A/N: This is mid-Eclipse through the end of Breaking Dawn from Edward's perspective. Thanks for reading!
These characters are not mine and all belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Isle Esme Part III: Black Lace
It was one week into the honeymoon and I was going mad. Absolutely and completely mad.
Bella slept in the second biggest room now. The walls were dark and paneled with teak. I lounged on top of the blue silk sheets waiting for her to come out of the bathroom. Each night she donned a new piece from her lingerie collection and I eagerly awaited the creak of the bathroom door hinges when, unable to help myself, I would look up and take in the new bit of torture.
I was fairly certain Bella had no idea what she was doing to me based on her agitation at my carefully feigned indifference. She could have been wearing her favorite tattered sweat pants for all the reaction I gave her.
The same could be said for her daytime tortures. Impossibly short sundresses she wore braless. Tiny shorts and tank tops for hiking. Scanty bikinis that left virtually nothing to the imagination. Like the red one that tied in stringy bows on her hips...
Of course, I knew exactly who had done the packing. A clairvoyant with a voyeuristic streak. Someone who had taken it upon herself to be Bella's wingman. Someone who held a grudge. Someone who was dead to me.
Knowing a sadistic third party was actively trying to manipulate me helped my resolve. That and the bruises, fading now, but permanently etched into my memory.
I wasn't without my own defenses, though.
I'd been more than prepared for the possibility that trying wouldn't work out. I had a whole host of activities lined up to keep Bella busy. I took her snorkeling, amusing her with my ability to go without oxygen. We hiked in the small jungle that ringed the rocky little peak. I watched her swim with the porpoises, staying out of the water myself so I didn't scare them off. We enjoyed the sunset from the rocky western cove. When the bruises on her thighs had improved enough to ride piggyback, we visited the parrots that lived in the canopy on the south end of the island.
Though she had attempted to set traps - several times she had suggested taking it easy with a movie - she was easily lured outside by the promise of visiting coral reefs or submerged caves or sea turtles.
She was getting more exercise than she did in Forks and she was eating better, too. At home she never seemed to eat enough and what she did eat was hardly nutritious. Pop-Tarts, steak and potatoes, pizza. I had her eating three large, nutritionally balanced meals a day. In truth, I was overfeeding her. She had lost about ten pounds in the months we were apart after her birthday and it was my goal that she gain every single one back before we returned home.
Between all of the recreation and heavy meals, Bella slept better than ever. One night, to my shock and amusement, she fell asleep right at the dinner table. Her sleep continued to be silent, though, which was still strange to me. I wondered if all the sleep talking was something akin to insomnia and maybe she just hadn't been active enough in Forks. Or maybe she was just too active now.
Regardless, it was a grace to me that she regularly slept ten or eleven hours every night, because Bella's wardrobe was not her only weapon. Though I was prepared, though I had expected it, Bella was relentless.
She tried reasoning. "Even having no idea, look how good we did. Now that you know what to expect... I mean it would only turn out better."
She tried pleading. "Please, Edward. I've never wanted anything more. Please."
She tried grousing. "I just want to point out that I was an unbelievably good sport about the whole wedding thing. I wasn't just a good sport for one single night. I was a good sport for two whole months while Alice used me as her blushing bride Barbie doll. It just seems like there's a bit of a double standard here..."
To all of her attempts my response was always the same line said in the same calm, sympathetic tone. "Not until your changed, Bella. Be patient."
I felt like a failure, not only for what I'd done to her, but because of what I could not give her. My very human wife with her very human hormones had desires and expectations that I couldn't fulfill.
Jacob Black wouldn't have failed her. Hell, even Mike Newton would have given her a better honeymoon and, based on Jessica Stanley's impressions, that was really saying something.
My shortcomings as a husband, however, were the lesser of my concerns.
The simmering corner once tucked in the back of my head that had been my reserve of fantasies and longings and relatively innocent memories had ceased to exist.
Now my entire nervous system boiled every second of every day. I had my own needs now.
That first night had gone so fast. There was so much left to do, so much left to explore. I wanted to kiss every part of her. I wanted to run my tongue over every inch of her skin...
But, I couldn't do that. I could just sit on the bed and wait for my nightly fix.
She was taking longer than usual tonight and I was growing impatient. While it wasn't exactly wise to fixate on her little nightgowns, it was much safer than dwelling on everything they concealed. I hoped she would bring back one of my favorites. The light blue one, or better yet, the soft pink one that matched her lips. The hot pink one, while flattering, had been too garish and the lavender and ivory ones had left a little too much up to the imagination.
Footsteps. Finally.
The creak of the door. And...
It was like that first night all over again when she'd bit her lip, only I was stronger now. I kept my muscles rigidly locked in place as I took in the little black... number. The sheer lace, which only fell to the top of her thigh, was open in the front except where the two sides met at a single point beneath her breasts. It was flowy, except for the top which seemed to barely contain her. Her panties were no less transparent than any of the rest of it...
It took me exactly one second to process the scene and realize my eyes, much too wide, had given me away. I resumed my mask.
My seductress smirked, reveling in her small victory.
"What do you think?" She asked, pirouetting so I could see every angle.
What did I think? I thought she was a siren. A wicked little fairy. My own personal demon perfectly suited to charm and entice me.
Ugh. She was sexy. The sexiest thing I had ever seen.
I wanted to take her. I wanted to be inside of her. I wanted to teach her a lesson for tormenting me.
Not until she's changed, Edward. Be patient.
I cleared my throat. "You look beautiful. You always do," I said impassively.
"Thanks," she replied sourly.
Fortunately she was worn out. She'd knock out within two minutes. I was sure of it.
