"Oh El, this is stunning," Liv gasped, walking into their villa and looking around with her jaw dropped.
"You like it?" He asked with a grin that outmatched hers.
She spun around to look at him and nodded quickly. "Baby… thank you," she whispered, walking over to him and putting her hands on his hips, thumbs sinking reflexively into his waist band.
He looked down at her, hands cupping her cheek and neck in response and exhaled a shaking breath. "Liv I'm so sorry…"
"No I am," she sighed, shaking her head and resting it against his collar bone.
"We both made mistakes…"
"You did… I made choices and…" she sighed looking back up at him. "We're doing this now?"
"I'd like to…" he begged softly, thumb rubbing her cheek soothingly. "Wanna get it all out… wanna enjoy this…"
She nodded thoughtfully and he gave her a sad smile.
"Never gave you a honeymoon…"
"El… we made that choice, we had 5 little kids at home…"
"I had five little kids at home," he corrected, "and I all but forced you into it… into going from a young bachelorette to a mom…"
"I'm gonna stop you right there, for a few reasons," she said, voice soft but stern.
He gave a half nod for her to continue.
"The first… the first is that you never, ever, ever forced me to be a mother. Elliot I chose that willingly, and if given the chance? I'd do it again, every time. Those kids? Our kids? They're my world, Elliot Joseph."
Nodding quickly, he hung his head in slight embarrassment at his initial statement.
"The second…" she sighed, "if we're gonna do this tonight? Can we at least enjoy the beach and some expensive wine," she asked with a hint of a smile, thumbs running along his waistband to the front and making him shiver.
He smiled back. "Yes…"
Pursing her lips up to him, she smiled when he leaned down to peck her's, before ushering her outside to the small and private beach
She was sitting with her arms around her knees when he joined her, handing her a bottle of wine and popping down beside her with an exhale.
The silence was deafening, and Liv finally after they both took several sips.
"I meant that…"
"I know I… I still feel bad. Feel like I should have…" he sighed.
"El… you were grieving and you were my partner… my best friend. It was my job to take care of you, but also El, I wanted to."
"I… I didn't grieve properly and I hurt you cause of it…" he sighed. "I took advantage of you; how you made me feel, how you took care of everything, how you protected our kids… how we fucked…" he shook his head and sipped from his bottle again. "And I don't regret a single second of it, cause our kids are incredible and the life we built is incredible I just…" he looked over at her finally. "It's the first thing I have to apologize to you for. So…" he shook his head. "Baby I'm so sorry."
Scooting a little closer to him, she set her hand on his knee and blinked away tears quickly. "You know I uh… didn't realized how much I needed to hear you say that till now…" she said, voice cracking.
She washed away the emotion with another hearty sip of wine and nodded. "Thank you… I forgive you for that, Elliot."
Dropping his head to hide the small smile, he nodded.
"The undercover stints…" she whispered.
"An escape uh… not from you," he said quickly, "or the kids I just… an escape from I guess the reality of my situation?" He questioned aloud. "Truths I knew about myself and never faced…"
"Like?"
"Like… like not being able to save Kathy from Richard Wheatley… leaving my little kids without their mom. Which meant Eli never got to know her and… Dick and Liz barely remember her. So I guess the failure of that… and the failure of pulling you into my circus and," he held up a hand to stop her. "Look I know you wouldn't change it and came willingly, that's not the point. But I relied on you too much- to fix and solve all my problems. And as the kids got older… when we found and adopted Noah and got pregnant with Jack, I guess those truths hit me like a ton of bricks. That I hadn't dealt with any of those heavy feelings…"
He paused to catch his breath and take a few more swigs of wine, glancing at her as she did the same.
"You know I uh… It was Noah's fourth birthday, and remember he got so sick," he laughed softly and she nodded, chuckling too.
"Puke everywhere."
"Understatement… you were like 100 months pregnant so I had to clean it up, and he was so upset and wanted you… Eli wanted you so bad that night too for whatever reason and Liz was so excited about the baby that she was in our room… Dickie was angry at me and the girls were in high school/college and… it was like a weird uh culmination of all of my insecurities coming together and bursting into my brain like a fuckin' volcano erupting."
"You went under fully after that," she whispered.
"After Jack came yeah… he was a month old. I felt like why be there? My kids don't need me or want me or even like me… and I'm just bringing you down. Why be me when I can be Eddie Ashes?"
