

"But what happened?" He grabbed her shoulders and searched her eyes. A dozen images flickered through his head. Identical empty faces, but clearly from different points in time. And then my face. "What happened to you?"

"Nothing, Dad. I... just had to talk to Jacob about... some things that were hard. I'm fine."

I hadn't really considered what they might have said to one another in that final conversation. Caught up first in my relief and then in her despair.

I hoped he was kind. He'd been robbed. But I was the dealer of his torment. Not Bella.

"Was this really the best time?" Charlie asked.

"Probably not, Dad, but I didn't have any alternatives - it just got to the point where I had to choose... Sometimes there isn't any way to compromise."

I wondered just how close that choice had been, but tried to shake off the thought. What did it matter? Was it at all fair to be jealous of the lesser love she had for the devastated boy with the broken bones and the broken heart?

I'd won. The victory was not sweet, but it was mine. She was mine. That was enough.

Charlie shook his head slowly. With a sense of grief, he remembered Bella and Jacob emerging from the trees beside the red house, holding hands, laughing and stumbling.

"How did he handle it?"

She said nothing and he understood.

He nodded. I sensed his pity for the boy he all but considered to be his son.

"I hope you didn't mess up his recovery," he said cruelly. My body tensed with anger.

"He's a quick healer," she mumbled.

Charlie sighed and I saw my face again. Though I couldn't hear it precisely in his thoughts, I was certain he blamed me for Jacob's pain. On that point, he was right.

Bella's lips trembled and she started blinking back tears.

"I'll be in my room," she told him, shrugging out from underneath his hands.

"Kay," he agreed.

It sounded as if Bella stumbled several times as she made her way to her room.

As soon as she had the door closed behind her, she fumbled with the clasp on her bracelet, trying to undo it with shaking fingers.

I moved quickly to her side, capturing her hands. "No, Bella. It's part of who you are."

In what would be her much too short human life, in the extension of it that I had forced upon her, her friendship and love story with Jacob Black was surely among its most significant chapters.

I pulled her into the cradle of my arms as her sobs broke free again.

Bella wept for hours. I felt helpless, seeing no way to soothe her unending heartache and hurt. I wished I could hear the thoughts that assailed her. Maybe I could dispel them or at least endure the torture as she did.

Charlie suffered too. He hardly slept and when he did he had nightmares.

I wondered why he didn't come to check on her. Perhaps because this routine was all too familiar from a not so distant time. Still, I resented his shirking of fatherly duties.

It seemed her sobs were finally starting to slow. She looked into my eyes for a minute, her eyelids growing heavy. But just when I thought sleep would take her, her eyes widened in horror.

"No," she breathed putting her palm against my cheek. "Oh no."

Had she changed her mind? Certainly she'd made a mistake in rejecting him. Was she seeing that now?

"What is it?" I whispered anxiously.

"I - I - I'm - Edward, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she sobbed.

"For what? There's nothing to apologize for. Are -"

"Nothing to apologize for?!" she whispered fiercely. "I'm a monster, Edward. And you - you're here. I wasn't supposed to do this. I promised myself I wouldn't do this."

"Do what, Bella? What is it? Please don't be upset with yourself," I begged.

Her face crumpled. "I keep hurting you -"

"Me?"

"- and here you are watching me cry over him all over again."

"Bella -"

"I'm selfish. Faithless." She hiccupped. "A pathetic excuse for a fiancée."

"Bella, no," I insisted. "That's not true."

"I just keep hurting you again and again," she wailed.

"Shh... Please, for me, please stop tormenting yourself."

She pressed her face into my chest, taken by a fresh wave of anguish.

I brushed my hand over hair and rubbed her back until, at long last, she fell asleep.

Even unconscious she was restless and agitated.

She professed her love for him and her love for me. Apologized again and again. Begged him to stay.

Her body twitched and tossed. Sometimes tears still leaked from her eyes.

"Love you, Jacob... until my heart stops," she murmured, and finally her lips were still.


It wasn't the worst night of my existence, but it was close.

Watching her suffer, and knowing it was my fault... there weren't words for that degree of pain. It far exceeded anything Jane could ever do to me.

Mostly I hurt for her, but, selfish as always, I hurt for myself too. I remembered back before I left her. When things were still simple. "You are my life," she'd said. "You're the only thing it would hurt me to lose."

Bella had discovered her love for the boy only to be heaped with trauma before she could even process it. Victoria, the newborn, Jacob's injuries. Through the night the truth had viciously asserted itself, burning her at the stake.

The truth was Bella had made the wrong choice. There could be no other explanation.

My feelings had not changed. I still wanted her and needed her more than anything. She was still the only thing worth living for.

But I was the villain. Wasn't this the part of the story where, in an act of compassion for the star-crossed lovers, I revoked my claim? The part where I delivered her back to his bedside for a tearful, passionate reunion and set out on my own way?

No, my claim was irrevocable. My fate was tied completely to her will and her claim. I would make her see the truth, though, if she was too stubborn to see it herself.

When Bella woke she still looked tired. Her eyelids were swollen and the whites of her eyes too red.

"Hey," she said, her voice husky. She cleared her throat.

I watched her carefully, not speaking. She looked so fragile. I worried the wrong word might shatter her calm façade.

Her face changed to one of concern. She was worried about me.

"No, I'm fine," she promised. "That won't happen again."

Her words made my stomach turn. She was not fine. She was devastated.

That won't happen again.

As if her feelings had been wrong or shameful.

"I'm sorry that you had to see that," she said. "That wasn't fair to you."

God, it hurt when she did that.

I put my hands on either side of her face.

"Bella..."

I was sure the devil was laughing at me. He'd given me everything I wanted and, like a fool, here I was searching for the strength to throw it all away.

"Are you sure? Did you make the right choice? I've never seen you in so much pain -" My voice broke on the last word.

There wasn't a hint of doubt in her face. She touched my lips. "Yes."

"I don't know..." My frown deepened. "If it hurts you so much, how can it possibly be the right thing for you?"

"Edward, I know who I can't live without."

"But..."

She shook her head. "You don't understand. You may be brave enough or strong enough to live without me, if that's what's best. But I could never be that self-sacrificing. I have to be with you. It's the only way I can live."

She was the bravest and most self-sacrificing person I'd ever met. So either she was sacrificing her happiness for me now or I'd completely underestimated the pain I'd caused her when I left.

"Hand me that book, will you?" She asked, pointing to her battered copy of Wuthering Heights.

"This again?" I asked, confused.

"I just wanted to find this one part I remembered... to see how she said it..." She flipped through the pages. "Cathy's a monster, but there were a few things she got right," She muttered. "'If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger." She nodded to herself. "I know exactly what she means. And I know who I can't live without."

I wanted very much to believe her. To believe that right or wrong, we were meant to be together. That we would be together, all of the hurdles behind us now.

I pulled the book from her hands and tossed it onto the desk across the room. I wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Heathcliff had his moments, too," I said, smiling a little. I pulled her closer and put my lips to her ear. "'I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!"

"Yes," she said quietly. "That's my point."

"Bella, I can't stand for you to be miserable. Maybe..."

"No, Edward. I've made a real mess of things, and I'm going to have to live with that. But I know what I want and what I need... and what I'm going to do now."

"What are we going to do now?"

She smiled at my correction and then sighed. "We are going to go see Alice."


A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews! They're so encouraging :)

This was my favorite chapter to write so far. Let me know what you guys think!