She quickly climbed into bed and I pulled her against my chest to keep her cool. It was harder tonight, though, to have her pressed so tightly against me. I could feel her bare stomach against mine, reminding me of that first night. The buds of her breasts reacted to my cold skin and were much more noticeable through this new sheer fabric.
But I wouldn't think about that. At least I would try not to...
"I'll make you a deal," she said sleepily.
"I will not make any deals with you," I answered automatically.
"You haven't heard what I'm offering."
"It doesn't matter."
She sighed dramatically. "Dang it. And I really wanted..." Her mouth screwed up into a sad, wistful smile. "Oh well."
I rolled my eyes.
She closed hers and yawned.
I knew it was all a performance, a very obvious one at that, but still...
She was so dangerous. She knew exactly which buttons to push. She'd never used this tactic before. Deliberately using her concealed thoughts to lure me in. To agitate me. She was fighting dirty.
But what could she possibly want? Nothing. She wanted only what I could not give her. It was a trap. I knew it was a trap. But still, what did she think I would want to hear?
It wouldn't hurt to ask. If she could fight dirty, I could, too. I would just give her whatever this other thing was that she wanted, ignoring her terms entirely.
If I didn't ask soon she would fall asleep. I would wonder all night. Then, when I asked in the morning, she would know just how hooked I was and she'd be fully conscious, ready to press her case.
"All right," I said in a clipped tone. "What is it you want?"
She was trying not to smile! Devious creature...
"Well, I was thinking..." She pulled away from me slightly to better see my face. "I know that the whole Dartmouth thing was just supposed to be a cover story, but honestly, one semester of college probably wouldn't kill me. Charlie would get a thrill out of Dartmouth stories, I bet. Sure, it might be embarrassing if I can't keep up with all the brainiacs. Still... eighteen, nineteen. It's really not such a big difference. It's not like I'm going to get crow's feet in the next year."
I was a little stunned as she threw my own arguments from the spring back at me. "You would wait," I said in a low voice. "You would stay human."
She stared at me with calculating eyes, saying nothing, as I processed the fact that she was using her humanity, her precious soul, as bait to get me into bed with her. She was offering me what I wanted most and I could not pay the price she asked. Couldn't she see how she was hurting me by intentionally shoving my shortcomings in my face? Hurting me by dangling everything I couldn't have from her delicate little fingers, just out of reach.
"Why are you doing this to me?" I said through my teeth, suddenly furious. "Isn't it hard enough without all of this?" I grabbed a handful of lace that was ruffled on her thigh, very nearly ripping it from the seam as my control teetered.
Her eyes bored into mine. They were expectant, excited. My anger was turning her on. Breaking me was turning her on.
No. She wouldn't break me. I was strong enough. I would not let her win. I would never hurt her again.
Using all the willpower and discipline I'd developed over eighty years, over the last year and a half of being tested by her again and again, I relaxed my hand and brought myself back under control.
"It doesn't matter," I said, monotone. "I won't make any deals with you."
"I want to go to college."
"No, you don't," I stated dismissively. "And there is nothing that is worth risking your life again. That's worth hurting you."
"But I do want to go. Well, it's not college as much as it's that I want - I want to be human a little while longer."
Oh did she?
I closed my eyes and exhaled through my nose. "You are making me insane, Bella. Haven't we had this argument a million times, you always begging to be a vampire without delay?"
"Yes, but... well, I have a reason to be human that I didn't have before."
"What's that?"
"Guess." She smiled sweetly, softening me a little, and lifted herself off the pillows to kiss me.
I kissed her back so as not to hurt her feelings, but concentrated very hard on the memory of my hand copied onto her skin in blue and black ink as I did. I pulled away after only a moment and cradled her to my chest.
"You are so human, Bella. Ruled by your hormones." I chuckled. How many times had I overheard otherwise rational seeming humans make dubious choices as a consequence of attraction or lust? Bella had proven time and time again that she was not immune to this species-specific foible. But I was - in theory - so I needed to be strong for the both of us.
"That's the whole point, Edward. I like this part of being human. I don't want to give it up yet. I don't want to wait through years of being a blood-crazed newborn for some part of this to come back to me."
She yawned, and I smiled knowing her attacks would cease momentarily.
"You're tired. Sleep, love." I started humming her lullaby to hasten the process.
"I wonder why I'm so tired," she muttered sarcastically. "That couldn't be part your scheme or anything."
I chuckled once and went back to humming.
"For as tired as I've been you'd think I'd sleep better."
I stopped humming, confused. "You've been sleeping like the dead, Bella. You haven't said a word in your sleep since we got here. If it weren't for the snoring, I'd worry you were slipping into a coma."
She looked grumpy for a moment, but her expression smoothed out after only a second. "I haven't been tossing? That's weird. Usually I'm all over the bed when I'm having nightmares. And shouting."
"You've been having nightmares?"
"Vivid ones. They make me so tired." She yawned. "I can't believe I haven't been babbling about them all night."
I felt uneasy that her change in sleep behavior had been more drastic than I'd thought.
"What are they about?"
"Different things - but the same, you know, because of the colors."
She was becoming nonsensical as sleep tried to claim her, but I was too interested to let her go yet.
"Colors?"
"It's all so bright and real. Usually, when I'm dreaming, I know that I am. With these, I don't know I'm asleep. It makes them scarier."
It disturbed me that I couldn't protect her from the sinister dreams that haunted her. If only I could have read her thoughts... "What is frightening you?"
She shuddered increasing my alarm.
"Mostly..." She hesitated.
"Mostly?" I pressed.
She deliberated for a moment and I wondered why she'd have any reason to edit. Perhaps she'd been worrying about her estranged best friend?
"The Volturi," she whispered.
