A/N: Picture the italicized memories as split scenes. Jack and the kids are having the same conversation with their parents, just at different times. Elliot's responses are italics, Liv's are bold italics.
Also, here's your warning: next two are gonna be bumpy.
"After therapy, you need a fight. A good, knock down, drag out fight." Jack said.
"What??" El cried.
"Jack…"Liv sighed.
"Hear me out. You guys have a ton of history. Like 50 years…"
"25," Liv corrected.
"Whatever," he rolled his eyes, "anyways, ton of history and you guys haven't talked it out."
"How do you know?" Elliot asked, crossing his arms.
"How??? Dad...We all know!" Eli exclaimed.
"It's literally so obvious, mom," Mo said.
Liv chuckled and held her face. "We'll see about that one."
"Yeah guys not sure, there."
"Olivia, Elliot… it's good to see you both together," Dr. Lindstrom said, smiling at the couple across from him and taking note of their body languages.
It was a Thursday, two weeks post gala and dinner, that they were finally able to get an appointment.
El was slumped back, relaxed and sitting with his legs spread, but fiddling with his wedding band.
Liv, on the other hand, was rigid and clearly nervous.
"Thanks for having us doc," he smiled.
"Thanks," she smiled quickly.
"Olivia… you seem a little nervous… talk to me about that?"
"I just um…" she cleared her throat and paused. "There's so much we haven't dealt with."
"That's why we're here," El said softly, reaching out to take her hand.
"That's exactly right, Elliot. Now, tell me the story as you lived it, Olivia," the doctor asked.
Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, a million memories rushing through her head at record pace.
"We… I…." She trailed off, and her breath started to come hard and fast.
"Liv," El whispered, scooting closer to her. "I'm right here," he said, rubbing her back soothingly. "Nothing you can say is any different from what I've spent years yelling at myself over."
She nodded quickly and wiped her eyes, sniffling a bit. "I um…. El and I were partners. And just after Eli was born, we had a tough case and uh… well you, know, Kathy was targeted and murdered," she whispered. "El and I just got closer and closer. I stepped into the mom role, I mean gosh Eli was only 6 months old and the twins were what? 3?" She asked, looking to him and he nodded.
Sitting back Liv sighed. "We married and adopted Noah and things were perfect… till I got pregnant with Jack and," her hands that were in front of her, aiding in her talking, made a forward motion as she trailed off. "He disappeared. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally."
"Elliot," Lindstrom asked, looking towards him. "Talk to me about that."
"I fucked up," he admitted with a sigh.
"Understatement," Liv muttered.
He sighed and sat back, still keeping hold of her hand. "Finding our she was pregnant with Jack brought this entire new… fear? Understanding that I never dealt with my shit? And I didn't know how to and I never was taught. So I suddenly had this fear that my new little baby was going to get the worst version of me and I… I guess I just gave into that."
"You did… and you left me alone. With two teens and four little ones and one one the way... all who needed their dad. I needed my husband, Elliot, you were the single most important person in my life and you just… disappeared," she trailed off.
"Liv," he said, blinking quickly… "I'm… I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."
"It… it almost doesn't matter?" She questioned, pausing to look at him. "And that's what kills me. That's what I struggle with," she said, getting caught up in her emotions. "You can say sorry all you want but you'll never get that time with your children back. You'll never get that time back with me!"
"Calm down," he tried and she shook her head. "Don't tell me to calm down, El! You have no idea what it was like. You escaped into work and I had to make your kids better."
"My kids?!"
"Our kids, fuck Elliot you know what I mean. Don't distract!"
"Okay, okay, okay," Lindstrom said, holding his hands up. "Sit back and let's both take a breather."
They both did as they were told, trying to get their emotions under control, and when Lindstrom felt they had enough time to cool off, he spoke again.
"Elliot… how long did you stay away?"
He breathed out. "It was on and off for a solid," he sighed, breathing out. "5-6 years. Several big undercover stints and lots of overtime. By the time our kids finally confronted me and begged me to get help I…" he trailed off sadly.
"It was too late," Liv finished his sentiment with a sigh. "I… I was pregnant with Max and… I was so depressed and felt so alone… I didn't want anything to do with him. It was my turn to.. disassociate."
"And when Max was 2, she asked me to leave… and I did."
"But you didn't really leave," Dr. Lindstrom said gently.