"That's where you're so wrong, El… that's where I wish you had a therapist at the time to talk through that with or… or even talked through it with me. Cause if you did you'd realize just how much our sons and daughters needed their father- their daddy. Just how much I needed my best friend."
Exhaling, he nodded. "It's my biggest regret," he said, his voice barely audible above the crashing waves.
"It should be," she said pointedly, turning her to head to look at him when he turned his in shock.
"You missed… so, so much. And Elliot, up until today, till this very minute? Fuck I've been so angry with you. Not cause you did it," she said quickly, squeezing his knee when he tensed and sipping at her bottle again. "But cause you never once articulated any of that to me."
His expression softened on the exhale of his breath and he dropped his head.
"I just… wanted to know. I wanted to know why… needed to know that it wasn't me or the kids and… shit Elliot I knew it wasn't. I knew but… hearing you say it? It closes that chapter."
"Olivia I… I am so, so sorry."
His voice was full of fresh emotion and she watched through the light of the setting Sun as several large tear drops hit the sand.
"I know… and Elliot? I forgive you for that, too."
Looking up, his face contorted again at the sincerity and understanding in her voice, and he buried his head into her shoulder, letting out several sobs and breathing quickly.
She held him in silence, until his breathing was even and he found the strength to pull himself off of her.
"I'm gonna kiss you now," she whispered and he nodded, accepting her lips with and eager hunger he hadn't felt in a while.
He was preparing to push her gently in the sand when a thought popped into his head and he pulled back, breathless.
"I know," she whispered, reading his mind. "Tucker."
"Why?" He asked, and she laughed softly at the way the chords in his neck and the veins in his temple bulged at the thought of his arch enemy.
"To hurt you," she admitted, unable to look at him then. "To get even…"
"Worked… more than worked…"
"Never… never while we were married or uh," she breathed out a soft and nervous laugh, "you know, not separated."
"But every time we fought?"
"Yeah," she sighed softly, watching his tense body relax with another swig from his bottle.
"He bigger than me?" He asked, trying to make light of the situation in order to stop himself from flying home and putting his fist through a man's face right then and there.
She laughed.
Hearty and warm and confident.
"No Elliot… not bigger… not as good- not even close," she corrected. "Not the connection or the history… never the way I feel when you're inside me; safe, protected, and loved… even if it's a quickie in my office."
"Never like you're sleeping with your soulmate? Your person?" He whispered.
"Not even a thought," she said, pausing again. "Cause I know who my soulmate is… my person. And he's sitting next to me."
"Cabernet… I knew it," he teased blankly.
Bursting into laughter, she smacked his leg gently and smiled bigger when his laughter matched her's.
Once their moment had calmed, she set her wine bottle aside and then his, and moved to straddle his lap, arms looking around his neck.
"Elliot Stabler… I'm so sorry for Ed Tucker. I'm so sorry I hurt you and I hope you know that when I call you my person? Oh Elliot… I mean it so."
Resting his forehead against her's, he nodded. "I forgive you Liv."
His arms circled her tightly and they sat like that for what seemed like hours and just may have been.
It was dark, with the only light coming from the moon when she pulled back and reached for his pants button.
"Are we good?" She whispered. "Can we start fresh? Start over and move on and not look back?"
"God yes, Liv…" he breathed as she pulled him out. "Olivia I'd do anything for you."
"Make love to me? Right now and all night?"
"Anything," he repeated.
"Even ignoring the doctors orders?"
"Especially ignoring those orders."
As the sun rose over the ocean and illuminated the sand around them, the pair orgasmed one last time together to round out their marathon of making up.
Covered in sand and sweat, they finally retired to their bed after a quick rinse off- El Taking the outdoor shower and Liv using the indoor one.
He finished before her, and climbed naked under the covers with a contented sigh, pulling his phone from where he'd dropped it on the night stand.
Back at home, the kids were just starting to wake up as texts came in from their dad.
E: Morning guys. Change of plans and order of Jacky's acts. What's the off chance you guys can get tomorrow off work and get to the islands for a long weekend?
D: What?! Everything okay?
M: Dad????
E: For the first time in a long time? Everything is absolutely perfect, and I want to share this moment with our kids. Once I get the ok I'll book everything. Dick- kid's passports are in the safe in my room. Code is mom's birthday.
K: What moment?
J: Father English.
J: WAIT A SECOND.
N: WAIT. A. SECOND.
L: Omg omg omg. Change in order?!
Grinning like a fool, Elliot quickly sent a photo of a small and expensive item he'd picked up prior to leaving the states.
TBC