I hugged her tighter, ignoring my body's detestable reactions. "They aren't going to bother us anymore. You'll be immortal soon, and they'll have no reason."
She was still for a few moments, her face growing more and more desolate. I couldn't understand it. Outside of our evening talks with Carlisle, she hadn't mentioned the Volturi once. Carlisle had shared disturbing histories, like that of the immortal children, but she hadn't had nightmares then as far as I could tell.
"What can I do to help?"
She put on a brave face. "They're just dreams, Edward."
"Do you want me to sing to you? I'll sing all night if it will keep the bad dreams away."
"They're not all bad," she mused, a small smile on her lips. "Some are nice. So... colorful. Underwater, with the fish and the coral. It all seems like it's really happening - I don't know that I'm dreaming. Maybe this island is the problem. It's really bright here."
"Do you want to go home?"
"No," she said quickly, seeming surprised I would even make such a suggestion. "No, not yet. Can't we stay awhile longer?"
"We can stay as long as you want, Bella," I promised. Every day we stayed was another day of her humanity.
"When does the semester start? I wasn't paying attention before."
I sighed and resumed my humming.
I watched her face diligently as she slept looking for any sign of distress.
For a while my thoughts lingered on her bizarre shift in sleep behaviors. I ran through different neurological pathologies I'd studied wondering if something more serious might have caused the change, but none seemed to fit. Maybe it really was just the new environment and increased activity levels. Her diet, too. Different nutrients could influence sleep patterns.
Unfortunately my mind eventually drifted over to a very tired and futile train of thought. One I ruminated on every single night.
I'd put together a pretty thorough postmortem of that first night. I'd aligned each bruise to the memory of the touch that most likely caused it. Analyzed the relationship between the amount of pressure applied and the severity of the bruise. I'd catalogued all of the 'innocent' touches as well - the ones that hadn't hurt her. I'd scrutinized every single reaction. For example, Bella clawing my skin was eighty-percent more likely to be immediately followed by a bruising touch than if she caressed my face. It was of little use analyzing Bella's reactions. Sometimes it had been the touches that left the worst bruises that evoked the biggest responses, but not always.
There had essentially been three main culprits that had sent the night awry. The first was my ill-considered assumption that Bella would tell me if I hurt her. I really should have known better. The second was underestimating my own physiological reactions. There was no way I couldn't have underestimated them - who knew a pleasure of such magnitude could exist? The powerful sensations had made it so difficult to focus, pulling my attention to a million different places in my body every second. I was certain now there had never been a possibility, a future, where I did not hurt Bella that first night.
It was actually thinking back on what Rosalie and Emmett had told me that helped me realize the likely third culprit. At first to not ruin Bella's experience and then because I was anxious I might hurt her in the tumult, I had put off my own gratification. When I finally succumbed, thanks to my little ordeal with the pillows, I didn't severely hurt her. But before that, just letting all of that tension and pleasure and need build up... it had made me desperate, erratic, impulsive. Essentially what Rose had implied I should do for Bella, delay in order to build excitement, I had inadvertently done for myself. As far as Emmett's bit of wisdom, he'd alluded to the short refractory period for our kind. Perhaps that was for a very good reason - it was just all too much to let build up that way.
Now, having experience and being able to anticipate my reactions, having a plan for dealing with the excess... I knew I could...
Not until she's changed, Edward. Be patient.
What was a few more weeks - and the year or two it took her to come back to herself - in exchange for forever? Or so I tried to convince myself.
She'd been asleep for about two hours when something changed. Though I'd only been thinking about what I would cook for her the next day, my body started to hum with electricity. It was like the whole room was full of it just like that first night.
What was wrong with me?
My mind started to fill with all of the salacious thoughts I'd been fighting so hard against. Bella pirouetting in black lace. Bella laying out on a towel in her tiny red bikini. Bella, nude under the moonlight. Bella beneath me...
I took deep breaths trying to settle my system. What was this? Really. I'd kept my thoughts especially disciplined tonight, more on guard than usual after my reaction to her new outfit.
But all of that effort was lost now.
I remembered her standing on the beach, looking out over the water. I was inside making her lunch when I'd caught a glimpse of her through the window. All I could see of her bathing suit were little red strings. The bow at her neck. Another bow at her mid-back. The thong that disappeared between her cheeks. I'd been inclined to join her. To kiss the back of her neck. To undo the top knot with my teeth as my fingers made quick work of the lower one. To pull the last thin bit of fabric to the side and -
Bella gasped.
"Bella?" I whispered, my arms still tight around her. I shook her gently, worried she was having a nightmare. "Are you all right, sweetheart?"
"Oh," she gasped. And suddenly she was crying.
"Bella!" I said - louder, alarmed now. "What's wrong?" I frantically wiped away her overflowing tears.
"It was only a dream," she sobbed, her face full of grief.
"It's okay, love, you're fine. I'm here." I hated that these horrors could have free reign in her head like this. I rocked her, trying to soothe. "Did you have another nightmare? It wasn't real, it wasn't real."
"Not a nightmare," she shook her head, as she wiped her eyes. "It was a good dream," she sobbed.
Was she ill?
"Then why are you crying?" I asked.
"Because I woke up," she wailed, wrapping her arms around my neck and sobbing into my throat.
I laughed once at her logic, but felt wary. What had put her in this state? Hadn't I just been wondering about her neurological health? Perhaps it was her psychological health that was the problem - this wouldn't be the first red flag.
But I was probably overreacting. Sometimes Bella was just strange when she first woke up. Was this really any stranger than the time I'd had to convince her she wasn't dead?
"Everything's all right, Bella. Take deep breaths."
"It was so real," she cried. "I wanted it to be real."