"No… no I didn't. Physically, this time, but not emotionally or mentally.
"Not really physically, either," Liv said, looking at him.
"You two are still intimate?" Lindstrom asked, reading between the lines.
"Yeah…" El said.
"And how do you think that's effecting your relationship with each other and other people?" He asked.
"I'm… I haven't been on a single date," he admitted and sighed. "She has."
She scoffed. "Drinks and a few nights with Ed Tucker is hardly a date."
"But I still haven't slept with anyone."
"You can't be serious?"
"Olivia how many times do I have to tell you that I never ever once cheated on you."
"Even when you were under and hooked? And can't remember things?"
"Olivia it's been almost 10 years!" He said, standing and getting frustrated.
"Elliot sit," Lindstrom instructed.
He sighed and plopped back down, and once he was content that his temper wasn't going to flare, Lindstrom looked over to Olivia.
"Talk to me about that…"
She shook her head and sighed. "My own insecurities," she admitted.
Elliot tossed his hands up and shook his head. "Liv I was forced to shoot up while under twice. I did a 30 day to make sure I was okay, per protocol. Come on," he said, obviously hurt. "And, I've more than made up for my actions Olivia. For 8 years I've worked and to be a better partner and friend and father and what do I get back? Divorce papers and the privilege of being your play thing."
She was silent, staring down, and Lindstrom spoke again.
"What is the purpose of you guys being here?"
"To fix and rebuild our marriage," they said together, both slightly shocked at the truth spilling from their mouths.
"Okay… on the same page about something at least. Olivia… do you think Elliot has made progress?"
"Yes of course I…" she sighed, trailing off.
"Can you name me a few things? I think you're not communicating, and compared to Elliot's, and I thought I'd never say this, over communication, it's making him feel really unloved and unwanted."
She nodded slowly and began to speak, but then hesitated.
Elliot counted to 10 and looked at her with tears in his eyes. "You can't name one thing," he asked, his question barely audible.
"Elliot I…" she trailed off again when he stood.
"El please," she whispered, standing up and going after him.
"No Liv… no."
"You always run away!" She cried, making him stop. Her tears finally began to fall, fast and hard, and he turned to look at her.
"I always run away?? Me?! Olivia you can't think of a single good thing I've done in 8 years!! Maybe because it's you who is constantly running away!"
"You hurt me!"
"And I apologized! And I've been there!!! And I'd be there more if you let me come home!!"
"I'm afraid Elliot!!!"
"Afraid of what?!"
"Losing your again! Hurting our kids!!"
"Our kids are fucked, Olivia," he shook his head. "Partly from me and partly from you. I'm sick of being blamed for everything," he shook his head and put his fingers to his temple.
"This was a bad idea," he muttered. "Shouldn't have agreed to this."
"El… baby," she sobbed softly, putting her hands on his hips and following him outside into the hallway.
"Olivia stop," he said firmly, turning and taking a step away from her. "I'm really, really gonna lose my shit and I don't want that. I need to go home and chill out, and then I'll call you. Okay?" He shook his head, walking off without another word.
Liv stood stunned and teary eyed, before returning silently to Dr. Lindstrom's office and sitting.
He let her calm down, and was quiet while she gathered her thoughts and prepared to speak again.
"He's an incredible father," she whispered, finally. "Our sons… God, our sons love him so much. Cherish him… our girls too, he's just the best," she finished, finally looking to the doctor.
"And you, Olivia?"
Her tears started again. "I love him more than I can put into words but I'm… I'm so angry at him…. I'm still so hurt. I can't… I can't bring myself to open up to him…"
"And him?"
"He's an open book," she laughed sadly, wiping her eyes. "He tells me everything. He tells me he loves me and how beautiful I am. He fucks me and he makes love to me and I feel every fucking emotion he puts into everything and yet I just…" she shook her head. "I'm so afraid…"
"You have to open up Olivia… this is on you now…"
"My kids said the same thing," she scoffed sadly, shaking her head.
"They're smart kids… you should listen…"
She gave a small smile and breathed out.
"Liv… do you want to be with Elliot?"
"Of course… he's my person," she said, voice cracking.
"So go get him… Olivia you're the strongest person I know. Be strong. But the first thing you have to do is let your anger go... and I think you know that."
Elliot had picked the boys up from school after cooling down for an hour or so, but ended up having to bring them back to his squad when he got a call on their way home.