I burned with curiosity - what alternate reality did she long so desperately for? Could I make it real? Could I make the pain go away?
"Tell me about it," I urged, anxious. "Maybe that will help."
"We were on the beach..." Her voice trailed off. She pulled back from my neck to look at me. Her brooding face was pink with emotion.
"And?" I finally prompted, frustrated by her mental silence as always.
She blinked the tears out of her eyes, looking torn. Torn about whether she should tell me? But why?
"Oh, Edward..." She cried, pain evident in her voice.
"Tell me, Bella," I pleaded. I was desperate to understand the source of her pain. Desperate to make it better.
Abruptly she clutched her arms around my neck again and feverishly pressed her lips to mine. The electricity spiked and I found myself kissing her back, but only for a moment.
Fighting through the haze, my hands found her shoulders and held her away. "No, Bella," I insisted, watching her with wide eyes.
She dropped her arms, defeated, before breaking into fresh sobs.
I was literally driving my wife mad. And I wasn't enough to make it better.
The electricity thrummed.
"I'm s-s-s-orry," she mumbled
While I couldn't understand it, I could see now that she needed this. No less than she needed food or water or oxygen...
The frenetic current was palpable now -
But the bruises.
I hugged her tight to my chest. "I can't, Bella, I can't!" My moan was agonized.
"Please," she begged, her voice muffled against my skin. "Please, Edward?"
I could do this. I knew I could do this. I had to. For her.
For me.
I pulled her lips back to mine and surrendered with a groan.
Her warm hands fumbled with the elastic waistband of my pants while I snapped the thin strings of her panties with two quick twists of my fingers. I moved her trembling hand to my stomach and had my pants off in a second.
Gently, I rolled us so I was over her and, without a moment of hesitation, I pressed all the way inside of her.
We both cried out.
Her warm thighs massaged my hips as I moved in and out, all the while adoring her neck with my lips.
I'd forgotten just how hot she was around me. Pleasurable liquid flames licked my length. I could feel her silk seeping out - it was slick on our thighs. Ah and she was so tight. In this one place I could actually feel the resistance of her. And the friction... the way her flesh played with my stone skin - catching, adhering, and releasing as I glided through her.
"Mmm... Bella," I moaned into her hair.
She spasmed around me. Was it in response to my voice?
"Beautiful Bella..."
With every thrust she moaned in pleasure, coaxing the zinging energy through me. I stole a glance at her face and her eyes were closed, lips parted.
The sight made me groan.
It was so unlike the first night when I had oscillated between anxiety and fire. I was more sure now, my elaborate series of mental tripwires modulating every touch and every reaction. I could feel the precious relief, the pleasure, all the same intense sensations, but I could think around them, too.
The thin straps of her sinful getup had fallen down her shoulders and I found it was hard to think about anything other than her breasts, still harnessed in black lace.
I slowed my hips, just barely moving them now, and dipped my face into her chest. I dragged my tongue up her cleavage and over her throat, arched in pleasure, not stopping until I'd teased her lips.
Her breath caught in a gasp. "Oh, Edward..." she sighed, coating my tongue with her sweet fragrance.
I wasn't sure if it was the sultry way her voice wrapped around my name or the tension I felt as the tip of her tongue flicked against mine just outside her lips, but suddenly I felt a little crazy.
With a low growl deep in my chest, I latched my teeth onto a bit of lace bunched over her breast and began ripping the garment off of her scrap by scrap. Her chest rose and fell with the quick movements.
When the job was done she giggled and ran her fingers through my hair. "Mmm... my sexy monster."
I felt a fluttering in my stomach, but rolled my eyes.
"Masochist," I accused.
Her retort got stuck in her throat as my tongue played with the buds of her breasts.
It wasn't long before the growing fire in my stomach became too demanding. The same stress and self-consciousness from that first night came back to me. Would I lose control again? Was it selfish of me to finish first?
I needed to decide. It would be a mistake to let the energy take over me as it did last time. And it was better to be selfish than to hurt her again.
But what if this hurt her, too?
The time to decide had passed. There was no extinguishing the fire now. I gripped the headboard and, in an impulsive bout of overcaution, pulled out of her just as the white-hot flames devoured me.
For a moment nothing existed outside of myself apart from the satin skin of her thighs still hugging me and her pounding heart. I felt both heavy and light beneath my rigidly tensed muscles as a violent tingling hammered through every nerve from my toes to the top of my head.
Then I heard my gasping breaths. Felt the searing burn of her scent down my throat, the splintered teak under my left hand.
I opened my eyes and hers were open too.
"Why did you leave me?" She pouted.
I laughed breathlessly and, after dropping the teak pulp behind the headboard, made love with my wife once again.
I stared up at the ceiling, hands behind my head, feeling awfully good about myself considering the fact that the fragile human sleeping across my chest had completely crushed my will within a matter of days. I'd sworn to myself I wouldn't let that happen again.
I felt like I hardly knew myself anymore. If I'd hurt her again, I'd probably be about ready to throw myself to the wolves. But I hadn't hurt her, so... why make a fuss? I had only been trying to appease her before, but now it was easy enough to accept that the past was indeed the past.
It wasn't that I'd forgiven myself for that first night. Those memories would haunt me for an eternity. If I hadn't been destined to hell before that, surely I was now. And I didn't really forgive myself for the loss of self-control last night either. It was more that it had worked out and now she would be much happier because of it. So, that was that.
There was also the overwhelming joy that I could be enough for her. I could give her everything a husband should be able to give his wife. I could give her a normal honeymoon.
The damaged headboard caught my eye.
Well, as normal a honeymoon as possible given what I was. And that was another thing. I was so wrong for her, but in the convoluted workings of her mind, it was as if that made me all the more right. She seemed attracted to the danger. She'd become quite taken with the cold - apparently it was immensely pleasurable. And she'd seemed more than intrigued by my ability to orgasm no less often than she did.
She'd been a bit competitive about it, actually. At one point, impatient with my slow and gentle kisses, she just grabbed me, her hand a bright encircling heat...
"Oh," I gasped, surprised.
She giggled. And then proceeded to massage me, up and down.
"Bella," I said breathlessly. "Bella, it's your turn..."
"I can be patient." She smiled superiorly.
But I'd proven her wrong there. She'd only squirmed against my fingers' careful caresses for two minutes before I had her moaning my name...
I kissed her where she lay beside me, trailing my fingers up along her inner thigh.
She shivered and I felt goose bumps under my fingers.
"Too cold?"
"No," she squeaked.
I chuckled.
I brushed my thumb all the way along her folds. First in a straight line and then in small, wet circles.
"Edward?" She whispered, her eyes half-closed.
"Hmm?"
"Don't stop."
"I wasn't planning on it."
I watched her face, enthralled. I was certainly turned on but, not being overstimulated myself, I could truly appreciate her reactions now. Her little chirps and sighs, her eyes squeezing shut in pleasure, her deepening blush. It was relaxing - the cognitive load so much more bearable.
As I concentrated my efforts, her hands balled into fists in her hair, her hips bucked, her toes curled.
What I wouldn't give to be in her head for that.
Or maybe not. That might be asking too much of my control.
I played with her hair while she recovered against my chest. "That was... " She shook her head, her hands rubbing her eyes.
I smirked. "Efficient?"
Her eyes flashed and her hand moved down my stomach.
We'd gone quite a few rounds this way, just beginning to learn each others bodies and quirks when, after a particularly raucous episode, she just collapsed onto my chest and started snoring.
I'd have to be more careful about that - making sure neither of our appetites interfered with her basic needs. I knew I couldn't count on her to prioritize them.
And it seemed some of my work in that area had paid off over the past week. There was a little more curve to her hip, a little more give in her thighs, and most flattering of all, quite a bit more roundness to her already perfect breasts.
When it came to loving Bella, I didn't cherish her body in spite of her humanity. I relished the heat and the softness and the movement and the give. I'd never judge my cousins again.
Of course, I wasn't exactly like them. It was very specifically Bella that turned me on.
And there was nothing like loving Bella. It was as much a cognitive experience as it was a physical one. It was like playing a complex piece of music on the world's most fragile violin with fireworks going off in my head. But more challenging and infinitely more pleasurable.
I imagined when she changed, the physical component would be more prominent. I would be able to give her myself more fully. Disappear from the world as she seemed to.
I heard her breathing change and she became still - too still, as she did when she feigned sleep. So she was feeling shy after her wild night seducing a vampire? I pressed my lips together, holding back a laugh.
Her heart started to race.
I fixed my face into an expressionless mask, desiring a little revenge after my very sorry defeat.
Her heat disappeared from my chest as she propped herself up on her elbow, looking down at me. I stared up at the ceiling, saying nothing.
"How much trouble am I in?" She asked in a small voice.
"Heaps," I said, but then turned my head and smirked at her.
She breathed a sigh of relief. "I am sorry. I didn't mean... Well, I don't know exactly what that was last night." She shook her head, her forehead wrinkled.
"You never did tell me what your dream was about." I'd had we were on the beach... on loop in my head ever since she'd fallen asleep.
"I guess I didn't - but I sort of showed you what it was about." She laughed nervously.
"Oh." Oh. My eyes widened as I remembered how the electricity had inexplicably overwhelmed me just minutes before she'd woken last night. I blinked. "Interesting."
"It was a very good dream," she murmured.
It had been a lost cause then, if, even in her sleep, her body called out to me. Why was that? I was fairly certain at this point her mind was sealed off to me, so what then? It wasn't as if her heart had raced. Her breathing had been slow and steady. Pheromones?
I suppose the why didn't matter now. And... I rather liked that Bella dreamed of me that way. A little too much.
"Am I forgiven?" She asked, bringing me out of my musing.
"I'm thinking about it," I teased.
She started to sit up, but almost immediately fell back against the pillows.
"Whoa... head rush."
I wrapped my arms around her. "You slept for a long time. Twelve hours."
"Twelve?" She looked over her skin as she spoke, before stretching with overdone casualness.
"Is the inventory complete?"
She nodded sheepishly. "The pillows appear to have survived." Heaven forbid I mussed her hair with feathers again.
"Unfortunately, I can't say the same for your, er, nightgown." I nodded toward the foot of the bed, where several scraps of black lace were strewn across the silk sheets.
"That's too bad," she said. "I liked that one."
"I did, too."
Her heart stuttered as pink crept into her cheeks. "Were there any other causalities?" She asked timidly.
"I'll have to buy Esme a new bed frame," I confessed, glancing toward the injured headboard. I prayed it wasn't one of a kind - I didn't want to get barred from this magical place as my siblings had been. But maybe Esme only trusted us because Bella was still human...
Bella looked over the headboard for a moment, frowning. "Hmm. You'd think I would have heard that."
"You seem to be extraordinarily unobservant when your attention is otherwise involved."
"I was a bit absorbed." Her blush darkened a few shades.
Another of her human traits I treasured.
I touched her burning cheek and sighed. "I'm really going to miss that."
I wasn't sure if it was her improved diet or all the rest but she was absolutely glowing. Her skin had never been more radiant.
She scrutinized my face and I wondered what she was thinking.
"How are you feeling?" She asked.