"Jack, text your mom please," he asked, and Jack nodded quickly, doing what he was told.
El could feel the tension in the car, and turned back to look at his boys once he'd parked. "Big fight… act 4," he reminded them with a small smile. "Followed by Act 5… the heart to heart," he whispered, trying to make light of it.
"Dad I just really want you home," Max whispered, and Jack nodded in agreement.
"Hey… takes time okay?"
They both nodded quickly, and he sat back in his seat looking at Noah. "Counting on you, man," he said softly and El gave a sad smile. "I'm trying. I promise. Trying and fighting for her."
"I know… I just graduate in a year so… don't wait too long?" he asked, showing the first bit of emotion in a long time.
"I won't," he whispered, nodding.
El walked in, trailed by all three boys, to find the young detective from the gala waiting for him with Bell and her Lieu.
"Stabler," she smiled. "Dani Beck, homicide, we met at the Gala."
"Uh, yeah. Good to see you," he nodded, awkwardly. "Sorry, boys are here for a bit till Liv can grab them," he nodded, pointing to them. "Noah, Jack, and Max."
The boys, who were sitting on and at Elliot's desk, all waved.
"Okay, what do we got?" He asked, sitting on the nearest desk and looking at the board that was covered.
"Uh, some gruesome stuff," Bell nodded to Max.
"Got him," Noah nodded, ushering his brother, much to his dismay, upstairs.
Jack remained on the desk and El rolled his eyes, exhaling a laugh and looking to Bell for permission.
"Come on John Henry," she sighed, crossing her arms with a grin.
He grinned and jumped up, sitting next to his dad and staring intently at the board as it was uncovered and the case was talked through.
"So, what's the next steps, Jack?" Bell asked.
"Definitely contact the brother first. See if there's any motive there to rule him out, then take the organized crime route."
"A little detective you've got there," Dani said, nudging Elliot.
He smiled small, and Jack made an uncomfortable face towards Jet who rolled her eyes.
"Well I'm 14 and my mom, Captain Stabler, is the best of the best," he said, sweet as could be, making Jet snicker.
"Sorry, maybe not so little," Dani winked.
"Alright, Stabler, Beck. Go talk to the brother," Bell instructed.
El looked around for someone, anyone, that could take his place, and was disappointed to find the squad empty.
"Yeah... alright," he murmured. "Jack, get the bros and text mom please," he sighed, scrubbing his face.
Jack shot daggers through his eyes towards his dad at the thought of him riding around in a car with her, but did as he was told, sneaking a text to the sibling chat.
J: Mom and dad fought in therapy. Dads now partnered with a younger woman who is alllll over him!!!!
Jet: And very unhappy about it. Don't read into it.
D: Agreed. And don't tell mom.
J: Guys!!! The plan!!!
Noah sighed from upstairs and texted in the older kid's chat.
N: I told you guys this plan was a bad idea.
D: You were all about it.
E: He was hesitant. I encouraged and shouldn't have.
M: Waiting for the boom with Jacky and Dad.
L: I'll talk to him?
N: Can you take him out tonight? Have him sleep over?
L: He's gonna be suspicious. If dad is working late maybe the fight will be tomorrow?
Jack waited patiently for a response to his message, and glared when he saw Noah come down stairs with Max, texting furiously.
N: Might be onto something there.
D: I agree, Liz. Maybe tomorrow. If they end up gearing up for a fight later, send her to dad's and one of us will come over.
Jet: I'll keep tabs on their messages.
L: MVP
N: Literally!
Noah slipped his phone in his pocket to find his brother's eyes on him.
He shot him a look, known only between a big and little brother, and Jack stood down, crossing his arms.
"Alright buddies. I'm sorry, I gotta work this case," he sighed, hugging all three of them one by one.
"It's okay dad!" Max grinned, oblivious. "We'll see you tomorrow?"
"Of course, little man," he kissed his head. "Alright, gotta roll. Let me know when mom gets you okay?"
They all nodded, and he walked out with Dani to his SUV.
Unbeknownst to him, Liv was pulling up right as he and Dani were stepping into the vehicle.
She had a perfect view of the front of his car, and her blood boiled when she saw him let out a huge laugh and give the young woman a smile.
She wasn't herself the rest of the night, and after getting the boys to bed, stewing about the pretty young blonde, and downing some liquid courage, she texted him.