I laughed. She'd been so shameless all week it was funny to see her conscience getting the best of her now that she'd won.
"What?" She demanded.
"You look so guilty - like you've committed a crime."
"I feel guilty," she muttered.
"So you seduced your all-too-willing husband," I said. "That's not a capital offense."
Her cheeks grew redder. "The word seduced implies a certain amount of premeditation."
Did lingerie, particularly black lacey lingerie, not count as premeditation? But I was feeling generous.
"Maybe that was the wrong word," I allowed.
"You're not angry?"
I smiled ruefully. "I'm not angry." No, not anything close to that.
"Why not?" She demanded, almost as if she thought I should be.
"Well..." I paused. I didn't really want to get into the whole mess of insecurities that had eaten me alive over the past week. Or be crude and explain just how much I had hungered for her. It was best to start with the most obvious. "I didn't hurt you for one thing. It was easier this time, to control myself, to channel the excesses." My eyes flickered to the damaged frame again. "Maybe because I had a better idea of what to expect."
A hopeful smile started to spread across her face. "I told you that it was all about practice."
I rolled my eyes. She was severely underestimating the effort it took to keep her alive, but I was okay with that. If I explained it to her she might misunderstand my experience and, knowing her, underestimate my enjoyment. Plus, despite her embrace of my inhumanity, it was still my instinct to not highlight our differences where I found them to be unpleasant.
Her stomach growled, and I laughed. "Breakfast time for the human?" I asked.
"Please," she said, hopping out of the bed. She began to stumble and I caught her right before she collided with the dresser.
"Are you alright?" I asked.
"If I don't have a better sense of equilibrium in my next life, I'm demanding a refund."
It probably was just the usual, but it bothered me after her earlier "head rush." Rather than hurry to the kitchen as I usually did, I waited in the room while she changed to monitor for any more incidents. Or maybe I was just looking for an excuse to see her without her clothes on a little longer.
Bella took advantage of my distraction, beating me to the frying pan. She flipped her eggs onto a plate after just a few minutes.
"Since when do you eat eggs sunny-side up?" I asked.
"Since now." She shoveled a large bite into her mouth.
"Do you know how many eggs you've gone through in the last week?" I pulled the trash bin out from under the sink - it was full of empty blue cartons. I didn't want to think of who I had to thank for the adequate supply.
"Weird," she said. "This place is messing with my appetite." She frowned for a second, but her forehead quickly smoothed out. "But I like it here. We'll probably have to leave soon, though won't we, to make it to Dartmouth in time? Wow, I guess we need to find a place to live and stuff, too."
Was she worried last night would be a one time affair?
I sat down next to her. "You can give up the college pretense now - you've gotten what you wanted. And we didn't agree to a deal, so there are no strings attached."
She snorted. "It wasn't a pretense, Edward. I don't spend my free time plotting like some people do. What can we do to wear Bella out today?" She asked in a silly voice.
I laughed, unashamed. Of course she hadn't spent her free time plotting - I hadn't left her any free time.
"I really do want a little more time being human." She leaned over and ran her hand down my bare chest, her eyes smoldering. "I have not had enough."
I gave her a dubious look. "For this?" I asked. I caught her hand as it moved down my stomach, knowing all too well from last night that I wouldn't be able to help myself if she reached her target. "Sex was the key all along?" I rolled my eyes. "Why didn't I think of that?" I muttered sarcastically. "I could have saved myself a lot of arguments."
She laughed. "Yeah probably."
I - and her friend for that matter - had given her a million meaningful reasons not to rush into things and this is what had made the difference. Was it horrible that I felt a little smug about that?
"You are so human," I said.
"I know."
I smiled a little as I tried to envision it, this new future brewing. "We're going to Dartmouth? Really?"
"I'll probably fail out in one semester."
"I'll tutor you," I said eagerly, my smile wide now. "You're going to love college." I was sure of it. So sure that I could very easily see this changing business put off until she was nearly twenty-three.
"Do you think we can find an apartment this late?"
I grimaced. Hopefully she wouldn't consider real estate a gift. "Well, we sort of already have a house there. You know, just in case." Just in case she had gone along with my plan A.
"You bought a house?" She asked incredulously.
"Real estate is a good investment."
She raised one eyebrow, but then she smiled. "So we're ready, then."
"I'll have to see if we can keep your 'before' car a little longer..."
"Yes, heaven forbid I not be protected from tanks."
I grinned. So she'd done a little research. I was impressed she'd even bothered.
"How much longer can we stay?" She asked.
"We're fine on time. A few more weeks, if you want. And then we can visit Charlie before we go to New Hampshire. We could spend Christmas with Renée..."
She looked pleased as she thought it all over.
I was ecstatic. And... though it had been misguided, though it had been meddling, I knew who I needed to thank. Or at least who I needed to forgive.
Alice.
I never would have gone through with that first night if I'd known what I would do to Bella. Even if I'd known there was a strong probability going through with it could keep her human. Alice, I imagined, had taken it upon herself to make that judgement. And that was wrong.
But, now that I was on the other side of it all, now that Bella would delay, I could appreciate the fact that Bella might find a reason over four years - and I would get four years - to stay human.
I felt a little guilty about assuming the worst of Alice's motives, but then again, what was I supposed to think?
"A few weeks," Bella finally agreed. Then a mischievous look came into her eye. "So I was thinking - you know what I was saying about practice before?"
I laughed as a tremor of excitement passed through me. "Can you hold on to that thought? I hear a boat. The cleaning crew must be here."
My request made her smile.
I could hear the housekeepers' thoughts now. Gustavo, who I had spoken to on the phone, and a woman who I knew was his wife. Her thoughts weren't in Portuguese as his were, but rather Ticuna, a language I had a moderate grasp on after my embarrassing attempt to hunt down Victoria had taken me through Tabatinga.
"Let me explain the mess in the white room to Gustavo, and then we can go out. There's a place in the jungle on the south -"
"I don't want to go out. I am not hiking all over the island today," she complained. "I want to stay here and watch a movie."
I pursed my lips, trying not to laugh at her petulant tone. "All right, whatever you'd like. Why don't you pick one out while I get the door."
"I didn't hear a knock."
Had she forgotten my talent that quickly? I cocked my head to the side theatrically.
A half second later the woman knocked. I grinned and turned for the hallway.
I opened the door and gestured the two inside with a quick greeting. Gustavo walked forward but the woman froze, her eyes wide.
Libishomen! Ah, Gustavo is such a fool. What has he gotten us into now?
"Er, this is my wife Kaure," Gustavo said in Portuguese, turning to give his wife a pointed look. What is it this time? Looking at him like he's a chupacabra or something...
"It's a pleasure to meet you both," I said. "Please follow me."
I chatted casually with Gustavo, all the while making sure to fidget more than usual, hoping to put Kaure more at ease. I gave them instructions, pointing to the kitchen on my way towards the living room where Bella stood watching us.
I gestured towards her, smiling, "And this is my wife, Bella."
A child! Kaure thought. Or maybe she is like him...?
"We're newlyweds," I added hoping to put Kaure at ease. "We're heading off to college together this fall." And that wasn't even a lie.
Gustavo offered me congratulations and smiled at Bella.
The meeting made Bella blush and abruptly Kaure's thoughts were loud as she stared at Bella in shock. Not like him. Just a girl. But how did he lure her here? Perhaps he just stole her away in the night? And how long has he had her here? - We stocked the fridge more than a week ago now. What has he been doing with her...?
Bella's wide-eyed expression wasn't helping Kaure's assessment that she was a victim in this situation.
I motioned for the two to follow me to the white room. We reached the end of the hall and I opened the door.
It hit me like a bomb. The room, closed up for a week now, was thick with Bella's amorous scent. It put me into something of a daze.
"Er, there was a little incident with the... pillows," I explained, lamely, still trying to find my brain. "If you wouldn't mind gathering up the feathers..."
"Of course," Gustavo assured me.
Before I turned to leave, the crumpled white towel in front of the French doors caught my eye and I was reminded of that first night when Bella stood with her back to me, drying her hair...
Could I allow myself to remember any part of that night fondly? It seemed my body, humming again, would give me no other choice.
Bella was still scanning the large collection of DVDs when I returned. I walked swiftly to her side and wrapped my arms around her, hungry for her.
"What's with her?" Bella whispered urgently.
I shrugged, distracted by other thoughts. "Kaure's part Ticuna Indian. She was raised to be more superstitious - or you could call it more aware - than those who live in the modern world. She suspects what I am, or close enough. They have their own legends here." I smirked. "The Libishomen - a blood-drinking demon who preys exclusively on beautiful women," I leered at her.
She looked away, one side of her lips turned up in a bashful smile. "She looked terrified."
"She is - but mostly she's worried about you.'
"Me?"
"She's afraid of why I have you here, all alone." I thought of all that had passed on the island and how very right Kaure was to worry. But then, what did right and wrong mean to me anymore? I chuckled darkly. "Oh well, why don't you choose something for us to watch? That's an acceptably human thing to do."
"Yes, I'm sure a movie will convince her that you're human." She laughed and clasped her arms securely around my neck, stretching up on her tiptoes.
I leaned down to meet her lips, and then tightened my arms around her, lifting her off the floor so I didn't have to bend. I felt euphoric kissing her this way. I never would have allowed this before - or, if I had, anxious alarm bells would have sounded the entire time tainting the experience. I never dreamed we could be together, live together in this very normal way. My life with her in New Hampshire would feel so very human.
I moved my lips down her throat.
"Movie, schmovie," she muttered, twisting her fingers into my hair. Her head fell back slightly giving me better access.
I heard a gasp and then saw the scene reflected as Kaure, standing in the hallway, saw it. Abruptly I set Bella down on her feet and looked to Kaure who could only stare at a deeply blushing Bella.
Bella looked down and Kaure broke from her reverie.
"My-my apologies," she murmured quickly.
I smiled. "No, no. Excuse us."
Kaure looked away and continued down the hall with a large sack of feathers.
"She was thinking what I think she was thinking, wasn't she?" Bella muttered.
I laughed at her convoluted sentence. "Yes."
"Here," Bella said, reaching out at random and grabbing a movie. "Put this on and we can pretend to watch it."
It was a musical from a few decades back that I hadn't bothered to go see. "Very honeymoonish," I commented.
We lolled on the couch, Bella snuggled into my arms. She seemed to pay little attention to the screen as the actors danced their way through the corny opening number.
"Will we move back into the white room now?" She wondered.
"I don't know... I've already mangled the headboard in the other room beyond repair" - I really wasn't looking forward to confessing to that if I couldn't find an adequate replacement - "maybe if we limit the destruction to one area of the house, Esme might invite us back someday."
Bella's eyes were huge, her smile wide. "So there will be more destruction?"
I laughed at her expression. "I think it might be safer if it's premeditated, rather than if I wait for you to assault me again."
"It would only be a matter of time," she agreed casually, but her heart was racing.
It was so... exciting. These little physiological signs of her desire had always been flashing red lights warning me to slow down and move away. Flee while I still had my sanity. But now...
"Is there something the matter with your heart?"
"Nope. Healthy as a horse." She paused as a very dangerous look came into her eye. "Did you want to go survey the demolition zone now?"
"Maybe it would be more polite to wait until we're alone. You may not notice me tearing the furniture apart, but it would probably scare them."
She frowned. "Right. Drat."
After fidgeting for a few minutes, Bella relaxed in my arms and her breathing slowed. Could she really sleep more? Well, it was a rather dull movie.
I paid much more attention to her than the screen, myself. Her pretty hair, the freckles on her arms, the heat on my left leg where she sat semi on my lap in the thinnest shorts. Anything to distract me from incessantly monitoring the housekeepers' progress.
This anticipation was something new. That first night I'd been anxious and bumbling. Last night we'd both been immensely desperate - starved almost. But now I could just look forward to sex with my wife. There was no guilt or fear or inexperience to get in the way.
"We're all done, sir," Gustavo called just as the end credits rolled. "When would you like us back?"
I sat up, keeping Bella cradled against me. "Thank you so much, Gustavo. Does the thirtieth work for you?"
He nodded and headed to the front door.
Kaure was already almost to the boat. She was berating herself for being a coward. The poor girl's being held prisoner here. But for how much longer? How long until he tires of his games and feasts on her? Lord, forgive me for running from this place.
I was grateful for her cowardice. I wanted my sexy little hostage all to myself with no more distractions.
"They're finished," I told Bella. Selfishly, I was glad to catch her before she fell asleep.
She perked up immediately. "So that would mean that we're alone now?"
"How about lunch first?" I suggested.
She bit her lip, looking torn.
With a smile, I took her hand and led her to the kitchen.
"This is getting out of hand," she complained after she'd eaten every last bite of her lunch.
"Do you want to swim with the dolphins this afternoon - burn off the calories?" I asked.
I never wanted Bella to feel pressured - I wouldn't be that guy - no matter how much my body craved her. Plus, she might have chosen to wear that red bikini again...
"Maybe later. I had another idea for burning calories."
"And what was that?" I asked innocently.
"Well there's an awful lot of headboard left - "
I didn't let her finish. I'd already swept her up into my arms, silencing her lips with mine as I carried her with inhuman speed to the bedroom.
We'd been doing it all wrong.
With Bella straddling me, I was certain of that now.
How had I forgone this view? Her whipping hair. Her dancing breasts. Her glistening folds as they slid over me.
And the pleasure. There was so much more room for it when I wasn't focusing on not crushing her or injuring her with a wayward movement. Only my hands were in motion, kneading and massaging her back end.
But neither the view nor the pleasure could compare with the feeling of being at Bella's mercy. Her hungry chocolate eyes devouring my body. Her tantalizing fingers exciting me.
After the busy night, I was hopeful I could hold out and join her, but it would mean more injury to the headboard. I draped my arms over it where I reclined.
She wore a possessive smile as she watched my nails curl into the wood. Her hands splayed out on my chest, bracing herself against me as she rode me harder. Her gaze locked into mine and I understood then that she was trying to wreck me. She wanted me to fall apart and she wanted to watch.
I glared back at her, fighting, as a chunk of wood broke off into my hand.
She pursed her lips in anticipation, but I had this.
Putting her lips at my ear, she murmured, "Please, Edward. For me..."
Dammit.
I groaned as the power surged through me.
My eyes were still closed when I heard her start up, so she must have enjoyed the show.
We lay on the bed, my head resting on her chest over her heart while our breathing slowed.
"You're so quiet," she murmured.
"Quiet?" I didn't think either of us usually said much immediately after.
"I mean, when we're..." I felt the heat of her blush.
I chuckled. "I'm not so quiet."
"You're quieter than me." Her warm fingers drew circles on my back.
"Yes, and you're quite loud," I said, smiling. "Certainly loud enough to make up for my deficiencies."
"I am not quite loud," she said defensively.
"You're right. You're extremely loud. It's very fortunate there are no neighbors within a five-mile radius of our house in Hanover."
She huffed. "Not even true..." she grumbled.
"So much for hunting close to home. All the wildlife will be conditioned to stay far away from whatever wild creature lives in the little brick house."
"Now, stop!" She slapped my shoulder.
I rolled onto my side so I could see her face.
Her cheeks were bright pink.
"You started it," I pointed out.
She crossed her arms and looked away, feigning discontent.
"Bella?"
She shook her head stubbornly, still refusing to look at me.
I put my lips to her ear. "I like it when you're loud."
She turned her head to look at me. "Are you just saying that?"
"Of course not." I smirked. "It gives me a good idea of what's going on in that pretty little head of yours." I brushed my lips over her hair where it wrapped behind her ear.
"And," I continued, "I'm happy to be more performative if that would make things more pleasurable for you."
"No! No. I wasn't complaining," she assured me quickly. "I just wanted to make sure you were having a good time."
"You're ridiculous."
"Brick?"
"Hmm?"
"It's a brick house?"
I laughed, amused at her delayed reaction. "Yes, red brick. A cute little porch. Quaint - Alice and Esme talked me out of anything bigger."
"That sounds so... perfect."
"Doesn't it?"
She trailed her fingers down my bicep. "And it has a good heater, right?"
"Oh, it will." I winked. And a closet full of spare headboards.
She sighed. "I don't know how I'll ever be able to focus on school work."
"Easy. I'll turn the heater off."
"Ha. Ha." She touched my cheek, searching my face.
"What are you thinking?" I asked.
"You look so happy."
"I have never been happier." How could I possibly deserve this perfect, tidy future? Bella, human and thriving, and all to myself.
"I don't know," she disagreed. "You seemed pretty happy five minutes ago."
"Hmm..." The memory had the electricity pulsing through me all over again.
A/N: Thanks for the kind reviews! You guys are awesome :)
